A/N: Okay so this chapter has been nagging at me all weekend. I must say when I wrote the last chapter I honestly thought I was finished with Sheldon's jealousy but the more I thought about it the more I thought he should apologize for his behavior. This is a bit angsty but it will end well.
I promise I will get back to Aspen in chapter 14. I have that chapter half way done but this one was nagging at me.
I don't own this...
Sunday morning Sheldon was up early. The truth was he hadn't slept very well and it had nothing to do with Amy being in bed with him. It was his own subconscious that was getting to him. He couldn't believe how understanding Amy was with him. She always chased him when he ran and he ran a lot. He didn't deserve her. He thought back to the discussion they had when he came back from his train trip. It started out like any other discussion they had.
"So tell me Sheldon how was travelling the country? I still can't believe you never left a station." She had said to him.
"It was wonderful. I saw so many cool trains." He answered.
"Well I am glad you had fun. I missed you though." She said to him.
"I know." He said as if it wasn't really that big of a deal.
"Did you miss me?" She asked.
"Of course I did." He answered. "I called you every day."
"I know but you never talked about anything important." She said.
"I didn't know what to say. I knew you were angry." He said.
"Well I still am. I know I told you it was okay that you weren't perfect and I meant that, but that still doesn't excuse the fact that you left without saying goodbye." She said to him.
"I know." He said again to her. "I am really sorry. I was just overwhelmed. I was going to come back to your place and apologize for my behavior but then Stuart's store burning down was just the icing on the cake." He said.
"You were going to come back?" She asked shocked. "I thought you were really mad at me."
"Not really, I was really mad at myself. Everything was in an upheaval and I didn't know how to handle it. So I ran. I wasn't even going to say goodbye to Leonard and Penny. They found me."
"I know. They told me. I was angry at them for a while too. They let you go and didn't tell me. I got over it because I realized that they went to bring you home. They had no need to call me. They called me as soon as they got back."
"I am kind of glad they didn't bring you. I really did need this time to think. If you had arrived with them I probably would have stayed. I know it sounds selfish but I needed that time to myself."
"It was selfish but I know why you did it. What have you decided?"
"As far as what?" He was afraid of her answer but she surprised him.
"Sheldon as far as your career. Do you think I am foolish enough to bring up living arrangements? You will need to make that decision for yourself. I am not going to ask or assume again. You know what I want." She said.
"I know. And thank you. As far as my career, I guess I will wait and see what Mrs. Davis has to say on Monday." He answered.
"What do you want to do?" She asked.
"I want to work in Dark Matter but I will go back to String Theory if they make me." He answered.
"Well I am glad you have that attitude about it." She said.
"I am too." He said. "So are we good?"
"I would say we are but you still have some serious making up to do, starting with all the dates you missed."
"Amy that's 6 dates! You can't possibly expect me to make up all the dates."
"I know and I do. You wrote it in to the agreement when we revamped it after you tried to terminate it. I expect you to follow it to the letter mister. Otherwise I may not be so forgiving." She said seriously.
"You are right. I will make up for all the dates I missed. I promise. When do you want to start?"
"How about next week? We can go out 2 times a week for the next month and a half." She answered.
"Deal." He said.
"So this was kind of our first really big fight." She said.
"Yes and I am glad we worked it out." He said not sure what she was implying.
"Should we kiss and make up?" She asked.
"Amy we agreed kissing would come at the end of date night." He tried to argue but knew he would not win this one.
"I know but we never had reason to kiss and make up before." She said. "I think this should be something that is added to the relationship agreement along with kisses goodbye regardless of whether it is a date or not."
"Really?" He knew he would never win but wanted to give it his best.
"Yes really. Now what do you say?" She said.
"Fine." He said not really reluctantly but not really wanting her to know he was really fine with it at all. He leaned down and gave her a very sweet kiss. It lasted a bit longer than the normal ones he gave her but it was still exactly the same as all the rest. "I'm sorry." He said.
"You are forgiven." She replied to him.
"Sheldon?" He heard as his mind was wandering.
"Huh?" He came out of his memories and looked over at Amy.
"You were far away. Care to share?" She asked.
"I was just thinking about how much I don't deserve you." He said.
"What?" She was a bit perplexed.
"Can we talk?" He asked.
"Are you going to break up with me?" She asked nervously.
"No of course not. Why would you ask that?" He said.
"Well usually when one's significant other wants to talk it signifies an end to the relationship." She responded.
"I guarantee that is not what I want. I wanted to talk about last night." He said to her.
"We settled that last night." She said.
"No we really didn't." He said. "I need to apologize for my behavior."
"Sheldon." She started but he interrupted.
"No now listen. I have been doing some thinking and I realize what I did last night was wrong." He said.
"I am not sure what you mean." She said.
"I should not have gotten angry at you for something you did before we were a couple." He said. "And I should not have run away again."
"I wouldn't say you ran away." She commented.
"I did. Instead of being a man and dealing with the issue head on, I ran and hid like a giant baby." He said.
"But I understand."
"That's just it, Amy. You always understand. I don't deserve your understanding. You should be angry with me for running, instead you followed me back to the room and waited until I was ready to talk."
"Actually, I told you to open the door and we were talking about it right away." She said.
"Fair point but you still needed to run after me and make excuses to Raj and Emily." He said.
"I didn't mind. I actually wanted them gone at that point." She said.
"Yes but you shouldn't have. I was angry yes, because you withheld something but I now understand why you did it. This is all on me. This is my problem. I was jealous of Stuart."
"I know. You asked me to be your girlfriend in the middle of a date with him."
"That's not what I mean." He said.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"I mean I was jealous that Stuart was able to kiss you on the first date. When we first started dating, all I ever wanted from you was the intellect. You do know I fell in love with your mind first, right?"
"Of course, that is how is was for me too." She replied.
"But I've known for a long time that I wanted more than that relationship of the mind." He said.
"How long is a long time?" She asked curiously. She was determined to not get angry at whatever length of time he answered.
"Probably since Howard's launch." He replied.
"Okay, so why did you fight it so much?" She asked.
"Because I was afraid." He answered her honestly. "I was afraid if I gave in to my animalistic brain, I would be no different than any other man out there. I didn't want to be the same. I wanted to be above that. Do you remember the night we played Dungeons and Dragons?"
"I will never forget that night." She said.
"I wanted so badly to kiss you but I couldn't do it." He said. "I know I told you I was trying and I was. I even told Penny I hadn't ruled anything out."
"She never said anything to me." Amy said surprisingly.
"I am shocked it never came up." He said. "Although I did convince Leonard to talk to her about it. Maybe he talked her into keeping it a secret. But ever since that night I was fighting even harder to keep myself in control. As you know I lost that control on Valentine's Day last year."
"The best night of my life." She said to him.
"I know. But ever since that night it has become increasingly harder to keep you at bay. You are in my thoughts all the time. I added the kisses at the end of date night because I thought it would help. I added more date nights to the calendar so I could get those kisses. But nothing seemed to work. When you implied that you wanted to move in again back in May, I panicked because I knew eventually we would end up living together. So I snapped. I am not going to get into it again but let's just say it wasn't my proudest moment."
"We have already had this discussion." She said.
"I know and once again you were so forgiving." He said.
"That's because I love you." She said.
"But don't you see, I didn't think I deserved that love. I fought it. I ran away from you."
"You said you were coming back." She said now confused as to whether he had lied to her.
"I was but Stuart's store burning down was the end of the line." He said.
"I know. But we are past that. What is the problem now?" She asked.
"I can't keep running from my feelings for you anymore." He said. "I want to be the man I should be for you. I love you and I want to be with you for as long as you will have me."
"I love you. Sheldon, I am not going anywhere. You are stuck with me." She said.
"Please say you forgive me. I promise I will do my best not to run when something is bothering me."
"I've already told you, there is nothing to forgive." She said.
"There is but you don't see it."
"Sheldon if this will make you feel better than I forgive you. Just please try and talk to me before this gets out of hand again. I told you before we are not going to be like your parents. If something is bothering us we will talk about it like adults. Agreed?"
"Agreed." He said. He pulled her in close for a hug. Then he leaned over and kissed her. "I love you" He whispered as he kissed her again.
"I love you too." She said and melted into the kiss.
The kiss deepened and soon the two began to explore new territories together. Sheldon knew exactly how far he planned on taking his relationship with her this morning and she was on the same page as they slowly and clumsily consummated their relationship. It was awkward but loving. They explored new bounds with each other and each took the other to completion. When they were both satisfied they lay in each other's arms and drifted back off to sleep.
Okay there you have it. I needed this to cleanse myself. I hope it is as satisfying to you as it was to me.
Aspen next I promise...
Reviews help me know if I did the right thing. Thanks in advance.