Disclaimer: None of the Benedicts/the Savant World belong to me – all rights to Joss Stirling : )

This chapter might be a bit OOC for Xav but I tried to show his vulnerable side, too…. Tell me what you think!

Chapter Three

"I'm home!" I can hear Xav yell as he slams the door shut but I just bury myself deeper into my fort of bed sheets. I am currently in a state of not wanting to go anywhere- even the bathroom. My face is makeup-free, my hair is tied up in a messy scrunchie, and I'm wearing my scruffiest pyjamas. Not at all suitable for a fancy gala dinner with important doctors and their snobbish wives …

"I'm just gonna have a quick shower and then we can –" Xav has entered the bedroom and obviously registered that the strange formation of the blankets and pillows is not a wonder of physics and gravity.

"Cupcake? You alright in there?"

I shake my head and hope he can see it through the thick sheets.

"Darlin'?" He asks more tentatively and slowly pulls back the duvet.

"So, I guess we're not going to the dinner tonight?"

I snort and tug the duvet back over my head.

What's wrong, Cupcake? His voice tingles in my mind and send pleasant chills through my body, instantly calming me down a bit.

I can't go tonight.

I gathered that much seeing as the car'll be here in ten minutes and you look … not ready.

Silence.

Why aren't we going tonight, Crystal?

Underneath the covers, I smile a little because he automatically made the 'I' and 'We'… But I seriously cannot go tonight.

C'mon, Cupcake, let me help…

I can sense Xav is getting slightly impatient with my non-communication with him so I try and form the words as nicely as possible.

Because there will all be big, pretentious, important people there with their petite and delicate nurse girlfriends and I hate them all.

Okay, so that didn't come out as … smooth as I had planned. Xav is silent and slowly, I push back the duvet so that my eyes can peak outside. Xav looks slightly confused and shakes his head as if he can't believe what I just said.

"Crystal, it's just dinner. It's nothing dramatic" he says and completely ruins my vision of us solving this problem by staying at home.

"No, it's not just dinner. It's bigger than that, it's-" I break off, knowing I will have to refrain myself from saying what I'm bursting to say.

"It's … what?" Xav prompts gently and pulls me towards him so that I'm leaning against his side.

"It's… it's the way they look at me, okay?"

Xav's brow furrows slightly and he backs away slightly to look me straight in the eyes.

"How do they look at you?" I know he's trying very hard not to dismiss this as me being melodramatic and I'm grateful for that but I still get the feeling he doesn't quite get it.

"Like I'm scum. I'm the weird, big girl from no specific background because I have about a hundred nationalities in my blood. I don't have a steady job, I'm doing an internship at a completely unknown fashion magazine and a couple of design courses but that'll hardly get me anywhere and you're just standing there being awesome at everything and I feel like … like shit."

Xav looks quite surprised at my outburst and shifts to cup my face in his hands, forcing me to meet his eyes.

"You still think that you're not good enough?" He asks in such a disbelieving tone as if I just said that I saw the Queen of England running through Chinatown in Victoria Secret's undies.

"No, I… I just… feel really … not comfortable" And the 'Understatement of the Year' award goes to…

"Beauty. You're amazing, you're beautiful, and you're talented."

"Xav-"

"I think they look at you like that because they're jealous."

"Yeah, right. Tons of your male colleagues are jealous of me because I'm a good designer."

Xav nudges me in the ribs for my sarcastic comment and glares at me jokingly.

"The girls are jealous because you're beautiful and you don't have to spend hundreds of bucks on a dress because you have the talent to just make one yourself. And the guys are jealous of me because I get to go home to this amazingly hot girl every evening and wake up to her every morning."

And even though every single word of that speech made my heart soar, I can't help that little shred of doubt lingering in the back of my mind. And judging by Xav's sour expression, he can see it, too.

"So you're not going tonight?" Xav asks and sounds quite pissed off.

I shake my head and silently wonder if he's ever wanted to change something about me.

Xav returns at around one in the morning, smelling of food and wine. I pretend to be asleep as he enters the room but he knows at once that I'm faking.

"I'm sorry" I can hear him say and I slowly turn over to see him standing by the closet, still wearing his tuxedo, looking hot as hell.

"Me too" I murmur and stretch out my hands to him. He hesitates slightly, then takes them and lets me pull him down next to him. We're lying side by side now, facing each other and only a few inches between our noses.

"I'm just quite … insecure, I guess."

"I gathered but so am I" he whispers so quietly that I almost don't catch it.

"No way, Xav"

"Yesterday, I did surgery on a two-year old girl. It went wrong and now she's back in intensive care, fighting for her life."

"Xav-" I gasp. Why didn't he tell me? I'm just about to ask him when the answer pops into my mind all by itself. Guilt.

"I know it's not my fault. But what if I rely on my gift too much? What if I'm not really a good doctor but get by just because of my gift? Isn't that cheating?"

And at this moment, he looks so vulnerable and weak that my heart twinges a little as he looks at me.

"Xav! Nothing about what you do is 'cheating'. You heal, you save people's lives, you help them, you cure them. You don't cheat!"

Xav nods slowly and I am surprised at how quickly he has accepted my opinion.

"See, Cupcake? I have the same problems as you do. But I trust you to help me, make me feel better."

"Xav, it's not that I don't trust you" I raise my voice slightly because I do feel quite offended by his implied accusation of me not trusting him. "I trust you with my life and I'll always have your back and I know that you'll always have mine." I do not elaborate on the actual reason, partl because I can't really pinpoint it myself.

He nods again and kisses me lightly on the forehead. "I know."

We're quiet for a few minutes until something strikes my mind.

"When's this next dinner, then?"

A smirk forms on Xav's face as he pokes me in the ribs softly.

"In two weeks."

"Well, then. I'll have a killer gown ready by then and I plan on making the girls and the guys jealous of it."

"That's my girl" Xav says laughing and pulls me closer to him.

"Or," I add, "I might just come for the food and leave because you smell of delicious food, soulfinder."