Not shy of a spark

A knife twists at the thought that I should fall short of the mark

Frightened by the bite though it's no harsher than the bark

Middle of adventure, such a perfect place to start

-505 by Arctic Monkeys

Joslyn tucked her daughter in smoothing her daughter's blonde hair back from covering her eyes. Since meeting with Jax going on almost two weeks ago she never realized how much of Jax was in their daughter. She knew the blonde hair came from him, as it was the most obvious characteristic. It was the little quirks that were making them known. The shape of her face, Karina's smile, and the little mannerisms when she was concentrating on something her eyebrows would scrunch in thought then return to their neutral position when she got a conclusion. Just like Jax's did. Now thinking about it she thought when Karina got in a funk it probably came from her dad because the terrible twos were not fun.

During her visit with Jax, she felt that feeling in the pit of his stomach where she could not breathe like when someone pinched you to hard you were frozen from the nip of pain. She wondered if she and Jax were right in terminating all contact leaving her to be a single mother. She even declined receiving any aid from him. Now seeing him despite the circumstance, she now contemplated if she made a mistake. Despite what anyone said, a child needed to know both of their parents other than their name. Of course, this did not apply to all and every situation because she barely even knew who Jax really was, but in her opinion, her daughter deserved to have a father figure in her life.

Giving her daughter a kiss on the forehead, she made her way back into her living room to continue packing for their move back to her hometown of Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

Bobby. All he could think about was Bobby's last moments. The gun going off after Bobby tried to warn him, the shot ringing in his ears, and catching his fallen friend before he hit the ground. He knew he underestimated Marks and all his warnings. Now all he can think was he was maybe a walking breathing reaper. With everything he did, everyone that was exposed to him all of them got hurt in some way, shape, or form.

The lethal result being death.

Just like what came to Bobby.

He knew he needed to be smart about this. He needed some clarity the cabin was not going to give him. He needed to see someone who was removed from the situation someone that did not know Jax Teller, the President of an outlaw motorcycle club.

Jax pulled into the driveway of a two story home.

The house exterior is tan paneling; there was an open porch in the front with a patio swing with a miniature table and chairs for a toddler. The porch was outlined with a bed of flowers instantly reminding him of his mom's love of gardening. Removing his helmet along with his riding glasses and gloves, he could make out a faint glow of light that was being emitted from a window towards the side of the house. A small smile formed on his face. He was comforted by the fact Joslyn had been able to provide for herself and their daughter without any help from anyone. She had been raising their daughter by herself and he walked away from them and did not even put up a fight.

Walking up to the steps of her porch, Joslyn must have heard his bike as he didn't even get his hand up to knock on the door before it opened revealing Joslyn looking shocked to see him on her doorstep.

Joslyn pushed some discarded hair behind her ear suddenly self-conscious in nothing but her short shorts and plain black beater, "Jax, uh hi, is everything okay?"

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, of course," Joslyn said without a second thought opening the door wider letting Jax back into her home.

Jax walked through the threshold he cannot help but think back to a similar situation years ago.

Jax had a lot of noise in his head from dealing with club business. He cannot even remember what happened or what had him out of sorts. He just remembered he did not want to deal want to be in the clubhouse any longer with croweaters pushing up on him or the club including his mom's ever watchful eyes on him. So he decided to seek refuge in the one place that had no connection or association with the club being Joslyn's apartment.

Taking in what Joslyn was wearing saw the similarities to this situation years ago with him unexpectedly showing up at her doorstep. She was in similar attire shorts and a beater hair up in a messy bun the same shocked expression on her face in seeing him at her house so late no doubt interrupting her sleep. She still let him in. Didn't ask any questions. Just let him in and locked the door behind him grabbed his hand and lead him back to her bedroom. That was probably the night they conceived Karina. It was not the usual hot and heavy that they were used to doing. It was slow and steady and this time he actually paid attention to every detail on Joslyn. Her sharp intake of breathes when he hit a spot that made her squeeze her legs around him tighter. How her hair was flared out on the pillow creating a halo. How she would moan his name while her nails raked down his back. After the climax that had both of them panting for oxygen his head buried in the side of neck planting a few light feathery kisses causing her to tighten more around him from her being overly sensitive. When he trailed back to her mouth the smile both of them gave each other into the kiss she had her eyes closed and she did open them her eyes were cloudy from lust until they cleared over her grey eyes almost sparkling. She gave him another lazy smile and her hands ran through his hair playing with his tips. Jax would never admit it aloud but he found it relaxing even comforting when Joslyn would run her fingers through his hair something that no other women did in his life. Joslyn was never afraid to touch him. Something that he loved about her something that stirred something in him he only felt one time, but it did not make him sad or long for the former woman that used to be his whole world. It made him feel that he could find love or comfort in someone else that there would always be someone else to show him you can move on.

Jax took in all the boxes that were stacked in Joslyn's house taking occupancy in her hallway, "You moving?"

"Yeah, I am actually moving back to my hometown of Sioux Falls, South Dakota."

"You didn't mention that back in lockup?" Everyone was leaving Jax thought.

Everyone.

It was as if everyone could easily just uproot themselves from their whole world wherever they were based at. It just killed him that one thing that all families do in moving out of a neighborhood to find a better place to raise their kids was something Tara so desperately wanted but he kept holding her back. Then when he finally opened his eyes cleared the fog from his glasses, it was too late.

Too goddamn late.

Joslyn shrugged her shoulders, "There are a lot of things I didn't mention while visiting you in lockup."

Jax nodded his head inspecting what he assumed to be the living room as there was a couch and an entertainment stand, "So I didn't realize how nice of a place you got."

Joslyn followed Jax into her living room and grabbed a discarded hoodie to cover herself up, "Yeah you never left the doorstep the last time you came by."

Jax walked over to the fireplace looking at the pictures lining the fireplace of a little blonde hair girl smiling brightly. He smilied at the various pictures documenting the girl's school years, "Blonde hair huh?"

"Yeah and I think she got your attitude too."

"My attitude?" Jax said smiling at the thought. Somewhat proud that his kids' at least got something other than his looks because between his boys despite being a spitting image of their father their personality and mannerisms were all Tara.

"Yeah the terrible twos were not fun you are lucky you missed out on that."

"You mind if I see her? I won't wake her up or anything."

"Okay, we just need to be quiet she is a light sleeper." Joslyn said while leading him up the stairs. Jax smirked at the mention of his daughter being a light sleeper. Maybe Joslyn was right she did inherit some of Jax's personality even though his reason for being a light sleeper stemmed from different reasons. Walking up the wooden steps that were lightly creaking from his weight he looked at more pictures that were lining the walls. More of Karina one with her in soccer gear her right foot on the ball smiling at the camera and some with an older gentlemen the one that caught his eye was the one with her and the man holding a fish. Jax cannot help but feel a rush of jealously that another man was experiencing things with his daughter that he walked away from.

Bringing his attention back to Joslyn who was leading him down the hall he noticed like he did when she visited him in locked up she was still beautiful and looked like she hadn't aged at all of course since with childbirth she had a little bit more curves. She was still short her head barely reaching the base of his neck. However, what he was trying to find any evidence of a male figure prominent in her life. She had no ring and there was not a male's influence seen anywhere in the house although she was packing. They stopped at a door at the end of the hall decorated with a big K and Joslyn put her hand on the doorknob before stopping and turned to face him.

"Please just try not to wake her. I don't want to have to explain to Karina who you really are just for you to drop out of her life again." Joslyn immediately putting a hand over her face, "God that sounded so harsh."

Jax placed a hand on her shoulder, "I understand. I won't wake her."

"Okay. I will be downstairs packing take all the time you want." Joslyn gave him a reassuring smile and opened the door letting him in.

Jax was honest he expected to see princesses to be the theme but instead it was a simple room light blue walls and instead of princesses adorning the wall it was of female superheroes. The only thing that he noticed that was even remotely princess was an acoustic guitar that had a princess with long blonde hair and a purple dress. Picking up the guitar, it immediately reminded him of Bobby. Bobby Elvis the entertainer who always was belting out a tune either of Elvis or of what he was feeling from his heart. Setting the guitar down, he continued his observation of the room noticing awards for soccer and is immediately impressed since she was young to already be getting awards. He already noticed the easel set in a corner of the room along with a desk walking closer to it he noticed a journal resting on it standing out from the rest of the chaos on her desk. Karina seemed to inherit more of him than he and maybe Joslyn thought.

Walking to the bed containing his oldest child he smiled as she was curled in a little ball with her blonde hair peeking out from beneath her blanket. Instinctively he wanted to reach out to pat her head the same way he did to Abel every time he saw him.

Looking at his daughter though, he cannot decide if she looked like Joslyn or him. It was like a perfect combination of their features. Yeah he knew he can't really tell since she was sleeping but he remembered watching Joslyn sleep those years ago and how her mouth sometimes set in a pout like Karina's was now, but then Karina had his nose and the blonde hair almost made him thinking he was looking at him from his baby pictures and maybe even Abel.

Just thinking about Abel his troubles at school and how he was acting he thpught maybe the good thing about cutting off contact with Joslyn because his daughter did not have to feel the frustrations his son was currently facing. Karina still had her mother. The pinch of regret he had been feeling since that visit with Joslyn in lockup slowly ebbed away. He thought though soon once everything was settled his sons will know the peace that Karina was surely growing up in.

Taking his chances, he bent down giving his daughter a kiss on the head and was hit with the familiar scent of the baby shampoo that Tara used on both Abel and Thomas. Pulling back he squeezed his eyes shut hoping to get his emotions, tears, at bay; he took one last glance at his daughter when a picture catches his eye that was resting on her nightstand not even in a picture frame. Picking it up it was of Joslyn and Karina, Karina smiling real wide with Joslyn bending down behind her head on her shoulder smiling just as brightly and Jax can't help himself as he took the picture sliding in a pocket of his cut making sure it was secured.

Leaving the room and walking down the stairs he found Joslyn now in her dining room wrapping ornaments in newspaper before placing them inside a box. Jax leaned against the frame of the arch, "She is beautiful. I was expecting princesses to adorn her wall though."

"I guess we did make a gorgeous baby," Joslyn said looking up from her packing. "As for the superheroes my Uncle would take her to the movies. She loves the Avengers; especially Black Widow my personal favorite though is Captain America."

Jax cannot but shake his head at her statement; of course, she liked Captain America. Walking into the dining room taking a seat next to where Joslyn was standing her eyes watching his movement. "She seems to be real happy I don't even really know what to say." Jax grabbied her hand interlacing their fingers together, "You are a wonderful mother. The pictures seeing how happy she is the smiles on her face, I can't believe I walked away from that."

Jax felt Joslyn give his hand a squeeze, "It's all in the past Jax. I'm not saying it wasn't hard but I know deep down you didn't walk away because you were married and did not want a kid."

Jax still with her hand in his hold rubbed his thumb across her bare fingers noticing no rings decorated her hand especially her ring finger looking up feeling Joslyn's gaze which was looking at him curiously, "She ever ask about me?" He asked letting go of her hand.

Joslyn nodded and gave him a small smile, "Of course she does."

"What do you say?"

"Well she knows your name is Jackson I never told her your last name. She sometimes asks what you were like and I tell her what I know which is very little. If she asks why you are not here, I tell her that daddy wanted us to be happy, but now that she is getting older that answer isn't working. It's just hard because even though she never met you she still misses you."

Jax noticed the slight tremble in her hands when she told him the last part. "Does she ask about me a lot?"

"Now she is. It's not a big deal, honestly."

"Hey no tell me."

"It's just my uncle recently passed away and he was a permanent sort of father figure in her life. Then my fiancé and I broke up, which would technically make him my ex-fiancé, but she is worried about the men that were in her life always leaving and now with us moving she is scared you will never find us." Joslyn said with unshed tears that are escaping through her voice.

"I'm sorry. I am sorry about your uncle and about everything." That was only what Jax can honestly tell her. He knew right now how it felt to lose someone. He also knew what it was like having a child question everything going on in their life, unlike his sons at home who have their grandma, their extended family being the club Karina only had her mother, and he cannot help but feel the guilt that he willingly walked away from them.

"You're not sorry about the ex-fiancé?"

Hearing the teasing tone in Joslyn's voice a smirk crossed his features, "Hey, why should I be sorry he obviously let go an incredible woman."

Joslyn rolled her eyes, "You are such an ass."

Jax gave her a cheeky grin in return, "So what did happen?"

"Oh I think he didn't realize his commitment with me included Karina as well. Now don't get me wrong he treated Karina perfectly fine, but I always got that feeling he didn't like Karina was not biologically his and his mom made her distaste well known so he had that noise in his head. It's whatever though no biggie."

"How long were you together?"

"Three years give or take."

Jax nodded his head cannot help but have a bitter taste in his mouth at the thought of this person getting to watch his daughter grow up shaking his head the clock chimed signaling it is midnight catches his attention.

As if Joslyn could read his mind, "You have to go?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, I'll walk you out."

Jax cannot help but think back to another similarity of the situation. Her walking him to the door but back then she would be rocking sex hair, in boy shorts and whatever shirt she was wearing before he ripped it off. She would kiss him on the cheek giving him a coy smile before he would pull her into him by her head giving her a deep slow kiss that now thinking about it could be interpreted in many different ways. Only this time it was not an abrupt phone call making him leave.

It was just they are two different people now.

Joslyn followed him onto the porch and he started walking down the steps before retracing his steps back up to her grabbing her and softly cradling her face between his hands, "I'm sorry I really am that I willingly walked away from you and Karina. Don't say we both decided it, it is still on my end I waited six years to see how she was to ask anything about her. You have every right to slam the door in my face. I want to get to know my daughter." Jax almost wanted to ask more. Tell her he wants what they had the potential of becoming back.

Joslyn looked up in his eyes her eyes looking glossy, "Jax what is going on?"

"I can't with everything that is happening in Charming I don't want any of my shit following you down here."

"Jax –"

Jax shook his head halting whatever she had to say smoothing her hair down, "You know if we lived in a perfect world or got do overs I would go back never went back to ex-wife I would have stayed declared you my old lady. But I knew back than you were too good to be part of my world and it would have been selfish to keep you in Charming. It was always there, it is still there I just wish things were different because I want to you know but I'm not perfect. I'm flawed and I don't want to bleed all over you and Karina."

"Jax I don't want perfect."

Jax did not say anything but just gave her a kiss on the forehead.

Jax straddling his bike putting on his gear felt Joslyn's eye watching his every move. Jax looked at her before starting his engine her garden catching his eye again, "I didn't take you for a green thumb."

"I'm not. This is all the doing of my neighbor. I'm not one for getting my hands dirty it drives me crazy when dirt gets under my fingernails."

Jax laughed he was reminded why she was different from everyone else and for some reason it settled him that she was not like his mom being a green thumb he just wished he knew why. Giving Joslyn a nod of the head signaling he was leaving he watched her walk into her house.

Now he was back alone with his thoughts and he was going back to Charming and creating more cracks in his flawed way of life.

Edited to my best abilities 9/30.

-ToriDW317