But I crumble completely when you cry

It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye

I'm always just about to go and spoil a surprise

Take my hands off of your eyes too soon

-505 by Arctic Monkeys

Joslyn cannot stop thinking about her last visit between her and Jax for the last couple of days. She rememberrf how fast her heart was beating when he came back on the porch basically declaring in a subliminal way he loved or her or was in love with her and would do a do-over and been a family with her and Karina. She also saw part of the man that she did not know where he told her he was flawed and she could see the trouble and pain radiating through his eyes. She knew one thing she needed to stop thinking about was Jax and she should have never opened that door in visiting him when he was locked up. Besides the feelings she thought were never there were seeping back into her veins she felt guilty her daughter had yet to meet the other half of her and probably never will with them moving across the country in a couple days. Luckily, Karina was at a friend's house for her last night in Eureka and Joslyn could probably extract any doubts or lingering feelings about this move and Jax without her daughter's ever-keen eyes.

Joslyn was taping the last of the boxes to be put on the moving truck when an impatient knock rattled the door startling her out of her thoughts and causing her to drop her roll of tape. Gingerly walking to her main window in the living room, she noticed a black motorcycle sitting in her driveway meaning it could only be one person.

Quickly opening the door despite some sliver of elation she felt at seeing Jax, it was quickly diminished by the fact it was extremely late at night and he was making another house call and she could see his eyes were rimmed with tears. "Jax is everything okay?"

Joslyn watched as Jax gave her a shaky watery smile before wiping his eyes trying to erase any evidence of tears that were leaking out of his eyes. While he was doing this Joslyn took a real good look over of Jax and noticed blood splatter all over his white sneakers. His white sneakers she was always amazed that never got dirty. Joslyn released a gasp out of shock and fear, "Jax what happened?"

"It's not mine, I can't stay long, but I wanted to tell you I have things set in motion for you and Karina."

"Jax what are you talking about? Can you please just come in?" Joslyn reached out to grab Jax's hand to pull him inside her house, but all it did was give him the advantage of him pulling her to him. She gave him a questioning look before he connected his lips to hers.

The lips she could never forget. How they would dance against hers. She would always be comforted by the taste of the nicotine cigarettes he would smoke throughout the day. His lips could always tell her a story she sometimes could never get especially the ending. Like now, how she could feel the pain and sadness radiating in this kiss. It was almost as if he was searching for something in her lips. His tears were the ink and his lips were the pages. He broke the kiss when they both neeed to come for air, but his lips still hovered over hers. "I'm sorry for leaving you to raise our daughter alone. Joslyn if I ever see myself being happy again it would be with you, but the women I love in my life seem to get hurt and I refuse to let another woman I love to get hurt because of my shit."

Joslyn finally opened her eyes them imploring in his for some answer, "Jax your scaring me."

As if he was purposely avoiding answering her inquires, "I'm glad you ended things when you did you know that. I was too immature back then and I would have ruined you."

Joslyn covered his hands with her small petite ones, "Jax what is going on? Please tell me." Joslyn eyes now mirrored Jax's watery ones.

She received a shake of his head, "Just promise me you will never tell Karina about who I am. Just keep it simple."

Now Joslyn was really confused and now getting borderline angry, "Jax you are really starting to scare me and piss me off with these vague answers."

"I know and I'm sorry." Jax gave her one last kiss before making his way back to his bike leaving Joslyn baffled about what just happened.

Joslyn rushed down her stairs after him and grabbed his arm turning him around, "Karina and I are leaving the day after tomorrow to move to Sioux Falls. I don't know what is going on with you, but maybe you should come with us. Bring your boys or if you just need to get away to clear your head please come with us."

Joslyn's heart drops though at the small smile Jax gave her while he went to grab his helmet, "I'll think about it babe."

"Why does it feel like you are saying goodbye Jax?" Joslyn said her voice quivering tears now freely flowing looking at Jax or the shell of him.

Jax puts down his black helmet and making his way back to Joslyn, "I'm poison J, look what I am doing to you now." Jax informed her wiping her tears away with his thumbs.

"I am only crying because you are scaring the crap out of me with these vague sayings."

"Maybe if you never back ended me we wouldn't be here right now."

Joslyn shook her head, "Don't say that."

"I refuse to let what happened to Tara to happen to you."

Joslyn looked down at his bloody sneakers a grim smile overtook her features, "You got your revenge didn't you."

Like he had been doing since he arrived on her doorstep, he did not answer her. Joslyn knew though, that was what he did. He killed whoever killed his wife. Her eyes went back to his and she could finally see everything he wanted to hide and keep hidden from her. His shame, how he was a monster, and a murderer his hands that were caked in blood that she knew will never be washed off no matter how hard he scrubbed. Maybe this was the first time Joslyn's eyes were finally seeing what Jax really wanted her to see. The man she thought she knew was no longer in him. He was utterly broken and no one was able to fix him. He just wanted to give her a peace of mind -maybe.

"You know it would be easier if you hated me."

"It's kind of hard when I get the feeling that no one can hate you more than yourself right now."

Jax gave her a humorless laugh with a smile to match, "Yeah, maybe your right." She felt Jax hands travel to her upper arms giving them a squeeze before traveling down to her waist bringing her closer to him. "If you could tell me anything a lie or a truth what would you tell me?"

"I don't love you."

They both knew that was a lie, but they both desperately cling to it as if they believe it will turn into a truth.

Joslyn was sipping on her chocolate milk before finishing packing and starting to load their moving truck. She would be lying if she said she was not exhausted, but she was and it was not physically but emotionally. Jax just left, did not make any promise of ever seeing each other again, and this caused her to get a restless sleep. Maybe Jax was right if she hated him right now everything would be easier but it isn't.

It amazed her how one action caused a domino effect in her life. She barely used to think about Jax in the past only when Karina would ask who her father was and even then, Joslyn did not feel the emotions that were causing her exhaustion now. As her emotions made her check Charming Gazette on the internet hoping she wouldn't see Jax's name in the headlines. Too much relief there was not, so was almost tempted to unpack the TV just to watch the news if anything did happen.

Looking at the time seeing it was noon, she had at least to four or five o'clock to get most of the boxes in the trailer before Karina is dropped off back home. Going back and forth with boxes, it was a surprisingly quiet day in the neighborhood usually you can hear the kids playing outside or her neighbor Ms. Carmine in her garden.

Something was just off with this day, just like something was off with Jax last night.

Shaking her head of the infection of Jax that was cursing through her mind, she tried and thought about her move back to her family, back to Sioux Falls. Her parents and her siblings will surround her, sure, she will finally have to face the wrath of her not bringing Karina down sooner or really telling her parents about Karina's father, but it will be nice getting out of California. She will work in the HR department of her older brother Jamie's private practice. Karina will get to meet her older cousins. She and Joslyn could start fresh.

Sliding one of the last boxes into the trailer Joslyn had worked up some perspiration and her arms along with her back muscles ached. She had forty-five minutes until her baby girl returned to their home for their last night.

Joslyn coming out of the long shower she didn't anticipate on taking that long she saw it was ten minutes pass five and no signs of Karina being home. Looking out the window, she arched her eyebrow at the murder of crows darkening the sky as they passed through. That was something she did not see every day.

Sitting on the lone couch, which was one of the few pieces of furniture that they will be leaving here at the house she checked her phone seeing it was thirty minutes past five now she was getting worried. Although she did understand that this wass Karina's last night in Eureka, she probably wanted a little extra time with her friends. Like expected her thoughts drift to Jax.

Jackson Teller, the outlaw biker and the father of her daughter. It would be so much easier if she hated him. Hate him for easily walking away from her and their daughter without any fight. Hate him for revealing to her that throughout their entire fling, or when you look at it now affair, he was married. She should hate him how he never once tried to get into contact with her on their daughter. He did not send any type of assistance. However, at the end of the day, she cannot and she wished she knew why she can't.

The sound of a quiet knock on the door interrupted her thoughts causing her to slightly jump up from the couch. Joslyn made her way to the door not even checking whom it when a male voice spoke out to her, "I hope I am not too late."

Edited 9/30