Disclaimer: None of the Benedicts/the Savant World belong to me – all rights to Joss Stirling!

Chapter Eleven (=Chapter Ten Part Two)

Waiting is painful. At the time, when I was around thirteen and I read that Pablo Cuelho quote for the first time, I didn't get it. I associated waiting with lounging about, watching TV, listening to music. But he was right. It freaking hurts. I never associated waiting with pacing the ER, having to tell family that our father was gone. Not until I was 18. Now, it's like I'm reliving that night all over again. Xav was barely strong enough to walk as we arrived at the hospital but the doctor still ordered me to wait outside. So here I am, pacing up and down the ER again because I'm too worried to sit down. What if Xav's got something really serious? What if he's dyi-? I struggle to hold back the tears as my mind wanders to those dark questions. What did Rick do to him? Maybe I can call – No! I can't call the family yet. Not when I myself don't know anything. It would be unfair to cause them sleepless nights just worrying and wondering.

"Miss Brook?"

The elderly doctor I recognize from the gala dinners is standing in the doorway leading off to intensive care with a clipboard and all serious look on his face.

"Will he be alright?" I ask immediately and my heart speed up from one to a hundred as the doctor smiles.

"Yes, Miss Brook, I can assure you, your partner will be fine. Would you like to see him?"

I refrain from commenting on that stupid question and nod, still unable to speak from the relief.

"Mr Benedict has contracted quite severe pneumonia but he's already on the way to recovery, quite astoundingly so. My colleagues and I were quite befuddled. Your partner seems to have an extraordinarily strong immune system."

I manage a smile and try to keep my feet from bolting ahead.

"We've prescribed him quite strong antibiotics and bed rest for the next four days. He's not to overdo it. Understood?"

"I promise I'll take care of him, sir."

"Very well, Miss Brook, I shall –"

But the rest of his speech is drowned out by the sight of Xav lying in that hospital. Despite Doctor Harris saying that Xav is recovering quickly, this Xav doesn't seem well at all. This Xav, lying asleep in hospital pyjamas, brings the tears to my eyes again. I've never seen him so weak, vulnerable, so helpless. His usually tanned skin is pale in comparison and his hair, that's grown quite a bit over the last few months, is all tousled up and greasy. As if he senses my presence, he opens one eye and manages a ghost of a smile as he sees me in the doorway.

"Hey, Cupcake" His voice has become quite hoarse so it only comes out as a whisper but it's enough to make me choke up slightly. Hesitating slightly, I glance at Dr Harris, wondering if it's safe to go closer.

"The infection risk isn't as high because it's a case of viral pneumonia. You –" That's all I need and I'm already on Xav's bed, hugging him tightly, whispering his name over and over again, just to make sure that he isn't going to disappear on me.

I was so scared, you muppet.

In response, Xav's hands tighten around my waist and he presses a kiss against my temple.

I'm alright. I'm alright. Ssshhh, Beauty. I'm alright.

You're not alright, you idiot. You almost died.

I'm so sorry.

Xav leans his forehead against mine and looks into my eyes with all seriousness.

"Mr Benedict?"

With a sigh, Xav tugs his head away from mine and looks at Dr Harris over my shoulder.

"We will keep you in overnight, but going by the speed at which you're recovering, you will be able to return home tomorrow morning." Dr Harris glances at his pager and quickly excuses himself.

I'm about to ask that one question, that one thing that has been bugging and eating at me for the past couple of hours, but I refrain from asking. Giving him a small kiss on his forehead, I promise to come back later and to bring his overnight bag. I can feel him staring at me as I leave the room but I don't look back.

When I get home, the first thing I do is clean. I clear up the shards of glass in the kitchen, wipe the drops of blood of the floor and scrub the toilet until my arms hurt. Anything to keep my mind off IT.

As I pack Xav's overnight bag, stuffing underwear, pyjamas, tooth brush and all in his work bag, I became painfully aware of the fact that this will be the first time we won't be sleeping in the same bed together since those four weeks in Europe. I'm not used to this. I'm not used to Xav being not there… To him being ill and vulnerable. I've never been so scared in my entire life as I was the moment I saw the blood on the floor. A tear falls from my eye onto Xav's t-shirt and with that tear, the flood gates are opened. What would I have done if he had been unconscious? What would I do if he isn't there to wake me up every morning and tuck me in in the evenings? I'm so lost without him-Listen to yourself, Crystal! I sound like Bella Swan in New Moon. Get your act together! Determined to return to the hospital as soon as possible, I wipe the tear tracks off my face and continue to pack Xav's bag. If he's not around to be the strong one, then I have to be.

"What happened in the warehouse?"

The question slips out of my mouth without any chance of me stopping it so I might as well just let it.

Xav's grip around my hand tightens as he coughs and takes a deep breath, so I prepare myself for a long answer.

"I was so sure that his gift was memory manipulation. We were all so sure. Trace had seen it in the files, Will had that danger thing all tuned into his gift, I just- Turns out, his gift is actually Gift Destruction or something like that."

My breath hitches slightly, and I hope – pray- that his gift hasn't been destroyed completely. It is such a big part of who he is, who he wants to be...

"So I volunteered to strike a fake bargain with him."

I remember that part. I begged him not to go but we were two of the very few people who hadn't been injured so Xav put his hand up and Saul, who was tending to a nasty cut on his shoulder, relented.

"Once we were inside the booth, he started his attack. My shields were up of course but he still managed to get at my gift."

"How?" I ask.

"Somewhere in my mind, is my identity. Who I am, what makes me me. It is a bunch of stuff with my brain: Skiing, Healing, my parents, my brothers, you. He ignored all that and went straight for the healing. We were silent the whole time. When he heard the backup, he reached over the table and shook my hand, as if he were making a deal. You know the rest."

I place my forehead against our clasped hands and take a deep breath. All those explanations do not answer the question that has been bothering me all day.

"Why did you lie to me when you said he hadn't done anything to you?"

Xav is silent.

Xav, why did you lie to me? At this moment, I really don't care that I sound as if I'm about to cry.

"Crystal-"

"Why, Xav, why?" My voice is torn between anger and sobbing and I slide my hand out Xav's grasp.

"I love you, okay? I love you more than anything else in this world and I love you so much it actually hurts when I lie to you."

"Then why did you?" He's not making any sense and it's beyond frustrating.

"I wanted to protect you. When you passed out after restoring the links back in Venice, I was worried sick about you. It's one of the most awful and terrifying feelings in the entire world and I didn't want you to feel the same-"

"Oh yeah, because I totally did not worry when I found you coughing up blood and slime over the toilet. You're not making any sense, Xav!"

"Look, Crystal" he forces me to look at him and takes my icy hands between his warm, comforting ones. "I overestimated myself, okay? I know that now. I thought I could fix it but I can't. I need you to support me and stay with me. I'm really, really sorry. Forgive me?"

"Xav-"

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

Xav gives me his best bambi look and even though I'm still furious at him, I lean forward and kiss our clasped hands.

"Don't ever do that again!" I say and give him my best Karla impression in return to his innocent one.

"Never!" He promises, now completely serious.

And if you do, I'll kill you!

Looking forward to it, Beauty!

I'm not sure how the whole hospital procedure stuff works in the US but I did a bit of research on pneumonia – if I quoted something wrong, please let me know.

Review as always, please!

PS. xxx-benedictbrothersfan-xxx: I kept my side of the deal, you have until the beginning of next week – I'm being generous ;)