Disclaimer: None of the Benedicts/the Savant World belong to me – all rights to Joss Stirling :)

Chapter Nineteen

„Dude, we agreed on yellow."

"No, it was green."

"Fine, then why the hell did you buy purple?"

I lean back against the doorframe of our spare bedroom that Xav is spending every free minute converting into a nursery and fold my arms over my six month-bump.

"It was the cheapest" I answer and push the bucket full of paint into the room with my foot (Xav being totally paranoid and saying I shouldn't lift).

"But I'm more concerned about the fact that you just called your wife and the mother of your child 'Dude', dude", I say and flip Xav over the back of the head.

He lets out that laugh that has become so rare over the last few months as he spends more and more hours at the hospital trying to pay for the expenses our baby will bring when it comes.

"How're you and our little princess doing?"

"The little prince and his mama are doing just fine though the little bugger does give me bad headaches once in a while."

Xav's head snaps up at this and he immediately drops his paintbrush to check my forehead.

"Relax, Xav. We're fine, I just –"

All of a sudden, Xav's concerned face turns blurry and I have to squint to get him into focus again.

"Crystal?"

His voice is muffled as if he's on the other side of a glass wall. I take a breath to answer him when I notice that I can't. My lungs don't fill up with air and at the same time I feel like I've just run a mile.

"Crystal?" Xav's voice is getting more insistent and worried and I want to reach out to him, tell him that I'm fine but I'm not. My muscles don't compute my brain's order to move – instead, my knees buckle at the same time as my hands fly towards my stomach as if to shield it from the searing pain.

What is happening to me?

Xav's arms catch me before I bang my head against the doorframe and he gently lowers me into his lap, hands outstretched to administer any healing required.

What is happening-?

The shriek of pain escapes my mouth before my brain itself registers the aching in my belly and I feel Xav's tears splash on my cheek even though his face zooms in and out of focus.

What is -?

It's as if a black sheet is lowered over my face and the last thing I hear is Xav shouting my name as if to keep me from that darkness.

"Could you turn that beeping off? It's annoying" I mumble as I crack open my eyes.

"That beeping means that your heart's still beating, so no, I certainly won't turn it off."

I turn my head a fraction to see Xav sitting next to the bed, my right hand clasped tightly in his. My blurred vision is gone.

Christ, you scared me.

His voice breaks as he leans toward and kisses me deeply. At once, the beeping accelerates and I have to smile.

"What happened?" I ask as he pulls back an inch to catch his breath.

"You collapsed, Crystal. You just keeled over and you scared the life out of me."

I want to apologize. Apologize for that tortured look of anxiety in his eyes but I have to ask something else first.

"How's the baby?"

"Our miracle is fine. A little behind in the growth department but other than that completely healthy."

"I'm sorry." I mumble and reach up to wipe a tear from Xav's eye.

"Don't you dare be sorry, Cupcake. Look, the doctor will be back with the test results soon then we can get you home."

I nod though silently, I gather from his tone that not everything is fine.

It's odd how one word, one single tiny word, can change your life in a heartbeat. Or in my case, more like one word accompanied by its explanation because I do not speak Doctorian.

Pre-eclampsia. A disorder of pregnancy characterized by high blood pressure and large amounts of protein in the urine. That's the official definition.

The unofficial one – you're going to have seizures that could kill you and your baby.

Xav's head has been in his hands for the past two minutes while the doctor explains everything to me. Take it easy. Bed rest. Daily fetal kick counts. Close monitoring.

The words rush into my brain without really registering yet as I continue to stare at the back of Xav's head. The doctor leaves Xav and me alone but that isn't enough.

"Go."

Xav's head snaps up and he gives me a watery look of disbelief.

"Crystal…"

"I want you to leave. I want to be alone for a while."

"No, I need to be –"

"Please, Xav. Go."

Hesitating, as if to give me time to change my mind, he gets up from his chair and backs away towards the door. When I don't say anything, he turns on his heels and storms out, his anger and frustration so clear that I don't need the sound of the door banging shut to know what he's feeling.

The first tear starts to fall ten seconds after the door closes, the second one two seconds later. After that, I lose count.

I don't know how much time I spent in that hospital bed, curled up in a tight ball, sobbing questions to I-don't-know-who that are left unanswered, but when I sit up, the sky is beginning to darken. How long has Xav not been here? I reach for my phone and my fingers seem to work of their own accord. And when that familiar, soothing voice answers, the tears start falling again.

"Mama?"

Just as I'm about to fall asleep, a knock on the door jerks me awake again. Xav's mop of brown hair pokes around the door and at my smile, he enters the room, holding my overnight bag.

We don't speak as he unpacks my things or as I go into the bathroom to change. And as he helps me into bed. And as he sits on my bedside and strokes my hair.

I'm sorry. I whisper, not wanting to disturb this peaceful silence.

Don't be. You wanted to be alone, I get that-

Not just for that.

I close my eyes because I can almost hear his mind ticking as he's wracking his brains. Then it does click.

"What? Why are you sorry for that?" His voice sounds so surprised that I almost don't want to answer him but I can tell that I'm not getting away that easily.

"You wanted this child. You wanted it so much from the day I told you about our miracle and I'm sorry I … I'm sorry I can't give you that. Give you what you want."

"Crystal!" He gently grabs my chin to force me to look at him. "What I want, more than anything else in the world, is for you to be healthy and alive. That's why we'll just do what the doctors tell us to do and follow our instincts and we'll be fine. The three of us will be fine."

"Xav, I could have seizures when I come closer to the due date. Those seizures will be a huge risk for me and our baby. We won't be fine."

"Listen, Cupcake. I don't mean to sound patronizing but I've studied this. I see this every day. If we stick to what we're told, if we minimize your physical activity, if we keep you rested, the baby can be delivered via C-section and the both of you'll be fine."

"I really want to believe you, Xav, you know I do-"

"You trust me." It's not a question.

"Xav-"

He silences me with a kiss. It's such a meaningful kiss, full of promise and hope and love that I let it happen. I trust him. We'll be fine.

Because I trust you.

So the big 20 (!) is coming up – if you wonderful amazing readers give me over 100 reviews (I'm aware that this is bribery but I'm desperate ;)) I didn't want to make Crystal bitchy towards Xav, I just figured that she'd want to be alone after learning something like that – and as a daughter she'd call her mother. So I almost cried while writing this chapter because I was listening to Small Bump by Ed Sheeran and Turning Page by Sleeping At Last – such sad songs :(

Anyway, please leave reviews, you wonderful people! :)