Chapter 10: Tears and Snot

I was out in the garden staring at my house apartment.

Yes, I ran like hell to get here. I was out of breath. I felt like my lungs were carrying hot boiling lava and fire. My feet were beyond tired and I sweated as if I ran from New York to Paris.

I was acting crazy. So what?

My head was pounding and aching because of all my running. I crouched down and sat in front of the door. Who cares about getting smelly and dirty? I was practically on the verge of death while panting. I only hoped that the jerk – excuse me – err, Natsume was in the house by this time.

Okay. Calling the jerk by his name does not mean anything. I admit that I was touched by his consideration concerning breakfast and maybe, just maybe, it was the major reason why I didn't hate him as much as I did last night. Of course, I'll never tell him that. So far, I don't think I've actually called him anything decent except for jerk and bastard, which is definitely not 'decent' in any way.

By now, I don't think I'd be worrying about acting 'prim' and 'proper' in front of anyone because running while looking crazed could only mean that I didn't care about anyone seeing me behave like an animal anymore. Sure, my grandpa would probably be hospitalized after fainting or he'd do something to me, in which I'm not too worried about (I'm still his beloved granddaughter), because frankly speaking, there isn't anything more embarrassing and humiliating than what happened to me last night.

Ugh. I promised myself not to remember because I'd soon be in a panic attack but it really was hard to ignore my video playing brain. The images I involuntarily replay in my head are a constant reminder that I had experienced the most horrifying experience I've had in my entire life. What's a girl supposed to do?

Anyway, I ran like my life depended on it because it probably did.

What I was going to do is probably gonna be a greater shame than me running off from work just because I didn't know how to cook.

I should tell somebody to keep me in check once in a while. I'll be stressed out of my life when next week comes.

I sighed. My head was still on the verge of exploding but it can't be all that bad considering that I'm still standing and panting like a rabid dog.

Yup. Not bad at all.

Once I calmed down, which took forever, I stood up and slowly stepped forward in front of the door. I was getting really nervous, and my constantly shaking hands were very much not helping my condition.

I grasped the door knob and twisted my hand to supposedly open the door, in which - I should say - did not open at all.

I tried and tried to open the door.

Now I was standing in front of the door. I was staring at it like a statue. And like a statue, I couldn't take my eyes off where it was pointed. I was unmoving and staring to space.

My brain wasn't working very fine because five minutes later, I realized that I actually left my key inside the house… did I even have a key in the first place? What? What was I… what?

Alright. I knew I can be clumsy. And I already knew that I was stupid sometimes but this? This is what most people call retarded. I left my key. So I'm retarded. I left…. without my key. I'm really worse than a retard. Who forgets their key when leaving their house!?

What in the world was I thinking! Just because I left my real house doesn't justify my actions! Good God. Am I going to go inside the house using the window just like I planned on doing yesterday? Am I gonna get caught and go to jail before evening? Or am I gonna do something even stupider than what I did yesterday? Sigh. This is wearing me out…

Let's think logically and start analyzing the problem…okay.

I can't get inside the house. Check.

Because of my dim-witted brain, I forgot my key. Check.

I didn't even know if the jer- Natsume was still inside the house. Check.

Now, for solutions…

Go through the window…. DENIED.

Bang the door open… DENIED.

Call the police and pretend that there's a thief inside the house… DENIED.

The kid… BINGO.

The Jerk - Natsume wouldn't bring the kid along if he goes somewhere. So, the kid is probably still in the house.

Now that wasn't so bad. Why did I even panic yesterday?

The most logical thing to do now would be to ring the door bell. The problem was, there was no doorbell. No zilch. No nothing.

Okay. What the hell? Why didn't I notice my own house-apartment's door bell? What wrong with me these days? I'm so pathetic.

I miss my grandpa. I miss Bruno. I miss Anna and everybody. I miss mom and dad. Hotaru…

I felt really down. My eyes stung. Heat was coming over my face. But I refused to cry. This was probably one of my days where I suddenly have an urge to cry. I was still standing in the door way, not moving. I didn't even notice somebody creep up on me when a hand patted my left shoulder.

I screamed.

Really loud.

"Kyaaa!"

"Shit!" I heard somebody curse.

"What's wrong with you!?" I turned around and found ruby eyes glaring at me.

I sniffed. Now, tears really were coming down.

I was so scared. It reminded me of something.

Suddenly, I felt really angry. Tears were still falling and my head really felt hot. I shouted at the jerk that scared the living soul out of me.

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you!? You startled me so much I thought I was gonna die! Why don't you try saying something before touching somebody! You jerk!." I shouted.

Okay. Really, now I'm being pathetic. Why am I shouting at him like it's his fault? Better yet, why did my tears fall? I wasn't that surprised. I dismissed the thought that I might be crying for a different reason (Dammit! I miss my home!).

The two of us were just standing still. I couldn't see the jerk's – scratch that – Natsume's face because of my damn tears. I wanted to apologize. It wasn't right to suddenly lash out at him without reason. And it wasn't right to cry in front of this person. I've been embarrassed beyond words last night and I didn't cry. And now, I'm suddenly crying? And why is Natsume not saying anything? At all? He could at least sneer or make fun of me or something! Anything!

The two of us stood in silence until I calmed down. I was feeling vulnerable. I never cried in front of anybody. I only cried in front of Hotaru. I felt bare, like I wasn't wearing any clothes at all. I blushed at the thought.

I bit my lip and sneaked a peak at Natsume. I was scared that he might actually be sneering at me. He just saw my weak side for goodness sake. And here I thought I was a practical person all these years.

Natsume's face was unreadable. He was just glaring at me the last time I checked. And now, I couldn't tell what he was feeling at all. Was he thinking and asking inside his brain if I was crazy or something of the sort? Was he disgusted when he saw that I was crying? Or is he feeling guilty because he thinks he's the reason why I'm crying? I didn't know. He's too good in making poker faces. I knew because I built something fake myself.

"I'm sorry." I muttered silently. I'm sure he heard me though. "I don't have a key." I told him.

He still looked at me for a few more seconds before he moved to get something in his pocket. It was a key… or two. He unhooked the other key and gave it to me. He didn't say anything, and I was beginning to feel a little too awkward.

I reached for it and asked him "Are you giving this to me?"

Nothing.

I took his silence for yes and unlocked the door. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand and walked inside the house with Natsume following me.

I stopped in front of my room and glanced at the person at my back.

"Thanks for the key." I told him, smiling a bit. I felt much better than I did just a few minutes ago.

"You better wash your face. Your snot is leaking out." I stopped reaching for my door. My eyes widened. What!?

I turned around so abruptly that I hit my right hand on the wall. I winced.

My mouth opened and I wanted to yell. Only, the person who just told me that my 'snot' was leaking wasn't there anymore. I could feel my whole face heating at an alarming rate. I quickly ran to the bathroom to wash my face.

What did I come home for again?

Woohoo! I'm in a really good mood! Yesterday, somebody gave me a gift for my birthday! (which was a few days late, by the way). The sender gave me a book! LEGEND by Marie Lu! I couldn't stop smiling for some reason. Thank you very much to LMACV (initials of her name, yeah I know, she's got a really long name.). haha.

Anyway, I hope people enjoyed the chap, it's been a really long time^^

IMPORTANT: READ pls.

Right, I wanted to ask people if you want to read Natsume's POV for some chapters or Natsume's POV in what already happened in previous chaps. I'm totally considering this so I want opinions. Thanks^^