Jazz is waiting for them when they get back to the Ark.
He's leaning against the rock wall, smiling, visor dimmed to half its intensity, and bobbing his head along the rhythm of the music playing from his speakers.
"Hey there, how was your ride?" He asks when Spike gets off Hound to let him transform.
"Fun. And educative." The saboteur laughs at that before turning to the tracker.
"Could've used you here a couple breems ago." The green mech reboots his optics in surprise, for Jazz still looks calm and relaxed. "Ravage got in and got Laserbeak out."
"What? Where did they go?" Jazz just points and Hounds rushes to transform. "See you later, Commander!" And all that remains are words and dust.
And a confused Third in Command.
"Commander?" He repeats, looking down at Spike, who shrugs cockily, leather jacket slung over one shoulder and glasses still on.
"Why, don't you know? I'm Commander Spike Witwicky now." The Head of Special Operations lets his engine rev softly with an amused smile on his faceplate, before gesturing to the inside.
"Come on then, Commander Witwicky. I have something I'd like to show you." Curious, the boy follows and, after some minutes of only the music from Jazz's speakers, they arrive at their destination.
"Prowl's office?"
"He went after Ravage, but said I could show you this." The saboteur explains with a quick reboot of one half of his visor in a wink. "Come on, this will be educative." He adds with soft snickers, and Spike can't help but laugh a bit.
Once the Autobot has made himself at home on one of the chairs and helped the boy to the top of the table, he points at the monitor.
"We were looking over something and found this. We thought you needed to know, so…" Without another word, the mech clicks something and the black screen comes to life.
Soundwave and Starscream's murderous almost white optics stare back into surprised dark human eyes.
Spike can't help the shiver coursing through his body.
It doesn't help that, when he looks back at Jazz, the Autobot is completely serious.
"Those are two really angry mechs. And if what the twins and Bumblebee have told us is the truth, now that Laserbeak has escaped they will know who was behind that misunderstanding."
"But… it was a mistake, I didn't know…"
"No, you didn't." The Head of Spec Ops answers with a nod, voice firm yet soothing. "You just hope they decide to care about that."
Pale and feeling weak, Spike sits down on the table.
"What—Why—I—I understand they are angry, or offended, but…"
"Trust me, Spike. There are few offenses worse than what you unknowingly implied." The saboteur's dactyl feels warm as it strokes his back, and the boy concentrates on it.
"They are going to squish me, aren't they." Jazz doesn't answer, and, when he looks at him, the teenager sees his faceplates are schooled into complete lack of emotion, even the soft blue of his visor giving nothing away.
That's never good.
"As I said. Lets hope they decide to care about it being a misunderstanding." The boy whimpers, giving one quick look at the image onscreen before turning to the saboteur.
"But—Why? What did I say that was so bad?" Jazz's visor dims almost to blackness as he lets out a soft exhale in what would have been a human sigh.
"Alright. Decepticons are structured by power. Not just brute strength and processor development, but a combination of both. Even if sometimes one makes up for the lack of the other." The Autobot begins, taking back his servo to rest it in front of him on the desk. "What you implied isn't just a weakness, but the fact that the Command Hierarchy is maintained by interfacing favors, instead of power." Spike blinks in confusion for a moment before his eyes widen.
"You mean, that they are where they are because they've…" He fidgets a bit, embarrassed, before forcing the words out of his mouth. "Because of sexual favors?"
"Huh, no." The teenager frowns in confusion, and a small smile appears on Jazz's face. "If that was the case, they would be nothing more than… consorts, would be the most accurate term. No, they are Communications Officer, Air Commander, Second and Third because they've earned it. But the fact Starscream is Second when everybot knows Soundwave's completely loyal to Megatron… That may be explained by such a relationship."
"Relationship? But, I thought they couldn't stand each other?"
The Head of Spec Ops' smile turns… bitter? Sad?
"That can easily be explained as acting. Wouldn't be hard for Decepticons. And by relationship… Well, you don't create a newspark with every spark-merge, least of all a viable one. Sure, you might get lucky—or unlucky—and carry after just one merge, but that's pretty rare. Besides, Soundwave has three Flier Cassettes, so it would be logical to think that if 'Screamer is the creator of one, he may also be that of the other two." Spike nods, understanding that after everything he's been told, and Jazz's smile twitches, but doesn't grow. "So, that brings us back to the hierarchy. Why is a loyal mech lower in rank than a known traitor?"
The teenager's eyes widen, realizing that, despite all that's happened, this is the first time he has really asked himself that question.
"I… have no idea. To… keep Starscream in sight? You know, friends close and enemies closer?"
"They could just deactivate him and get rid of the problem. Or keep him in any other position that wasn't so high up." The saboteur points out, and the boy frowns. "But yes, that is the most likely answer. On the other servo, if you consider Starscream and Soundwave are in a long-term interfacing relationship, which includes frequent spark-merges… That changes everything."
"How so?" Jazz's constant small smile vanishes, and Spike almost regrets asking.
"Because you'd be implying one of the two submits to the other. Either Soundwave stays as Third in exchange for the interfacing, or Starscream has 'bought' his position as Second with it."
"Isn't that the same?" He whispers, slightly scared by the Autobot's seriousness.
"No. It depends which of the two offered."
Who bowed down first. Who was the one who would lower himself to that, either the loss of power for sex, or selling his body for power.
The teenager is starting to realize why their reactions were so extreme.
"And, as if that wasn't enough…" Startled, he looks up into the slightly darker visor, faceplates still schooled into such impassiveness that the Decepticon Third in Command would be proud. "That implies one holds control over the other, more so if you put the Cassettes in the equation." The boy's mouth opens to ask a question, but an almost threatening flash of the saboteur's visor makes him close it with a snap. "You don't mess with a Cassette-carrier's creations, and neither with a Seeker's. Usually, you only have the chance to do it once."
And Spike doesn't know how to take that, if it means they end dead or if the lesson is so well learned that they don't try again.
He doesn't want to know.
"So, better leave them some time to simmer and cool down. Prowl and I thought it better if you don't accompany us in the next skirmish, just in case." He nods numbly, and Jazz smiles again as nonchalantly and calmly as ever. "Glad we cleared that."
The boy nods once more before returning his attention to the screen, looking into those almost white optics and visor, the snarl on Starscream's faceplate, the tension of Soundwave's frame, how both mechs' servos are curled almost claw-like…
And he nods again, reaffirming Jazz's words.
He doesn't want to find out if they would take into account Spike didn't know any of that when he spoke.
"Hey, take it easy. Now that you know, you can make sure it doesn't happen again." The saboteur soothes with his usual easygoing attitude, turning off the monitor. "Wanna go see the twins and Bee? Prime got them on cleaning duty." He looks up quickly at that, stunned, and the Head of Spec Ops blinks in his peculiar way. "Wash-racks first, then the brig, and maybe those storage rooms that are barely used."
Which means filth and dust.
Sunstreaker's face is going to be awesome.
Jazz just needs to see his growing grin to help him down the table and guide him to the first stop.
Both the twins and Bumblebee are in a far better mood when they come pick him up the next weekend, and so is Spike when they tell him they're going to finally have that race.
His father laughs and agrees to come along, so while the teenagers gets into the VW Beetle, the older man takes the red Lamborghini, Sunstreaker refusing to carry a human if he can avoid it, due to their 'permanently shedding outer layer'.
It isn't until they are a couple miles out of town that the race really begins, and Bumblebee surprises them all by taking the lead, earning himself two squeaks from the twins and laughter from the humans.
"Think you're going to get away that easy?" The yellow Lamborghini challenges through the open comm line between the three Autobots, to which the humans are privy via their speakers.
"This race is mine!" His twin exclaims, and Spike can hear his father harrumph. "I mean, ours. This race is ours."
The others laugh at the peevish tone, before the other yellow car gets to the Beetle's side in a single burst of speed.
"See you at the Ark!" Sunstreaker exclaims before leaving them in a cloud of dust, Sideswipe being just a flash of red as he, too, rushes past them.
"Last to the Ark has to clean the wash-racks!" The red Lamborghini exclaims happily, and Spike can only yelp when Bumblebee's burst of speed presses him against the seat.
"Oh, no! Not again!" The Beetle returns, quickly catching up to the bickering twins—
The speakers explode with static an instant before some kind of beams impact on the frontliners, the cars skidding madly on the road before colliding with each other, Bumblebee almost joining the pile before his brakes manage to stop him.
"Dad!" The teenager shouts, but the cloud of dust and the static still sounding through the speakers doesn't let him see or hear anything.
"Spike, get out! I'll try to—!" The scout's words cut short as another beam impacts against his hood, blinding the human for a second and making the car shudder as the static cuts out instantly.
"Bee! Bee, answer me!" Instead of his friends voice, what reaches his ears is a loud thumping sound that makes him jump a bit on his seat.
As he looks out the window, the teenager pales.
The cloud of dust is falling, but the giant silhouette isn't completely visible yet.
It doesn't need to be.
Those wings are completely unmistakable.
Spike rushes to the passenger seat and thanks all deities that Bumblebee had already unlocked the doors before the null-ray hit—because it can't be nothing other than a null-ray, since none of the Autobots exploded.
Quickly getting out of the car, he directs a last look at the Seeker, the dust around the head tinted red, before rushing to where he last saw the twins and his father—
He lets out a grunt as he collides with something cool yet warm, but feels no reassurance at realizing it is living metal.
He can feel the seams and empty spaces against his front that he's learned to recognize as dactyls, but the twins are—
The servo closes around him, firm yet not bruising, and he feels himself lifted quicker than he's used to or comfortable with.
A quick look confirms his suspicions that this is not another Autobot when he finds himself staring up into a red visor.
And then, he's thrown away.
The boy screams as he feels himself flying through the air, a collision once more driving the air out of his lungs, though a softer one this time.
Something wraps itself around his torso, binding him to whatever he's sitting on, before a light weight falls on his lap.
And then, he hears the whining of a plane's turbines, just before the click of the orange canopy closing mutes it.
"You try anything on him, and we'll see how well you fly." A well known though threateningly low voice fills the cockpit of the F-15 Falcon as the boy is pushed against the seat at the sudden acceleration.
Scared out of his wits, Spike can only clutch whatever is on his lap closer to his chest in search for comfort.
When he feels the rectangular form and sharp angles, the boy risks a look down, and pales at the confirmation his eyes give him.
Slightly dusty brown because of the desert sand, Soundwave is, nevertheless, easily recognizable.
Gulping nervously, the teenager relaxes his grip on the dark blue and white cassette player, but holds it firmly.
He really doesn't want to be thrown out of Starscream's cockpit.
What feels like an hour later, he feels the invisible force pressing him against the seat grow weaker and, an instant later, the seat belts have retracted and Spike finds himself falling through empty air.
His scream doesn't have time to grow to more than a squeak before he lands on a servo, but the dark faceplates and red optics staring down at him are anything but reassuring.
It only takes a second for Spike's fear to turn to confusion when he realizes that Starscream is looking amused, small smirk included.
"You can release Soundwave now."
The teenager blushes brightly when he realizes he's been clutching the cassette player tightly against his chest, as if to protect it from the impact.
The instant he releases his tight grip on it, it seems to fly to the Seeker's side while enlarging and changing shape.
A muffled thud later, the Decepticon Communications Officer stands next to the Air Commander, his emotionless face staring down at the human with his visor orangish-red.
With a softness he wasn't expecting, Starscream puts the boy on the ground before straightening, his amusement nowhere to be seen.
Spike takes a quick look around, seeing only more desert and no sign of any recognizable features all around them, before turning to the two Cybertronian.
Two. Only two.
No sign of Cassettes or other Seekers, even if they may be in Soundwave's chest compartment or flying too high for him to see.
Nevertheless, they are two too many, and those he really hoped he wouldn't see, to boot.
He's grown too relaxed this past week.
Before giving them another instant to squish him, even if he's not sure why they wanted to take him away for that, Spike gathers his courage and looks them in the eyes.
Er, optics and visor.
"I'm sorry." His voice sounds strong, but when the Decepticons don't react, he feels his confidence slowly evaporate, leaving him hunching a bit into himself and twiddling his thumbs in nervousness. "I—I didn't know anything about Decepticon hierarchy, and I didn't mean to imply anything with what I said, I just… I was curious and I didn't really understand what they were telling me, but Ratchet and Hound and Jazz explained afterward, and I realized I'd been really wrong and drawn all the wrong conclusions, because I was thinking more about how we humans reproduce since I didn't know anything about Cybertronian and—" He stops and takes a deep breath, feeling as if chocking after his rambling, but, before he can continue, he looks up at the Decepticons.
Starscream looks amused again, and Soundwave's visor is an orange color that, along his slightly tilted helm, make him look either curious or amused, too.
"Uh… Yeah, that. I'm sorry I made it sound like you two weren't where you are because of yourselves."
To Spike's astonishment, both of them nod.
"Looks like you were updated with the proper information, then." The Seeker muses out loud, his smirk widening in a gesture that, surprisingly, isn't as much threatening as it is satisfied.
The human jumps back all the same when Soundwave kneels down, never looking away from the human with his now usual red visor.
The teenager doubts a bit before deciding not to move, not knowing what to make of it all.
"Assumption: Erroneous. Suggestion: Never assume." The Communications Officer explains patiently, his usual monotone sounding strangely soothing, to the boy's confusion.
"Which is why you asked that back then, according to Laserbeak. Only, it wasn't the right question." Starscream adds nonchalantly, plating tingling in a Cybertronian shrug. "You should always ask, even if your questions may not be answered, but at least this way the other party knows you aren't knowledgeable about the subject, which helps identify possible misunderstandings."
"Laserbeak: Replayed full conversation. Human knowledge: Flawed and lacking. Situation: Misunderstanding." Soundwave adds, and Spike realizes, at last, that they aren't angry.
If they have heard the whole talk, they know the teenager knew nothing, and what he was explained. They realize it was a misunderstanding, and so are… trying to help?
"So you are… giving me tips so that this doesn't happen again." To the boy's astonishment, both of them nod. "Why?"
"Human: In need of explanation. Misunderstandings: Not enjoyable."
"In short, we don't want more idiocy spread around because of something easily solved." Starscream summarizes, tilting his helm with his optics strangely darker. "So, be sure to ask about all the details of any process or situation before starting to ask about individuals."
Spike nods, once more surprised at the lack of threat in both their voices and stances, his own hunched and fearful position relaxing.
"Will do." The Decepticons nod once more and, feeling bolder, and perhaps still stunned by everything, he finds himself speaking before he can stop himself. "Is Laserbeak your creation?"
The Seeker's engine rumbles, but it is in an amused snort-like equivalent, while Soundwave turns a darkened visor to his fellow mech before looking back at Spike.
"Negative. Laserbeak: Split spark creation." He answers calmly, the red gaze as bright as usual, and the boy nods.
"And the others?"
"Buzzsaw and Ratbat: Split spark creations. Ravage, Frenzy and Rumble: Spark-merge creations. Co-creator: Deactivated, unknown to Autobots." The Communications Officer answers easily, to the teenager's astonishment.
He wasn't really expecting an answer to his carelessly asked question.
"So, do you have any creations?" Starscream's calm visage turns quickly to a snarl at his inquiry, optics bright and dangerous, and Spike flinches back.
When he sees that, the Seeker forces his faceplates back into stoicism, crossing his arms over his chest plates.
Soundwave tilts his head with his visor flashing orange at that, but the Air Commander doesn't seem to pay attention to the subtle gesture.
"That is not of your incumbency." He answers, voice low and raspy, though not exactly threatening.
Glad he's avoided being squished once more, the boy nods.
"Sorry." The Seeker lets out a huff, looking away, and the Communications Officer turns back to the human.
"Questions: Must be asked. Answers: May not be given. Apologies: Unnecessary." Tilting his head in curiosity, Spike muses over that for a bit before nodding again.
"Alright. Uh, what are you going to do with me now?" He asks tremulously, and Soundwave finally gets back to his feet as Starscream uncrosses his arms.
"Do we look like we want a human pet?" The Seeker answers with a scowl, not giving the teenager another look before transforming, cockpit opening and engines still turned off. "Now, we get rid of you."
For a second, Spike stiffens, afraid that they're just going to go away and leave him alone in the desert, with no one knowing where he is.
But then, Soundwave grabs him once more and puts him down in the jet's seat, where the seat belts quickly envelop him.
A second later, he finds himself with a cassette player once more on his lap and the orange canopy closed, flying over the desert.
This time, he feels calm enough to look outside and enjoy the view, the canyons they pass over so fast that they're barely stripes of black or darker red, or even blue and green, and the occasional cloud over them, since they aren't flying all that high.
And then, a certain volcano becomes visible, and Spike finds himself smiling—
And laughing loudly when Starscream approaches to a safe distance from where the Ark is protruding from the mountain side, and Ironhide and Trailbreaker's gobsmacked expressions come into view, both Autobots quickly straightening from where they were calmly leaning against the rocks, weapons charged and on the Decepticon, but not firing.
"Aw, I should have brought my leather jacket. That would have been the coolest thing ever." The boy moans softly as their speed decreases and they softly touch down.
"Query: To resemble a military officer." Soundwave asks, to the teenager's surprise, though he quickly recovers.
"Yes. I am Commander Spike Witwicky, head of Skywatch." He answers with a big smirk, and he hears snickering come through the speakers before the seat belts retract and the canopy opens.
Spike gets up, puts the cassette player on the seat, where the belts quickly secure him, and climbs out, landing on a wing before jumping down.
At the once more stupidly surprised expressions on the mechs faces, the boy snickers to himself.
"I'm gonna send my pigeons to the sky, where they can fly hiiiiiigh!" The teenager startles at the sudden music, turning quickly to the jet before a harsh rumble of the turbines and the sudden closing of the cockpit mutes it.
"Later, Commander!" Starscream's voice calls as the craft gets off the ground thanks to the anti-gravs, blasting away with the Seeker's usual speed after a blink.
When the dust finally settles, Spike turns to the Autobots—
And falls down laughing.
AN: I. Don't. Know. What. I'm. Doing.
What the Pit?! What happened here?! How did the chapter become this?! And how did I manage to get more headcanons out of headcanons?! This is like a game of Minesweeper, you uncover one cell, and you suddenly find yourself with a whole quarter of the area cleared for you to view all the juicy points... I don't want to know what happens when I find the bombs...
*Points accusingly to doe-eyed plot bunny* This story wasn't supposed to go this way! It was supposed to be a series of shots, some humorous and some darker, not turn into a completely independent story! *Plot bunny turns Totoro-sized and smiles widely as it gives a bear hug*
*Sigh* Guess I'm doomed to have all my stories get out of my hands, after all...
Sorry, forgot about this: The song is I'm gonna send my pigeons to the sky, by Golden Earring.
And, to those who noticed/are interested, the reason I didn't write a question mark after the 'Query: To resemble a military officer' is because Soundwave has already stated it's a query. You see, if he speaks always in a monotone, with barely any inflection, the sentence wouldn't sound like a question, which is why he adds 'query' before it (and why he's always 'suggestion', 'query', etc). That's another HC of mine, to explain why Soundwave speaks the way he does.