Though I haven't uploaded anything there yet, I do plan on publishing a few of my original stories on fictionpress pretty soon. I would really appreciate it if you guys checked for stories and told me what you think,(even though it will take me a year and a half to post anything *shot*) thank you!
When John's most recent girlfriend, Debbie, walked into the flat she was confused by the sight she saw.
Her boyfriend's flatmate had his feet up on the kitchen table, scowling like a child and attempting to stab John with his fork.
"Um...good morning..." She said it like it was a question rather than a statement, and Sherlock's eyes flicked up and stared at her with shock as though he hadn't heard her come in. His shock quickly turned into a glare as he pulled the offending fork up his sleeve as though he was hiding it to shank someone later.
"Oh, good morning." John's eyes lit up at the sight of Debbie, and he kissed her on the cheek. Following her stare to Sherlock he rolled his eyes with a light chuckle.
"Oh don't mind him. He's not allowed to leave the table until he eats his breakfast." He explained, causing more confusion then he ended.
"...I see?" She giggled nervously, still feeling the heat of Sherlock's glare. Sherlock stared at her a moment longer before turning to John again.
"Ridiculous. How am I supposed to get any work done?" He pouted.
"Try eating. You could be done faster if you just ate." John scolded. "Debbie and I are going out, I'll be back later."
Sherlock rolled his eyes in response, pulling the concealed fork out of his sleeve and spinning it around in his pale white fingers. In a matter of seconds the over-eager John had left with his latest date. Sherlock waited a full thirty seconds, then he sprang into action.
First he deposited the contents of his breakfast plate into the trash.
Second he ran to the window, phone in hand, to watch John walk away with that...woman.
It didn't take long to think up a basic text to send, with a flick of his wrist he opened a text message and wrote quick message.
Bored
-SH
Then he peered out the window to watch his plan unfold.
John had been about to take Debbie's hand when his phone went off, and Sherlock allowed himself a small smile at the doctor's usual shocked reaction to his phone. He always acted as though the faint buzzing of the mobile was a gunshot ringing in his ears...although that was understandable.
As the soldier pulled his phone out of his pocket with the usual apologetic sigh his hand brushed against something cool and metallic in his pocket. With a puzzled look on his face he tossed the phone to the other hand and reached into his pocket to withdraw...
...a diamond earring.
Sherlock turned from the window, his work was done. Debbie being the naturally jealous type would see the earring and leap to the assumption that John had been seeing another woman. John was now single again.
Sherlock had begun his personal mission to sabotage John's dates just a few months ago, of course he usually did that without trying but...
It was inexcusable how John kept bringing home this absolute idiots! It wasn't that Sherlock didn't want John to have his own personal life, it was just that John couldn't be trusted to pick the right girl! Constantly he paraded these whorish and dull women past Sherlock, as if he wasn't even there...
Clearly he knew that John would never choose him as a romantic partner, seeing as he declared quite loudly on many an occasion that he had no interest in the matter. Sherlock himself has thought he had no interest in the matter until just a few months ago...
He would concede defeat to none but the best woman, and so all the weaker links had to be weeded out.
One date full of couple's squabbling later John shuffled back into the flat with a look of dejection on his face.
"Do you have any idea where this came from?" John asked, exasperatedly displaying the earring. Sherlock gave a vague shrug, pretending to be more interested in the book on dissection that sat in his lap.
John sighed again, dropping the earring on the table in front of him.
"Broken up with Carolyn?"
"Yep. Well deduced." John's voice dripped with sarcasm, and Sherlock nearly smirked at that. " It was Debbie by the way not that it matters. Did you eat?" John asked.
"Yes. Of course, John. You told me to." Sherlock feigned innocence.
"So that's a no then?" John chuckled, standing up and moving to Sherlock's side where he ruffled the detective's hair affectionately. "I'll make you dinner. You better eat this time."
Sherlock turned his head to the side to hide his blush, it was becoming progressively harder to remain impartial in this sabotage business. The more time he spent around John the more he wanted John for himself...
Three weeks.
Three weeks was all it took for John to find another boring woman to spend his time with.
Damn his attractive features.
Her name was Jeanne, but Sherlock chose to forget her name as soon as he met her. He began with the usual observation of her less becoming features. Usually having pointed out her ridiculous breast implants would have been enough to send a girl running for the door but John's usual apologetic nature had kept her around.
Damn him.
He would have to pull out all the stops. What could he do to rid John of this...parasite? She seemed practically impervious to all of his other techniques, Sherlock bet he could plant another woman's underwear in the sheets of John's bed and she'd ignore it.
Sherlock listened to the happy couple giggling as they walked up the stairs. Strange, normally John brought his dates home before he returned, seeing as most of them couldn't stand up to his moody flatmate. Perhaps he was counting on this girl's complete ignorance to shield her.
Sherlock waited until he could hear them just outside the door, they were saying the most nauseating things to each other.
Honestly...what is the appeal in this type of couple? The detective groaned inwardly. If only John wasn't so dead set against being with a man. If only Sherlock had a chance, he could show John a relationship full of excitement and intelligence as opposed to nights at home watching reality tv shows or talking with her relatives about boring pointless things...
Finally Sherlock could stand it no longer. This girl who had stood up to all of his usual tricks was about to get the shock of her life. Using this technique would require outing at least half of his plan to John, but that was easy enough. Fake a story about needing him for work or hating his girlfriends-that much was true.
He could do this and still pretend he had no interest in John.
Sherlock walked to the door with determination and swung it open, surprising the two people currently kissing on the doorstep.
"Hello, Sherlock." John gave what most men would recognize as the "get lost I'm trying to get some" stare. Clearly that stare's effect was lost on Sherlock. Instead of ducking back into the flat with an apology so John could continue necking with the horrible woman, Sherlock leaned forward and grabbed John by the arm to pull him into a kiss.
Before John could argue, blush and deny the state of his sexuality, or even question what Sherlock was doing the detective had ushered him into the flat and turned his glare on the woman.
"You are not needed here." He stated simply, then he slammed the door in her face.
Did he feel guilty about that? No, of course not.
For one, he never felt guilty about that sort of thing. No matter how often people told him it was wrong. Two, he was too busy staring at the door and trying to brace himself for John's reaction.
"Ahem." He heard John clear his throat, he was tapping his foot against the ground in an expectant manner like a parent awaiting the explanation of a child who'd just been discovered drawing on the walls. "Sherlock? Planning on turning around anytime soon?"
Sherlock turned with a sheepish look on his face, ready for anything.
Anything except John grabbing him by the hips and kissing him back.
Sherlock reacted quickly, pulling back with surprise and a red face. John was clearly holding back laughter, just barely, his mouth turned upwards in a small grin.
"If you're going to kiss someone, you should mean it. I do hope you don't plan on pulling away anymore." He teased.
Sherlock's questioning gaze begged for an explanation, though he clearly wasn't recovered enough for words yet. Luckily John read his expression well enough to know what he wanted.
"Sherlock, you might think you're the only one in the world that can read people and you might think you're mysterious and clever...but you're like an open book to me." He chuckled. "Did you really think I had no idea you were behind all of my break ups?"
"...that's impossible, how did you know?" Sherlock gasped.
"Because I was setting you up to set me up." John replied. "Did you honestly think I would go out with girls like that? I was giving you such perfect reasons to step in, and all you did was break us up in little subtle ways. Clearly Jeanne did the trick though."
"...I'm afraid I don't understand, John." Sherlock's brow furrowed.
"Ah, for once the great detective is baffled." John kissed his cheek. "Just know that I think you're cute when you're jealous, but that you won't ever have to be jealous again."