Though in the gloom of night she could barely see past the end of her aquiline nose, Aranea somehow managed to make out the shape of a certain rainbow drinker's hive and identify it as such. Her cerulean Mary Janes had taken her this far from the library, but their job could only be done from here with her heart and brain's allowance, which she wasn't sure they would give. Her logic argued with her own promise to herself, her heart not sure which side to take.
Risk being broken in a cold rejection, that she felt she somehow deserved, or stay under the weight of it all and slowly break on its own.
Finally, convoluted logic took a bow and stepped out of the internal argument, leaving the heart and promise of a would-be pirate to their own devices. Aranea's shoes once again stepped and she felt the nervous sensations begin low in her stomach and, much like the butterflies they were nicknamed for, flutter up through her chest and in through the cracks of her porcelain heart. Their wings brushed her mind free of any doubt that this was what she needed to do and beat at the inside of her heart, hitting in time to echo out in to the night and through her ears as a hard, almost fearful heart beat.
The beat of her delicate hand raising from its leaden spot at her side to rap tentatively at the black painted surface of Porrim's door.
The beat of the heels clicking down the entrance hallway after a moment's pause, Aranea's arms back at her sides and her hands in front of her stomach, wringing in an attempt to keep the butterflies out.
With an especially loud thud of her heart, the door smoothly opened to show the rainbow drinker who lived there, undeniably tired and certainly not as grand as Aranea last recalled her but still every bit as lovely. Porrim's surprise was written across her face, brows arched and lips parted ever so slightly in the beginnings of a hello that was cut off as soon as she saw who she was about to greet. She stood slightly behind the door, as it was only open a crack and she was still wearing the dress she'd put on from the floor of the stranger's hive after having thrown it there. She slowly opened the door further, moving out so as not to be hiding from her past come to haunt her. Though she stood straight, it was clear to Aranea that the weight sat upon Porrim too.
"Do forgive me, dear, but I'm a little in awe to see you standing on my step. So long without a word, and suddenly you're at my hive?" Though said in a light tone and with a soft chuckle at their closing, the words carried with them such a notable hint of hurt that Aranea nearly winced. Porrim was never one to let others see the side of her that was upset, annoyed, angry, sad, or otherwise. The face she wore for the public was not the same sullen, sorry expression that disgraced her lovely face in the privacy of her own hive. But Aranea knew. She knew what lay beneath the mask of serenity, and knew that was exactly what she was looking at. A mask.
"Porrim I'm terribly sorry to intrude, were you in the middle of anything? I'd really hate to interrupt, but it's rather important that I speak to you. Well not in the grand scheme of things but erm... To me. It's rather important to me that we speak." She managed to get her words out without too much visible trouble, the ever-fluttering butterflies beating new cracks in the porcelain, her fear of being tossed aside making itself more than known in her mind. A part of her wished she would be, perhaps then the weight would finally break her and she wouldn't have to feel any longer. The majority of Aranea, however, hoped with each little bit that could hope that she would be accepted.
Porrim, on the other hand, was still terribly confused. The half of her that longed to help her friends was at was with the half of her that loved but feared Aranea, a battle to decide what she would do. Common sense won out in the end, after all if it was important enough to show up at an ex matesprit's door in the middle of the night it must be fairly crucial. "Of course, I hadn't anything planned. I was merely surprised to see you here at such an hour. Shall we head inside and warm up, or were you intent on catching a chill?" She smiled and pushed down the urge rising in her chest to either cry or close the door and lie down on the floor. With visible effort, she smiled a little more warmly and stepped backwards in to the house as a wordless invitation.
One slow, hesitant step at a time, Aranea set foot in Porrim's hive for the first time in sweeps. Though most everything seemed to look the same as it had before, there was an overwhelming sense of unfamiliar recognition for each thing she saw. The bouquet of preserved roses on the coffee table, littered with trinkets and an empty wine glass and bottle. The simple black rug in front of the fireplace, looking as though it hadn't been moved or sat on in quite a long time and the brick lining the fireplace chalky with soot but cold and unused. She took it all in and shuddered, though not visibly, at how odd things become after one is out of touch with them for a period of time. Returning to Porrim's hive felt to her like she'd walked in to her own home had it been uninhabited for ten sweeps and all of her possessions had been replaced with perfect copies.
"Thank you, Porrim. Again, I'm terribly sorry to bother you at this hour." She stood a little awkwardly at the side of Porrim's sofa, waiting for her to direct her to sit, stay standing, leave, do something to save her from looking like a fool as she undeniably did at the moment. With a dismissive wave of her hand, Porrim closed the door and walked around the couch to take a seat, crossing her legs and patting the spot beside her.
"Not at all, dear, now do come have a seat." Aranea gave a curt little nod and slowly lowered herself to the black suede cushion of the couch, the spot she used to occupy regularly with her head resting on Porrim's chest and their fingers intertwined lovingly. She sighed quietly at the thought, a short pang of remorse shooting through her chest, a glimmering dagger among the butterflies at the pit of her stomach. "Would you care for a cup of tea? Or I've got wine if you'd prefer something more along those lines. Anything at all?" Porrim asked gently, trying to distract herself from their shared thought of how things used to be more than anything. Despite how dim the glow of her heart had become in recent days, the thought combined with Aranea's presence made it flood with cold white light, still empty though somehow much more fulfilled with the mere sight of her. It ached beneath her ribs, demanding to let the light show and being suffocated before the demand could be completed by Porrim once again suppressing her emotions for the sake of another.
"No, I think I'm alright. Thank you. If you'd like to get something for yourself then please do, because I'd like to speak without interruption when I finally work myself up to doing so." Though harsh in her wording, Aranea's voice was gentle as she spoke and prompted Porrim to tell Aranea that she'd be back in a moment before wandering off to the kitchen, once again leaving Aranea with her private thoughts that wouldn't be private for a great deal longer. Part of her, a very large part in fact, screamed at her to flee silently whilst Porrim was in the other room but a slightly larger part that wished for nothin more than to tell it all won out. Her nerves were all alight with anxiety and fear, excitement and amorous joy, pain and sorrow. The cacophony of sensation within her left her entire body thrumming and vibrating in time with the beat of the butterfly wings slowly dying off within her and being replaced with the electric pulsing of her trillions of nerves. Finally, she came back down to herself and took a slow, uneasy breath, letting it out quietly through her nose just as Porrim reentered with a steaming cup of tea, more than a little confused and beginning to dread the words to come.
"Have you erm... Have you figured yourself out, dear? I certainly hope I'm not the cause of such nervous behaviour, and should I be the cause I'm terribly sorry."
"Yes. Yes I believe I'm quite ready." She sighed and finally met Porrim's eyes for a moment, her own glistening with unshed tears, before casting them down again to stare at her folded hands in her lap. With a final shaky breath, she let out eight sweeps worth of pent up thoughts. "Porrim I'm certain you recall what happened that night and I'm certain you know which night I speak of when I say this."
Porrim nodded, keeping any comments to herself and swallowing the lump in her throat with a mouthful of too hot tea.
"I remember that night and each event of it as if they happened just a moment ago and I must say I've never regretted something quite so much in the entire time I've existed, alive or dead. In saying that, I don't mean I regret our relationship or the love I had for you." She had to pause a moment to recover her voice after the short four letter word that danced along the blade of the dagger in her stomach, bursting at its sharp edge and echoing out in to a new generations of butterflies with far more courage but laced with fear that made her blood run cold as ice. "I mean to tell you that I regret terminating it with so little cause and not telling you that I loved you more than anything or anyone I'd ever loved before."
At that, Porrim couldn't stop the bright and beautiful glow of her heart shining out through her eyes in the form of glittering twin tears rolling silently down her cheeks. Her hands shook enough that she was forced to set down the teacup to which she was clinging, and though her fangs dug in to her full lower lip, she couldn't stop its faint quivering as she wondered where Aranea could possibly be going with her speech.
"And though sweeps have passed and others have moved on with the ever changing bubbles, I still feel the same. Heaven knows I've tried and failed to move on more times than Cronus has tried to help me move on, bottom feeding wretch that he is. My point is, Porrim, that I have not and never will cease to be completely and undeniably in love with you."
A tiny whimper from the jadeblood was almost enough to break her stride, but she knew that if she looked up and had to relive her ex matesprit's jade tinted tears, she'd join her in weeping and never finish what she wanted to say.
"I love you and I'm sorry. I can't say how much of what I did has made you suffer, if anything at all, but I'm sorry for any grief I've caused you and for not saying this all sooner. My own stubbornness gets the best of me and I know it's no excuse but it's the only one I have for behaving like such a child. Porrim you meant... You mean the world to me, and I couldn't go on without you knowing that for one more moment, hence this ridiculous little late night visit."
Cerulean tears of her own rolled down Aranea's cheeks and she gave a half sob half laugh in disbelief, the weight finally removed from her heart and the butterflies flying free from its cracks in to the dark open air of Porrim's hive, carrying with them each longing gaze shot at Porrim from a distance and each late night spent in the library with her journal. They were free and Aranea was much the same, save for the dagger in her stomach that only Porrim could remove or drive in deeper.
As she looked up to gauge Porrim's reaction, she was shocked to see that while Porrim was indeed crying freely, a wide smile graced her lips for the first time, the first genuine time, in ages.