After how dark that last chapter was, there's a nice little reward for you all in this chapter. ;) Thanks again to everyone for the amazing comments I'm getting in reviews and PMs. Let me know what you think of this chapter. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue.

Chapter 5

A month went by and Andy continued to see her therapist and make progress. She convinced Sam to go back to work full time and even spoke to Oliver about what she would need to do before returning to work herself.

Sam shoved quarters into the vending machine at the station when Oliver walked up to him. "Hey, brother."

The detective punched a couple buttons to make his selection before turning toward his friend. "Hey man, thanks for assigning Diaz to me today. He's been a great help cracking this vandalism case," Sam said, referring to case he'd been working for a week without much progress.

"Let me know if you need him again tomorrow," Oliver said as the friends began walking down the hall. "I think he likes working with you."

The feeling was mutual. "There are times when I see a lot of similarities to me at his age. I enjoy working with him."

Oliver liked hearing that about one of his former rookies. Chris had always shown a lot of promise, but had yet to find his niche within the department. It looked like maybe that was finally happening. "How's McNally doing?" Oliver asked, changing the subject to another former rookie.

"She's good, uh, continuing to make progress. She still gets spooked, but we're working through it," Sam replied, tearing open the candy bar he held.

Oliver led them into the kitchen so he could grab a coffee, and Sam pulled out a chair at one of the tables and sat down. "She's strong, that one. Not sure I've ever seen anything like it," Oliver said. "She, uh, asked me about coming back to work."

Sam nodded, already knowing she'd done that. "She talked to me about it."

It didn't surprise Oliver they'd discussed it before she came to him. "There's a lot that needs to happen - her therapist will need to sign off, she'll have to get back out at the gun range, pass a physical test." He stopped rattling off the list of things because Sam would know the process. He sat down across from his friend. "But I told her we could start the process if she thought she was ready."

"She's trying to return to normal, but…" Sam fidgeted with candy car in his hands before breaking off a piece.

Oliver saw concern in his friend's eyes and needed to know if there was something he had to consider when reinstating Andy. "But what?"

Sam ran his tongue along his teeth. He wanted her back on the job as much as she wanted to be back, to return to normal life, but he was worried. She'd improved so much since she first got back, but he was worried that out on patrol something would spook her. "She still gets startled when people touch her. Not all the time and it's better, but it's still happening, especially with people she doesn't know."

"You know I won't put her on patrol until she's ready, Sam. She's like a daughter to me. I can stick her on desk until I think she's okay to be out there. And when she is, I'll pair her with Diaz or Epstein, someone we know will have her back," Oliver reassured his friend. "We can ease her back in."

Sam rubbed a hand over his face. "She'll hate riding the desk," he said, pushing out a small chuckle.

"She'll get through it. We all will." Oliver took a sip of his coffee. "How are you doing with everything?"

"Me? I'm fine," Sam replied before taking a bite of his candy bar.

Oliver quirked his eyebrows. "You forget I know you almost as good as McNally does. This has to be taking a toll on you too."

Sam let out a sigh. "It hasn't been a walk in the park. But I have her back. She's alive. And she's letting me help her get through this now." They were quiet and contemplative for a moment before he spoke again. "No matter what all this has done to me, it doesn't compare remotely to what McNally's been through. That's all that matters to me, that we can get her through this recovery."

Oliver reached over and patted his friend's shoulder. "She's lucky to have you."

"We're lucky to have each other."

They heard Oliver's name come over the loudspeaker as he was paged for a phone call. "Apparently, work beckons. Give Andy my love, okay? And she can stop in anytime to start the paperwork on coming back."

"I will."

Andy closed the door of the townhouse behind her when she came back from a run with Boo. She leaned down and unhooked his leash. "Good job, boy," she said, petting down his back. "Weren't sure if you could keep up with me on those tiny legs."

She tossed her keys on the table near the door and headed to the kitchen with Boo at her heels. She filled his bowl with cold water, which he eagerly lapped up as she grabbed a bottle of water for herself. She leaned back against the counter and took a long swig. She'd pushed herself today, ran an extra two miles and her body was feeling it.

She'd been trying to work off this extra energy she had bottled up inside, partly due to events of the night before. She and Sam had started being intimate again, but they hadn't had sex. She finally got past the feeling of being so damaged Sam wouldn't want to touch her that way again. But now it was the fear that horrible memories would surface that kept her from doing anything more than making out.

And last night, they'd both gotten pretty worked up before she cracked.

Lying in bed, Sam and Andy were kissing and gently caressing each other, as things started to become more passionate. Andy wanted more with Sam again, so instead of falling victim to her fears - which happened many times before - she showed Sam she wanted to take it further. She slid her hands up his chest, raising his shirt along the way until she pulled it over his head.

Their lips met again and it was another few minutes before Sam removed her shirt and tossed it aside, and that's when it happened. It happened in a flash, like a burst of lightning. Behind her closed eyes were images of Jonah tearing her clothes off. It was gone in a second, but Andy began hyperventilating. "Stop. Stop. Stop," she muttered, and gently pushed at Sam's shoulder.

He immediately rolled onto his side, his chest up against her side, but giving her the space she needed. He cupped her cheek trying to soothe her and calm her down. "Hey, sweetheart, it's just me. It's just you and me."

Her own hand flew up to rub over her face. "Dammit," she growled angrily. Not at Sam, but at herself. Her fears had come true, that the memories of her torture would haunt her forever.

"You okay?" he asked when her breathing started to regulate.

"No." She pressed her eyes closed to stop the tears from flowing.

He reached behind him to grab his shirt - he wasn't really sure where hers landed - and handed it over to her when she opened her eyes again. She shook her head as she pulled the shirt on. "I hate this."

He didn't have to ask what happened. He knew from the way she reacted. "It's going to take time."

"I hate time."

"And space, I know," he said, before kissing the tip of her nose. "We can take this as slow as you need to."

She rolled onto her side, her back against his chest, and squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to let any tears come out. Sam settled up against her and wrapped his arm around her waist. "I love you," she whispered, laying her arm over his. "I love you so much."

"And I will always love you," he said. He watched over her until she fell asleep, before finally allowing himself to succumb to sleep.

Boo hitting his food bowl against the wall as he nudged his nose in it brought Andy back to reality. She sat down on the floor next to him and leaned back against the wall. "What am I supposed to do, Boo?"

The dog sensed her distress and abandoned his food and water to come to her side. He rested his head on her thigh and she smiled as she ruffled his ears. "How am I supposed to have sex with Sam again if I keep having these flashbacks? And I really need to. I mean, unless I want to start running a marathon every morning." Boo lifted his head only long enough to bark and Andy laughed. "I know, I know. I put you through enough today."

She took a sip of water as she thought about her situation. "It's not fair to Sam to put him through this. I know he says he'll wait as long as I need to, but I don't want to. I want to feel his hands all over me. I want to feel him inside me. I want…." She hit her head back against the wall. The energy she worked off in her run was erased as images of Sam making love to her ran through her head.

"That's it," she nearly yelled as she sat up straight. Her sudden outburst had Boo jumping up, his tail wagging furiously. "I'm going to work with Dr. Dwyer to get past this. I don't care what I have to do to train my brain, my subconscious, that Sam is not those monsters. What those monsters did was full of hate. What Sam does is full of love."

At some point during her speech to herself, Boo, propped his front paws on her leg and the tip of his nose nudged at her chin. It wasn't until she looked down at him she felt the tears that had streamed down her face. She wasn't sure if they were from sadness or relief.

She'd had different breakthroughs during her recovery and this felt like another. She was full of determination and hoped Dr. Dwyer might be able to help her at their scheduled session tomorrow.

More than a week went by and Dr. Dwyer gave Andy some suggestions on how to overpower her mind to help prevent the images from popping up when she didn't want them to. Sam was being his amazing self and not pushing Andy. They'd kept things fairly PG since the night she freaked out, but she was feeling more confident. She decided the next time the moment seemed right, she wanted to try again with Sam.

Andy was doing laundry when Sam called her after his shift. She heard the door of his truck close in the background and could tell from the tone of his voice that his day hadn't been easy.

"Rough day?" she asked softly.

"Yeah."

"Dinner in bed kinda night?"

"Sounds great. Pizza and beer?" he asked, and she could hear the roar of his truck as he started it up.

"Perfect."

"Alright, I'll be home in a little bit."

By the time Sam arrived home, pizza in hand, Andy had changed into her pajamas, set a couple of beers on their nightstands, and grabbed paper plates and some napkins from the kitchen. Sam's lips curved into his first real smile of the day when he walked in on Andy laying his pajamas on the bed, so they were ready for him.

"Hey," she said, turning around when she felt his presence. "Wanna talk about it?"

He handed the box of pizza to her before shedding his jacket and shoes. "A group of runaways got mixed up in drugs," he told her as he began to change his clothes. "There was an accidental overdose and a suicide. It was a mess."

She put the pizza on the bed before wrapping her arms around him and letting him relax against her. "I'm sorry."

"It was just a long day," he said, holding her tight, relieved he had her to come home to after days like today.

They finally climbed into bed, sitting up against the headboard as they ate and watched TV. An hour later, Andy collected their plates and tossed them on the pizza box, which was now on the floor next to their bed. Boo was downstairs asleep in his bed, so she wasn't worried about him trying to eat the leftover pizza.

She watched him for a moment as his eyes were focused on the TV, and reminded herself how lucky she was. She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his temple, but before she could pull away, he turned his head and captured her lips with his. They scooted down the bed until they were lying on their sides, with his hand lost in her hair as he cupped the back of her head, and hers palming up and down his chest.

As their kisses became more passionate, Andy felt a tug deep inside her. She didn't want this to end. She felt tonight was the night. She was still scared, but felt ready.

She pulled her shirt up and over her head as Sam sucked in a breath and his eyes widened. "Andy…" Her name came out breathlessly with a hint of warning.

She shook her head and pulled his face towards hers, silencing anything else with a kiss. He momentarily lost himself again before his mind started working overtime. He only had so much self-restraint once they past a certain point and the last time they'd tried this, Andy had rolled away nearly in tears. He wasn't sure either of them could handle that again.

"Hey...hey." He pulled back just enough to be able to look her in the eyes. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes," she said without hesitation. "I can't hide beneath my fears forever."

She gently pushed him onto his back and straddled him before quickly leaning down, letting her hair cascade around them as she kissed him. He ran his hands up and down her sides as he responded eagerly to her kisses. The heat between them was scorching but Sam insisted on going slow. He wanted to make sure Andy was truly alright with this and let her take the lead.

Andy knew he was treating her so fragile because of her reaction the last time they'd gotten this far, but she wanted him to enjoy this, not constantly be worried about her. He deserved to get lost in her as much as she wanted to get lost in him. She sat up, grinding into him as she did, and he let out guttural groan that had her grinning smugly.

Locking her eyes on his, she reached behind her and unhooked her bra, letting it fall down her arms before she tossed it aside. She took one of Sam's hands and brought it to her breast. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh at the warmth of his skin against hers.

His hand caressed her, but when she opened her eyes she still saw hesitation in his, and his other hand hadn't moved from her hip. "I want this, Sam. I'm ready. I want you to make love to me. Remind me what love is," she told him.

He sat up, and with hands on her back, he rolled them so she was underneath him. "You're sure you're ready, really ready?" he asked.

She nodded. "I feel safe with you. I know you won't hurt me. I need to know what this feels like again," she said, motioning her hand between them.

He lowered his head and softly took her lips in his. She ran her hands down his back and grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head as their lips parted briefly. His hands caressed her body, smoothing over her skin as if she were porcelain and one hard move would break her. The sounds coming from her and the way she arched into his touch told him she was okay, more than okay really.

Pushing himself up on his knees, his hands slowly pulled on the string of her pajama bottoms, giving her plenty of time to stop him if she decided she wasn't ready for this after all. Instead, she beamed a smile at him, encouraging him to continue, while her heart beat rapidly in anticipation. It was like this was their first time all over again. He removed her remaining clothes before tossing his own aside, and hovered over her again.

"I love you," she said softly as one hand slid up and down his chest, her other fingers threading through the hair at the base of his neck.

He stared lovingly at her as his fingers grazed the side of her face. He needed to give himself a moment because he realized in this instant she was giving her entire self to him, opening up all of her trust in him. He knew she'd been fighting to feel this comfortable with him throughout her entire recovery. It was no lie that he'd missed making love to her, but this moment was about so much more than that for the both of them.

"I love you, McNally."

Not wanting to wait any longer, she pulled him even closer so their lips could find each other. Sam was gentle and made love to her with a slow sweetness that had Andy feeling a high better than any drug she'd been pumped with. She was coming down from her orgasm when tears rolled down her cheeks. Sam was nearing his own release, but stopped suddenly. "Shit," he cursed, thinking he'd done something to hurt her. "I'm sorry."

Her eyes flew open and her hands framed his face. "No, no. Sam, it's not like that. God, no," she said, trying to find the right words to explain her tears. She was filled with love and pleasure and ecstasy, and realized she didn't have to fear that what happened to her would prevent her from fully showing her love to the man she couldn't live without. "This was wonderful. You make me feel amazing. You make me feel alive. Don't stop, please."

He still hesitated, but she quickly brought his mouth to hers to show him she didn't want him to stop. It took another moment of convincing, but he soon picked up where they left off and found his own release.

"You knew what I needed every step of the way," Andy said later, when they were lying in bed with the blankets wrapped around them. Her head was on his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat, with an arm wrapped around his abdomen. He was absentmindedly drawing patterns on her back with his fingers as he listened to her.

Tonight was more than just sex for the couple. It was symbolic of another milestone in her recover, a breakthrough Andy feared might never happen. But Sam had provided the exact comfort and support she needed every step of the way. And Andy finally realized that her trauma didn't have to dictate her life; that she and Sam could be like any other 'normal' couple. "I don't know how I would have gotten through this without you," she told him. "I'm sorry if it felt like I was pushing you away at times."

He brushed the hair off her neck before cupping her cheek. "You're dealing with something traumatic. I understand."

She lifted her head to face him and he saw tears in her eyes. "That's just it. You understood me, better than anyone possibly could. You never questioned, you never doubted. You pushed when you knew it was what I needed. You let me wallow when I needed to." She swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked away the tears. "I love you, Sam Swarek. I love you more than...more than chocolate strawberry milkshakes and good candy on Halloween and that heavenly coffee from that place on Dundas."

They both chuckled at her comparisons and Sam tucked hair behind her ear as he made a life-changing decision. "I love you, McNally, and I never want to let you go. Marry me."

That was the last thing she expected to hear, but even before her mouth could forms words she was nodding her head. "Yes. Yes." She lowered her lips to his and they kissed lazily for several minutes.

He nudged her nose with his when they parted. "Good, cause I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"That's it, Andy. It's perfect," Traci said a month later as Andy tried on wedding dresses in a bridal boutique.

"That is totally the dress," Chloe agreed.

Andy took another slow spin in front of the mirror, watching the silky material flow freely around her. It was the sixth dress she'd tried on and from the moment it was on her body, she knew this was the dress. It was a beautiful A-line dress with a beaded lace bodice, a deep V back, and a tulle skirt that flowed around her with every movement. She felt like a princess in it, without looking like one in a gigantic ball gown she wouldn't be able to sit down in.

Andy turned away from the mirror to face her friends. "This is it. I love it. This is my wedding gown."

The woman who had been quietly helping them came out of the shadows upon hearing Andy's choice. "You look beautiful," she said.

"Thank you. What do I need to do to make this mine?" Andy asked.

The saleswoman smiled at the soon-to-be-bride. "Take all the time you want to admire the dress, and then we'll sit down and finalize the sale, and set up an appointment for a fitting. As great as it looks on you now, Sally will tailor it so it fits like a glove."

"I can't believe I'm actually getting married," Andy said excitedly when it was just her and her friends again. "This is the dress I'm marrying Sam Swarek in." Her eyes bounced from her own reflection to that of her friend's in the mirror.

"Well, it's about damn time," Traci teased.

"Trace!" Andy said exasperatedly.

"As much as I love the both of you, you and Sam are two of the most stubborn people I've ever met," her friend said, standing up and taking a few steps closer to Andy. "I'm glad this day is finally here for you two."

Andy turned to face her friend. "We've been through a lot."

"That's an understatement. With everything you guys have endured, I've never seen a truer love," Traci said, helping her friend step down from the small square podium in front of the mirrors.

Andy thought back over all the years she'd known Sam, and everything they'd been through - from dating other people, to pushing each other away even though they only had love for one another, to undercover operations that took them away, to exes coming back, to nearly dying. Everything the universe could possibly throw at them, they got through and still found their way back to each other.

"I never believed in soul mates...until I met Sam," Andy told her friends. "He really is my other half."

Traci gave her friend a one arm hug, as Chloe stood and joined them. "Everything you've been through was to get you to this point," Traci said.

"If you told me that a few years ago, I'd laugh," Andy admitted. "But it's true. It all brought us here, to our wedding!"

"He isn't going to know what hit him when he sees you in that dress," Chloe said. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks for agreeing to be my bridesmaids. I couldn't have better friends," Andy said. "Now help me get out of this, so we can look for dresses for you guys." The friends exchanged smiles as they walked back into the dressing room.

A short time later, Andy was alone and stared at her nearly naked reflection in the mirror. Her fingertips grazed over her abdomen where she once thought all the cuts and bruises would leave her physically scarred for life. She hadn't believed the doctors who told her the cuts weren't deep enough to leave lasting marks, but they were right. Her olive-tanned skin was as smooth as it had ever been. Her eyes traveled up to her face that had long since recovered from its paleness and sunken eyes. Fear was no longer etched into her eyes. She looked alive, and smiling back at herself, she felt alive.

She turned and held the wedding dress, her wedding dress, in her hands. There were times during her captivity she never thought she'd see Sam again, let alone become his wife. Even once she'd been rescued, she questioned if she'd ever be truly happy again. Now, here she was planning her wedding, planning her future with Sam. She was even getting back to the job she loved in a few days, although she wouldn't be allowed on patrol for the indefinite future. She was making the final steps in getting her life back.

Everything in her life felt perfect, almost too perfect. As happy as she was, a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach told her this was the calm before the storm. She felt like she was waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under her with some tragedy or crisis looming on the horizon. She took a deep breath and tried to push the thoughts from her mind. This day was a happy one and she wanted to enjoy it.

That night, Andy and Sam sat on the couch - with Boo snoring lightly on the floor in front of them - with wedding brochures and color swatches and lists all around them. "You won't tell me anything about it?" Sam asked, as he massaged her feet that were in his lap.

"It's white. And that's all you're going to know about my wedding dress." She tossed her pen at him when he pouted. "It's bad luck!"

"Have it your way," he replied, squeezing her foot lovingly.

"What would you think about something different for your shirt, not plain white?" she asked, moving on from talk about her dress.

"What are you thinking, something like purple to match the bridesmaid's dresses?"

Andy laughed. "It's not purple, it's lavender. But no." She held up the magazine she'd been looking through. "Something like this, a dark gray shirt with the black suit. Maybe a lavender tie and pocket handkerchief to coordinate with the dresses."

"That would actually be really nice. I like it," he replied.

"Okay, let's have you wear the gray, but keep Oliver in white. I like yours being different." Andy continued to flip through the magazine for more ideas as Sam watched her.

"Did you hear back from the church yet?" he asked.

Andy shook her head. "Mary is on vacation this week, so I was told she'd call me back next week with confirmation if the day we want is free. When we were with her she said she'd do her best to hold the date for us."

"I'm sure we'll get it. She seemed to really like you," he said.

"Once we know for sure, we can move forward booking other things. I spoke with the country club and it's a slow time of year for them, so if we get the church for that day, it won't be a problem booking the club for the reception," she said.

"Seems like everything's going well then," Sam mused.

"Too well. Nothing goes this perfect, Sam. I feel like I'm waiting for the floor to fall out from under me," she said.

He tapped his foot on the floor startling Boo from his slumber. "Seems sturdy to me," he quipped.

"You know what I mean. Nothing is ever easy for us. It never has been. When things are going well, something happens," she said, frowning.

"If, if, something happens, we'll deal with it. Like we always do. I'm not letting anything get in the way of a perfect wedding for you," he said.

Emotion filled Andy's eyes at how amazing Sam was. She tossed the magazine and notepad she held onto the coffee table, and crawled across the couch to wrap her arms around him. "I love you. I don't need a perfect wedding. I just need you."

Sam's arms slid around her and held her close. "Well, I'm not going anywhere."

She let out a breath as she relaxed into him. "And we can do anything together."