Chapter 5: The Rampage

Zim leaned back in his chair and propped his feet up on the console with a satisfied sigh. A map of the city was spread out on the monitor before him. His eyes sparkled with ruby excitement as he tried to decide where to send his creation first.

"Hmm... Downtown? The theater district? That insubordinate 'Video Outhouse' that banned me from renting at their smelly store? Oh so many cherry flavored possibilities!" he cackled, slicking his worm-like tongue over his lips. "But first..." Zim pressed a sequence of buttons and a ringing filled the air, followed by a click. A smaller monitor next to the main one lit up, and a pair of tall, thin Irkens appeared amidst the static: Zim's revered leaders, the Almighty Tallest.

"Oh for crying out loud, what is it this time, Zim?" Red asked, not even trying to hide his irritation.

Zim smiled proudly. "I just wanted to tell you that you may as well go ahead and prepare my victory celebration now, for I am mere inches from taking over this miserable Earth planet."

"That's the 347th time you've called to tell us that," Purple spoke up.

"But this time I'm sure I shall succeed, my Tallest! My plan is nothing short of brilliant."

"That's the 523rd time you've said that," Red said.

"But this time I'm really really really really REALLY sure! I've- oh wait! Here, I'll show you my amazing plan in action." Still beaming, Zim pushed a large button, and a third screen flickered to life. On it was a bird's-eye view of the city... or more accurately, a Dib's-eye view.

And speaking of poor Dib, he was slowly lumbering ever closer toward the dark silhouette of towers and skyscrapers that made up the city skyline. Nnnnggg! No! No, stop! Go back! I mean it! Stop! Dib screamed at himself at the top of his mental lungs, but his muscles ignored his commands. He was now nothing more than a prisoner inside his own body, a mindless, destructive machine with a madman at the helm, a ghost in the machine, his arms and legs only robotic extensions of alien doom, and many other such depressing metaphors. And on top of all that his nose itched and he couldn't scratch it. You stupid body! He gave one last mental cry of frustration, then tried to draw his focus inward so he could concentrate on coming up with some sort of solution. There's got to be some way to win this. I just can't let Zim defeat me that easilly!

"...So as you can see, my Tallest, the enemy has become my slave, this planet will soon become Irken property, and I finally got some use out of that enlarger-chip thingy I've been saving. Not to mention the neuro-control enhancement I attached to it," Zim finished.

Red sighed, wanting this call to be over. "I'm not even going to ask how you managed to acquire this 'chip,' Zim, but You do know they're illegal, right?"

"Of course I do!" Zim waved his hand in an 'oh pshaw!' gesture. "But only on Irk, and I'm on Earth. And they're only illegal to use on other Irkens, not for an Irken Invader to use one on a human."

"Uhh... Sure, I guess, yeah. Whatever." Red shrugged, not feeling the least like navigating through Zim's sea of nonsense at this point in time. It was never worth the trouble, and anyway Zim kind of had a point. While it was true that only Irken royalty were allowed to possess such chips so as not to have their status as 'Tallest' potentially threatened, Zim was millions of miles away on Earth. And, being the clueless yet fiercely loyal moron that he was, would never dream of using such a thing to overthrow his leaders. In Red's opinion, it was Zim's only good point.

"W-a-a-a-i-t…" Purple leaned his face into the shot. "How did you manage to add a neuro-controller to something like an enlarger-chip? Those things can get damaged incredibly easy if you tamper with the casing and-"

"Shh!" Zim interrupted, pointing to the large monitor. "Check this out!"

"Hey! Did you see that!? He shushed me!" Purple huffed in exaggerated outrage to his co-ruler, but Zim was once again lost in his own little universe. He pushed a button, and on the monitor, below a caption reading 'Dib-vision' in the lower right-hand corner, the word 'Auto' disappeared and 'Manual' appeared in its place.

"Okay, watch now," Zim said, his narrowed features heavy with deranged joy. Grabbing the control stick, he jerked it abruptly to the right. The picture on the screen blurred for a second, then the camera image came into focus once more. "There. That looks like a good place to start."

Whoa! Dib's inner voice yelped. He'd been more or less headed on a steady path for the past few minutes when all the sudden he veered sharply to the right. For a split second the world was a blurred line of sky and horizon. Once his eyes refocused he saw he was headed towards a Mac Meaties up ahead. He came to a halt in front of it, and for a moment simply stood there. Now what's going on? he wondered, then he felt all of his weight shift to his left leg. Oh No! Dib filled with dread as he realized what was about to happen. His right foot lifted off the ground and reared back, lingering in the air just long enough to let a few wide-eyed customers inside notice its dooming presence, then with a swift kick he sent the big Mac Meaties sign out front flying through the air. It flipped over about a dozen times, then went crashing over somewhere on the next block.

All was deathly quiet. Then a woman screamed. Or maybe it was a man with a really high-pitched voice. Either way, that was all it took to whip everyone up into a mad panic. Those who weren't choking on their food began screaming and stampeding for the exits. Suddenly Dib's boot came crashing down through the eatery's ceiling. He stomped on the roof several times, sending broken tables and chairs along with a good amount of asbestos flying into the air, and with his teeth he tore off the giant decorative ribs from the top of the restaurant. He flung his head back and forth like a wolf tearing into a kill, mangling it into a twisted pile of gaudily colored fiberglass.

His first conquest victorious, he raised his fists in the air, reared his head back, and unleashed a deafening, mighty roar of triumph.

"HAHAHAHAAAA!" Zim roared simultaneously. "Take THAT, meat gorgers!"

"Way to go, Zim." Red applauded patronizingly. "You successfully managed to take out a greasy little fast food dive."

"Yes, I AM amazing, aren't I?" Zim said puffing out his little sunken chest, his sarcasm detector perpetually on the fritz. "However that was only a mere warm-up. Now let's unleash some REAL doom!"

Sorry, everyone… sorry… oh man, I am SO, so sorry… Dib sent out a mental apology to all those unfortunate enough to have had their dinner interrupted by his rather rude and unwelcome appearance that afternoon. …REALLY sorry…

He turned away from the pile of mac-rubble and his feet began moving on their own again. He had no idea where they were taking him now, but he no longer trusted them as far as he could throw a moose... whatever that meant. Although, ironically, he guessed be could probably throw one at least a couple miles now.

Zim next sent Dib barreling into the parking lot of a nearby convenience store, his teeth bared in a sadistic grin to mimic that of his evil puppet-master. He stepped forward slowly, allowing the patrons inside a moment to wet themselves at the sight of his towering figure, his massive shadow swallowing the tiny shop in a blanket of darkness. In much the same manner as the Mac Meaties it was demolished in a matter of seconds.

Nooooooo! Dib wailed.

Next, he appeared before an office building. He pulled his arm in close then sent it out sharply, ramming his elbow straight through the middle of the building. Whipping around, he landed a spinning kick to the side of the building as if it were a punching-bag. Broken glass and copier paper flew everywhere, while several startled workers fled for their lives in terror.

No! Oh please, noooo!

After this, he stepped over the ruins and on toward his next target. Lining it up in his sights, Dib leaned back on his haunches, then he leaped through the air and came crashing down directly in the center of the skool building. The few students and teachers that had stayed late for extracurricular activities piled out the windows as he flailed his arms and kicked his legs joyfully, tossing little chunks of brick wall into the air like leaves in a leaf pile, rolling back and forth in unabashed destructive bliss.

NOOO-!…Hey, wait... He paused. That one was… kind of fun, actually...

But while Dib didn't mind grinding his eight-to-three prison to an iron and mortar pulp too much, he knew that this was only the start of it. Zim wouldn't stop with the skool; in his devious little mind, he wouldn't be happy until the city… no, the entire world was destroyed. And he would use Dib to do it. That was, unless the military took him down before he could cause such widespread damage. Dib's head swam with confusion; he didn't know who to root for! If Zim won, then not only would the Irkens take over, but he'd be Zim's prisoner forever. On the other hand, if his fellow humans won, it would most likely mean his ultimate demise. Whatever happened, he was doomed. And either way, Zim won.

And that was something Dib could never accept. He didn't know how yet, but he vowed that someday Zim and every-last member of his horrible, cruel, parasitic race would rue the day they'd ever crossed this Earthling.

Now he was nearing the heart of the metropolis. As he made his way into the midst of the downtown high-rises, hundreds of ant-like civilians flooded the streets, shouting, honking horns, and running in panicked, aimless streams around Dib's boots. He screamed at them mentally to get out of his way.

He had to think. Maybe he had no control over his body anymore, but his brain had always been his best, most dangerous weapon. As long as he still had that, maybe he could still think of a way out of this. Of course It might have been a little easier for him to think if his eyes weren't suddenly itching so much.

Hey, why are my eyes itching? Dib wondered. Now they were almost burning, and he was suddenly blinded by a hot flash of bright red. A strange buzzing noise filled the air, accompanied by a pungent burning smell.

Yow! Dib screamed. What the heck was that!? On the street below him, running along his line of sight, there now lay two smoldering tracks of melted pavement. The lines ran through several vehicles (one of them an ice cream truck) that now lay sliced neatly in half, molten metal still bubbling around their edges.

"Wow, cool! Lasers!" Red exclaimed. Zim smiled wider while Purple elbowed Red sharply.

"Don't encourage him!" he hissed.

"Oh, right. Sorry."

"I see I've impressed you," said Zim. Purple shot Red a look and Red sank embarrassedly in his chair.

"I just like lasers is all," he mumbled.

"Great," Purple griped. "Now we're gonna have to listen to more of this."

The Tallest may have preferred to slip into twin comas right about then, but Zim on the other hand was officially having the best time of his life. The eye lasers he'd installed in Dib had worked even better than he'd expected. Hmm... Did I ever mention those lasers to Dib? He shrugged. Oh well.

Ow! Ow! Owww! Ow! Another series of crimson beams fired from Dib's eyes and melted some more cars lining the side of the street. Each time it made him wince. That jerk! He never said anything about putting lasers in my eyes! Dib wanted to scream, to reach up and rub his eyes till they were raw, but his hands were too busy knocking in windows and punching holes in the sides of buildings as he marched by. Not to mention all the demolition going on below as he stepped on stray vehicles, kicked up fire hydrants and knocked over light poles. Even his jacket, whenever he turned, would brush against the buildings and knock over a gargoyle or two. Dib had to admit, Zim certainly was the little multitasker when it came to mass destruction.

"Wow! Did you see that? Huh? Didja see, my Tallest, Didjadidjadidja?"

"Yeah, yeah! We saw it already!" Red snapped impatiently.

"Woo-yeah! That was...something, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, whatever. Look we're reeeeally busy here, Zim…"

"Oh, that's fine, my Tallest." Zim waved his hand in dismissal. "You can go now and I'll call you back once I've finished destroying all the humans."

Red and Purple exchanged a look. They couldn't hang up fast enough.

Zim turned his attention back to the scene on the monitor, reveling in his own glory. He was beaming with confidence, realizing that he was finally going to succeed, not only at capturing the planet, but also doing away with his most prominent, persistent, and vexing enemy. Zim watched the screen, observing all the tiny, terrified people running around Dib's feet in the street below, and laughed. To them, Dib was a towering creature of raw carnage and chaos, but to Zim he was nothing more than a helpless little puppet, dangling from the strings clutched in his little Irken hand. Strings that he could choose to manipulate any way he wanted. It was too funny.

But time for introspection later. Right now he was having too much fun.

In this day and age, word spreads fast. A panic propelled forward by the age of information (and more often misinformation) was quickly spreading. By now, every local news team, and most national ones, had caught wind of this latest crisis plaguing the local citizens: the spiky-haired, giant-headed monster, rampaging Godzilla-style through the city. Reporters and cameramen all over ran to their helicopters and news-vehicles, racing to be first on the scene. The US army had been mobilized, all nearby tanks loaded and ready to roll. The air force was on stand-by, waiting for the call to strike. And on TV, a special report was being shown. In the homes of a thousand frightened masses, a Channel 6 reporter with slicked back, silvery hair appeared on their screens. Video of Dib's destruction through the streets played behind him.

"…And it was only a short time ago that our fair city was recovering from the devastation caused by the giant mutant hamster known as 'Ultra-Peepi.' Now, a new threat- one which experts agree is neither fuzzy-wuzzy nor adorable- is laying waste to the downtown area." The reporter looked off-screen promptly as someone handed him a stack of notes.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I have just been informed," announced the reporter, "that in a desperate attempt to thwart the big-headed monster's reign of terror, the city has commissioned the world's most respected scientist, Professor Membrane, to come up with a solution. Professor…?"

The scene switched to a shot of the one and only Professor Membrane standing on a hovering platform, his hands placed behind his back confidently, head held high. He cleared his throat. "Yes, thank you Kent. In response to this latest crisis, I've been working tirelessly for the last… oh, twenty minutes or so… and I've come up with the answer. Behold!" The Professor waved his hand dramatically, and the camera panned over to where at least a hundred scientists and engineers were hard at work piecing together a gigantic, mechanical, humanoid structure of some kind.

"With this robotic mech-suit I've developed, my crew and I will be able to effectively counter the monster decimating the city." He whispered into the camera as if sharing a secret. "Veerrrryyy advanced stuff."

The reporter: "Now Professor Membrane, as you know reports have been coming in that this newest monster has been identified as your son, name of "Dib," seen here…" A shot of Dib being hauled away by police in the now infamous "re-animating the dead" incident flashed on screen. "How do you feel about that?"

The Professor chuckled. "Well, Of course, I was a bit surprised to learn that this 'monster' was my own son, but after all, this isn't the first time that boy's gotten into trouble. Don't you worry, I think this 'rampaging' thing is just a cry for attention. Once I get him home I'll give him a good talking to."

The reporter nodded. "Thank you, Professor. Surely you are a light unto us all. And now on to…"

Meanwhile, the carnage continued. Dib lumbered along his path, knocking into anything and everything in his way, firing the occasional laser beam and crushing dozens of cars, vendor carts. and various bric-a-brac beneath his heels. Things were getting much worse; he'd tried with every brain cell in his head to come up with an idea, but so far nothing. And so far there'd been no retaliation. Which was a good thing, but this meant his rampaging went on unchecked. I almost wish they would just try to stop me already, he thought sadly. Dib knew it was inevitable, and at this point he just felt like getting it over with before he could do any more damage. Safe to say, he was feeling pretty hopeless.

This is it, he realized. This is really it. Zim is going to win.

Just then, Dib's thoughts were interrupted by a low rumbling sound. At the end of the street, a line of tanks pulled into view and sat there waiting for him.

Finally, he thought. Then: Wait! What am I saying!?

All together they fired on him. Dib opened his eyes wide and several of the missiles exploded in mid-air as they came into the path of his laser-beams. The others spun out of control and exploded behind him, enveloping the area in a fog of smoke. All was silent for a moment, then a tremendous pounding shook the ground. The soldiers watched, terrified, as an angry looking Dib emerged from the cloud and thundered towards them. They poured out of their tanks just in time before the pointy-haired colossus pounded them into metal pancakes.

Several jets whizzed overhead. Dib swiped at them in a rage, fingers curled into claws. They circled around, coming in low to get within firing range. Most of the pilots ended up parachuting out when Dib's laser eyes made short work of their planes. Others he simply knocked out of the air as they got too close.

The intense battle raged for several minutes, the military throwing everything they had at him. But when the smoke cleared, Dib stood over a landscape littered with downed planes and demolished tanks, undamaged and victorious. It seemed he was truly unstoppable. Again, he was conflicted: he was glad to be alive, but at the same time feeling horrible guilt at surviving his peoples' best attempts to slow him down.

Silence. And then another rumbling sound. It came from far away, but quickly drew closer, growing louder and louder, hammering the ground in rhythmic vibrations. Then came a flash of light, the sun glinting off shining metal, and out from behind a tall skyscraper stepped a sight that made Dib's heart nearly freeze in his chest.