Grimmjow's words rung in my head endlessly. Would he really do it? Would he really kill Renji if he were to confess? I didn't want Renji telling anyone what happened that day. How we killed our best friend and left him to rot in an empty warehouse. But a part of me did. I wanted to be punished for my actions. I'm falling victim to my own accusations constantly getting thrown at me by my own conscious thoughts. It's worse when you believe in karma. We will get what's coming to us because it catches up to everyone. Either way I spent most of the time avoiding contact with Grimmjow and even Renji was doing the same. I wonder though, did he get a lock for the warehouse? I can't trust him completely, no, I feel like I just can't trust him at all. Grimmjow is unpredictable.
But of course it didn't last that long, and worse, it made Grimmjow even angrier than what he was last night. When he spotted me I could feel my face distort slightly because the look on his face spelled so many negative emotions. I think he was looking for Renji though, since when he looked my way his eyes wandered past me and around the hall filled with other students going back and forth to their lockers and such.
"Hey, Ichi..."
I look to my side and see a tiny girl standing beside me.
I mutter back a reply as I look at Rukia, arms folded over her small chest.
Looking back up I see Grimmjow leaning on a locker, eyeing me amongst the busy time in the corridor, students walk past him but don't bother him. He keeps watching.
"Heard stuff," Rukia draws my attention back to her.
"What stuff?" I ask almost too quickly, nerves telling me to run. I stand still, feeling eyes burning into me, and suspicion creeping up from Rukia's voice.
"Hey chill out," Rukia says pulling at the edges of her too short grey skirt.
"Just some stuff about you and a detective," she continues, her big eyes looking into mine.
"Apparently about the disappearance of Uryu."
I look away from her a moment to where I last saw Grimmjow.
But this time he's not there.
He's gone.
I feel a pressure at the back of my head, and when I look back at Rukia it continues to build. It feels like a really bad headache, but it's worse than that. It's strong enough to make my vision blur and make me feel like I'm about to collapse. I urge myself to ignore it. It'll go away.
Shit. But the pain in my head won't go away. Grimmjow's anger won't go away. The detectives and class mate's suspicion won't go away. Uryu's corpse will definitely not go away from my mind.
Since Rukia knows that much, and with that mouth of hers she would have told Orihime.
I told Orihime I didn't know anything. So if she hears that I've been questioned that means she would be suspicious of me.
At this moment I felt certain of one thing. Even though I wasn't sure about a lot of things like how Rukia heard about this and what's going to happen tomorrow or where Renji and Grimmjow are right now, and even how Uryu died. But I do know one thing. I don't want Renji to turn us in. I know it's a quick change in mind, because just before I was thinking I wanted to be punished, put in the spotlight for my actions. My family would look down upon me and ask what they did to conceive such a reckless person like me. I dishonoured them. I've dishonoured myself.
I just want to escape from this. Even if it isn't possible, or if karma will squirm its way into my life for what I did and make it happen to me. I just hope that there is a way out of this.
I look at Rukia, mind reeling and feeling irritated. I've never felt so anxious in my life. I've never had any problems or worries before that stupid prank. Everything was fine, I was fine. And now, all I feel is a dark part of me emerging, trying to consume me. I can feel myself changing for the worse.
She tries to say something. My crazed thoughts, her voice, the pain in the back of my head and this irritation I feel is too strong for me to control. I cut her off and tell her to,
"Fuck off."
I wake up to the sound of rain and clanging of pans in the kitchen.
I see Yuzu making breakfast once I'm out of bed and in the kitchen. I watch her for a moment before walking towards the table, overlooking breakfast. I think I can eat, even though my appetite is ridiculous at the moment. I feel a pang of hunger in my stomach, reaching out and grabbing a piece of toast covered in butter and jam. When I finish eating it, I feel better- like a new found hope this morning. It's a big change from yesterday. I'm still hungry, reaching out for the hard boiled eggs glistening in a white bowl in front of me. They look familiar. I stop and stare for a good minute. Oh god. I feel sick at the sight in front of me. My stomach rumbles as I grimace.
The peeled, hard boiled white eggs remind me of Uryu's cold, lifeless eyes.
How they stared upward, emotionless, soulless.
My own eyes widen at the analogy.
I freeze, mortified.
My hand is left hovering in the air, above the hard boiled white eggs.
I think I've stopped breathing.
The hunger I felt in my stomach turns to nausea.
Karin sees. I didn't notice her come in.
She raises a thin eyebrow at me.
"Why're you acting so weird? Is it cause Uryu's missing?"
Silence.
My mouth hangs open like I'm about to say something. My hand drops to my side.
Nothing comes out. Except, I think my stomach acid and bile might at any minute.
She's my little sister yet she is so confronting and intimidating. Her dark eyes gaze into my own as though she can read my thoughts. She doesn't know. She doesn't.
"I wonder what happened to him," She says, then picks up her toast and takes a bite out of it.
I watch her mouth move as she chews, waiting for me to say something.
"What?" I ask, seeing suspicion in Karin's eyes. Or am I just paranoid?
I gulp the huge lump away. She didn't notice. At least I think she didn't.
She shrugs.
I make myself look worried on purpose. I frown so she thinks I really don't know, like I really had nothing to do with anything at all. I'm horrible. I'm such a horrible, horrible excuse of a human being.
"I hope he comes back."
It feels like she's trying to make me confess. But it must be just my nerves. Yeah, I'll keep telling myself that.
"I hope so too," the words manage to fall from my mouth.
I look at the bridge between her eyes. Imagine how bad this will all look when they learn about the truth. I imagine the looks of revolt and bitterness. There will be pure disgust, anything that's not good.
I'm sorry Uryu.
You can hate me.
Because I hate myself too.
I started to wonder why Rukia had approached me just to tell about how she 'heard about what happened,' how we were interviewed from a missing persons detective. But when I saw Urahara again that afternoon at school, dread spilled over me like a bucket of cold water.
It had only been a week.
That's when I realised either he didn't believe our fake stories, or that he came back to talk to other people. Although people at school started to act a little strangely, especially the ones that knew Uryu personally. The thought of being confronted by Urahara was enough to make me uneasy and potentially suffer an anxiety attack. I had to find Renji fast, even bumping into Grimmjow was appealing to me. At least that way, when he dispels all his heated anger at me it wouldn't affect me as much as this feeling of complete agitation.
The red bandana tied around Renji's head was the first thing I saw.
The moment I found Renji was when relief washed over me. Sitting on the school's roof alone, he turned his head to look back at the sound of the door scraping open and me walking towards him.
He sighed and got up, "I'm actually glad it's you."
I laugh. "I was thinking Grimmjow got to you before me."
"Nah, haven't seen him all day."
"Saw him, and then he disappeared. But he's mad, I can tell."
I sigh, "You're not turning us in, right?"
It's silent for a moment, and then Renji speaks.
"I don't know man."
My hands find their way to my face and I'm rubbing at my eyes with the palm of my hands.
"I don't want you to do that. Neither does Grimmjow, obviously."
"I know," Renji says. "But I can't tell. I wanted to, but I can't anymore."
I look at him seriously this time.
Renji continues to speak,
"I was thinking actually, about how we're going to get rid of Uryu's body."
A/N Okay so I haven't been around for a while, I know! But life gets in the way, might be a bit rushed? Anyway...
Rukia knows what's up! Oh the dread. Poor Ichigo, but don't think things will get better…expect the worst. Oh and Renji is so confusing. He's dealing with this problem another way. I don't want to confuse readers with Renji's actions. I feel like humans don't necessarily think well enough through distressing situations. Hope you liked! Please use a minute or so of your time to leave me a review! Thanks for reading