If I thought the stink of death from Uryu's corpse was bad last time I was at the warehouse when the fight between Grimmjow and Renji erupted, I was wrong. The stink had gotten worse, an extremely unbearable odour that made me swallow my own vomit and gag repeatedly. Flies were surrounding the body, zooming around the place making me wonder how so much got in.
Grimmjow still isn't happy with us. Suspicious and mad, not a good combination as he's also paranoid. Renji and I ended up finding him at school yesterday. He was aggravated, but gladly nothing bad happened, other than him yelling at us and being extremely loud for a while. Luckily no one was around to see this commotion, although we were careful when Renji told him what he told me, and all the while constantly looking around, trying not to project our voices too loudly.
"Fuck that stinks!" Grimmjow exclaims covering his nose and mouth with the bottom of his shirt.
Uryu's corpse is rotting. His skin had turned into a very white shade, but it also looks like a yellowy green hue is showing through. The area between his chest and stomach had bloated out abnormally, and his fingers looked like they were curling in on themselves.
"We need to get rid of it," I choke out, feeling the urge to supress my ill stomach by the very sight and horrible smell. I just want out of this damn place. Death smells disgusting.
"Like I said," Renji looks at me seriously. "We bag up the body, obviously."
Images of bagged up bodies imploded in my mind- guess watching all those late night crime shows turned out useful, for the worst.
I look at Renji, watching as he frantically pulls his bandana from his hair and ties it around his nose and mouth. He cringes at the sight of Uryu's body, glancing at me before looking at Grimmjow.
I frown and think that it's strange. I don't completely get Renji. First he said he wanted to turn ourselves in, and was about to -but then he goes and tells us how we can get rid of Uryu's body? Renji's misleading, in a sense. Trusting him and Grimmjow became difficult- who am I kidding? Trust flew out the window the moment we killed Uryu. I can't even trust my own actions, let alone the actions of others.
Either way, we're bagging Uryu's decaying and disgusting corpse into a black garbage bag we found. Wearing gloves so we have no trace of his body on our hands, we use about three bags, large and cut to wrap around the corpse so no part is visible. I feel like a murderer the whole time. I feel like a monster that has no conscious, no empathy. It's like the emotion had left me while I helped the other two get rid of his body. What I had left was thoughts of what to do next, how to get away. It's getting late, the sun setting and giving off an orange and yellow sky before us. I look out to the horizon, taking a deep breath of fresh air and wiping the sweat off my brow with the back of my hand.
Quickly, the three of us dig a hole and by the time we're done, thinking it's deep enough, the sun had already gone down and it was dark. I'm left standing there exhausted, after everything was done, looking down and breathing hard and feeling like complete shit. The other two, Grimmjow and Renji with no doubt in my mind must be feeling the same by the looks of their scrunched up, dirty guilty faces.
'You just buried your friend,' the voice in my head says.
I know that very well, but telling myself that isn't going to change anything. It's not going to change the fact that I am a pathetic excuse for a human being. I look down at my dirty, shaky hands.
I don't know why I went back to the warehouse in the middle of the night. Or was it early morning?
The time didn't faze me as I walked to the patch of land where we buried Uryu's body. Everything is dark, and I walk sluggishly towards his grave. I stop and stand staring at the dirt, knowing there's a body under there. I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder, thinking its Grimmjow, but I realise that it can't be. These hands are cold and grip my shoulders hard, sneering in my ear. A jolt of panic hits me and I shudder at the feeling. The breath against the back of my hot sweaty neck is cold and harsh.
When I turn to look at who it is, I stare, a white face looking back at me, eyes fully black with a ring of yellow in them. He looks exactly like me as he stares back. Whoever this is or whatever this is smiles at me, his lips reaching all the way up to his ears. Slowly, he lets go and points in the direction behind me. A loud, cackling laugh ripples through the night as I turn around and see Uryu's corpse latching onto me. I scream so loud my throat rips and my own blood spills from my mouth. Uryu's stiff pale hands wrap around my neck as he screams at me.
"You did this! This is your entire fault!" It's Uryu screaming at me but it sounds nothing like him. It doesn't even sound human. Goosebumps cover my skin.
I struggle to get away, I call for help, I scream.
My eyes fly open and I'm still screaming. I'm thrashing around in my bed, in the comfort of my bedroom. I stop abruptly, confused. The blanket and my pillows have been sprawled off onto the floor under me. My sheet that was once tucked into the sides of my bed has now been ripped out and I breathe harshly, sweat engulfing my entire body. My room is dark, but it's illuminated by the bright moon shining through the blinds. I get up from the bed. My stomach flips, my throat burns, and before I can comprehend what is happening, I'm running to the bathroom, spilling my guts into the toilet.
I soon come to understanding once I stop.
It was only a nightmare. A fucked up, unbelievable nightmare. But I believed every moment of it when it was happening. It felt so real. I could literally feel the cold hands gripping onto my shoulders, and the unnerving breath against my bare neck.
I can't sleep now.
I won't.
Not when the demon within my mind and Uryu's spirit won't leave me alone.
I pray at the shrine in the morning.
Waking up early isn't a difficult thing for me anymore. It's either the nightmares or the guilt that stopped me from sleeping for too long. I think it's showing though, how tired I am mentally, even though my body showed no signs of it at all.
The smoke from the incense fills my senses. My eyes are closed and I breathe in deep, hoping that wherever Uryu is, he is in peace. That he's not suffering and that he's content. But who could ever be content? Wherever he is, he probably hates me now. If he's watching me, he probably wants the worse for me. But I don't blame him. I mean, I want the worse for myself too. I just won't confess. I'm too scared to confess. I don't want this. I never wanted any of this.
I open my eyes and stare at the smoke slowly flowing upwards and only dreading every fleeting moment because it only draws me closer to facing Grimmjow and Renji and another day that most likely will be more fucked up than the one before.
I ditched school for half of the week. I kept telling my dad I felt sick and even threw up from another nightmare. He believed me, and let me stay. When he went to work, and my sisters were at school, they thought I was too. But really I wasn't. I couldn't. I just couldn't face everyone, couldn't imagine myself even looking at their uncertain, judging faces. People that I thought were my friends didn't talk to me anymore. I bet they know it was me involved in this.
The day seems to go by too fast. Around the time the suns setting, my phone starts going off, catching me off guard. I was wrapped up in my thoughts again.
"Hello?" I say it quieter than usual.
"Ichi."
It's Grimmjow.
Instead of butterflies, it feels like grubs are crawling around in my stomach. I'm anxious by his voice.
"Ichi, I'm gonna fucking kill that bastard!"
"What?" I feel my eyes widen. What the fuck's going on now? I can feel my heart starting to beat faster already and I'm not even there.
"Meet me at our spot, now!"
"Why?" I stutter out.
"It's Renji. The fucking bastards gonna do it!"
The moment I get to the warehouse I see Renji pull up. I walk over to him as he's opening the door. Inside, Grimmjow's standing there looking at us like he's gone mental.
Before I can even understand what's happened or what's about to happen, Renji is hurled to the ground and Grimmjow's on him, hitting, punching. The warehouse is echoing Grimmjow's curses and Renji grunts to get free of his hold on him.
My hands find their way on my face as I'm panicking hard right now. I know I have to stop this fight. I have to stop anything bad from happening. But it's too late when Renji and Grimmjow practically throw themselves into the window, shards of glass flying everywhere. I'm running now, pushing at Grimmjow so he can get off and away from Renji. But when I do that, Renji only gets closer. With a furious look on his face he throws a punch at us, just missing my face and punching the air. But he goes for another, successfully punching me this time and grabbing Grimmjow, kicking at him.
They're too close to the glass, and so am I when I catch quick glimpses of blood on my hands. I can't feel anything from the adrenaline. Not even the cuts. The rush overpowers my senses.
When I look back up, Grimmjow's hand is bleeding too, but more than mine. And then I see the large shard of glass in his hand that he picked up off the ground.
In a split second, it's in Renji's neck.
There's Blood.
More blood everywhere, gushing out of Renji's neck.
It's like a horror film. Only, it's actually happening right before my very eyes.
My voice gets lodged in my throat and I'm chocking but I hear loud screaming and I wonder who it is until I realise that it's me and I feel like I'm about to pass out from all this blood everywhere.
"Grimmjow!" I'm screaming at him. My hearts flying through the roof, my ears buzzing like someone has let a blow horn go off in it. I'm screaming and I'm screaming so much my throat is aching and my eyes are blurry from the unstoppable tears emerging from them. And worse of all, I don't know what to do. I'm stuck to my spot, like there's super glue keeping my feet in one stop. All I can do is tremble.
"He's gonna fucking die! You're gonna kill him, fuck!"
Renji's lying on the floor and a deep red, black looking pool of blood starts forming from the wound and onto the floor, blending in with his hair and getting all over his face and neck.
I feel sick by the sight of him, extremely sick. My legs go numb and wobble. My stomach heaves. I heave again and nothing comes out. I shake and shudder and will myself down slowly to a crouching position. I can't stop looking.
I feel like I'm about to pass out.
Grimmjow's breathing hard. He's looking down on Renji that's lying there dying.
"We have to take him to the hospital," I blubber out somehow.
"No."
"We have to!" I scream at him.
"NO!" Grimmjow barks in a guttural way.
It doesn't sound like him at all. It sounds horrifying like the voice in my nightmare.
"Or what!?" I yell back at him, like its helping in any way.
I don't even recognise my own voice in my ringing ears.
Grimmjow storms towards me.
His hands grab me by the front of my shirt and force me to stand. The fear I feel is indescribable.
He punches me hard, making me fall backwards and onto the cold ground.
"Or I kill you too."
I stare up at him in horror. I'm stunned. I feel sick, I feel threatened and terrified. Grimmjow just stabbed Renji right before my eyes that I definitely believe him when he says it.
Renji is dying. He's just lying there, twitching, grabbing his neck with his hand covered in red gloopy blood. It's thick and a crimson colour. I hear him struggling to breathe, a gurgling noise echoing in my ears. It sounds so fucked up! Oh…god…I think I'm gonna be sick.
I don't register my actions as I get to my feet in a quick rush to get myself out of here. I run on wobbly legs, falling over my own two feet and yelling out when I sew Grimmjow's eyes flash furiously and he begins stomping towards me. I force myself to get up, to run, to just get the fuck out of here even though I feel like I'm about to pass out. I'm in frenzy as I slam the door open and hope to get away. Grimmjow grabs me. I thought I was far enough to get away.
I yelp loudly like a pathetic coward and tell myself that if I die tonight, I deserve it.
I'm walking back home in the dark as I'm replaying everything in my head.
My steps are sluggish and uncaring.
I'm sweating like I'm sick.
I was never one to drag my feet against the ground, but now, I could care less. The means of my own life are at a loss. Like a zombie, I'm dragging the little rocks along with my feet, kicking some off to the side. I stop almost too slowly, bend over like everything is suddenly in slow motion and throw up. The bile burns my throat. Grimmjow killed Renji like it was nothing. He fucking killed him and after that threatened to kill me too.
After he caught me, I thought I was done with. He said he would kill me. But instead, I watched him bag up Renji's body. He forced me into the car with a dead body and made me help him dump it into the river a few miles away from the warehouse. Now what? Do I go and give myself into the police? Tell them everything that happened to us? Or do I take my own life and suffer miserably in the afterlife? I know that I cannot escape this pain no matter how hard I try to run away. Running away won't fix anything. Nothing will anymore.
I finally stop spilling my guts onto the side of the road and continue my miserable way home.
It's already gotten too far. Living like this is not a life I want to live! But even if I leave this world, the spirits will haunt me. Taunt me. I've already become a victim to the voices in my head.
There's no escape.
When I made it to my neighbourhood, I was caught by surprise to see a familiar short haired girl with her mini school skirt standing outside my house.
"Ru-Rukia?" I know my voice sounds surprised and utterly distraught to her.
She turns to face me and we look at each other silently for a few seconds.
A/N I'm sorry. Someone had to die. Anyway, reviews are a great way to tell me your thoughts and let me know if there are any errors- or room for improvement. Thanks for reading!