I don't know if I feel relieved or nervous that Grimmjow's here. Having no sight of him today and getting no reply made me so anxious that I couldn't stop thinking that something had happened or something had gone wrong.
He doesn't say anything while I eye him. I have to let him know that I don't want any trouble, especially not at my own home with my family inside.
"My family," I start. He looks at me knowingly. "They're inside. Don't do anything stupid."
"Not gonna." Grimmjow pulls his dark hood down revealing messy blue hair.
Where the fuck was he all this time? What was he doing?
"Why are you here?" I ask him. He must have gotten the missed call and message. But did he choose to ignore them intentionally or is he here at my house now so late to make up for it? Most of all I'm wondering where the fuck he was all this time and what was he doing? I want to know so much, but the questions seem too pushy and I don't want to piss him off.
I remind myself to be careful. Rukia's words ring in my ears. Grimmjow really is unpredictable. I'm worried he'll get aggravated again. That's the problem –how do I sort this shit out like this? I still can't believe what he did. But it doesn't mask the regret and guilt I feel over what started all this.
"Ichi…are you scared?" His voice pulls me back into reality. It's low so he's not heard beyond the walls of my room. I'm equally as quiet when I plainly tell him that no, I'm not scared, even though I know it's a lie and I'm in reality shaking. I look deep into those bright blue eyes that are looking back into mine intently. He doesn't believe me.
"You're not scared of gettin' busted? Not scared of the dead, Ichi? All I can feel is hate towards myself and Grimmjow while I listen to him speak. Am I scared of getting busted? Yes. Am I scared Grimmjow will do something to cost me my life? Yes, definitely.
"I'm scared of you," I tell him honestly. That's it. There's no point fearing the dead. If anything, it should be the living I am afraid of because people are the real monsters here. Maybe we're all killers inside. Some of us are just more… sensitive.
Grimmjow keeps a neutral face but I'm sure he's thinking up a storm in that mind of his. He doesn't say anything else. Neither do I. The silence seems to stretch on and on. We just stand there watching each other, like one of us is going to lash out at the other any second. Is he thinking about how he can kill me? Maybe he's seeing it all play out in his head. The thought makes my heart beat a little faster. I try to calm myself before I freak out because the way he's looking at me makes me feel vulnerable and defenceless and I don't know what I'll do if he tries something.
When Grimmjow takes a step towards me I instinctively take a step back.
"You don't trust me?" He asks, taking another step. I take another step back until the back of my feet bump into the edge of the bed. My eyes go from looking to his feet to his face. He hasn't taken his eyes off me since. I nod because words don't form. I get this feeling like the walls in my throat are tightening. I breathe slowly. I take a sharp deep breath through my nose, filling my lungs. I exhale, telling myself to keep it cool.
I don't trust him. Not anymore.
"I won't kill you," he assures me as if reading my mind. My stomach ties in knots. "But you have to trust me if we want to get out of this."
I don't think before saying, "And what if I don't?" I fold my arms over my chest. "We already dug a hole deep enough for us both, so why not just jump in already!"
Grimmjow rolls his eyes, "Ichi are you fuckin' serious? I had to do it. I had to. Or that bastard was going to dob us in."
"Renji was my friend." His bloodied face and neck appear in my mind now as a disturbing memory. I bite my lip when I feel it quivering. I feel numb.
"I don't know what to do anymore." My voice drops. My arms fall to my sides. I'm tired.
"Did you tell Rukia anything?" He asks seriously. I feel myself tremble. This is so messed up. Since when do I fear Grimmjow, my best friend since middle school? It's like now he's turned into an entirely different person over all this. I need to choose my words wisely.
"No." I lie, "Why're you askin' me 'bout her anyway?"
"Saw you and her talking at school," he answers plainly.
"Yeah, about nothing important," I say before asking, "Are you suspicious?"
Grimmjow smirks. "Why wouldn't I be?"
I want to ask him why he went to Rukia's. but if I do that, then it's going to be obvious that I saw her, spoke with her and told her anything.
"What about you," I ask, "did you?"
"Nah, I haven't."
Bullshit.
"You're a fuckin' liar," I say starting to get annoyed.
"So're you."
I freeze at the way he says it. Shit. He knows.
"I'm not stupid, Ichi," Grimmjow says after a brief silence. I shake my head feeling stupid. "I'm not either," I finally tell him. "I know you saw her, Grimmjow."
"And she knows, doesn't she?"
I swallow the huge lump down in my throat. "No. I never told her, so leave Rukia alone."
"Liar."
"Shut up!" I yell, covering my mouth with my hands when I realise how loud I said it. He smirks at me. I feel my heart beating hard and fast against my chest. My mind has thoughts rushing through it like crazy. Thoughts about what's about to happen, how I can stop anything bad from happening.
"Stop messing with my head!" I say, moving away from the bed and towards the wall in attempt to get farther away from where he stands.
Grimmjow walks towards me. Before I have a chance to move out of the way, he grabs my arm and pushes me into the wall. The grip hurts enough to tell me he's not playing.
"If it's a fight," I start, "then we won't do it here." I look into his angry eyes.
"Don't come here again, Grimm."
He doesn't say anything. If anything, his grip tightens more and his nails dig into my skin. I sneer but don't say anything more. He lets go and I watch him pull his hood up roughly, showing his frustration towards me.
"Fine," he says turning towards the window. He walks away, back to me, before adding, "I'll meet you at the warehouse then. We can settle shit there."
Grimmjow gives me one last serious look before climbing over the window.
He leaves.
This isn't the first time I've had a dispute with Grimmjow. I know what he means by 'settle' things, a way for us to beat the shit out of each other to get our anger out towards each other. All those times we done this during middle school is nothing compared to now. Back then we may have been less threatening to our lives, but now it's much more dangerous –much more life threatening.
We both know that sooner or later, this situation would continue to put a strain on our daily lives. And with our opposing views, I know that Grimmjow will not back down…and neither will I. Renji's disappearance spilled more suspicion over me.
I woke up one morning to loud banging on the front door. I walk through the otherwise silent house. No one is home. No little sisters because they're at school and dad is working at the hospital. Before I open the front door I just stand there. If someone saw me they'd ask why I was so scared for almost no reason at all. But this feeling in the pit of my stomach makes me feel anything but content. I listen to the door getting banged on while I stand right in front of it, my heart thumping just as hard in my chest. The anxiety is enough to suffocate me. I'm struggling for air because I think its Grimmjow here to kill me and it's taunting me. I think maybe I shouldn't answer. Whoever it is will go away if I don't open the door. They'll just think no one is home. But sooner or later I open the door anyway.
I stare. It's not Grimmjow. It's not Uryu's or Renji's corpse standing there either but I feel myself pale at the sight of them. Kiskue stands there, holding up a detective badge. Beside Kiskue stands a young man who also holds up his badge.
"Good morning, Kurosaki!" Kiskue says cheerfully.
I gape at him, "w-what?"
"Don't mind us having a little chat, eh?" He lets himself in, bucket hat with the green and white stripes on his head and hair poking out from under it. I move aside as I stare at him incredulously. Is this legal? Are they allowed to just barge on into my house without a warrant? Is it enough to just show a badge and declare that we're going to have a chat? More like an interview to figure out what happened to Renji now. But of course Kiskue can't be that stupid. He's a detective for crying out loud. He would have solved many cases before this, so I must be pretty stupid to think I could get away with the death of two people. Well, accidental anyway.
I must already be busted. But before I start begging for forgiveness, we sit at the kitchen table.
Kiskue opens up a document holder. I sit silently across from him feeling like the kitchen had suddenly become an interrogation room. Kiskue's partner looks at me silently.
"Your friend Renji is missing now too," Kiskue says finally. I look into his eyes not sure what to say.
"You don't look so worried," Kiskue's partner adds.
"Oh yes –Ichigo, this is Kira. He recently joined the case." Kiskue smiles darkly.
I'm silent on the outside as I sit there, watching the two detectives. On the inside I'm freaking out hard, screaming at myself for letting this go on for so long. I should have just given myself in the moment we accidently killed Uryu. At least that way Renji might still be alive and I probably wouldn't be in prison for that long, right?
But the voice in my head laughs at me, telling me that it's stupid to think that way. It reminds me about what goes down in prison, and I wonder how I ever thought about putting myself in the spotlight like that in the first place. Would I think about telling the truth now, with detectives looking at me?
No way. Fuck that.
I remind myself that if I've lasted this long. I may be able to go a little longer. But of course there will be nowhere left for me to turn. Especially now, when the situation is unpredictable and any minute Kiskue could be arresting me, taking me down to the station. I hope that doesn't happen. I'd rather meet Grimmjow down at the warehouse later on tonight and have him beat the shit out of me rather than go to prison. But perhaps I could lie my way through Grimmjow too?
"You're here because you think I did something, right?" I ask. They both look at me. "But I told you once before, so I'm telling you again. I don't know what happened to Uryu. And I don't know where Renji is." I continue.
Kiskue squints his eyes at me, letting the information I told him sink in. I doubt he'll buy my lies but at the same time I'm certain that I'm playing it cool and I come off as telling the truth.
"Is that so?" He asks before saying, "You do realise that you're a suspect, yes?"
"Yes," I say plainly.
"Then we have every right to arrest you."
I hold my breath. But I have to meet Grimmjow…
I shake my head in understanding.
Dad won't be happy about this. But resisting arrest will only cause more trouble for me.
Kiskue laughs, catching me off guard. The tension has gotten so intense that the laugh was foreign to me for a couple of seconds. I soon came to realise that Kiskue told me this to test me, see if I'd crack.
I'm glad I played it off well, keeping my cool and stopping myself from doing something stupid like confessing right on the spot. The thing is, if Urahara knows I have a strong part in their disappearance, or rather – death, he either doesn't have enough evidence to support the claim or needs an actual confession before he can actually arrest me. I may have a little time on my hands to try and figure something out, but still, I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me this will all come to an end soon. Whether it will be a good end or bad, I don't know. I honestly can't tell the outcome of my own fate.
"When was the last time you saw Renji?" He asks me, continuing this on.
"At school," I tell him. I don't mention anything about how I stopped going to school, and when he doesn't ask me any further questions about my attendance, or friends, I feel slightly relieved.
I seriously can't be bothered with this. My impatience must show through because after briefly observing me, Kiskue tells me to relax. I sit back in my chair, taking a breath. He's only here investigating two missing persons. He has no idea that they're both dead. So why am I feeling like Kiskue knows more than I think? I stay silent as he asks me the questions. I answer calm and think through my answer as he's asking me the questions. And before I know it, it's over.
Kiskue and Kira leave.
I'm worried. And now I ponder whether to tell Grimmjow about this or to keep quiet.
A/N: Thank you all for the reviews and reading! Just to answer a question: No, this isn't a yaoi. Sorry :O I just feel like it's kind of unnecessary to add it into this fic. But there's plenty of yaoi in my other fics lol. BTW, I don't know if this would be considered as a filler chapter? Oh well, next chapters will be far more intense and include much more action! There's still a little bit to go then this fic will be coming to a conclusion soon. :)