Chapter 5: Existential Crisis

Those special memories of you,

will always bring a smile,

if only I could have you back

for just a little while

then we could sit and talk again

just like we used to do

you always meant so very much

and always will do too

the fact that you're no longer here

will always cause me pain

but you're forever in my heart

until the end of the line

Bucky awoke in pure darkness, he questioned whether this was a good thing or a bad thing or whether this was even real. He couldn't remember what happened after the train jolted him back and wasn't sure where he was, if he even was anywhere or if he had even made it out alive. Was he dead? He probably isn't dead, well he hoped he wasn't… he just wished he could see where he was. What about Steve? Had he made it out alive? The thought of this sent shivers down his spine and Bucky began to panic, what if Steve hadn't made it out alive..? He prayed that Steve's pretty face got him out of the situation and that he was able to somehow escape unharmed, but Bucky feared the worse. Steve wasn't that tactful, he may be pretty but he didn't have a lot of common knowledge about SHIELD. Maybe Bucky shouldn't have brought him out of a lesson that could have saved him…

How could Bucky have been so reckless; bringing Steve out with him in the open away from the protection of college and teachers? Of course, Bucky hated college and wished he didn't have to go through with it but Steve made it better and now Steve wasn't here and it was his fault. Still Bucky was in darkness and still Bucky questioned his existence and whether this is what death does to you when you finally leave you're pathetic life, maybe you're just stuck with your own thoughts and you have nothing else to do but to think. He couldn't even tell if he was a body moving, wasn't sure if this was his mind playing tricks. He couldn't tell if he had moved his hand toward his face, whether he felt pain in his ribs or whether the wet substance on his head was even real – was any of this real, did any of this even happen? Is he even real? Okay stop it Bucky you're being stupid.

What had happened after he was blacked out? Was he still blacked out? Who or what had caused the train to crash? What if it was someone within SHIELD going out to get him for ditching college or what if it wasn't? Ugh, Bucky couldn't even think straight anymore. He laughed a little to himself at the idea of thinking straight… that's a pun within itself. At least he thought he had laughed or whether it was just his mind laughing, was he just a conscience?

A jolt of some form of handle made a noise then, or he thought it did and before Bucky could even think he was suddenly blinded by a gust of light entering his cornea and he yelped with fear and then adjusted his eyesight to see that he was in a small room with one desk and a man was above him wearing a mask. Maybe he would have been better off dead. The man didn't look like he was about to offer Bucky a cup of tea and he forcibly lifted Bucky by his arm and dragged him out, despite the attempts of fighting back, he was much stronger and brought him into a new room on his knees and kept a staff on his shoulder to make sure he kept this position – as though he had to kneel towards somebody. Bucky knew now that he was still a body and that everything he was feeling was real and he decided this was worse than if it weren't.

Bucky moved his eyes upwards and saw a man in a green cloak and a long staff, probably to make out that at least one of his staffs were large, with a big blue glowing gem on-top and was sat on a throne covered in green gems and was holding a round object in his other hand. Bucky kept silent, he didn't know whether this man was even human. The room was massive, mostly covered in gold and green patterns and gems and spoke envy out towards Bucky as though it was made to make anyone feel envious of something or someone and suggested that the man Bucky was about to talk to wasn't going to give him any form of warm welcome. The man spoke then; his voice had a very manipulative and weirdly commanding tone to it and sent almost a reflex within Bucky to listen and to do as it says. This wasn't within Bucky's DNA to listen to people, he didn't take orders from anybody but suddenly this aspect of him was changed just by hearing this man's voice.

He said "Bucky Barnes, what an honour to finally have you with me. I must say you were hard to get hold of as your friend kept a very tight grip over you. I can't help but envy his caring nature towards you. It's a shame he tried to be too clever about the situation, made out that he was an agent too. Of course, I could have killed him but I thought he deserved a more… let's say… permanent torture."

"What have you done with Steve?" Bucky felt panicked, why had Steve been a babe and fought for his life. Why did he choose that moment to be a hero, a sweet assed hero?

"Steve? Is that what you call him? He claimed to be some form of Captain and a very stupid one at that. He didn't even know who I was, if he were some form of special agent from SHIELD he would have known better. I wouldn't worry, he's perfectly alive… but for how long who can say? I left him with one of my good friends' who has a few, how should I put it? Anger issues?"

"Where is he? What have you done?!" Bucky felt the rage boil up inside him mixed with too many emotions to even know what he was going to do with himself. He wanted to scream, cry and laugh all at once at this whole situation.

The man presented a big white glowing grin down at Bucky, enjoying his pain and giggled to him, then said "as I said, he's with a friend of mine. I haven't done anything; he did it to himself by trying to protect you. Maybe you should be a little meaner to your friends and then maybe they wouldn't end up in such a situation." He kept grinning mischievously down at Bucky and Bucky glared back, trying not to cry.

Bucky was silent, he didn't know what to do and all he could think about was Steve in a life threatening situation. What was Bucky going to do? He needed Steve back; he also needed to kill this person who put Steve in this position – but not yet. What did this man want with Bucky? Why did he know who he was and Bucky was none the wiser about him? So many goddamn questions, so little answers – Bucky hated it.

"Who are you? What do you want with me? I'll do anything you want, just let my friend go… please."

The man seemed to consider this, but not for long "oh how sweet, you care for him don't you? I would love to let him go but I'm afraid that's quite impossible."

"Why?"

"Oh you see, you can put whoever you want within this particular torture but you can never take them out. That's the issue and that's why it's so convenient to hold my friend and now it holds yours. Is your friend clever? Probably not as clever as my friend, unfortunately this means that your friend hasn't got a lot of luck, I'm so sorry." He didn't look at all sorry, he still had that ridiculous grin slapped on his face, ugh what Bucky would do to slap him – and not in a kinky way either. Although, maybe to freak him out he would put a bit of kink into it but he didn't know if he was into that and his gaydar wasn't exactly ringing with assurance.

"You're not sorry, not even at all. Not even a little bit. If you were you wouldn't have put him there in the first place. You're evil and obviously anything I do for you won't help my friend at all so how are you going to make me do anything without killing me? Unless you release my friend, I'm never going to do as you ask. Now, tell me who you are!" Bucky felt tears begin to boil in his eyes, but he didn't want to let himself look weak even though he wasn't exactly looking strong.

The man laughed out loud then and smirked to himself whilst keeping eye contact with Bucky "such bravery… I like that in a person but your words mean nothing. You will do as I ask and if you do not any memory or knowledge of your friend will slowly be taken away from you. So you either do as I ask and know who your friend is, or you don't and you forget he even was your friend." He stood up then and grinned patronisingly down at Bucky, "I am Loki of Asguard and you, Bucky Barnes, are going to do as I say or you are going to lose… everything."