The case went cold, freezing even. And suddenly my mom woke up and saw the date. July 17th, 1999. A whole year had passed and there were still no signs that anything would happen. It's crazy how for eighteen years that day passed by and I never once thought there was anything special about it. Everyone goes through life passing by the day they will die, their loved ones, their children's children, and strangers. Not once stopping to think about it.

My mother pulled herself out of bed one more time. Dragging herself into the shower where she sat on the shower for the first cry of the day. A year ago flashed through her mind, that small conversation we had, had. And how if she had only known what she now knew. It's easy to think that. So, so easy to think of all the things we would do if we got another chance. But we don't. There is no repeat button, or restart in life. You live to die and what happens in between is a little bit up to you and a lot up to fate. When the shower turned cold she got up, washed, and stepped out. Jeff was gone, which wasn't unusual now. She'd wake at four a.m. to see him gone reminding her every day that this is her life and had been for a year.

Julia woke a few hours after my mom. She knew what the day was, what it meant. But just like always never said a word about it. I guess she figured it was hard enough on mom. Kids can feel things kinda like a dog can. They just know. Despite how hard my mother tried to put the best front up for Julia she wanted to just tell her to stop. She had questions. Things she would wonder about for hours. Why this happen. How it happen. It was hard for her to wrap her head around the fact that someone had just up and taken me. That I no longer existed I was now some lost being that no one could for sure say what happens next. She also didn't understand what was going on with her mom and dad. But she blamed me and I learned to accept that if it made it easier.

Katie had stayed up all night planning. They had arranged a candle lighting for me in downtown and family and friends at my house tonight. She had every detail written down to a t, perfect time frame. She'd also been going through and making a list of everything she had to do before her first year of college. She'd cried a few times. Thinking about how we'd planned for god knows how long about our first year of college together. All the things we would do. She'd even decided to stay in state and go to a local college claiming she wanted to be here when they found my killer. But really it was that she felt she was leaving me behind and that it would be wrong. Which isn't at all true.

"How are you sweetie?" Her father said peeking his head into her room.

"I've been better. But I'll be fine."

Without a word he walked in and just held her. Her relationship with her father was always something I'd envied since my father and I were never close. I was envious about the fact I could never touch or feel anything. One cruel thing that is constantly pushed in front of you. They finished their moment and left. I had this urge just to shout at her. To tell her to leave, move on, forget about me even. Not to just stay stuck like I am but I knew Katie better than anyone and knew she was not the sticking type.

Ethan was three rooms down sitting on the floor of his room looking through a box of old things from the days of us. Photos we had taken, photos from dances we'd attended, notes I'd written him mapping out our whole life, and a stack of photos he'd taken of me on a small road trip we'd gone on while together. He'd decided to take a year off from school entirely. To say the least their parents were concerned. One child completely pausing their life and the other seeming to completely give up on it. He'd been drinking more than I'd ever seen him before. Daily drinking at times that seemed extreme. Sometimes watching brought back old feelings. The urge to reach out and touch his face like I use to. Or to run a hand through his hair because I know how much he loved that. Then remind myself those days died before I did.

Christian and his family were waking early to help set up downtown for the candle lighting. Christian hardly speaking all day. Everyone now knew of the pregnancy. 'Just an absolute tragedy' people would say behind closed doors or whispers. I'd even been compared to the Titanic. Life really is a crazy thing so many people waste. Christian had been patted on the back all day, received hugs from people he hardly spoke to, and tons of 'try to be strong today son'. He'd mental shut down. Grace was holding it together well as the rest of the family constantly expecting Christian to crack and need them. He hadn't so far.

Jeff was at work sitting in his office. He'd received quite a few cards that were for my family. Pretty much the same thing everyone says, "Thinking of you and your family today. Praying for the best. And if you need anything at all never hesitate to reach out." They laid in a pile on his desk. Jeff was not at all the person I had once thought him to be. I could now see all aspects of his life. His real self and his ways. He was not what my mother had hoped to be either. He'd reached out to Elena numerous times all failing. She'd even changed her voice mail to say 'if this is Jeff Steele please stop calling'. He'd finally given up. Now he just worked late and left early. He felt uncomfortable everywhere he went. Never finding anywhere to just lay low. All eyes on him, the cheater, and the man whose step –daughter was taken and murdered. Again I was blamed and I accepted that too.

At seven that night everyone gathered together in our little square. Pictures of me decorating the entire square with photos of me from birth to my birthday party a year before. People from all over gathered around to speak about me. There was crying and every now and then a small smile when a good memory came along. My family sat in the first row where people would stop by and give hugs and well wishes. The feeling you get watching people morn you is a feeling you never feel while alive. After any speakers finished they began lighting candles. Starting with my mom until the very last candle was lit. The square was glowing. And stand there is could have sworn for a moment I caught my moms' eye. Then her head turned quickly to my sister and one little droplet fell from my eye. Watching my mom I realized that a tear fell from her eye too and even that slight connection was enough.

Katie, Christian, and a few other family and friends went to my house after the lighting. Sitting around my living room flipping through photo albums and stories. Julia for once was included in the discussions which helped her more than my mother or Jeff realized. Just sharing a silly story made her feel slightly closer to me, like I had been real. It reminded her that I was no imaginary friend but a real living being. Someone who had been a huge part of her life. The day my mother announced Julia to me flashed through my mind while watching and the pure excitement that I felt could have lit New York. I was not like most children who when they found out about a new little sibling got upset or mad. No, no I was filled with joy, betting my mother who was sure it was a boy that it was a girl, and thinking of all the things I would do with her. How many of those had been taken from us? How many times would she think 'if my big sister were here it would be easier'?

All of a sudden there was a knock on the door. My mother being the host she is got up and went to greet whoever it was. She opened the door and found Jack Hyde standing there with a thing of white roses. But these roses where unlike any my mother had seen.

"Mr. Hyde, how nice of you to come by."

"I wanted to pay my respects to you and your family. I know this must be a hard day on you all. It's hard on the whole town really though I'm sure that does little to comfort you." He handed the flowers to my mother who thanked him for the gift. Promising to treat them well and put them in a beautiful vase.

"Well my family and I sincerely appreciate this. Just you coming by."

"It's no problem at all. I lost my daughter as well so I understand how you feel."

"I'm sorry for your lose too Mr. Hyde. I had no idea you had children or even a wife."

"Ex. Children's deaths have a way of, well, separating you and your spouse. Hopefully you never go through that tragedy as well. But I also wanted to tell you that your daughter was a strong girl, a real fighter."

It felt wrong to my mother. Almost making her skin crawl the way he said it plus the words, "Thank you for that. Well I better let you go it's getting late. Good night Mr. Hyde."

"Goodnight Mrs. Steele."

I have never met God nor have I met anyone here who says they have. Now maybe he's just not here. Maybe there's a life after this 'life'. Maybe I'm stuck in some in between area. No one here has answers to these either. No one can say what this place is; heave, hell, or some never mentioned place. I always hoped I'd be reborn into a dog or some house pet with a great owner. That did not happen either.

"Been a whole year already huh? Time flies when you stop count." Casey said walking up to me.

"Yep it has. Does this ever change?"

"Not really. It's always there. The option of watching or hanging out with more dead people. They both suck really."

"Yeah I guess so. How have you done it so long?"

"I have no option. We're stuck here. That's how it works. I'm just glad I've met you. I've never met anyone else like me so to meet you was crazy to say the least.

Now children if you pull out your timeline we can now write; one year since disappearing. Two weeks later marked the estimated day of my death. Be sure to include that on your time line also. This will all help you in the long run. Really. I'm even getting confused and I've watched or lived most of this. August came and my friends started college. I watched them change. Make new friends, get new styles, and in general sort of move on. Of course it wasn't easy for them but they did it. And that made me happy.

Julia started a new grade with a new teacher who when she saw her last name made the connection. A few kids at school stared but it seemed better. She trucked through the day like a champ. She went home and put on a smile for my mother who carried on through life without me too. She'd learned that routine was what seemed to work the best. She'd map out her whole day to the t and prepare for the stares. Julia and she would visit my grandma once a week mostly for my moms' sanity. My grandmother doing the best to try and make her feel better.

I sat back and watched while other girls, now older than me, flirted with him in class or out an about. He never paid much mind to it which in some way did make me feel good. The idea that he wasn't ready to move on from our relationship made me feel good inside. But as time passed I realized this couldn't carry on his whole life and I began waiting. Watching for the one. It was a difficult task but we'll get to more on that later.

September came and went. Of course this was before the month of September had meaning to America. In two years that would change and September would be a difficult month for all of the state. October passed with what felt like a blink of an eye. Nothing too great happening; Ethan decided he was done with school entirely and enrolled to take the course to become a police officer. Julia dressed up like a little witch that year for Halloween and got a ton of candy. She thought because her costume was so good but instead because everyone gave her extra thinking that would fill a void. November was filled with food and family. That year thanksgiving was at my grandmothers' house because she said it would help to continue and give Julia normalcy.

December. That's the month that the snowball effect began to grow. Now mark on your time line 'December important'. Yes December was the month things changed oh boy did they change.

I hope everyone had great holidays and enjoyed this chapter. There will only be two more chapters before everything is answered! I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts on who did it and I'd love to hear everyone's theories before the next chapter. Have a great New Year everyone!