My new few days were filled with sleeping on and off for short periods of time and attending collage for the fall semester. I had barely caught the deadline for sign ups, so of course I got all the crappy classes no one wanted or the ones at crazy early hours. I above all, enjoyed my painting class no matter how dead tired I was. Dei and I mostly had quiet time when we were together, or worked on homework. Truthfully college was kicking my ass harder than any ninja ever could.
On our first day of the painting class, The class was handed a canvas, one for each of us, three feet by four feet, and were told that this would be our final exam and the only canvas we would be getting for free. The professor told us that a speech would be given at the end of the class and explained what we painted on it and why, easy enough. It was certainly a shit ton of space to cover, but it could be done. The problem though, was what I was going to paint. I thought about a tree, and then maybe a city street, but that all seemed to general. There was a trick behind this I could tell, but what that trick was I had no idea.
Deidara's worst enemy was english. Sure he spoke fluently, but he was still writing his name in Japanese charters and he couldn't write a paper for shit. I tried to teach him but ended up writing most of his essays while he dictated. He'd be in trouble for the exam, because my writing sounded nothing like his and the professors were plagiarism hounds.
"I think I know what I want to be," He said I the middle of a sentence. I immediately stopped typing as that didn't really sound like part of the persuasive essay we were writing, and looked back at him. He was cross legged on the bed, I sat on his lap with the laptop in front of me on the mattress.
"And whats that?" I asked. I cared only because these were his wishes. I didn't approve of my mother and the college shoving him into picking something good.
"I want to be a pyrotechnician," He smiled.
Of course he did. Of course because that's what he loved to do, blow things up. I thought for a moment before I responded. I didn't worry about his safety, blowing shit to smithereens is what he'd been doing best since he was a kid. Best of all, that didn't sound like anything my parents tried to impose on him.
"I thought you said that your art.." I trailed off not wanting to push any buttons.
"I want to try again. I have a new muse," He nuzzled my neck with his nose and I rolled my eyes.
"I'm not going to type any faster just because your being cute," I smirked and huffed, "But I do think stable jobs are sexy. Holy shit that's so kinky." I finished with a sarcastic tone. I felt his chest rumble with a small laugh.
The bags under my eyes grew darker as the days dragged on and ran together until finally I was reduced to laying sick on the sofa on a Friday night. Friday was usually date night, but Deidara was no where to be found. I figured he either didn't want to push me or didn't want to go out, and either one of those would have been fine with me. My vision blurred as my mother came into the room, I could barely make out a pill bottle.
"May, whats this?" She asked, putting one hand on her hip and using the other to hold out the bottle. I shrugged. Her scowl deepened. I head more foot steps but didn't turn to look. These steps scuffed as they picked up and my dad was the only one in the house that scuffed his feet.
"You know damn well what this is, why aren't you taking them?" she demanded, but I again shrugged.
"May this is ridicules!" she shouted, "Ridicules! You know I've let you go long enough, and I've had it!" she looked behind me at my dad and sighed. I was truly exhausted and I wasn't in the mood to fight. I made up my mind right here no matter what happened I wasn't going to argue with her. My dad must have said something or motioned or something because my mother relaxed visibly and sat down next to me. Patting my knee and smiled and I was sort of afraid then, something was up.
"May," she spoke softly, "May, you've got to take these okay? I know collage is tough and its tougher if you don't get any sleep. I can't understand why you don't want these? Its just for a little while," she explained. Acute Anxiety only lasted for a short period, and as far as I was concerned I could last the time on my own.
"Because I'm not crazy," I mocked her scowl from earlier and she sighed again.
"We know your not, we aren't saying your crazy, look, Deidara can't stay here anymore if you don't start taking your medicine," she sad firmly, her tone becoming harsher as she continued, "Your dad and I have frankly had enough of him, and this is the ultimatum."
She left the pill bottle on the coffee table and got me a glass of water before leaving the room. My dad kissed the top of my head and fallowed her out. I didn't take a single word of that seriously.
Had enough of him huh? Had enough of the guy I picked to bring home to them? The guy that saved my life? Now I certainly wasn't going to take them if she was going to be like that. I didn't turn and look as the door opened, Shep was too the door in seconds, nails clicking on the hard wood floor, but came back to lay on my feet shortly after. I felt a weigh on my shoulders and out of the corner of my eye I could see blonde hair as a pair of lips touched my cheek.
"Guess what I got hm?" He asked.
"An oversized ego?" I asked sarcastically, but he only shoved a brown paper bag into my lap. Pulling the bag away from the bottle it had inside, I found a label that read 'vodka' and not 'rum.'
"Whats this? You got the wrong kind." I said plainly, he sat down across from me on the other sofa with a cup and reached for the bottle.
"No I didn't hm," he answered as I handed him the bottle, "I don't want you to have any."
"What the fuck?" I almost yelled. Now him too? "Where he fuck did you even get that?"
"Took your car," he said very quietly and took a shot. I could only imagine the burn in his throat. I wanted that burn too.
"What the fuck?" I repeated. He shrugged.
"Don't blame me because you aren't doing like your supposed to hm," He said tipping back another shot.
"What the fuck!" I shouted. I was beyond pissed. He was supposed to be on my side! My supporter! I stood up and tried to walk out of the room but I was stopped before I could even move. Tears wracked my frame.
Why had I lost the ability to function? Why couldn't I get Madara out of my head long enough to even go to god damned sleep? I just wanted a little to drink and my own brain back! I pressed my hands to my face, but it didn't stop the tears from flowing down my face, then my arms and dripping off my elbows. Deidara wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.
"What do you want May?" he whispered.
"I want to go to sleep!" I wailed, pulling my hands from my face to press it into his shoulder. I felt one of his arms move. He fished around in his pocket until he retrieved one of my tiny white pills and pressed it into the palm of my hand.
"Fuck you!" I hissed, trying my best to shove him away, though he was much bigger and heavier, and I only pushed myself off of him instead of away from me. I threw down the pill and staggered back.
"I've had enough! I thought we were supposed to help each other!" I screamed.
"I am helping you you idiot!" He shouted back, "I'm helping you the best way I know how! Making you suffer until you see!"
"That's cruel," I accused. I wanted to real back and slap him. I wanted to throw him out of our bedroom, or stab him with a throwing knife even.
"You won't respond any other way," he folded one arm and rested the other on it, putting his palm to his forehead and brushing his bangs out of his face.
"You know I didn't mind loosing everything with you every time we turned around," I started, "I didn't mind when you used me as a distraction when we were attacked or when the flames from your bombs burned my skin," I spoke in a hushed tone, this was only for his ears, "But I mind this, whatever this is."
I took myself upstairs and slammed the door to our bedroom. I wanted everyone in this house to know I was angry with him, even the dog. I could feel myself drifting in and out of sleep and it was getting harder and harder to fight it. I felt a weight on the bed that snapped me back and I was glad for that for a moment until I realized it was Deidara.
"Take your pill May," He said softly, and this time pressed the pill to my lips. I couldn't fight him anymore. I didn't have the energy to.
"He'll come for me in my dreams," I explained groggily as my eyes fluttered shut.
"No, he won't. I'm right here." The pill slipped between my lips much to my dismay and when he lifted my shoulders up and pushed a glass to my mouth much the same way, I decided I could do nothing more than swallow it.
I hated Vodka.
My eyes flicked open and I had the sudden urge to get myself a drink. Getting up, I couldn't remember where I'd fallen asleep, but this certainly wasn't my room. I didn't stand around and think about it long, my throat was literally burning from thirst. I made haste in opening the door and walking down the strange hallway to find a bathroom. This place was filled with door after door, each opened to only reveal a large king sized bed with purple sheets.
This was the same as my last dream, and Jesus Christ, I was falling into it again. I could stop my feet as I walked to the same bathroom, picking up the same purple cup and bringing it to my lips. It covered my vision the same way it had and the familiar sensation of my wet, sticky blood washed down the front of me.
This time I gasped for air, now unable to breathe as my wind pipe was severed. I felt only terror as my vision began to darken. Fear gripped me in a choke hold, terror squeezed my body until it was reduced to a shaking mess crumbling on the ground. His eyes were over me then. I could only see his god forsaken eyes. A blade rose from the shadows, shiny and silver in color and I knew he would finish me. I shut my eyes and braced myself for the end.
I waited, and waited until I felt something wet on my face. I feared it was my blood again, but when I felt no pin, I opened my eyes to find none other than Shep, My dog. Madara was gone, so was my wound, and in his place was the black Shepard.
"Shep? You little bastard un, where are you?" I heard Deidara call and Shep was gone, but he returned seconds later with my boyfriend.
Deidara had chased him away, just like he promised, and with an extended hand, my blonde lover helped me to my feet.
My eyes snapped open, my uncovered body feeling drastically cold in the autumnal air coming from my open window. The room was dark save for a little light peaking in under the shade of said window. I moaned as a head ache suddenly hit my full force. Deidara wasn't here, and that worried me. What if I was still dreaming? I tried to move my legs to get up, but Shep was on my feet. After giving the Shepard a pat on the head, I pulled my feet from under him and was quickly out the bedroom door. I looked back once to see my own black sheets on my bed.
I wanted to fly out of this room, looking for Deidara, hug him and tell him how much he meant to me. I'd said somethings I wasn't to proud of today, and saying I was sorry seemed to be the right thing to do. Shaky legs helped me to the hallway and to the top of the stairs.
"Hello?" I called.
"Down here!" I heard my mom call. I was hesitant at first. Afraid of her after that nightmare I'd just had, but I realized I was only going to get anywhere by talking to her, dream or not.
"Wheres Dei?" I called again, this time it was quiet. I felt Shep rub on my leg and I looked down to him, and then back, my mother stood at the bottom of the stairs now.
"He went up to the college. Your dad drove him," she said simply, and calmly I might add, a hand on her hip was holding a dishrag, "He had a talk with us this morning," she stated.
"What'd he say?" I asked, sort of afraid of the answer. I fidgeted under her gaze.
"A lot..' She trailed off, her eyes looking tired ad her body language told me she was deep in thought, "You know, he's not as bad as I thought he was." My mouth fell open. I must still be dreaming!
"Yeah?" I asked, quickly stepping down the stairs and fallowing her into the kitchen.
"Yeah, your dad talked to him about the other night, and I'll tell you too, don't you dare do that again, and if I hear anything more about you two...you knowing, I personally will-"
"We didn't do anything like that!" I interjected, but she rose a finger to shush me.
"I don't wanna hear about it! Anyway," she started again with a sigh, "He told us what he wanted to do, and how he was going to get it together, and just asked us accept him. It was nice, no yelling, see I told you that medicine was going to help him, I told you that-"
I stopped listening before she started to ramble. He was going to get it together? What about me? I needed to get it together too. What did I even want to do? Was I just going to blindly fallow him for the rest of my life? What kind of person would I be then? What happened to the old me? The fighter, the strong willed woman who didn't need a man to support her?
I decided then that I was going to work to get my old self back, I hated what I'd become.