"I think I'm gonna go away for a little while," Deidara said, early one morning as I brushed my hair near the window while he sat cross legged still in bed.

"And just where are you going to go?" I asked, looking at him with a surprised expression. I didn't take a word of that seriously, where in Gods green earth was he going to go with out me?

"I can't tell you just yet, but I promise it'll be worth it un,"

"You are not keeping secrets from me!" I nearly shouted, but he didn't say anything, just got up and left the room. I was pissed. Just what the fuck was this about?

I stomped downstairs my mother avoided me like the plague, no doubt hearing me upstairs. I ripped an apple from the bag on the counter and threw myself down on the couch. I was about half way though my apple when my mother said,

"Have you seen this?"

"Seen what?" I asked with my mouth full,

"This, its for you," before she finished speaking I stood up, curious, and walked to her. She gazed upon a small clay sculpture. A woman, plain in the sense of facial features but the creases in her cloths were perfect, as well as her hair. This was Deidara's new style, detailed in an undetailed sense. In her hands was a 'baby' that was actually my small, white pill.

Sighing, I took the pill from its placement and tipped my head back, dry swallowing it in one go. I picked up the sculpture and carried it upstairs with me, barging into my room to find my boyfriend back on the bed, the laptop in his lap.

"Whats this?" I asked, holding it out.

"Did it work?" He asked, not taking his eyes away from the screen.

"Yes, but-" I started, but he cut me off.

"Put that down and come here yeah," He interjected in the middle of my sentence, so I did as I was asked, put it down with some of the others he'd made, and joined him on the bed. He shut the laptop and scooted over ageist the wall. I sat down in my spot.

"I got accepted by a large company to learn to make fireworks. I have to leave in a few days. They've arranged for a car to come get me, and a place to stay too while I'm there," he explained. I tried to take it all in.

"They just, hired you or what?" I asked, my tone in between sad and surprised. I knew he had to go, but I was sad he had to leave, but still happy that he'd gotten this opportunity.

"Right now its an internship with a possibility for them to hire me. I sent them my placement test scores from the college, and I guess they thought that was good enough, I think they want me for a management position," he continued, but I was sort of awestruck. I knew he was smart, his placement scores were average, but the work he was doing in math and science (physics even!) at the collegic level, astounded me. He'd caught up so fast, and just as of late!

"Paid internship?" I asked. I knew my parents would never send him with our money. He nodded. I want him to stay home. I wanted him to stay where I could see him, where he could protect me. Under everything, I was still just as scared as the day I meet him. I was just as angry here as I was before I fell though the portal. I didn't want him to go, so I told him that.

"This plan backfired hm," I think he might have been upset that the news mad me sad instead of happy. I think he expected me to jump for joy or some shit, "I'm gonna go anyway. We have to move out of your parents house, I have to get a job. I don't want us to end up like I was. Without an actual home to go back to at night, and virtually no money in our pockets."

That made sense I had to admit. I was happy, at least, that his life plan included me.

"Your my princess un. I fought a long hard battle to get where I am, the least you could let me do is finish what I started yeah?" he said after sighing.

"Yeah…" I breathed. I was going to miss him. Miss the smell of his skin that nearly intoxicated me. I'd miss talking and laughing late at night, I'd miss him soothing my insecurities and calming my racing mind. Deidara cupped my cheek, I could almost feel the line pressed into his palm where the mouths would have been.

The next Saturday, a car came for him. He'd packed one of my old school bags, and we currently stood on the front poach, the bag slung over his shoulder. My father chatted with the driver of the sleek black company car as we said goodbye.

"Be good," he scolded me like child I was compared to him, and then he kissed me. This wasn't a silly teenagers kiss, or some lovely dovey, time wasting junk, he kissed me like a lover. The same kiss shared over centuries, by thousands of people, and I remembered I'd found eternity. In that moment I remembered I was happy.

As he left, it was almost like he'd turned off the light to my soul. As he got into the car, my joy packed up and left with him. My bed was never so empty as it was that night.

Sunday morning when I came down for breakfast, I found a sculpture in my usual spot at the table. For a second, I thought Deidara was home, but when my mom patted my shoulder as she brought my food, I knew it couldn't be.

"He left a bunch of these for you. I'm supposed to put your pill in them each morning. I thought it was sort of sweet," my mother said as she sat down in her spot, dumping ketchup all over her eggs. I looked down at the sculpture. It was Shep, except instead of a collar he had a little barrel around his neck like the Saint Bernards in the movies. The barrel was only partially made, because in it was my pill.

Sighing, I swallowed my pill with some orange juice, and went to picking at my food. Deidara called that night, the place was all the way in South Carolina, so our long distance call was short. He told me he was settling in well, the apartment was nice, and he was getting along good with the guys he worked with. It all made me feel sad mostly, because I wasn't there. Not even glad for him that he was doing well. I went right to sleep after his call.

The dream I had wasn't entirely unpleasant. At first I was falling though what looked like space, stars everywhere, the background looked like a galaxy print, black, blue, and purples meshed and blended around me. The fall, however, terrified me. I was falling faster and faster until I just stopped, though the feeling remained.

I took a look around, and far off, I could make out the outline of three tomes. For a terrified second, I thought this was another Madara dream, until I realized it was morphing into birds. Two of the three flew right by me, I found feel the breeze of their wings on my face as they passed, but the third, every growing bigger, was taking his time. I had to know what it was doing.

My legs compelled me ,and I waked forward, closing the distance between the bird and I. Its features became cleared and the colors faded from the background. Star after star extinguished. I meet the bird when the space around me had become completely black.

"What are you?" I uttered. This bird was my size, my height, and gold in color.

Without warning, The bird spread his wings and bust into flame. He lit from his perch in nothingness, and flew into me, not into me, as in bumping into me or knocking me over, but literally into me, though my body.

I awoke with a gasp, a warmth filling my chest. My heart bubbled with adrenaline still from the dream. I could see the sun barely climbing up from the window shade I'd left up. My clock read four AM. Calmly but quickly, I tore out of bed. I dug around in my closet until I found my canvas, the one I'd been given for my painting class, and I began my sketch.

I went though several sketches. First a bird, the phoenix from my dream, painted in warm colored flying though a cool colored sky, a girl with her arms outstretched as if she too was flying. I trashed it, thinking it looked too surreal. Next I thought of a portrait of Deidara and I, sitting closely together smiling, like some one too a picture, but that went in the maybe pile, thinking it too good to throw away.

I had a break through then, and I decided to paint myself. Just myself. Around my neck draw a simple silver ring on a chain, and my eyes, though it was not their true color, I made a bright amber. It was on an angle to the left, my were arms crossed, though your could only see my right hand and left elbow, where my scar was prominent on my upper arm. My scar was truly something to treasure. It was a symbol of my ability to get things done, by myself. It was a symbol that I was strong, I'd made it. The ring was devotion. I was devoted from this point on to three things, My relationship, my paintings, and myself. Everything else would have to get in line. My eyes were the same color as the phoenix.

At first I thought the phoenix in my dream was Deidara. I remembered when he'd come to rescue me and I ran into the flames and I thought his clay bird was the mythical bird, but it no longer represented that to me. The phoenix was hope. The phoenix was the future. It was instilled in me. I might not be happy now, I realized, but only I could ever make myself happy. I had to be the phoenix. I had to come from the unhappy ash, and make myself into something beautiful.

My day at the community college flew by, I couldn't wait to get home to the canvas. I was so excited to be able to hold a paintbrush instead of a pencil. Color over took white, section by section, My hands, arms, shirt and desk were covered in paint, all different shades blended and contrasting.

My birthday came and went, eighteen wasn't as exciting as it probably could have been. I insisted that I did not want a party, but my mother made me a cake and got me a card anyway, insisting it wasn't a party if nobody came.

The leaves were falling from the trees now. Pale greens mixed with deep red and oranges as I helped rake the yard with my dad. It was going to snow in a few weeks people continued to insist. Christmas was just around the corner they'd continue. I didn't want it to snow. I didn't want to move on with my life without Deidara.

The last day of painting at the college, the class was to present their artwork. The written exam had already been completed and it was time to move on to our canvas we'd received at the beginning of class. I walked mine confidently to the front of the class and out it up for everyone to see. My sweater covered my arm scar, and I quickly peeled it off to put it on display. It was an important part of my life, no point in hiding it.

This painting was my break though, It was a meaningful picture and I refused to allow myself be any less than proud of it.

"This is my painting, and uh," I started, feeling the eyes of the room around me, "Well, I uh, wanted to represent myself and everything that's happened to me so, I made this," I stuttered a few times as i spoke and the group clapped, as customary. I had nothing to prove to these people. They didn't need my life story and I wasn't going to give it. I took my painting and sat down. Not too bad, just awkward and unrehearsed.

As I left the lecture hall I noticed the trees were all bare. It bothered me as I drove home. The world moved on but I didn't want to. The world moved but did I have to too? I wasn't in the house a second before my mother was yelling for me. I barely got the door closed before she peaked around the door to the kitchen, the phone to her ear.

"Yes, shes right here, May! Guess who?" she smiled. For a moment I was scared it was Jenny or Jake, or another one of my friends, but as soon as I uttered a quiet hello into the phone, I lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Hello Princess," Deidara's voice sounded so smooth, like he'd actually gotten enough sleep for once because the program wasn't driving him crazy.

"Hi," I grinned. I was sure he could hear the pure joy in my voice.

"I have the most wonderful thing to tell you. I'm sending a car to come get you tomorrow hm, They hired me to work full time! I got a big enough hiring bonus to buy a house, not a real big house un, but a house," His voice sounded just as happy, the way he slurred a few of his words together made me think he'd already had a celebration drink. That was alright. Everything was alright and we'd finally be together again after so many weeks. I was almost jumping for joy.

"That's great!" I squealed. I would see him tomorrow. Tomorrow.