It's amazing what you learn from research! Basically, this story might take a pretty dark turn from what I've added in this chapter. I hope you all enjoy! Oh, and I might delete the original version, but I don't know yet. Tell me what you think, please!

Disclaimer: Beelzebub belongs to Ryuuhei Tamura, not me.

Chapter 8- Violently Emotional Turmoil

"Yumi!" I freeze upon hearing that sweet, motherly voice. I turn and to my shock, I see my four-year-old self hugging Mom, who's still in her maid uniform. She always wore that at home, but I never really cared. I smile slightly at the scene until I realize something. This was before Mom left for the Demon World, before she died!

"Listen here, Yumi," Mom tells me in the dream. "Mama has to go to the Demon World to see Grandma and Grandpa, okay?"

"Can I come?" I ask her, pouting slightly.

She shakes her head. "Sorry sweetie, but no," she says. "This is something only Mama can do right now. But don't worry. I'll be back soon."

I frown at her. "I'll miss you, Mama," I pout.

Mom smiles at me. "Don't worry, Yumi. You just be good to Papa, okay? Here." She pulls something from her bag. "I got this just for you."

I gasp in excitement upon seeing the item in her hand. It's a limited edition Sailor Moon figurine, one that I had really wanted for a long time because I loved Sailor Moon so much. "It's Tsukino Usagi!" I cheer in excitement. "I love it, Mama! You're the best!" I throw my arms around her in a hug.

She hugs me back. "Whenever you miss me, Tsukino Usagi will help you remember me, okay?" she reassures me. "I love you, Yumi. I'll love you forever and ever."

"Mama…" I murmur to myself in my sleep. Suddenly, I'm shaken vigorously and I wake up with a start. Right then, I see Hecadoth frowning in annoyance.

"Get up, Tanaka," he tells me. "I've been trying to wake you up for fifteen minutes already. Get up now."

As I eat breakfast this morning, my mind wanders to the dream I had last night. Why am I suddenly dreaming about Mom all of a sudden? What could these dreams mean? First, I'm dreaming about Mom's possible death scene, now I'm dreaming about the last time I saw her. Why is this happening? I try and brush aside these thoughts as we reach the weapons room.

Hecadoth turns to me. "All right, Tanaka," he starts. "Pick a weapon."

I look around the room, which has various training dummies that have suffered a lot of damage, and various types of weapons. There are swords, spears, sickles, and some huge, scary hybrid weapons. However, the only weapon I know how to use a little bit of is a steel fan. Right then, I see an iron fan among the sickles and bolas.

"The fan?" Hecadoth asks, raising an eyebrow.

I nod. "I used to do tessenjutsu," I tell him. I do a few practice techniques to familiarize myself again while Hecadoth nods.

"I guess we can also work on speed and agility as well," he muses. Right then, he summons his spear. "Prepare yourself, Tanaka."

Right then, he lunges at me, forcing me to jump back. As we continue to spar against each other, I find myself starting to recall the techniques that I learned in tessenjutsu. However, since it's been so long since I last took part in a tessen fight, my techniques aren't as effective as they should be.

The sounds of the iron fan clanging against the spear ring out in the training room. I hastily bend backwards to avoid a near stab at my face before holding the unfurled fan up against my face. This proves to be a dumb move because Hecadoth merely knocks the fan out of my hands and holds his spear merely inches away from my face.

"Hmm…" he muses. "You seem to know what you're doing," Hecadoth tells me when we finish. "Although, I can tell you're doing this after a long time. Well, I could teach you a bit and help you refresh your skills."

I nod. As he starts to teach me, my mind starts to wander back to the dream I had last night. The dream is when I last saw Mom, before she died. Mom and Dad both told me that I was part-demon, and they told me that Mom was actually a demon. However, a few days after she left, her dead body was found floating in a river, wearing her maid uniform, with various signs of torture on her. I still remember the day they told me about Mom's death. I broke down in tears in the middle of preschool, and cried my little heart out because I would never see Mom again.

"Tanaka? Oi, Tanaka!" Hecadoth's stern voice brings me out of my thoughts. I look up at him and notice the annoyed look in his eyes. "Were you even listening to what I was saying?" he asks.

I slowly shake my head. He frowns in frustration. "Of course," he mutters. "You can't afford to get distracted, Tanaka! Victory against the Kagirinai Kumori cannot be purchased so cheaply!" he scolds. "Focus better!"

I focus a bit more on what Hecadoth is saying, and pay more attention to the demonstrations of different techniques with the iron fan. Unfortunately, throughout the entire day, I find myself distracted and angry for many reasons, making me more aggressive and very snappy. Even my emotional state reflects in my attacks, causing me to perform poorly. For the most part, Hecadoth is rather patient, but I can see that even he's starting to get annoyed by it.

At some point, I'm attempting to fight back against him as he tries to attack me with his spear but I lose when he knocks me down with a tendril of demonic energy, even before I have a chance to defend myself. At the end of that session, I stand up and glare at him. "How do you expect me to fight back when I'm barely being given a chance?!" I ask, both upset and angry.

Hecadoth frowns at me. "I don't know what the hell your problem is right now, but I can't listen to your bitching all day, Tanaka!" he scolds me, sounding harsh and angered. "I've been patient, but it's really starting to get to me now!" He turns and starts putting things away. "We're done for the day. Go and calm down before coming to dinner."

I go to one of the watchtowers to think and sit on the ledge of the window, staring out at the night sky. Training basically sucked because of my emotional turmoil, and not much progress has been made. Even worse, I annoyed Hecadoth till he couldn't handle it, and now, he might not want to train me anymore.

When I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out the small figurine of Sailor Moon, the last thing my mom gave me before she died. Since then, I've carried it around with me as a way to remember her.

"What are you doing here?" I turn in surprise and see Hecadoth leaning against the frame of the entrance.

"Just wanted to be here," I tell him, stepping down from the window.

He walks up to me. "Is something bothering you?" he asks.

I look down. "Nothing's wrong," I mumble.

"You're a horrible liar, Tanaka," he comments, eyeing me in annoyance. "There's clearly something bothering you, and it's affecting you, your performance, your mood, everything. Tell me the truth. Now." His tone leaves no room for arguing.

I glare out of the window. "It pisses me off..." I mutter.

"What?" Hecadoth asks me.

"These powers. My anger. Those assassins. My expulsion. Everything!" I snarl, clenching my fists. "But what pisses me off the most is that I can't control myself! I'm a danger to everyone and myself! In fact, people are instinctively frightened of me before they get to know me! The fact that there's a side to me that derives pleasure from bloodshed and violence, the fact that I'm no longer human when I'm angry... I hate it! It worries me, how I had become a monster when I had lost control of my powers!"

I feel tears of frustration in my eyes and my heart hurting from all this. "I hate it so much! I don't want to hurt others, I don't want to be seen as dangerous but at the same time, I want violence, I want bloodshed, I want to make people suffer... it scares me! And then when it couldn't get any worse, my life has to be in danger! There have to be assassins who want my blood, who want me to die!"

From the corner of my eye, I see Hecadoth's eyes softening up a bit before a rueful smile crosses his face. "Yeah," he agrees. "I understand."

Suddenly, a pained sob escapes from my mouth. "And as of recently, I've been dreaming about my mom, even more than I used to! It hurts! It hurts so much!" I sob. Right then, I start to cry, feeling frustrated, sad, hurt, and angry all at once. I avoid looking at Hecadoth, not wanting to humiliate myself even further as I cover my mouth to muffle my sobs. "You must think I'm nothing but a weakling..."

To my surprise, I feel him remove my hand from my mouth. I turn and see him looking at me with what seemed like a firm look, but I can see some empathy in his eyes. "It's okay to cry, Tanaka," he reassures gently. "Even the most vicious demons cry as a way to let out their inner turmoil. It's not weak at all."

Before I realize, I suddenly wrap my arms around him, burying my face into his shoulder as more tears fall down my face and more sobs escape my mouth. Hecadoth is taken aback by this, but he quickly relaxes and just simply holds me and runs his fingers through my hair to try and console me as I continue crying.

"Wow..." he muses quietly. "You really are going through an emotional turmoil. All your frustrations, anger, and pain of being a Konketsuji has been suppressed for so long." He gently wipes a tear away from my eyes. "I know it's painful, Tanaka. I understand that it's frustrating to have such dreams when your mind is already thrown into a turmoil, especially under your circumstances right now. But you're not a weakling. You're a strong girl, Tanaka. So just keep moving forward."

For a while, he just holds me, stroking my hair in his attempts to soothe me and console me as I continue to cry. After a while, my sobbing gradually slows down into quiet sniffles. However, I feel so much better and less tormented now. Hecadoth gently pats my head and stands up. "Let's have dinner, Tanaka," he says. "It'll calm you down."

I nod. "Okay."

At dinner, Hecadoth informs me about how Agiel and Furuichi are acting as spies in the Human World and looking for any presence of the Kagirinai Kumori. I feel a comforting feeling when I'm with Hecadoth. I actually enjoy his company and his presence near me. At that moment, Laymia comes up to us.

"Tanaka-san," Laymia says. "Hecadoth told me a moment ago that you said that you crave bloodshed and violence... yet you don't want it?"

I sigh. "I don't know if it's just me or if all Konketsuji feel this, but... when I'm angry or extremely sad, I start craving bloodshed and violence. I want to spill blood for my own pleasure... but I don't want to. I don't want to be a danger, I don't want to kill. These thoughts honestly frighten me. Like, one time before I lost control of myself, I remember having some of these thoughts when I got really angry and I was shocked that I could even think such things."

Laymia nods. "That's standard for all Konketsuji, actually," she says. "Because they're half-human and half-demon, Konketsuji are able to think violent, vengeful, bloodthirsty thoughts, but they usually don't act upon them unless it's triggered. When they do act upon them, their human blood allows them to feel remorse. All demons crave violence and bloodshed in some way. When demons act upon their urges, they usually don't feel remorse or guilt, especially if it was for honour or their own pleasure. However, even though you viciously attacked those girls for tearing up your mother's photo, your conscience enabled you to feel remorse after that action, right?"

"Yeah," I say, recalling the awful feeling of guilt.

"This is because that incident is the only time you've unleashed your powers," Laymia tells me. "With continued use of your powers, your human conscience gradually gets eaten away by the demonic powers, so the feelings of remorse will gradually stop being felt," she adds. "The human side to you will be unable to handle the sudden and forced increase in demonic energy so that side, the one that keeps your demon side in check, will start to crumble. Basically, in addition to poisoning your body and mind, the demonic energy eats away at the amygdala, or the part of the brain that controls emotion. The more you release your powers uncontrollably, the less guilt you feel, and you will even start to enjoy inflicting pain on others. Eventually, the amygdala will be completely eroded by the demonic energy, making you nothing but a vicious, cold-blooded killer."

My eyes widen in shock. "So... I basically become a psychopath," I muse. "A cold-blooded killer, incapable of feeling remorse." Right then, a question comes up. "But... what about demons?" I ask. "Are they able to feel remorse?"

"We are," Hecadoth says. "However, we feel remorse only if we believe that our actions were wrong. Remorse is something that's on and off for us demons. We either feel it if we truly think we did wrong, or we brush off the incident. You'll be able to feel remorse so long as you control your powers instead of summoning them when feeling strong emotions."

I nod slowly. The thought of becoming a psychopathic killer is absolutely disturbing. "Hold on. How do you know all about this?" I ask.

"I did some reading last night," Hecadoth tells me. "I wanted to know a bit more so I could understand what to do."

"I was taught by Dr. Furcas," Laymia says. "Lamia also knows this well."

"You should go to bed now, Tanaka. It's getting pretty late," Hecadoth says.

"I should head back as well," Laymia adds, leaving the mess hall. "I have some important priorities for tomorrow."

I nod and start to head back to my quarters when I hear him call me. "Tanaka?"

I turn to face him, and he gives me an apologetic smile. "I apologize for losing my cool with you," he apologizes. "I shouldn't have done that."

"No, I should be apologizing," I tell him, returning the smile. "I'm sorry for being a pain in the ass today and annoying you. You shouldn't have had to put up with that."

He laughs. "It's all right I've put up with a lot worse before," he reassures me. "I accept your apology. I guess I should've been more understanding to your trouble. Well, good night, Tanaka."

I smile softly, feeling my face heat up slightly, glad that I'm able to reconcile with him. "Good night, Hecadoth," I tell him.