When I woke up the next morning I was in a strangely dark room, for a moment, I thought I was having another nightmare, but when I looked around, I noticed my sleeping fiancé next to me. He was sleeping quietly, his eyes shut gently and I could hear his soft exhaling. I was dressed in the same cloths as I had been last night in the cab though this clearly wasn't a cab. The coffee maker, the bible on the desk and the dated funature were the tell tale signs of a hotel room.
I wasn't so much alarmed anymore as I was confused. How in the world did he manage to pay for this? I got up quietly after spotting the tea bags and instant coffee and I was in the middle of making myself a cup of off brand tea when I heard a yawn.
"You awake?" I asked quietly in case he wasn't actually awake.
"Yeah," I heard him mutter through another yawn.
"How'd we even...you know what, I don't want to know," I sighed, pouring him a cup too.
"That'd probably be best hm," I could hear the smirk in his voice as I picked up both the cups and I was across the room handing him his cup moments later. I knew he could be pretty persuasive but how persuasive I wasn't sure.
"The hospital isn't far, it's within walking distance yeah, I got us in good," he sipped his tea, though I know he would have rather preferred coffee. We were quiet for a while, enjoying our morning as much as we possibly could be in our situation. The trip to the hospital was quick. We went about getting my parents, who were both in a medical induced coma at the time, transferred to the hospital my father worked at all before we got to see them. A bill was presented to us before we left the room, wracking up our little 'vacation' total up higher.
When I actually did get to see them I wasn't surprised by the condition they were in. Both had hit there heads on the dash, creating swelling in the brain, along with broken bones and some internal bleeding. They were set to be moved across state lines that evening, so all I could do was sit with them. Dei had gone long ago to get us some lunch and I'd already amazed the nurses with my own car accident story, so I was left to sit bored, listening to the heart monitors. This was going to be a long day, probably a long few months even.
Snow covered the ground before my parents were cleared to come home, rented medical equipment and bills continuing to stack. I drove my mothers car with them inside home, feeling like I had concluded the world. I'd come this far and it felt great to finally bring them home, despite the excellent care my fathers colleges had been giving them. My parents had been conscious when we left the hospital, groggy and confused, I'm sure they had no idea where they were or who I was, but in the long run none of it mattered. They were home, and in a projected six months, back to normal.
As interest and final notices mounted and my stress level rose I decided to visit the bank. My name was not on any of my parent's accounts and our bank refused to allow me money to pay for anything because though incapacitated, my parents were still alive. I didn't feel so on top of the world after I learned that.
My parents slept for long periods and ate sparingly, one often awake when the other was asleep, and I'm sure if they could have formed a coherent thought they would have praised us, Deidara and I were up every hour of the day, just I case they needed anything. This continued on for about ten days.
The pile of mail on our kitchen table was higher than I thought it could possibly have gotten. Though I tried to stay calm, deep inside I was nervous. I felt like I was at my wits end. It would start with these bills and end with them taking the house I reasoned, and then what?
I was up and down nervously, my eyes darting to the stack, and then to my hands, finally I popped myself down on the sofa, and forced myself to stay seated, I stared at the tv, though the sound was off. I couldn't stand noise with my nerves. Deidara entered the room then, going to the kitchen to take care of his plate.
"Let's go home," I muttered from my place on the sofa, staring blankly at the muted television.
"Home?" Deidara echoed from the kitchen, brushing his plate off into the garbage and putting it in the sink.
"Your world, home," I explained, not moving from my spot.
"What?" He asked again. That got me turning around to look at him,as he stood seemingly flabbergasted in the space between the kitchen and 'dinning room' which was really just a table set in the left over kitchen space. I could see him over the kitchen counter, no cabinets hung to obstruct the view.
"You heard me," I couldn't understand why he wasn't getting it, he clearly knew what I ment.
"No, you don't get it!" He shouted, I knew then that shit hit the fan, "This is life, life is taking care of your fucking parents, whipping their asses for six more months so we can try again, and probably fail, to get our sorry uneducated asses off the ground. This is the third life I have abandoned, the third, I can't do this again!" His tone grew angrier and his voice grew louder as he spoke, he was beyond frustrated. He must have felt pretty hopeless and stressed at that point and I was a fool to ignore it.
"Then I'm going without you," I said very matter of factly. I wanted to snap at him, to fly off the handle, but if I used that now, what did I have for later in the argument?
"You can't fucking do that! You can't run away from responsibility forever!" He returned.
"Says the 23 year old who faked his death!" I shot back. If that wasn't running away from taking responsibility I didn't know what was.
"I'm twenty four!" He sounded like a three year old.
"That's not relevant!" I tried to keep calm through all this shit he was trying to feed me, it wasn't working.
"Your too young to understand," his tone now sort of a stereotypical dad voice. That really pissed me off.
"I'm a fucking adult thank you, and I've been living here longer than you," I seethed, this was bullshit! A ton of bullshit!
"But I get it! I get how life words here,you get a shitty job you hate and try to live your life at least partly happy until you hit over stressed retirement. you just keep ignoring everything or trying to weasel out of it, you can't keep running away!" While he was right, I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong of course. I couldn't understand why the prick thought of trying to make my life easier was running away from responsibility.
"I am an adult, I'm eighteen, I can do whatever I want!" I returned, my tone factual and calm now. It'd really piss him off that way. He always blew his top like this, and this was, I thought, the best way to counter it.
"I am an adult, I'm twenty four, I'm a man, I have responsibilities! As much as I would love too, May, I would love to let you play more games while I go to work, but I can't, we don't have any money, we've cashed out all the resources we had, this is it, princess...I love you, but we can't do this anymore," There was a certain sadness in his voice, defeat even, as he came down from his irrational angry sort of high. The anger faded away as the lowly feeling of insuccess took over. Insuccess in not only the argument but in making me see what he wanted me too.
I didn't tell him I loved him. I could only look at him, empty hearted and open souled. He tried to cross the room to do something, maybe just be near me, but Shep was there, at my feet, growling through bared teeth. My fiancé backed off. He heaved a deep sigh and went to sit at our kitchen table, his head in his hands, where he brooded silently. I though for a moment he might cry. My dog stalked off, going who knows where, I kept still.
I could hear wheels rolling over the hard wood floors. It could only be a wheelchair. Both of our heads turned to see my father enter the room. He had a belt around Shep's belly, clutching it and the dog's nylon collar as the German Shepard pulled him into the room. With week hands he hung on best he could, I was surprised he could even do that.
He let go of the makeshift harness, the belt falling to the floor as shep continued walking, disappearing behind some furniture as the momentum from the chair wheels died off.
"I understand I've been asleep for quite some time?" He asked, his voice low and raspy from not being used. This pasty white man, face still bruised from where he hit the dash of the car, my father, was awake.
"Daddy!" I cried, my feet felt like fire as I crossed the room, throwing my arms around him in a tight hug. Nobody said anything for a long time, I just stood, hunched over hugging my father who rubbed my back with one hand. Though my eyes welled with tears they never leaked out and I never cried.
"Do you think I could get a glass of water?" He asked, patting me one last time before I hurried off, getting the nicest glass I could find filled with ice and water the fastest I could.
My father leisurely sipped it, hoping to not upset his stomach. For a long time now he'd been getting food through a feeding tube, and then by IV and then not at all as he slept here at home. I wondered how all that was currently treating him.
"What's this grand argument I've been hearing since my eyes opened about?" He asked, setting the glass down on the nearby coffee table. He took a second glance at it, knowing my mother wasn't here to scold him about coasters.
Deidara and I had been staring at him since I'd returned from the kitchen with his water. My fiancé was still sitting at the table but I was perched on the edge of a footstool within arms reach of my dad. It still amazed me he was able to get into the wheelchair by himself.
"Well?" My father asked again. I swallowed the lump that grew in my throat.
"Dad, it's just uh," I didn't say anything else. I wasn't sure what to say it was all so complicated.
"I heard the words 'responsibilities', 'adult' and 'love' thrown around, those are pretty big words," he noted, taking each word like he was laying out a puzzle in front of us. He'd heard the entire argument, he was only waiting for us to make a case.
" Deidara," my fathers tone was soft but stern, his lecture tone, "just because your getting a job and starting a life does not mean it's the end. You both...are sort of just beginning. It's great you found a job, but you rushed off into it, I know for a fact neither of you were happy there. You were so far away to be acting like adults when you aren't just yet."
"Sam I just wanted to support her. I love her, you love Karen and you support her," Deidara tried to explain but my father cut him off midsentace.
"Karen never went to work because she was raising a baby. Karen never expected me to take care of her, just like I'm sure my daughter doesn't expect to be taken care of. Don't worry yourself dead just because you've become a superficial observer. It's hard, this economy is hard, take this free housing, go back to school. Make something of yourself before you go asking why you aren't qualified," my dad lectured like he knew it all. He did, he knew it all. He knew how life worked, he knew all the dumb tricks and simple ways to make it all easier. He'd always been more than happy to give us advice, I couldn't decide if we'd never asked or never listened. "May your not off the hook. He's right you know, you should be helping him. It takes two to make a marriage work. He doesn't make enough for you both to live on. I know you tired to get a job, but the way you just spoke now makes me think otherwise about the future. You have responsibilities too."
"Dad uh, I kinda wanted to tell you something, Dei won't listen," I felt sort of meek, and sort of stupid trying still to turn my back on this world. I explained to him what actually happened during the time I was allegedly kidnapped to the best extent of my memory. I told him about my arrival and our meeting, both times we'd been attacked, meeting deidaras mother and coming face to face with the cause of my nightmares. I explained my lies and all the times I stretched the truth the best I could, and he seemed to be concitering it, eyebrows furrowed and his lips pressed into a deep frown.
"May can you hear yourself?" My father looked like he had when I was a child and had told him something was ridiculous.
"I'm not kidding," my tone was unwavering. I wanted him to believe me, to understand.
"I don't have any proof this is true," he said.
"I don't have any reason to lie. I just want to go back. I just want to live that lifestyle again, it was for me, it was my calling," I expressed with more emotion then I'd wanted to. My father looked between us a few times and then sighed. I peeled back my sleeve and showed him the fading scar on my arm, half of it was already exposed, but now the entire thing was out in the open.
"Is there a way to get back?" He asked in a conciterate tone, ignoring my scar. I looked at Deidara for a split second and shrugged.
"I sort of wanted to try the lake again," I suggested, it was my original way in and I had no reason to think that portal had closed. Actually I did I just refused to see the proof in the pudding.
"You'll drowned for real this time yeah, that is out of the question!" Deidara pipped up, sounding a bit frustrated and clearly outraged. I wouldn't have a way to save myself this time.
"I can't stop either of you from doing what you want, and honestly this sound a little bit too far fetched to be true," my dad sighed, " but please don't endanger your life."
I sighed too and then Deidara sighed. I heard the table move and footsteps as he crossed the distance between us. His arms, still as strong and muscular as the day I'd meet him, wrapped around my neck as he pulled my head to his chest and buried his nose in my hair.
I think we both felt the weight lift off of our shoulders. With my dad awake we could now access enough funds to pay for everything that'd happened in the last few days. It felt good, it was how I imagined it would be like if I was a kid again.
"I'm sorry," my fiancé breathed into my hair, I could feel the warmth of his breathe on my neck, "I love you."
"Why are you sorry?" I asked. It wasn't a test, but I think maybe Dei thought it was. I genuinely wanted to know why. In my book he hadn't done anything other than what was natural.
"Fighting with you un, not seeing eye to eye," he responded, sounding a bit strained, almost afraid he wasn't saying the right thing.
"Dei," I said quietly, wrapping my arms around myself to rest my hands on his.
"Hm?" He hummed in response.
"I love you too, don't ever forget okay?" He didn't respond to me, only pulled me closer and buried his face deeper into the top of my head.