The second month of my pregnancy was the first month my husband was gone. I wasn't getting fat, yet, in fact I wasn't even showing, but the morning sickness persisted. I found myself unable to eat, I couldn't stand the smell or the taste of anything besides white rice, which smelled and tasted like nothing.
If changed my outfit once again, since I couldn't really wear my jeans every day. I wore simple black leggings and a tunic style, wine colored shirt most days, however, I was required to wear one of those house arrest ankle bracelets even though I wasn't on house arrest. It didn't much bother me though, the village officials didn't bother me, and I didn't bother them. I was free to move around and that was all that mattered.
I felt a desperate need to put some of my own things into the space I now inhabited though. I had a little bit of money, given to me by the village as consolation for taking my husband, so I figured I needed some stuff of my own. I purchased a few magazines, seeing as I was going to have to teach myself to read, some cloths, and some candy before I walked past a crummy old store that sold stuff for babies. I shifted my weight from foot to foot before finally deciding to go in.
I wanted this baby that I was carrying, despite if I was ready or not, I decided as I pushed open the door. A bell rung as I entered, calling immediate attention to me. A store clerk approached, but I politely told her I didn't need any help. The decision to keep the baby made it feel like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I wasn't keeping it because I had to, but because I wanted to, and I could have cared less what my husband, his mother, or anyone else thought about it.
I was walked past a purple blanket just then, and after deciding purple was a gender neutral color, I bought it.
This village was very unique, no two places I'd seen looked just alike, so all I had to do was remember the land marks is seen in reverse order. I was about half way home when I noticed a large black cat sitting in the middle of the road. People stepped around it, cursing at him and threatening to kick him but he never moved. His large, piercing, green eyes seemed to look through me as I got closer. I knew those eyes, and after thinking or a moment I realized where I remembered them from.
This was Brenda's cat.
He rubbed his body against my leg and purred before he put his paw on my leg , meowing loudly to get my attention. I couldn't help but put my hand down to pet him. I scratched his head and down his neck before my fingers caught a chain around his neck. Slowly pulling it off, I realized the smokey quartz crystal had been gifted back to me. I pocketed it and picked up the cat, thinking I could take him home, but he promptly used my ribs to kick off like a rabbit, jumping out of my arms and running off down the street. I didn't chase it, I didn't feel like I should.
This explained a lot. Brenda had been the catalyst of this all. She'd set us back here because, somehow, she knew we wanted to go back. She'd always told me that she didn't believe in psychic abilities, she told me she gave predictions to make a living, but looking back I guess I never asked for a prediction.
"Huh..." I said, and sighed. It was getting late and I returned home without any further events.
Miku had already eaten when I arrived, and my bowl of rice was sitting on the table, a napkin over it to keep it sort of warm. The shower was running, so my mother in law was in the bath. I ate slowly, to avoid having to barge in on her, and then went to my room to put things away.
Every drawer in every piece of furniture in my room was full, I discovered. Full of cloths, papers, weapons, drawing, hunks of dry clay, I swear, the younger version of Deidara must have been some kind of hoarder. He and I were relatively the same size, and many of the cloths were too small for either one of us to fit in. He'd left home around sixteen, and I never would have imagined a person, especially me, could have grown so much in a few years. I realized it was just a few years ago for me, Dei was older than I was. I folded the cloths and made a note to myself to give them away tomorrow. Stashed in the bottom drawer I found a bunch of porn magazines, much to my disgust, and they promptly went in the trash. With the dresser cleaned out, I could put my cloths away, but decided I'd have to pick my husband up some things for when he returned home, and he would be returning home.
In the last drawer, I put the baby's blanket. In the next I put my cloths, the next I left empty for my husband, and the top would be for socks and underwear.
I tackled the three drawer, dented topped, metal desk next, finding more hunks of dry clay and more drawings. The entire top drawer was half full of weapons, so I decided that's where they'd stay, and the others I'd found joined them. Art supplies in the second, and I left the bottom empty. The clay hunks I gathered together and put in a large bowl of water, figuring if I let it sit long enough it'd get soft again.
"You doing okay?" My mother in laws voice had me twisting around to look at her. Her hair was still wet but she looked like she was ready for bed.
"I'm fine, just cleaning up. Are you doing okay?" I returned, getting up off of my knees where I'd been cleaning up under the bed. I stood up and came to face her and not two seconds after my feet landed on the floor was she hugging me, tighter than I felt comfortable with.
"I'm fine too, I just wanted you to know though, I'm sure if you wanted to uh.. Give up, Deidara, uh, we wouldn't blame you. I'm sure he'd be okay with it, I mean, before it's too late," she trailed off. I was quick to inform her of the decision I'd come to this afternoon.
"Uh, yeah, no, I'm gonna keep it. I uh, I just... Want it?" I told her, I had no real reason why I wanted it, I wasn't going to just keep my baby because Id feel bad for getting rid of it or because I felt like I should, I genuinely wanted the baby.
"And your sure?" Miku asked again, holding my hands and squeezing them tightly.
"I'm sure," I affirmed, nodding. Miku gave me another tight hug, kissed my cheek and left the room.
I supposed that it was just her personality. I didn't know Miku that well, but I was quickly learning that the friendly woman was very touchy feely, not that that was a bad thing, I just didn't know her that well.
I got back down on my knees and took the smokey quartz crystal from my pocket, running my thumb over the smooth surface, and then hid it under the bed, laying it gently on the floor in the dark and hopefully safe space.
The next few days remained uneventful, however on Tuesday of the next week, I received a letter, addressed solely to me. The author was not marked, however a seal has been nicely placed on the back of the envelope with the emblem of the village. It was either from my husband or from the village counsel, and I wasn't sure what the lesser of the two evils was.
Opening it, I was pleased to find it was in fact from my husband, checking in to tell me that he was alright. He told me how much he missed me, asked how I was feeling and told me a little about what he was doing, running diversions and killing people, you know, the usual. He asked that any letters I send to him be taken to the warfare office, I suspected so I couldn't go chasing after him. Finally, he said good bye, and told me he loved me, and asked that the letter be destroyed after I was finished with it. I looked the letter over a few times, flipped it over and scrutinized the envelope, though I found nothing that might indicate how he was feeling or how he was doing, besides the information about his job, he hadn't said much.
The bottom of the page cough my attention though, scrawled two words in very faint pencil, though I couldn't make them out. I assumed they were baby names, but I didn't linger on it. I called Miku over, let her see the letter, and then tore it up after reading it to her. I'd forgotten about the writing barrier, and added learn to read to my list of things to do.
I wondered vaguely if this letter had been from Deidara at all, maybe this was some sort of inception shit, maybe they'd copied his writing, or had him write it before they killed him, I wasn't sure. I didn't honestly think that was the truth, but it was hard to keep my head from thinking up all sorts of crazy scenarios.
"Well, it was nice of him to write," Miku smiled, sighing lightly and pulling herself back into her happy personality.
"It was," I agreed and left it at that.
I was now forced to realize that not only did I have no freedom, but I had no choice in any important matter, possibly from now on. I started thinking about last summer and how that hadn't mattered to me then, but the older I grew the more I realized that control was important.
That night I ate my rice in silence, and strangely, Miku mocked me. I couldn't help but feel a little bad that her only son had written to his wife and not his mother. Sure I felt like if lost someone, but she'd been feeling that way a lot longer. I decided it was better to try and aprich her the way she had me, talkative and cheerful.
"Uh, I was gonna ask you, did you need anything? I still have money left over from uh..." I trailed off, unable to think of the words now that I was on the spot. She didn't seem to mind.
"A trip to the farmers market might be nice," she chirped. I smiled at her a bit awkwardly and went back to eating, though she wasn't finished with the conversation.
"I just," she paused, "my son has always had a certain, um, fixation with things. And I know that neither of us wanted this to happen the way it did, but I'm glad to have you as a daughter in law. I'm glad he fixated on you."
I wasn't exactly sure what brought that on, but I was glad she said it. We were both working hard to break down walls, we were strangers to each other and we had only one thing in common. It was easy to admit we were related, but harder to say that we were family. I decided laying in bed that night, that if I was going to have a baby, and I was, that Miku wouldn't be a bad person to have when the time came and everything was said and done. I was slowly drifting off to sleep, my eyes were closed and I felt that warm, fuzzy feeling when your just about to fall when a huge boom outside my window brought me back from the brink.
My heart beat wildly for a moment, confused and disoriented as the noise continued. I was up and redressed in seconds, and I immediately went to the desk to grab myself a hand full of throwing knives. Throwing open my bedroom door, I found my mother in law, wrapped in a robe, standing in the front door. She had her back to me in the unlit room, it was quiet for a minute, and then light sprung foreword from nowhere, illuminating the darkness.
"What's going on?" I asked, but another loud boom droned me out. It sounded farther off now. Touching Mikus shoulder, I passed by her to stand outside.
The house we lived in was held up in the air by chains anchored on rocks that stood taller than rock wall around the crummy village, so it was easier to see just what was going on so far away. I was horrible at judging distance but I could make out a light on a mountain peek a few miles away. The side of the mountain was on fire I noticed first, and the second thing I noticed was the white birds circling it like carrion. The booms we'd heard were bombs, a battle was happening right in front of my eyes. Another boom wracked the area and the fire flared and I noticed I wasn't the only one drawn out of my house.
"What should we do?" I asked, turning to my mother in law. She looked at me fearfully for a moment, and then turned back into the house.
"Come back inside," she urged but I shook my head. I wasn't sure if she realized the risk of living in a house made of the adobie like stone material, but if the chains broke, we'd both be dead. I decided to stay outside, watching the fight intently though I could hardly see. Miku informed me the power had gone out, apparently it was very temperamental, so while we sat up all night, we were forced to do so in the dark. I was hours watching the blaze, hours watching seemingly nothing and listening to explosives in the distance. Never once did I think about my husband, not once until the sun crested over the hills and the wounded were being carried in to the hospital.
"Darn it," Miku cursed, if you could call it cursing, from the kitchen and drawing my attention from the distance for the first time in hours. The power remained out and she was unable to cook her breakfast, so eventually we ventured out into the streets.
The village had been buzzing for hours. It seemed no one had gotten any sleep last night and then both ninja and civilians had gone to do something this morning. It was a hassle to even walk down the street today with everyone rushing around. I noticed most people carried bags of groceries, and made a verbal note of it to my mother in law.
"It's gonna be just like last year," Miku scoffed, "they said the war was going to come inside the village and everybody freaked out, prices for everything went sky high, and then it did come to the village, for one day and it was all over. People are so stupid," she complained. How was she so calm about this?
"I'm gonna hang back okay? I'll meet you at home later," I sighed, feeling a bit sick now that we'd reached the restaurant. I handed her the rest of my money and left, if she spent it all who cares, I was fairly sure I'd be getting more next month.
"Can't even eat a damn decent meal," I huffed, quite annoyed with my own body. Why'd I always have to get sick? I kicked a wadded up piece of paper out of my way as I continued down the street. Shrugging it off, I decided that if I wanted a baby this is what I had to deal with. The wad of paper rolled off, going a bit farther than I had intended, and rolled under the belly of a skinny horse it hitched to an empty cart.
What got me most about this world was they had all of the modern technology we used back home except for cars. For some reason people used oxen and horses, and that baffled me. The horse seemed uninterested, like he hadn't even seen me until I had almost completely passed him. He nickered softly to me and I turned around to pay him some attention.
I was petting his head softly when I got an idea to test my abilities, wondering if I'd kept any of them from the journeys back and forth. Quickly I summoned chakra to my hand and stroked his face and then gently touched my right ear, unsure of where I should be focusing. I paused for a moment, petting him softly before I spoke.
"Hey there big guy," I said softly, worried I might scare him. I waited for him to respond and for a long time he didn't. I was about to walk away, deciding that it didn't work anymore when he snorted, shook his head and spoke to me.
"Don't you remember me?" He rasped, his tone so sad and his voice so tired. He held his head below his shoulders, as low as he probably felt.
"I don't, no," I mumbled, there were a million horses around here, how was I supposed to remember one?
"I'm Jiro," he sighed, snorting again.
"Oh!" I exclaimed excitedly, "I didn't recognize you!" He was so filthy I wasn't sure how anyone could.
"What happened to you?" I asked, looking around for his new owner. This part of the street had dramatically reduced the amount of people here, and those that still lingered weren't paying attention.
"Well, after you left, the old couple died, and I got sold a few times," he said simply. He was skinny when I had first meet him but he was skinnier now. As I started undoing parts of his harness and dropping them to the ground, I wondered if starvation and neglect were a reoccurring theme in his life. Not that I was huge into horses, but I felt like this was something I had to do, for a friend, if you could call him that.
"What are you doing?" He asked, looking around at me as I dropped the arms of the cart from his side.
"I'm rescuing you! Come on!" I commanded, taking off walking down the street as if nothing had happened and I hadn't just stolen a horse. Jiro of course came with me willingly, not because he had any concept of what was going on, but because I told him to.
At this point I was unsure where I should take him. It wasn't like I could fit him in Miku's house, but I couldn't have just left him there. Still a bit scared someone had seen me, I zig zagged down some side streets and squeezed him though some alleyways before I decided to get on him. I didn't have any real riding skills and I was unsure if I could kill my baby if I fell off, but I decided it would look better than tugging a loose horse along by his mane.
"How do I steer?" I asked, nervously shifting weight on his boney back. He groaned a bit, putting his head up a little more and shaking his mane he answered,
"Use your legs."
And so I did, cautiously and nervously nudging him along down the street. the best thing I could think to do was let him loose, but I knew better. A horse couldn't survive in the wild if it was born in captivity. So I wondered maybe if I could just leave him in a field somewhere and just check on him. I waited until I'd left the village gates before I started talking to him again, just so I didn't look quite so crazy.
"So, I'm gonna see what I can do for you, I'm kind of short on cash, so, would you be offended if I found you some grass and left you out here?" I asked, leaning down on his shoulders and peering around to his face as he plotted along. He seemed to consider it for a moment.
"I suppose not, but how will I know where to go and where not to go without a fence?" He asked, turning his head to look back at me.
"Well, I mean, I guess you wouldn't, but that's okay," I patted his neck after speaking, flashing him a smilie. If he would have been a person he would have cocked an eyebrow as he turned and looked away. He carried me on a little further until we reached a grassy place never a small stream. Dismounting I looked around and decided this was as good a place as any.
The grass was thin and wispy, the soil having no real nutrients for it to grow, but the water ran clean and pure here and a ways away was a forest for him to wander in.
"Here you go buddy, all set," I told him, giving him a few scratches on his neck.
"Will you be back?" He asked, holding still to enjoy the petting.
"When I can, I'm pregnant, so," I sighed, "don't worry about it though, we'll see each other again," I assured. He nodded, seeming to be in much better spirits than when I rescued him, and walked off to graze.
I felt good bringing him out here, he could spend some time being a horse now. I wasn't entirely sure what the difference between letting him go and letting him loose here was, but I tried not to think about it too hard. It didn't matter that much, all that mattered was that he had food and water. I started on my way back, feeling right with the world.
Now being forced to walk back myself, I wondered if I still had my blood contract with the deer. In the past my cervine friends had carried me up and down a mountain and retrieved items for me, and that was pretty sweet. I got excited for a moment on the hope I could see see Akimitsu again.
My next few days were uneventful. I found that no matter how little I did I was tired. I watched a lot of TV and began teaching myself to read. With no one here to reteach me hand signs, I'd had to reteach myself that. Miku was always around and always willing to help me learn one of the over three thousand letters in their alphabet. I began learning them in sets, writing them, memorizing them until I had a pretty good base. It would take me the rest of the month to learn it completely though.
For the first time since id been married and even before that I had a little bit of money to my name, a relaxed life style and a home in a culture where it was encouraged to let family live with you and to have children. Sure it was also kind of male dominated, but that didn't bother me as much as it probably should have. I hoped it'd be just as smooth sailing from here on out.