NOTE: I originally meant to do something else in 'This Spy for Hire', but then I read 'I know your type' by TempletonsWeb... and you know what? I really like library AU's too. (upraised fist) Power to all Libraries!
I literally just got the idea today at work to make this a fusion with the comic book Rex Libris: so when they talk about Thoth, it really is the Egyptian God!
This time-jumps quite a few times, but I was too lazy to come up with dates. This was supposed to be quite a bit longer, but time was not on my side (no matter what The Rolling Stones say). Maybe if I'd come with the initial concept more than 3 days ago I could have done it more justice.
Now I think about it, I'm pretty sure that Day Three was supposed to be about your favourite SkyeWard quotes... but as David Eddings wrote: 'As long as we're all having fun anyway, what difference does it make?'
The Love Song of G Douglas Ward
At Middleton Public Library, the basement leads to the Earthly home of Thoth, and the largest collection of extraterrestrial books on Earth. That's not even mentioning what happens in the public stacks! But in between saving the world through knowledge and retrieving overdue books via teleportation crystals, librarians still have everyday problems... like asking out the colleague you're crushing on.
MIDDLETON PUBLIC LIBRARY RULES OF CONDUCT (AN EXTRACT)
- Please make sure all members scan their library cards to activate the GPS chip before venturing into the stacks unescorted. All other patrons must be issued a GPS unit from the main desk. Remember, a GPS being active for more than 24 hours requires a rescue party to be sent into the stacks... no one wants a repeat of what happened to Mr T_.
To: librarystaff
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: Quote of the Day
Albert Einstein — 'The only thing that you absolutely have to know, is the location of the library.'
To: GDWard
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: thanks!
Grant,
Thank you so much for turning me onto Unshelved! Not only is it one of the funniest things I've ever read... have you seen the t-shirts? I've already ordered the 'Without Rockets, it's just science' one for my friend Fitz – he really is a rocket scientist, so it's perfect.
To: SkyeHigh
From: GDWard
Subject: RE: thanks!
Wait... you know an actual rocket scientist?
Good to know my recommendation paid off. I honestly think at least one Unshelved collection should be required reading for anyone even thinking of working in a library – as an early warning system!
To: GDWard
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: RE(2): thanks!
Yep, I do! Remind me to tell you how we met someday – now that I have a new van, and have replaced my entire wardrobe (I was living in the van at the time), it's actually pretty funny.
As a bonus, he can use it to passive-aggressively argue with his wife – she's a biochemist. Well, I'm pretty sure she is. She has two Ph.D's, but I can't actually pronounce the fields they're in.
To: GDWard
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: coffee run
Thoth has spoken: a rasberry mocha with sprinkles and a blueberry muffin. You want anything while I'm out?
To: SkyeHigh
From: GDWard
Subject: RE: coffee run
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.
- T. S. Eliot
Could you get me a caramel mocha, and a cheesecake donut? I'll pay you back on delivery.
To: GDWard
From: TrippingOut gmail. com
Subject: Reaching the Skyes
I couldn't help but wander into the Middleton public library this afternoon, and what did I see? My good friend, Grant Ward: military school graduate, ex-semi-pro mixed martial arts fighter, crack shot, speaker of six languages, six foot two, handsome enough to have every gay man I have ever met beg me to tell them he's 'sexually adventurous, so at least I can dream!'... completely, utterly, EPIC FAIL to ask one of his co-workers out on a date. Or even smoothly thank her for getting him coffee!
How long have you been crushing on Skye? Six months? Your darling IT-person-slash-internet-projects-co-ordinator is too nice, too smart, and most importantly far too hot to remain single for long. You need to make a move, brother, or you're going to be pining after her as she walks up the aisle.
Grant... you are in serious danger of turning into a Billy Ray Cyrus song.
You're not just a bibliophile, man, you're a freaking librarian! You rule with words! Why is it so hard for you to put them in the right order around Skye?
Luckily for you, I was flipping through Cyrano de Bergerac to keep up my French, and I think I have a solution. No, I'm not going to make the moves for you – you're not that hopeless. You need to go seriously old school – woo her through the written word, not the spoken.
To: librarystaff middletonpubliclibrary. com
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: Quote of the Day
Carpe Diem – Seize the Day!
- Robin Williams, Dead Poets' Society
To: SkyeHigh
From: GDWard
Subject: please say yes
I know this should really be done face to face, but I can't seem to actually talk to you without developing verbal dyslexia.
Would you please go out to dinner with me sometime this week? Maybe see The Hobbit 3 afterwards?
To: librarystaff middletonpubliclibrary . com
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: Quote of the Day
"You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after."
― The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkien
To: SkyeHigh
From: GDWard
Subject: About last night
The moon shines bright. In such a night as this. When the sweet wind did gently kiss the trees and they did make no noise, in such a night..."
― William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice
In case I'm being too obscure, I wanted to tell you that I had a really great time at dinner last night. Is it too soon to ask if you're free this Saturday night? Do you like Terry Prachett? The Unseen Theatre Company is staging the play of 'Monstrous Regiment' for the next two weeks.
To: librarystaff middletonpubliclibrary . com
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: Quote of the Day
The Library didn't only contain magical books, the ones which are chained to their shelves and are very dangerous. It also contained perfectly ordinary books, printed on commonplace paper in mundane ink. It would be a mistake to think that they weren't also dangerous, just because reading them didn't make fireworks go off in the sky. Reading them sometimes did the more dangerous trick of
making fireworks go off in the privacy of the reader's brain.
- Soul Music, Terry Pratchett
To: GDWard
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: lunch
Sorry, but I won't be able to make lunch tomorrow after all. Circe just picked me to go with her to Xanadu for the book sale. Hope I can get some roller skating in while I'm there!
MIDDLETON PUBLIC LIBRARY RULES OF CONDUCT (AN EXTRACT)
- If combat in the stacks is necessary due to either Telluric energy manifestations or difficult patrons, please use genre-appropriate weaponry whenever possible. Due to the accuracy issues of muzzle-loading guns, Colt six-shooters and Winchester repeating rifles (or appropriate substitutes) are allowed through all timezones from Napoleonic to Edwardian, regardless of geographical areas. Death rays and laser guns are ONLY allowed in Science fiction, paranormal (fiction and non-fiction), horror, and the extraterrestrial archives in the Repository.
NB Senior Librarian Circe will use magic in any situation that doesn't breach her parole regulations, and possibly some that will. Don't argue or protest - especially if you're male.
To: TrippingOut gmail .com
From: GDWard
Subject: Skye High
Trip,
I think I may owe you some single malt or something... your idea seems to be working! We've been on three dates in the last two weeks, and they've all gone really well. For some reason, I don't have nearly as much trouble getting the words out when I know that she's already agreed to spend time with me.
Skye wants me to come with her to Comic-Con this weekend – you're a sci fi geek, is that a good sign?
To: librarystaff middletonpubliclibrary . com
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: Quote of the Day
Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.
- Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, Douglas Adams
To: SkyeHigh
From: GDWard
Subject: I hope your quote of the day means what I think it does...
Come what sorrow can, it cannot countervail the exchange of joy,
That one short minute gives me in her sight
Romeo & Juliet – William Shakespeare
To: librarystaff middletonpubliclibrary . com
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: RE: I hope your quote means what I think it does...
Excellent wretch! Perdition catch my soul, but I do love thee, and when I love thee not, chaos is come again
Othello – Act 3, Scene 3
To: librarystaff middletonpubliclibrary . com
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: Quote of the Day
Someone suggested to me that I read Pablo Neruda last weekend, came across something I thought worth sharing...
The books that help you most are those which make you think the most. The hardest way of learning is that of easy reading; but a great book that comes from a great thinker is a ship of thought, deep freighted with truth and beauty."
― Pablo Neruda
To: SkyeHigh
From: GDWard
Subject: thinking of you
This is the female form,
A divine nimbus exhales from it from head to foot,
It attracts with fierce undeniable attraction,
I am drawn by its breath as if I were no more than a helpless vapor, all falls aside but myself and it,
Books, art, religion, time, the visible and solid earth, and what was expected of heaven or fear'd of hell, are now consumed,
Mad filaments, ungovernable shoots play out of it, the response likewise ungovernable,
Hair, bosom, hips, bend of legs, negligent falling hands all diffused, mine too diffused,
Ebb stung by the flow and flow stung by the ebb, love-flesh swelling and deliciously aching,
Limitless limpid jets of love hot and enormous, quivering jelly of love, white-blow and delirious juice,
Bridegroom night of love working surely and softly into the prostrate dawn,
Undulating into the willing and yielding day,
Lost in the cleave of the clasping and sweet-flesh'd day.
- Walt Whitman
To: GDWard
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: RE: thinking of you
Wait ten minutes, then meet me between Museology and Teleology. Did you know that a recent Cosmopolitan survey revealed that 70% of all women have had sex in their workplace? You know how I like to be on trend...
MIDDLETON PUBLIC LIBRARY RULES OF CONDUCT (AN EXTRACT)
- Arguing with patrons who refuse to pay late fines MUST be left to members of staff with level three or higher combat certification; this automatically includes all shift supervisors. Don't forget to check the duty roster when you come in for other responders, including First Aid and Magic Wardens.
To: librarystaff middletonpubliclibrary . com
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: Quote of the Day
Come with me, I said, and no one knew
where, or how my pain throbbed,
no carnations or barcaroles for me,
only a wound that love had opened.
- Pablo Neruda
To: SkyeHigh
From: GDWard
Subject: Ouch
Sweetheart, I'm sorry!
Look, in hindsight I should have warned you to wear flat shoes. But in my defense, I've never seen you wear high heels before – I'm sure you said you hated them. Also, it was that rampaging dog and children that sent you flying into that thicket of rose bushes... and I was fetching you ice cream at the time.
Please let me make it up to you – how about a re-do of the picnic, only on my living room floor? It's supposed to be storming tonight, and my place should have a good view of the lightning strikes.
To: librarystaff middletonpubliclibrary . com
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: Quote of the Day
Love, she thought, must come suddenly, with great out-bursts and lightning, - a hurricane of the skies, which falls upon life, revolutionises it, roots up the will like a leaf, and sweeps the whol heart into the abyss.
- Madame Bovary, Gustave Flaubert
To: SkyeHigh
From: GDWard
Subject: MIA
Just wanted to remind you, I won't be home for dinner tonight. I'm part of the retrieval team going to see Stephen Strange - that first edition copy of Grey's Anatomy he borrowed out of the Boss' personal collection is overdue.
To: GDWard
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: RE: MIA
Don't get turned into a frog! I'm happy to kiss you to turn you back, but I'm no princess (I think); not sure true love is enough on it's own to counter the Sorceror Supreme.
To: GDWard
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: Our plans for the holiday weekend
I'm so glad you can come with me to FitzSimmons' annual Fourth of July barbeque after all (do we owe Hypatia anything for swapping shifts?). It's on the rooftop of their building – it's got a great view of the river and the fireworks! There's not much shade, so don't forget a cap and sunglasses. It's FitzSimmons and a device with internal combustion, so we should bring an extra fire extinguisher just in case.
I'm even more glad that you'll be home to spend July 5th with me. I don't know if you realise, but Independence day is followed by another holiday that I feel it's our duty as library workers to embrace.
To: SkyeHigh
From: GDWard
Subject: Last weekend
Thank you for the greatest Independence day weekend of my life. I was really glad to finally meet FitzSimmons – and I'm sorry for ever thinking you were exaggerating when you told me how you met Fitz. But hey, even if the steaks and hot dogs were a bit scorched, what's ID4 without an explosion or two?
As for July 5th... International Read Naked Day has permanently made my top 5 holidays of the year. I much appreciated your choice of Pablo Neruda poetry for our first book; almost as much as I appreciated what we did after we finished the book. And what we did after a few chapters of Raising Steam.
But it's probably a good thing we didn't invite the rest of the staff to join us as I suggested last week. I don't think I'll ever get to the point where I take the sight of you naked for granted enough to share it.
To: SkyeHigh
From: GDWard
Subject: can't wait until we get home...
The Vine
by Ovid
translated by Christopher Marlowe
I dreamed this mortal part of mine
Was metamorphosed to a vine,
Which crawling one and every way
Enthralled my dainty Lucia.
Methought her long small legs and thighs
I with my tendrils did surprise;
Her belly, buttocks, and her waist
By my soft nervelets were embraced.
About her head I writhing hung,
And with rich clusters (hid among
The leaves) her temples I behung,
So that my Lucia seemed to me
Young Bacchus ravished by his tree.
My curls about her neck did crawl,
And arms and hands they did enthrall,
So that she could not freely stir
(All parts there made one prisoner).
But when I crept with leaves to hide
Those parts which maids keep unespied,
Such fleeting pleasures there I took
That with the fancy I awoke;
And found (ah me!) this flesh of mine
More like a stock than like a vine.
Upon the Nipples of Julia's Breast
Have you beheld (with much delight)
A red rose peeping through a white?
Or else a cherry (double graced)
Within a lily? Centre placed?
Or ever marked the pretty beam,
A strawberry shows, half drowned in cream?
Or seen rich rubies blushing through
A pure smooth pearl, and orient too?
So like to this, nay all the rest,
Is each neat niplet of her breast.
To: GDWard
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: Oh my God!
Grant Douglas!
That was rude, crude, and extremely lewd.
Go home, strip naked, and get in our bed RIGHT NOW.
You won't be leaving it anytime soon.
To: librarystaff middletonpubliclibrary . com
From: SkyeHigh
Subject: Quote of the Day
Today's quote is from my go-to guy for anything with words... William Shakespeare, of course!
"At mine unworthiness, that dare not offer
What I desire to give, and much less take
What I shall die to want. But this is trifling,
And all the more it seeks to hide itself
The bigger bulk it shows. Hence, bashful cunning,
And prompt me, plain and holy innocence!
I am your wife if you will marry me.
If not, I'll die your maid."
- The Tempest: Act 3, Scene 1
And Grant? I just wanted to make absolutely sure, in case I wasn't clear enough last night – because I remember doing a lot of gasping and shrieking 'Yes yes yes!' , but I'm not sure if you realise it was in response to your question.
Yes, I will marry you.
Does the Bodleian do weddings? That way we can go straight to London for our honeymoon and rampage through Charing Cross Road.