Twenty-five days before

"Useless coward!" John boomed. Sam didn't cry. He received another slap. Sam hated most of all when his dad hit him on the face, because bruising on his face was always hard to explain to Dean, and everyone else, but only Dean mattered. This was why John only saved hits to the face, never too hard though, for when Sam seriously fucked up. Too bad Sam was such a fuck-up to start with. Sam continued to hold his tears back. He knew better than to cry. It was only when John unbuckled his belt, that Sam let a tear slip.

"Please, don't," Sam said, staring pleadingly into his father's eyes. He was so tired. So fucking tired.

One day after

Eight hours later, Sam woke up in a quiet, still car.

His entire body hurt. He tried lifting an arm, but winced at the movement.

Has Dean left me alone? Sam panicked, looking at the car's interior. He tried sitting up, only to catch a glimpse of an empty road. There was no sign of his brother. Sam tried to find a comfortable position when he heard the car door open. He snapped his head around at the noise. Dean fell into the front seat. He handed Sam a bag of take-out.

"Eat," he commanded. Sam wasn't hungry, but took the bag as it would please Dean.

They drove off again, not saying anymore words to each other. Sam picked at his food and didn't see Dean's concerned and tired face.

Have I made Dean angry? He thought, his paranoia acting up. He didn't know that Dean's silence was because had no clue how to act towards Sam, or how to react to this mess, which was their life.

SPN-SPN-SPN

It was nightfall when Dean pulled the car over at the side of a road with no traffic. Sam wondered what they were supposed to do here. So far, they had only stopped for bathroom breaks and food.

"Sammy," Dean said. Sam hated when he used his shattered voice. It made him feel guilty, but why shouldn't he be? He had made his brother cry, he made him angry by not telling him about his relationship with their dad, he made his brother feel guilty by not figuring it out… What good did he do? What good had he ever done?

"Did-" Dead cleared his throat. The silence of the car was nerve-wracking. Sam wanted to get the hell out before becoming too overwhelmed. He turned his head towards his brother, indicating that he should finish his sentence. His brother stared out of the front window with glassy eyes. Sam brought his knees up to his chest. Dean managed to finish the sentence, although not completely.

"Did dad do anything other than…" Dean continued to stare out the window, biting his bottom lip, holding back tears. That's when Sam understood what he asked about.

"No, he never touched me," Sam said and watched as Dean's shoulders loosened a little. They were still tense though and his body language was distant. Sam could tell that he was absolutely furious with his father, and he thought that Dean was pissed at him, for not telling him earlier. Should he tell him what else John did or would that just cause his brother even more pain? But then if he didn't, he would become secretive again...

Dean let out a sigh, interrupting Sam's troubled thoughts.

"Sammy… Why didn't you tell me?" He said barely audibly. Tears were slowly leaking down his thick eyelashes, thus reminding Sam of their painful conversation about his self-inflicted scars, five days ago.

"He threatened to kill me," Sam said emotionless. How was he supposed to react to this?

"Did he ever… Did he ever…"

"Try?" Sam finished. Dean nodded grievously. Sam took a breath, his own voice had become shaky. "Last hunt."

I AM SO FUCKING STUPID! Dean roared inside his head while punching the car with all his strength. Sam flinched violently, his face turning sheet white. Dean threw his red, puffy face into his hands.

I knew something was up all along. Especially last hunt. John could have shot the ghost, but wanted to kill my baby brother... Oh god, oh god, oh god…

Dean lifted his head suddenly, and started staring out the window again. More heavy tears fell down Dean's face one by one, until they came pouring. Sam just sat there staring at him. He couldn't stand seeing Dean like this, exposing himself like this. He could hardly breathe. Tears pricked his own eyes, tears he had held back for too long.

"How long?" Dean croaked, after another long distressing wait. He looked down at his hands resting in his lap. They were twitching, craving to punch something, hard, until it broke and would feel as shattered and useless as he did at that moment.

Dean turned to face Sam, waiting for an answer.

How long had it been?

Sam stared at his brother, not focusing on anything particular. Not focusing, not saying anything, not doing anything. Dean wondered if he even was thinking anything, if he even was there.

"Sam?" Dean asked urgently. He wanted to shake his brother back to reality, but didn't want to touch him since he seemed very flinchy. Dean sighed inwardly with relief when he saw Sam take deep breath, close his eyes, and opening them again to a focused gaze.

"Too long." Silence. "But, it wasn't his fault," he said calmly. It was just before Dean either had a panic attack or started tearing the car apart with his bare hands.

What the fuck has John done to this kid to make him think that? He has beaten the shit out of him yesterday evening and who knows how many before that?

"Who's fault was it then?" He asked, maybe a bit too loudly. He regretted his tone immediately after, but damn it! He wanted answers. Sam didn't seem to notice the volume of his voice though. Thinking about it a second time, maybe Dean didn't want an answer. He just wanted to keep his brother safe from that monster. Who would have know that the worst monster they ever would encounter, had been by their side this whole fucking time?

Sam didn't move. Just sat there.

"I should have been a better son," he uttered at last, his body looked limp as he hung forward, mouth open.

Dean would have fainted at that moment if he wanted to. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't say anything, he then realized. His throat was too dry.

I need to get this kid some help, Dean thought as he stepped on the accelerator and onto the road again. They still had a long way to go.

A/N: Thanks for reading! :)