A/N: I'm so so sorry, but this had to happen.
Two days after
Dean pulled up at the motel. In two day's time they would reach Bobby's. What could happen in two days?
Sam was lying in the backseat. He had recently woken and fought to stay awake since he didn't want to go back to his dreams. Dean had taken the liberty of him falling asleep to change his clothes and clean his wounds. A smile flickered across Dean's face when he remembered the look on Sam's face when he woke up and realized, that his brother had stripped him, with the exception of his underwear, and changed his clothes. His smile faded quickly as he remembered the rest of the memory.
"Dean, what the hell?" Sam asked as he looked down himself and found out that his clothes had changed. "Did you change my clothes?" Dean grinned.
"Did you want me to leave you there looking like bloody mess?" After Dean said that, his face darkened.
"I wanted you to wake me up so I could do it myself…" Sam slurred at the end, the pain medication taking over again.
"You were out stone cold," Dean said remembering how he had held his brother's limp body in his arms. He had held him many times when he was a baby, heck even a kid, or that time five years ago when he sprained his ankle. This was so much different. The body looked unrecognizable. It was like the incident six days ago, but way worse.
Dean held his own unconscious, beaten up, brother's frail body in his arms. He had taken his shirt off, only to want to inwardly scream at what he saw. The scars, the bruises, the swollen areas, his broken ribs… He applied wet cloths and washed the dry blood off, gently, only to reveal even more scars and bruises. He stitched the largest wounds the best he could in the tight area. Dean knew it was incredibly stupid to do that in a car, but there was no other option. He had to get as far away from the bastard before finding a motel, and he didn't want Sam to bleed out. The fact that they were in the middle of nowhere and he had no idea where the next motel was, was another reason he stitched in brother in such a cramped place.
Dean swiftly, yet carefully, put a black t-shirt on him, grateful that he had the sense of picking up their duffels after beating up John. He then addressed Sam's legs, hoping to find something, anything, better than what Sam had beneath his shirt. He wasn't surprised though when he found the exact same thing, minus broken bones. He cared for the wounds and put sweatpants on him. He looked sadly at his Sammy. His nose was broken, but like his ribs, it was a clean break. The rest of Sam's face was bruised, cut and swollen, but not to the extent of stitches.
"Hey Sammy," Dean said in a sombre tone, having not completely snapped out of the memory when Sam woke.
"Hi." Sam said groggily. He looked better than the last time he woke up and looked like he was spiking a fever, but he still had glassy eyes and was unsettling pale.
It was getting late and they had to find a motel. Dean assumed that they were far enough away from John, and couldn't stand the idea of letting his injured brother sleep in the car again. Just ten minutes later, Dean spotted a flashing motel sign. He stopped the car.
"Going to get a room, just stay here," Dean said, forcing a smile. He hated seeing his brother like this.
"'kay."
SPN-SPN-SPN
Sam was stirring in his sleep. Dean sat on the bed next to him. He watched, thinking it was a bit creepy but very calming, his brother sleep. He'd been sleeping for three hours now. It was a bit past 10pm. Suddenly, his stomach grumbled. He tried to remember when he had finished the last burger. It was six hours ago. He looked back at Sam who was still asleep. Sam definitely needed food more than him if he was going to swallow all those pills. He looked around the dimly lit room before grabbing the keys, his jacket, and his wallet. He wrote a note and double checked that Sam was completely asleep.
He walked out the door without noticing the wind blow into the room and his note fall beneath Sam's bed.
SPN-SPN-SPN
"Hey Sam," Jess said smiling. Sam smiled back.
"Hi buddy," he heard another familiar voice saying. He turned his head towards the source, when he saw his father's grinning facial expression. Sam's heart stopped.
'What are they doing together? Are they - are they holding hands?'
Sam woke abruptly out of his dream fifteen minutes later.
The lights were too bright even though they were barely lit.
He felt dizzy.
He felt nauseous.
Where is Dean? How long has he been gone?
He's probably gone out. Can't blame him, why would he always watch over and be worried about his annoying little brother? Sam scratched his itching arm. He felt the scabs of the cuts and traced them with his finger. The memory about the douches from the school digging their fingers in them, made him recoil. He remembered how the blood streamed out, and the pain and disgust.
Sam pushed himself up with great effort, wincing as he did so. He shut his eyes tightly at the painful wreck which was his body. He took the pill bottle beside the bed. There were so many.
Where is Dean?
Oh my god, John is going to kill me.
Everything hurts so bad.
Jess. I left Jessica behind.
I never stood up to the bullies - to anybody.
It hurts so fucking badly.
John is going to kill me.
Isn't there a way I can get rid of the pain?
Dean.
Pain.
Death.
Jess.
Sam took a deep breath. He was on the verge of crying, but did not permit himself to do so.
He decided to turn the radio on, which was also, luckily, by the bedside. Even though his head hurt, he needed to be distracted.
Sam lay himself back onto the bed. He popped the bottle open and took one.
U2's 'With Or Without You' ended.
Sam closed his eyes, wanting to drift off, but his anxiousness kept him up.
Where the hell is Dean? How long has he been gone? I thought he'd at least leave a note. Maybe he really has had enough of me.
A familiar song then came on the radio.
-s-
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed
-s-
Sam sighed. He thought of Jessica. How perfect everything she said was. How funny she was. How she played this song on the piano. How she made him happy. How he wasn't good enough for her. How he'd left her without saying a word. How Dean left him. How he'd made Dean cry, more than once!
It's my fault Dean and I don't a mother. I murdered her.
Holy shit it hurts. If I could just-
The pill bottle was open.
-s-
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone
-s-
It was too much. Everything was just too much. Sam had had enough.
-s-
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore
-s-
He tipped the orange bottle into his steady palm. Everything seemed so calm. For once, everything seemed right.
I've lost mum.
I've lost John.
I've lost Jess.
I've lost Dean.
Sam raised his hand to his mouth, letting the pills fall into his mouth. He swallowed them dry.
-s-
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I really want to go
-s-
He thought of Jess. He thought of her playing the tune. He thought of them being happy. He thought of everything good that had happened in his life - but it sadly wasn't much. It didn't overweigh the bad things. It wasn't even close.
At that moment, Sam closed his eyes. He thought of Jess. And he thought of her hands. And her touch. And her lips. Was he making a mistake?
He'd only really known the girl for six days, yet she was all he could think about. Her and Dean.
He let out a huff - that was the only thing he could manage.
-s-
There is another world
There is a better world
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well…
The Smiths - Asleep
…
A/N: I'm going to a concert tonight (Taking Back Sunday) and another tomorrow (Parkway Drive), and a sleepover, and a knitting club, so I won't be able to post in a little while.
I originally intended this update to be longer, but I cut a bit off and put it in the next chapter as it fit better there.
Please review and so on. Thanks for reading and for the amazing reviews guys! You're awesome. :D