Bernice turned and looked at Luann over the tops of a her glasses, a habit she picked up from her father when he was trying to look stern. "You want to get in a car and chase all over the United Stated in hopes of finding Quill somewhere so you can kick his butt? You don't even own a car."

"Your brother has a car," Delta reminded her. "I'm sure in the cause of true love he would lend it to you for a couple weeks."

"Are you kidding?" Luann said. "Brad doesn't let me take his car to the mall. Two weeks on the road - no way!" She thought for a moment. "Besides I'm not sure I would want to borrow it. I mean, Brad's always working on his car, you know, fixing this or that or maybe adding some accessary. That's because his car is always breaking down. I don't think a month goes by when he doesn't have to have it towed home. I don't think I want to go chasing after Quill in a car where I might get stuck in the middle of Kansas."

"Don't look at me," Bernice offered without looking up from her graphic novel. "I don't have a car. My parents don't trust me to drive their car and it's not like they could afford to let me have it for a couple of weeks."

"We could rent a car!" Delta suggested.

"We? You want to come along?" Luann asked.

"Why not? School's out for the summer. There's no pre-law classes at the community college I haven't already taken. So I'm open for a couple weeks seeing the country. Besides how could I let you go by yourself. You need someone to look out after you." Delta was always joking about Luann needing a babysitter to keep her from making an idiot of herself. It was Delta's way to going along with one of Luann's harebrain schemes without appearing to be as illogical as Luann. Delta treasured her reputation as a sober and thoughtful person. But sober and thoughtful people don't have a lot of fun. Life without Luann would be boring.

"We can't rent a car," Bernice sighed. "We're not eighteen. You have to be eighteen to sign a contract like that. Also none of us has car insurance and rental companies always need that." She turned back to her graphic novel. Tinker Randolph has just found the stone cold Princess Tik-Tok and was building a fire in her boiler, which was mounted just under her ample breasts. That seemed awfully invasive for a chaste girl robot and her gentlemanly boyfriend.

"Who else do we know who has a car?" Luann asked. They went down a list of increasingly remote friends, classmates and vague acquaintances.

"Why not just tell your parents why you need a car and have them rent it for you?" Bernice suggested at the end of the chapter.

"And tell them Lu was making out with Quill. Or trying to?" Delta raised the objection. "Besides one of them would insist on going along. What good is an ass-kicking when your mom is along?"

"Worse, if Dad's along. He's try to pop Quill first and that would end badly." Luann finished.

Delta found Luann's yearbook on her desk and started thumbing through the pictures. "No. No. No." she murmured as she ran her fingers along the pictures of their classmates. Luann threw herself back on her bed and sighed. Bernice groaned and turned another page. Her hand paused over the page as a thought struck her. "Uh-uh." she shook her head. Tried to forget her idea but realized it was the only answer.

"I know someone with a car."

"Who?" Luann demanded, bouncing up again.

"You won't like it."

"I don't care who it is, if they have a car they will be my new bestest friend."

"Tiffany."

"No way!" Luann objected. "I'd rather die first! Since when does she have a car?"

"It was the first place prize for the Miss Chamber of Commerce beauty pageant Tiffany won, back when she was calling herself Sheraton St. Louis."

"But she was too young to win that prize," Luann said. "It was in all the papers."

"No, she did get it," Delta interrupted. "I remember reading about it. Her father threatened to sue the pageant committee because, he argued, that the committee had not announced the restrictions in advance of the registration. He had so much irrefutable evidence that the committee decided to give Tiff the car anyway because it was the cheaper of the alternatives."

"I don't remember reading any of that," Luann said. "Where did you hear that?"

"Court records. I was reading the records at the time to get some idea of how one writes legal opinions. So, yeah, Tiffany has a car."

"No way! I won't ask her. I will not beg for anything from that girl!" Luann said vehemently. "Because she would never help me anyway!"

"Of course she will, and you won't even have to beg." Delta said, a smile flirting about her lips.

"How?" Luann asked.

"Because you've got something Tiffany would definitely want."

"Three things actually," Bernice said from the floor."

"Three things! What?"

Delta held up the postcard. "You know where he was a year ago." She held up the photograph. "You know where he was three years ago." Finally she help up the phone bill. "And you know who he was talking to last month. Between these three items we ought to be able to track Quill down."

"And since Tiffany will do anything to steal Quill away from Lu she will be as eager to find Quill as Luann is." Bernice finished Delta's explanation.

"Why do I get the feeling that this is all going to end badly?" Luann wondered.

][

While Luann never had to beg to get Tiffany to let them use her car, it took half a week for Tiffany to come around and accept that if she ever wanted to see Quill again she would have to let Luann lead an expedition to find him. Tiffany insisted that Crystal come along so she would have someone to talk to, since it would kill her to talk to her worst enemy. Luann in turn insisted that Bernice come along as well. Neither Crystal or Bernice wanted to accompany the two girls but both found it hard to say 'no' when Luann or Tiffany had some mad scheme in mind. At first Delta had been excited about going on the trip. Since her bout with cancer Delta had a deep aversion to "frivolous" activities. Life was short in her mind and really should be devote to important and serious matters. Running across the country in what would likely be a futile effort to find Quill slowly came to her to be frivolous in the extreme.

So she suggested that they ask Gunther to come along in her place. Gunther was a shy, nebbish boy in their class who at one time or another had had a crush on Luann. For her part, Luann had no interested in the curly headed boy whose only known talents were sewing and dress designing. Gunther was embarrassed by everything, stuttered in the presence of any cute girls except Luann. But as a boy he could lift heavy objects, Delta noted, as well as provide the group of girls with some cover of masculine protection. This evoked peels of laughter from the others. Anyone who knew Gunther knew that he wasn't a threat to anybody.

"He doesn't have to be an alpha male, Delta argued when their laughter slowed down. "The point is that with him with us men are going to second guess any plans to hit on us. It's like those police cars where they stick a manikin inside and park it on the roadside. No body knows if there's a real cop inside but decide it is better to treat it as if a cop was inside."

"I," Tiffany announced, "am not afraid of being hit on be some guy. I like the attention."

"I'm sure that's what all of Ted Bundy's victims thought, too." Delta shot back. Crystal, who had been polished her black painted fingernails, looked at her friend and decisively said, "he's coming."

With the car filled, they argued next over who was going to drive. Tiffany insisted that because it was her car she was going to be the only driver. Luann reminded her that they would be traveling for 10-12 hours a day and no one can drive hours like that safely. Delta whispered to Luann to let Tiffany find out for herself how tiring driving can be. Then she'll be happy to trade off with someone else.

They argued over how much luggage each girl could bring along. Tiffany was going to bring along her entire closet. That left Crystal miffed because then there would be no left for her bags of luggage. Neither would compromise. Delta shook her head, told the girls they were on their own, and left. Bernice suggested they measure the trunk, and as they did reminded them that they had to divided it up five ways. Reluctantly Tiffany agreed to one suitcase and one tote bag for each person.

"Who's going to pay for all of this?" she then demanded "I certainly aren't! That car uses a lot of gas and oil. Somebody's going to pay for that and it isn't me."

That was a stumper for Luann. None of them had much money, maybe a couple hundred at most in their college funds. At a minimum, she and Bernice had calculated it would be at least a week out trying to track down Quill and a week back. If any complications came up it could be another one or two weeks all told. The bill for hotel rooms, food, and gas would be astronomical.

Luann was so bummed out that for two days she lay on the sofa in her pajamas, sulking. Brad, off-duty for a couple days from his fire-fighting job, came by to drop off his dirty laundry. Even though he had moved out of the house into a rental, he still depended on his mother for clean clothes. Luann suspected that if or when he and his girlfriend, Toni, ever got married Brad would be in for a rude surprise. Toni, a fellow fireman, did not look like the kind of girl that automatically did someone else's clothes. For that matter if Brad and Toni ever got married Brad would have to break up with T.J.

T.J. was a swarthily handsome friend of nebulous ethnic background Brad had made back when he was in high school. T.J. never seemed to go to school, have a job or have an ambition beyond enjoying the moment. Luann had never entirely trusted him precisely because he was so mysterious. For someone without a job T.J. always seemed to have a little money.

"Hey, chica. why so glum," he asked, dropping into a chair next to the sofa.

"You're not hispanic. Stop acting like you are," Luann said.

"Why do you hate me so? I've never done anything bad to you."

You're always getting my brother into trouble."

"And I always get him out of it, too. I admit I haven't always made good decisions but, sister of my best friend, I've always owned up to my sins and paid for them."

Luann snorted in disbelief.

"You wound me, cara mia. But seriously are you sick? Brad says you've been moping around the house for the last couple days. Is it ... an affair of the heart."

By the time Luann had stopped crying T.J. had the gist of the situation. "So it's money you need? How much?"

"What does it matter to you?" Luann said suspiciously. T.J. just shrugged and left, a mysterious smile on his face.

He was back an hour later, nudged Luann awake - she had drifted asleep watching Dr. Phil - and pressed something into her hand.

Luann was still blinking the sleep out of her eyes when she looked at it. "At credit card?"

"Your credit card," T. J. explained. "It's got a $5000 limit so don't go wild."

Luann stared at her name embossed in gold letters on the card. "What do I owe you for this?"

T. J. shrugged. "We'll work out something later."

"I don't like the sound of that. I'd rather know in advance. I don't want to promise to help you dispose of a corpse someday or do something worse."

"You watch too many gangster movies, chica."

"And someone just like you are in all of them."

"I'm just a guy trying to live by his wits. I stay away from Goodfellows as much as anyone else." T. J. looked around to see if Brad was anywhere in sight. "Look, don't tell your brother, but I've got money I don't don't want. Family trust fund. But I don't much like my family. They're not gangster, exactly, just looters of our nation of birth. To me it's blood money. That's why I want to make it on my own. If I can use their blood money for a good deed I feel like I'm erasing a little of their bad karma. You understand?"

Luann had listened to T. J. spin one story after another all the time shed known him so it was hard to believe that he was being any more honest now.

"Look, kiddo, here's the deal, I'll pay the interest on this card. You just have to paid back the principle. It's the interest on a credit card that kills you so this is a deal for you. And, the loss for me will just be deducted from my income tax so nobody loses."

"As long as I don't have to sign for this card in blood."

T. J. laughed. "You have such an active imagination," he said and left her to study the credit card in awe.

][

Two days later they gathered at Tiffany's. The idea of her driving around and picking them in the car was, to her, inconceivable. Luann stowed her suitcase in the trunk with Bernice. When she turned around she found Knute Carlsbergson standing there. "Woo, ride trip," he said. "Like where are you going. Is this a chick trip? Can I come along?"

"Knute you were not invited!" Tiffany stormed up and tried to push him away. "Who told him about this?" she wanted to know.

"It wasn't me," Luann insisted. Bernice echoed her denial. Eyes were turning to only other one there, Crystal Dresden, who was looking guilty. Tiffany was about to say something she'd regret when Gunther's thin voice chirped out, "Knute, you made it!"

"You invited him along?" Tiffany turned on the small red-headed boy.

Gunther blushed a bright red. "I didn't invite him, exactly. He'd heard that we were going on a trip and asked if he could come along. I just said there was room for one more. I didn't say he could come along."

Luann looked at Bernice who shrugged noncommittally. Luann felt the same way. Knute wasn't exactly a friend but he wasn't a stranger either. He tended to be zoned out most of the time but could make good conversation at other times. She looked at Tiffany, who was clearly put out by Knute's presence. That tipped the matter for her. If it made Tiffany unhappy then she was all for having Knute along. "I don't mind, she said. "It'll give us an extra guys to carry all out stuff."

"But he's not packed or anything," Tiffany protested.

"I've got everything I need right here," Knute said, holding up a gym bag. Under Tiffany's continued scrowl he opened the bag and started pulling things out of it. "I've got an extra shirt, a change of underwear, deodorant and voila! a washing machine." This was a spray bottle of Febreze laundry deodorizer.

"Eww," Luann grumbled. Tiffany looked too disgusted for words but Crystal was having trouble suppressing giggles.

"You think this is funny," Tiffany stormed, "Then you sit next to him!"

"Oh, wow! great!" Knute declared. "Hey, Crys, my name is Knute. I think we have English together. I dig your studs."

"It's 'Crystal'," she declared as she got into the front seat and slid towards the middle. The Caddy was just old enough to have a bench seat arrangement in the front. "No one, no one calls me "Crys."

"Ok, Crys - stal." Knute slide in beside her and hung his arm on the seat back behind her. She glared back at him until he moved his arm. "Oh Yeah, Sorry." he laughed. "Do you like skateboarding?"

"No." she said, crossing her arms.

Bernice, Gunther and Luann got into the back seat. Luann handed Crystal a road map with the next five hundred miles marked off in yellow high-lighter. She wasn't going to give Tiffany more of a clue where they were going until they were well on their way.

Bernice looked at her watch and jotted the time in a new steno pad. The others might blog their trip on their cellphones but she liked the private nature of writing notes in a diary.

They chatted a bit as they got under way but as the miles rolled on and they were still in the Pittsville suburbs the conversations slowed and finally stopped. Luann watched the miles speed by on the freeway.

She was beset by doubts about this whole mission. What if she was wrong and Quill really had returned to Australia. What if the house they had broken into had belonged so someone else. What if this would all be a silly goose chase? What if? - what if? - What if? Luann had something of a history of plans blowing up in her face, or misconstruing things people said, of massively embarrassing herself. How could she sure that this wouldn't be another cock-up? Other times there had only been a few people to know how badly she had screwed up. This time there would be all sorts of people watching her; ready to laugh at her if anything went wrong. She was ready to grab hold of Tiffany and scream at her to turn around. To forget all about this silly quest to find her runaway boyfriend.

She hesitated, then did nothing. The Fiasco, if indeed that's what this would prove to be, was already started. It would be just as humiliating to quit now as a week from now when they admit they'd never find Quill. She may as well go ahead with it. She went over and over the case in her head, trying to make it sound more reasonable and gradually feel asleep. She awoke hours later as they hit the bridge over the Mississippi River into St. Louis, Missouri, the great Arch on the river bank was silhouetted on the evening lights.

For better or worse the trip had begun.

Author's notes.

Crystal does not have a last name so I gave her one, Dresden (which is famous for its porcelain not its crystal.

Tiffany's last name is Farrel, which sounds like 'feral,' which is pretty descriptive of her.

Knute is another character with no known last name. Considering that Knute is a Scandinavian name I gave him the name Carlsbergson. But this, like Crystals name is no canon.

T.J. is a friend of Brad with no know backstory. He has mostly existed to lead Brad into bad decisions, which with his swarthy complexion makes him look like the Devil who tried to corrupt Faust. I needed someone to give Luann a lot of money no questions asked. The other choice was Elwood Druit the creater of the Eyes of Zeyev video game. Elwood has a lot of money apparently and could afford to fund Luann but he also seems to have something of a crush on her and would insist on coming along. I didn't have any place for him in the story so T. J. it is. The story I've given him that he's the son of Central American aristocrats who looted their country and the peasants there before fleeing a revolutionary army has no basis in Canon but doesn't contradict anything as far a I know. It's still pretty illogical for T.J. to just give Luann so much money - or rather a credit card backed by that much money. But this is the least illogical thing in this story.