A/N: Surely nothing as fascinating as Joey The Ripper's Nat and Negaduck escapade, but none-the-less it is finally here: the chapter I promised nobody was coming I'd have baked a cake and four and twenty blackbirds somehow fit into a pie ... darn it I left my corkscrew in the oven and I seem to be accumulating grog at one wine bottle a year ... cheers, long life and stupidity, serendipity and have another Quackerjack on the house with the pogo stick, Colonel Mustard in the drawing room with the pencil, Miss Scarlet - don't bring her into this mess it's bad enough already you'll wake the dead with that moaning and what would your mother say about that loose shoe and the tardy slip back in time, gotta get back in ti-i-i-ime ... it always comes to this, you must remember this: a kiss is just a kiss a sigh is still a sigh ... the fundamental things of life as time goes by.
Torture Me
It was three o'clock in the morning as Morgana reviewed her lounge room and re-fluffed the cushions on the chair yet again.
She was waiting for her boyfriend to return and it had preoccupied her mind for hours now. Morgana wouldn't have ordinarily been this worried, but considering vampires were involved in his latest tangle, there was an inkling of concern at the back of her mind. If it had been just Grizlykoff or the Fearsome Five it wouldn't have bothered her, but in her private opinion vampires were in a class of their own when it came to being dangerous.
Hours earlier when Morgana returned from the restaurant she'd found that Darkwing had already woken and headed off to his new, rather questionable job. In his place, Gosalyn had fallen asleep on the armchair in front of her mathematics book. "It certainly is a popular chair." The hostess commented aloud.
Leading Gosalyn upstairs and tucking the groggy duckling into bed had been a novel experience for Morgana. "I could get used to it." She heard her own voice and smiled guiltily to herself for saying such a thought out loud.
Morgana continued in her musings on Gosalyn as she put the ten-year-old's schoolbooks into a neat stack on the coffee table. 'I don't really have a lot of things for a child to do in this place. Hmm.' She had a sudden inspiration about this. "Maybe I could fetch her something from the stores? Archie? You know. What does a Normal ... Archie?" Morgana looked around for her familiar but only the sound of the wind and the gentle scratching of a tree bough against a nearby window pane answered her. There was not even the slightest flutter of wings in the house. "Dinnertime." Morgana at once realised she'd been so preoccupied with her visitors she'd barely registered her friends leaving perhaps half an hour ago.
The weathervane ward on the roof let out a crack of thunder warning Morgana that someone was coming up the pathway. Moments later there was a knock on the front door. 'Now who could this be?' She considered the late hour and, readying a lightening spell as a safety precaution, she went and opened the door.
Morgana relaxed as she saw her boyfriend standing on her porch. "Oh, good, Dark; you're alright." She moved aside for him to come in.
"I'm glad for the prognosis." Drake remarked as she closed the door behind him. "You look as beautiful as ever, Morg."
Morgana turned back to him, feeling her cheeks grow warm from the compliment. "Why, thank you, Dark."
Drake had a decidedly placid look on his face as he opened his beak to speak again. "Of course that's nothing to compare to the wonderful and sensitive person that you are on the inside." He added to his earlier compliment with the kind of eloquence he usually only had when gibing a criminal. "If it isn't just your eyes it's the way you talk to me; you can make anything interesting."
So many words of endearment and in coherent sentences? Morgana blinked at Drake, looking him over a second time, feeling slightly alarmed. Drake's feathery complexion did look decidedly more pale than usual. She'd initially discounted it because she knew from experience that black clothes tended to do that to a person and right now black covered him from head to foot. Of course those vampires could easily have done something else to him, Morgana took a steady breath, 'maybe I was a tad early to conclude that he was alright?' "Dark, snookums, what happened tonight?"
"Wait, Morg, let me finish." He took a breath. "While I'm still thinking, I want to tell you something important a-about myself." He blushed.
"You can tell me anything, Dark." Morgana affirmed, "you know I do try not to get cross and I prefer our relationship to be based on honesty."
He nodded, taking a moment to pace himself. "It comes to my attention that I don't like Herb Muddlefoot's coconut burgers." He suddenly announced out of the blue and in no uncertain terms. "Every time I get shanghaied into one of their barbecues he's there with those coconut burgers." Drake groaned miserably.
"You don't even like your next door neighbour's cooking?" Morgana blinked in astonishment.
"Not even Launchpad's brownies." Her rather delicate boyfriend grimaced, clutching his stomach. "It's his favourite snack. I made the mistake of trying them once and I was very sorry for it." He took a moment, closing his eyes and taking a slow breath. "Everyone loves your food, Morg." He blinked up at her. "I love that you love cooking food. But I'm a duck who doesn't even eat anchovies, much less chilli." He blanched.
"By you saying that, I take it everyone else eats these things?" Morgana asked as she raised an eyebrow.
"I certainly don't set out to be difficult." Drake's cheek plumage tinged pink as he blushed again. The fact that he could go pink reassured Morgana that the vampires at least hadn't been snacking on him. "I know I'm the odd duck out and ..." Drake raised an eyebrow. "Actually, that pretty much sums up my life," he gestured widely with his arms and shook his head. "But every time I try to jump this particular gap between us I fail and we end up having a fight." Drake sighed, a lost expression on his face.
"Yes, Dark, I've managed to come to this conclusion myself." Morgana sighed as well. "But tell me; why are we discussing this at three o'clock in the morning while agent Grizlykoff is out there looking for you? I would've thought he would be the the first thing on your mind when you came home tonight."
"Then I should tell you now." He frowned at her, staring into her eyes. "Every time I walk up your pathway you are the first thing on my mind."
"Oh, yes." Morgana mentally slapped herself. "Obviously."
Drake's eyes sharpened and he then grinned calculatively at Morgana. "It first occurred to me at the door when I discovered that I wasn't tongue-tied." St Canard's ducktective at large continued to lay out his line of deduction to her in his usual conviction-filled voice. "I then decided that it was an excellent opportunity to discuss our number one issue. Secondly, I know you like cooking, and as Gosalyn and I are staying here with you you'll only logically want to cook for us." He paused, his expression softening as he looked into her eyes. "I love you just to know that."
Morgana was overwhelmed and all she could voice in response was "oh, Dark."
"Tongue-tied or not this is still very hard." He frowned to himself and folded his arms across his chest. "I never like to admit that I have any weaknesses."
"Neither do I, Dark." Morgana smiled wanly. "But we are only human after all."
"In my case it's my stomach that's human!" Her wilful other half grumbled. "It argues with anything too spicy for it. I haven't got a choice."
Morgana studied his expression. "It's easy to make things less spicy, Drake," she accepted, "but I thought you didn't like the names either."
"What's in a name?" He shuddered. "They're really just words, aren't they?"
"This is ...!" Morgana's joy halted abruptly as the expression on his face properly registered in her mind. It was a mixture of pain and stubborn defiance.
"Hot do-og, mushroom sssoup ... whatever." Drake cringed "not me," he insisted, "I'm ... fine."
Morgana realised he was saying it was more to himself than to her. "You'd better be or you'll starve to death." Morgana put her hands on her hips matter-of-factly, then opened her eyes wide, realising what might have brought this on. "Oh, my goodness, those vampires didn't actually ... not ... in front of you? Surely?"
"What are those crumbed things with the tail up in the air?" Drakee asked, quickly changing the subject.
"You mean the cobra cutlets?"
"Yes. Aren't cobras venomous, Morgana?"
"Not by the time I'm finished preparing it, Drake." Morgana put her hands on her hips again, feeling her dignity slightly inflamed. "And I am always careful. This is why I have to spend so long supervising my trainees at the restaurant."
"That sounds fine." Drake replied quickly. "It sounds safe. It sounds rational."
Morgana felt hopeful on that statement. "Maybe I should be teaching you how to cook Monster food? This way you can see how 'rational' it all really is." She turned from him, and headed to the kitchen, feeling excitement creeping up on her.
"Rational is good." He voiced, following behind her. Corn flakes ... cobra cutlets, liver-wurst, mayonnaise, ketchup, honey ... meatloaf, blackbird pie, grub and cockroach pizza ..."
"Oh, that's nonsense, Dark. What sane person would ever put cockroaches on a pizza?"
"Your uncle Nero as I recall liked grub and cockroach pizza."
"Oh yes." Morgana shook her head. "So he did. Well, it certainly doesn't detract from my statement, Dark, considering that he also tried to eat Launchpad."
"Twice." Drake added as if that fact exemplified the level of insanity of the mutant fungus.
Drake followed Morgana into the kitchen area, pondering her words. This room was large and ancient, matching the rest of his girlfriend's house. Morgana stepped around the large wooden table and zapped the fire into existence in the open hearth and then crossed to the sink with the kettle. The Dogwood Mix-Master 3000 that Drake had gotten Morgana for her birthday sat prominently on the mantelpiece beside a stack of baking trays, making Drake feel appreciated. Of course, it was a very good kitchen utensil, a much newer model than his trusty old 360 that he'd used to make carrot cake for school fetes since he was eight.
Morgana finished filling up the kettle from the tap and put it on the hook to heat over the fire. Her actions drew Drake's attention to the flames and the events of his week flashed back to him, ending back at the beginning with his rescuing the infant from the burning apartment complex. The nerve of Grizlykoff to think that he, Drake Mallard, unblemished record and all round upstanding citizen would perpetrate such a horrendous act! 'Well, I always knew he had a screw loose.' Drake reasoned to himself as he watched the flames flicker in the hearth. Grizlykoff might be just a bull in a china shop when it came to collecting evidence, but he had a whole team of experienced S.H.U.S.H. agents to discover the trap door for him. If it wasn't for Morgana's hospitality, Gosalyn and Drake could possibly have already been lost in the proverbial fire, smouldering away into the ashes of history.
"Thanks again for helping us, Morg." Drake said to his very gracious hostess and girlfriend. "I can't trust the Tower anymore."
"And Eider?" Morgana queried. She was selectively removing items from out of her cupboards and depositing them on the table. 'Thinking with her hands', Drake noted abstractly. This piece of information wasn't exactly relevant at this moment but he filed it away for future reference.
"I trust him." Drake paused, rethinking Eider's way of introducing him to vampire habits. "That is ..."
"More than Director Hooter?"
"What is it about J Gander Hooter?" He countered her question in perfect puzzlement. "Is it something obvious that I'm missing?"
Morgana paused, a container filled with a yellow substance in her hand. "It's the same in the hospitality industry, Dark. I look at it from the point of view of my restaurant. It is my reputation, not to mention my livelihood and therefore my responsibility to ensure my chefs and kitchen hands know how to safely remove venom sacs from the cobras prior to cooking them for my customers." She put the container on the table.
"Grizlykoff sure does need de-venom-ing!" Drake snorted, now understanding; "I get it now. It's like being a parent. Hooter is responsible to reign his agents in and if they're loose that's his responsibility to fix it." He nodded. "Thanks, Morg."
"Oh, my pleasure, dark." Morgana blushed.
Drake pulled out a chair from under the table and spied Archie on the seat. He scooped him up and put his girlfriend's familiar on the table. The spider grumbled at him and skittered to the far end of the table out of the way of Morgana's growing collection. Meanwhile Morgana was putting down yet another jar.
"Morg, I need to tell you what happened to me tonight, so you can tell me if I'm going crazy under the pressure."
"Whatever it is, Dark, you certainly don't sound crazy to me." Morgana replied in a confident tone as she spooned something blue into a teapot and the now magically free-floating kettle poured hot water into the pot.
Drake sighed, automatically relieved at the sound of certainty in her voice. "Did I mention that you're beautiful, Morg?"
She smiled warmly back at him and poured a cup of steaming tea and handed it to him. The drink had a mild, familiar smell; perhaps like something out of a garden he'd once visited? "Go on, Drake. Tell me what happened tonight."
Drake blew away the steam from the hot drink. He kept to his resolution and steeling his nerves, he took a sip. There was the barest trace of flavour but the smell seemed to calm his anxiety. "Eider allowed me to 'discover' a few disturbing things about vampires tonight."
After swirling the leaves in the pot a few more times Morgana poured herself a cup as well and then sat down on the chair beside him. "Did you ask for an explanation from him of why he did this, Dark?"
Drake shook his head. "I didn't get a chance. Joss dropped me off at your gate on her way home. The possibilities are none-the-less two: either Eider legitimately forgot to mention it or he conveniently 'forgot' to mention it. The fact remains that I became caught between those vampires." He rubbed his head with a sigh. "And then something happened."
"I can't imagine how a group of vampires might act." Morgana remarked. "One rarely comes across a single vampire. How did they act in this group?"
Drake swallowed another mouthful of his weakly steeped tea. "They call it 'communion'."
"Ah, I know that one." Morgana nodded. "Do you want to know what sort of herb is in your tea?"
Drake eyed the cup in his hands with a frown. "I do know that smell but I can't place it at the moment. But I think I'll just trust your judgement for the moment, Morg ... that is if you don't mind."
"Not at all, Dark." She beamed at him. "What a lovely compliment."
Drake sat there for a moment, sipping the hot flavoured water.
"The judgement I'm not sure on is the guys I was just with." He ventured into the events of his evening as he tapped his forefinger on the table for emphasis. "I know that if I'd just stayed watching those vampires, I'd be saying it was something to do with what they ate, Morgana. But I've been thinking that they may have shared what they ate with me too, through the Vespers." Drake sat back against the wooden back of his chair. "There's still quite a lot I'm not understanding about what my Vespers actually do. Tonight, I think somehow they connected me to the vampires, and then to the tree." Drake leaned in closer to her. "Morgana ... I heard the tree singing."
"Dark!" Morgana exclaimed joyously, dashing all his fears that there was something wrong with him. "Darling! Archie tells me that most Normals never get to hear the trees."
"Yeah ..." Drake gazed back at her, feeling her positive take on the situation both reliving and catching.
"I've read about this. If the vampires were all full, they may have used you as a repository for excess energy. It's quite possible in a communion."
He narrowed an eye at Morgana. "If they do come back to collect they'll find out first hand that no single vampire's a match for Darkwing Duck!" Drake gulped and chuckled nervously. "On the other hand, tonight there were eleven vampires ... and I wasn't exactly armed."
"Eleven vampires." Morgana had a dazed expression. "Can you do it again?" She moved her chair closer to his. "Open your energy field like you did to hear the tree sing?"
"I think so, Morg." Drake closed his eyes thinking about how he'd done it earlier, and managed to open his energy field up again.
Morgana was suddenly all around him. She pushed her beak against his, her hands against his chest.
Before Drake could remind her of who she was and where they were, he felt her in his mind, coiling mentally around him, impossibly close. Incredibly hungry...
'Oh, Dark.'
...But he didn't care. The term of endearment faded any concern at all. If she did happen to swallow him whole he would have let her do it.
Moments later he felt her energy field flowing back to replenish him like a breath of fresh air. 'Oh, Morg ...' he sighed, 'I love you ...'
After a long eternal moment Morgana pulled away and sat back on her own chair again. "Are ... you alright, Dark? Did I ... did I hurt you?"
"I'm ..." Drake turned from her to stare at the table top, getting a handle on the conflict in his head and the sudden tension in his muscles. "Morgana, we're not ..." He closed his eyes, dragging in a steadying breath. Half of him wanted so desperately to get close to her again, and the other more logical half was screaming back that it was not the right thing to do. It seemed like a very long moment as he fought himself before finally coming to a decision of what he needed to do now.
"That was ... Between us it was ... We shouldn't have done that. If I'd known what it was about, I wouldn't have done it. Morg-Morgana we're not ..."
"Oh, no, Dark, please! I'm sorry if I hurt you, I ..."
"I-I'm fine, Morg-ana." Drake stood up and moved a step away from her, swallowed and turned back to look her in the eye. Yes, he was in control. "Morg. Let's not do that sort of thing again until after we're married, okay?" He stated, concreting his resolution to do the right thing by saying it out loud. "Th-that'll give us both something to look forward to." He leaned forwards and kissed her for a long moment. He pulled back feeling himself shaking. The temptation was all the harder now for knowing the taste of it.
"I-I'd better get some sleep while I've got the chance." He stepped away towards the doorway. 'A shower might be a good idea first ...'
"Oh, okay, Dark. But ..." Morgana said in emotional confusion. "Please tell me. Is there something else that's wrong?"
Drake turned back to Morgana. "Now that you mention it, I happen to be the father of an incredibly inquisitive ten year old child." He explained tensely. "I can only pray that she was asleep and wasn't watching us do that. It's hard enough teaching her to behave right usually. It hasn't escaped my notice that it's almost impossible for her to learn to do the right thing when I don't do it myself." He blushed.
"It wasn't ..." Morgana hesitated. "It wasn't physical."
Drake raised an eyebrow at her and folded his arms, watching the realization dawn on her fine features.
"Oh, my! I ... I didn't even think of it like that, Drake. I ..."
"It's okay, Morgana." He sighed, relieved slightly that they were on the same page at last. "I may be a little obsessed with doing the right thing but I think its especially important to get it right between us and I want to do the right thing by Gosalyn and by you." Another ache coursed through him as he took in the sight of her sitting so lovely on the chair before him, gazing back at him. He closed his eyes and turned back to the kitchen door. "I need to check on Gosalyn." He decided aloud. A little distance and time should help him get control of himself again.
Archie watched Morgana's boyfriend depart in a stilted fashion. He was impressed and rather relieved at the duck's decision.
"Archie, what just happened?"
He crawled across the table so he was in front of her. 'Oh, and now you are interested in what I have to say, child?' Archie grumbled. 'You were not listening all that long while.'
"That was beyond my ability for self-control!" Morgana was on the verge of tears. "Please, I am listening now." Morgana begged for lenience. "Please, Archie."
'I warned you some time ago, that if you wanted to keep him you should treat him equally.' Archie reminded her.
"I really couldn't help it, Archie. I will be sure not to push him to open his energy field again." She brushed back tears. "To think I could've hurt him."
Archie knew one thing clearly and that was he and his mistress were once again not on the same page. 'Is that the point, my dear?'
"Isn't it?" Morgana scratched her head in confusion. "I-I thought it was."
'In the normal realm at least, if a relationship is not tempered in both the realm of physicality and the world of thought, then the balance will tip between them and all may be lost.'
"Oh," Morgana sobbed, "I don't want that to happen."
"What to happen?"
Archie looked up on Drake's voice to find him standing in the doorway again.
"That was quick. How's Gosalyn?" Morgana asked.
"She's tucked in bed." Drake stepped towards the table, eyeing the spices and tools, picking up the brown jar Morgana had used to make the herbal tea with. To Archie it was always a relief to see the gleam of that alert curiosity that Morgana's chosen had when employing his intelligence and he had it now.
The duck opened the jar of dried lavender and sniffed before replacing it on the table. "Not to cast any untoward suspicions, Morgana, but I can't help but feel that you and Archie were talking about me before you heard my voice." He sat down on the chair looking at Archie. "I'd love to know what he's saying to you all the time, Morgana. Archie," he corrected himself swiftly and addressed Archie properly, which was a nice development for Archie. "I hope you're on my side when you're giving her all these words of wisdom." Drake glanced up at Morgana and raised an eyebrow at her. "You're not saying anything, Morgana?"
"Dark," she swallowed. Archie sensed she was still quite upset over losing control earlier. "What I just did ..."
"I really am fine, Morg." Drake narrowed his eyes, "and I know the reason for that is because you opened your field as well. The same thing happened with the vampires earlier. One thing I understand of this communion thing is that when everybody opens their fields nobody gets hurt."
He yawned. "I feel like I can get to sleep now. Good morning, Morg." He blushed. I'm sorry I fell asleep on your chair yesterday. That wasn't ..."
"You were very tired, honey-whumpus; I understand. Good morning, Dark."
After Drake left Morgana tidied up the kitchen and then took Archie up on her shoulder, carrying him up to her bedroom and sat down on the edge of her bed. He could sense the questions swirling through her mind.
"Archie, I need your honest opinion about Dark."
'Not I, Morgana. Eek and Squeak are the experts on this topic.'
"No, Archie, you. He is scheming and cunning; it is you I need."
Archie's resolution failed as Morgana cradled him on her lap and patted him. He closed his eyes, aware yet helpless to her weaselling ploy. 'Very well, Morgana. Ask your question.'
"Does he trust me?"
Archie blinked up at his mistress. 'He is here, Morgana. The assumption of your aid is evidence of his trust. He would not be here if he did not trust you.'
"For a time this morning I thought I'd lost him."
Archie sighed. Instead of answering straight away he jumped out of her hands and scampered across the floor, climbing up the wall to his hammock on the mantelpiece before responding. He took his time in this way to make sure his charge was listening carefully. 'It is a cautionary tale. More care on your part is in order, child.' He thought to her with finality as she looked back at him. 'Or else even Darkwing Duck may make a false assumption and that would be a great sadness to me.'
Morgana's eyes filled with tears. "I thought I'd hurt him." She took a slow breath to help calm herself. "But he said he was fine."
'Your urge to devour him is tempered by your desire to keep him.' Archie noted to her, paraphrasing Darkwing's rationalisation of her actions.
"I should explain this to him."
'No; I meant that this is his conviction. This is how he trusts you. Sleep now, Morgana.'
"But then what is your warning for?"
'It is a cautionary tale.' He repeated his words.
"Yes! What do you mean by that, Archie?"
Finally she was open to listen. "There is a fine line and you must be careful of it. On one side your chosen one learns quickly especially when his ego is at his back. On the other side of the line he does not wish to treat you badly and this is why he does not wish to advance too quickly.'
"Why, Archie, that sounded almost like you like him." She crossed to the mantel and patted him.
'Child,' Archie grumbled determinedly, 'I do not interfere with your choices. These are my interpretations of facts and I was explaining why you need to be careful with your chosen.' Archie decided he needed to restate the obvious. 'His ego is rampant and it fuels his actions. I cannot see how-.'
"Oh, Archie. I'm happy to know I'm included in his assumptions at last." She clasped her hands together in happiness. "He trusts my judgement!"
Archie frowned at her, uncomfortably uncertain himself. 'It is good he has his own judgement also.'
There was a flutter of wings and Morgana and Archie turned to the open window as Eek and Squeak flew in.
Eek landed on the edge of the bed and Squeak dropped a grasshopper in front of Archie on the mantelpiece, hopping back.
'Blergh.' Archie grimaced at his dinner. 'Thank you, Squeak.'
'You're welcome, Archie.'
"Eek, Squeak. Did you have a nice flight?" Morgana smiled at them.
So long as Morgana was happy, that was a good outcome, wasn't it? Archie listened in passively as the others chattered away with Morgana, eyeing his food. He was hungry enough to eat a grasshopper. He seized it and bit into it. He looked back up, following the conversation.
'Yes, thank you.' Squeak chirruped.
'Did we miss anything?' Eek peeped.
"Darkwing returned from being with the vampires."
'Oh!' Squeak exclaimed with a loud squeak. The two bats were slightly upset at this news. Archie knew these two romantics would be upset for only one reason.
'We missed it.'
'We waited for so long but we just got so hungry.' Squeak chattered unhappily.
'Did you fight about anything?'
"No, Eek." Morgana answered. Archie privately agreed that it had gone well this time but only because it was specifically Darkwing Duck whose voluntary actions always had to be 'right' in his mind.
"I was a bit worried for a while but it all turned out in the end." Morgana answered happily. Then she yawned. "I think it's time for bed. Goodnight dears."
'Yes. Goodnight, Morgana.' Archie sent his last conversational thought to her before he centered his attention on dinner.
A/N: That'll keep Archie occupied for a little while.
A/N: The objective to supply real time plot has forced me up this particularly dark back-alley of writing style. Boy howdy but this was the only way I could do it. And here I am talking to myself *rolls eyes* yet again.
A/N: BTW I lied earlier. My corkscrew is attached to my penknife which lives permanently in the little storage room off to the side of my carport.
A/N: So now you see why I try to keep my stories in the action genre.