I wrote this instalment on a sleepless night and did not edit well before posting. My apologies for any errors. I have since edited but I apologize for any additional errors I may have missed.
The next night, several hours before the sun would rise, Anne awoke from a night terror. In her dream, her Frederick had given her so much to his own detriment. The cost of the estate, the additional house servants, and a desire to spoil his wife with affection had gradually caused them to live over and above his means. While Frederick did not have her father's vanity or sense of entitlement, he was trying to show his wife love through an abundance of new furnishings, trips to Bath to visit Mrs Smith and being overly generous with her family and friends. While she knew he loved her, he was demonstrating it in excessive means. Again, it was possible they would need to sell Kellynch Hall. Her husband looked haggard and worn, aged by his need to provide for his wife, his family.
Anne awoke trembling, and silent tears coated her cheekbones. She did not wish to disrupt Frederick's sleep but she was truly unsettled by her dream. It was too much, this joy, this life. In little time she had gone from being an old maid to Captain's wife, from having no real sense of home where she was welcome, to being mistress of Kellynch. She got out of bed, and went to the window, looking out into the abyss of night. Her body tense and breathing tight. "What a fool I am, to be crying over a dream", she self-chastised. "I have not experienced joy like this since my mother lived and I was a child. Yet with this joy comes some trepidation. I know not why…" Anne willed her body to relax, to let the dream go, gradually relaxing her breath.
Behind her she heard Frederick roll over. Hoping she had not disturbed him she decided to return to bed and try to sleep.
"Annie, dear what's wrong" mumbled Frederick from bedside her.
"it's silly really, nothing but a dream. I am sorry to have disturbed your sleep." With this Frederick brought her closer, turning her head so he could examine her features. He rubbed her cheekbone and felt the dampness from the recent tears. He kissed her cheek and sat upright, holding her in his arms. Anne remained silent.
"Would you tell me about your dream? It seems to have vexed you to tears. What has brought about this fear or sadness that has shaken you so?" he asked.
"i am being ridiculous, pay me no mind. There is so much joy, love and gratitude in my heart, I would not worry you with nonsensical dreams. Let's return to sleep" she requested, avoiding the matter.
"I understand your hesitation and perhaps embarrassment, dear. I have had my own share of nightmares, usually of battle at sea, but I do not take my dreams lightly. Upon reflection there is often wisdom hidden within my dreams, whether good or bad. I sometimes write them down and discover revelations about my current longings and needs. Perhaps if you would share yours, you might find insight and release. Was I in your dream?"
Anne looked down, and felt heat rising in her face. How could she tell her husband she dreamed he had become financially ruined like her father. She began to cry anew, silent and embarrassed. Silence hung heavy for a minute, Anne not wanting to distress her husband, Frederick unsure of how to offer support. Eventually she spoke. "I fear… you have been too generous with me. To have you and my husband and to have my home once more is more that I could ask for, more than I deserve. I am so happy, and yet I am afraid as I have not experienced such joy. Can it be real? I love being so close to you, lying in your arms, sharing your bed and your day. I know this is a greater change for you than I, coming to live
here, not knowing the staff, the neighbours who call. And yet I don't deserve such happiness, such love. You spoil me to excess Frederick and I fear this cannot last. You are enough, as you are I do not need… I would not have you spend…"
Frederick silenced her mouth with a gentle kiss and took a deep breath. He looked away for a moment phrasing his response carefully. "I too feel at times unsettled with this happiness. I am so proud to be your husband, I long deeply to better know and understand you and I thank you for sharing your feelings and concerns. For several years I have longed to have a home, a family. I did not think it would be possible for us to marry, yet here we are. I want you to know that Kellynch Hall is well within our means, but having a house full of servants will take some adjusting to for me as well. I would like for us to take a trip to the continent, so I can show you some of the places I have been. I have arranged for passage on a friend's ship to France. But perhaps that is too much too soon? I do not wish to overwhelm you, as there is a lot to be settled here at home. But let us talk of that at breakfast. Thank you for sharing your concerns with me. I know it was not easy, but I am glad you have put me in your confidence on this matter. Now let us back to sleep for a while, perhaps I will share an experience at sea which will amuze you and relax you to sleep…"