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Summary: Four years and continents apart. What keeps Yi Jeong and Ga Eul's hope alive are the letters that they write to each other from time to time…

LOVE LETTER

VI

…discern infinite passion, and the pain of finite hearts that yearn…

---R. Browning

Three months into the new year and Ga Eul was having serious thoughts about quitting her course. She had been so serious that she had even shared that with her mother. Now, in addition to worrying about the repercussions of switching faculties, she also had to deal with the threat of ending up homeless and on the street.

Not that her parents would ever actually do that, especially since she was their only child, the evergreen apple of their eye. What it would mean though was that they were not going to speak to her for awhile. For a very long while, Ga Eul thought glumly as she stared out the window. The sky was now gunmetal grey, cold and cool, and the light rain outside spattered against her window, leaving hundreds of fragmented liquid specks staining the surface. Life seemed a bit depressing at the moment.

After trying to read her novel for the third time in fifteen minutes, Ga Eul gave up. Restless, she got off the bed and went to the computer. Perhaps surfing the net would help. After checking her mail, she found herself wondering what else she could look at. After ten minutes of thinking, she gave that up too. Great, it was Saturday, for once she had no work and here she was, climbing the walls and wondering what else to do.

"No, I'm not going to do that," she said firmly as the same idea popped into her head for the umpteenth time. She kept her eyes resolutely on the now cooling and blank screen of the monitor, refusing to look at the cupboard where she kept his letters in a box. Neither was she going to look at the beautiful dish he had made her, even though it was sitting on her study desk in clear view. She had been tempted to put it away but had not been able to bring herself to do so.

Plopping back down on her bed, Ga Eul grabbed a pillow and pressed her face into it. What was wrong with her? When would she stop feeling so down? Pulling down the pillow, she eyeballed the dish and let out a loud sigh.

He had done it again. And she didn't mean the fireworks. "You pabo," Ga Eul whispered, knowing she meant both of them. He had swept her off her feet once with a pretend date and it had never quite stopped. She had managed to anchor him but now she felt lost at sea. He was so far away and she had never felt the distance more since the beginning of the year.

She had fallen again, fallen deeper without ever managing to get out. For a year she had been patient and now she loved him more. And it hurt, just being so far away.

That was the reason why she had not written in such a long time. She was afraid of what she might say or do or that he would read her letter and hear the things she was not saying.

Blinking back the sudden heat in her eyes, Ga Eul touched her cold cheek. It was hard, having to stay silent. Why wasn't it enough for her, his promise that he would come to see her first? As long as she kept that place for him as her soul mate…

"Because you want to know, you want something more," she muttered, feeling upset with herself. She had intended to quietly wait for him to return and had not reckoned with her own emotions, her own burgeoning desires. It wasn't in her nature to be quiet and longsuffering in her affections, not like this. She had been willing and able to return him to Eun Jae, knowing that it would make him happy. But now things were different. They were different and at the end of the day, she wanted to know she was loved and wanted in return, measure for measure.

For once, she wanted more than to read in between the lines.

………………………………………….

More than once it had occurred to Yi Jeong that Ga Eul was paying him back in his own coin, that she was making him wait. Well, he had probably made her anxious. So he had no right to feel upset with her. Did he?

"Ow!" A sudden sharp smack caused him to cry out as he snatched his hand back. Specks of wet clay flew and Yi Jeong glared at his teacher.

"Earth to Master So."

"Have you always been such a cranky hermit?" Yi Jeong snapped. "And that's the hand that's undergoing treatment by the way, in case you haven't realised by now."

"If you're going to stare into space while pretending to mould the clay, you might as well not go for treatment. A fat lot of good it will do you."

The tall thin man sat down on the opposite bench. The amber of his eyes was faded from age but they were still very sharp. Yi Jeong could testify to that. The only thing sharper than the old man's eyes was his tongue. "So what happened with your girlfriend?"

"Huh?"

"Just stop that will you? Half-baked work is no work at all. Let's get whatever it is you are pondering over out of the way. If not, you'll never progress."

"She's not my girlfriend," Yi Jeong said irritably, wiping his arms clean.

One thin black brow arched. "Really? So why were you slaving over that dish? Didn't she like it?"

"I'm not talking about this."

The silence lengthened as the two men stared at each other, the younger one clearly irate, the elder, cool and calm.

Honestly, his teacher had a personality that made Jun Pyo look like a little lamb. Realising that silence was not going to get him anywhere and that tomorrow would just be a repetition of today, Yi Jeong gave up. He couldn't be further humiliated than he already was and frankly, he was too tired to care at the moment.

"I don't know," he finally replied. "She didn't say anything."

"Why don't you ask her?"

Because that wasn't supposed to be the way it worked. Somehow, that reason sounded a tad childish to be mentioning to his teacher.

"Ah, I see. It's 'her turn'."

Cripes. Was there nothing that was sacred or private? How did the old man know?

"So let me get this straight. Those photos and that dish, plus other things I wouldn't know about, have all been for a girl who isn't your girlfriend and whom you are angry with for not getting in touch with you. Plus, it's making you so distracted that you haven't made anything decent in almost a month."

Now when it was put to him that way, it occurred to Yi Jeong that he wasn't being seen in a very fair or flattering light. "That's not true," he protested. "That's not the whole picture," he hastily amended, seeing the way his teacher was starting to lean back against the table. Whenever the old man relaxed like that, it usually meant that he was getting ready to pounce. "We've got an... an understanding, something like that."

"Explain." That was a demand, not a question.

He was expected to sum up all the upheavals and revelations, suppressed emotions and tentative hopes that were inextricably linked to Ga Eul yang in a couple of sentences? That wasn't likely to happen. "I made her a promise. That I would… that we could…try. When I got back. "

"So essentially you 'sort of' promised yourself to her but didn't make her your girlfriend? And she actually likes you."

Yi Jeong's glare bounced right off his mentor's head.

Standing up, the older man adjusted his sleeves and stared down at his student with amusement. "Think about it from her point of view. You make her a nebulous promise, leave for the other side of the world and occasionally you communicate with her. Oh don't look so surprised, you can't fool me. Every two or three months you walk on air around here for a day and I know why. It's been a year and I'm assuming that things haven't remained stagnant. They couldn't have, if your present is anything to go by. And if things have changed, then perhaps your promise needs some adjusting. Maybe that's why she hasn't written yet."

Yi Jeong was still staring at his teacher when the latter stopped just outside the door. "And if your distraction is anything to go by, you might be ready for that adjustment too." And then he shut the door, leaving his very stunned pupil behind.

………………………………………..

Sunbae,

I'm sorry I haven't written for such a long time. Things here have been a little stressful. I'm still thinking of changing my course and my mother has threatened to tell my father and then throw me out on the streets. She won't do that but they will be extremely angry and that makes me anxious. Plus, I still have yet to figure out what I am going to do a degree in. At least I know what I don't want to do. That is a good thing, I think. I have to be positive somehow right?

What I do want to tell you is that I had a wonderful New Year. As I'm writing, your present is sitting on my table and while it gleams under the lamplight, it glows in the moonlight. The fireworks were beautiful; they reminded me of our pretend date (By the way, Woo Bin told me that one of your favourite restaurants now offers a high class (read: obscenely expensive) version of the burger. This might be more suitable for your delicate stomach).

I'm also very proud of what you've done for the exhibition. I've seen the pictures and after reading your letter, I can kind of imagine what the opening night was like for you. I hope you continue to have more successes while you are there.

Since you claimed that you were the best student in your cohort, I'm assuming you breezed through your exams. Did you manage to settle the matter with the museum?

I need to stop here. I just want you to know that I'm okay. There's just a lot to sort out at the moment. I'll write again when I can. Take care.

Ga Eul

P.S: Each time I read this, I think about you.

I wonder do you feel to-day

As I have felt since, hand in hand,

We sat down on the grass, to stray

In spirit better through the land…

………………………………………………

The letter had finally arrived two weeks ago. Obviously everything was not okay with her, she'd never taken such a long time to write and he wanted to help. Ironically, he was part of the problem, or at least one of two problems. There was nothing he could do about her university problems. But as for the other issue…

……………………………………………...

Ga Eul yang,

I'm not going to ask whether you've managed to sort out your school issues, since I doubt things would have changed in slightly more than a week. However, it is a good thing that you have a clear idea of what you don't want to do. Sometimes, in order to pursue your dream, you will hurt those who love you. But because they love you, they'll forgive you eventually. It's something I learnt from my hyung (yes, I do have an older brother, in case you didn't know). He and Eun Jae are dating by the way. It's a long story that I'll tell you about next time.

That's the only advice that I have to offer and I hope it will help you when you decide what you want to do.

As for the museum matters, yes, those have been settled. I've managed to secure the items we need for the new exhibitions later in the year.

I was wondering why you didn't write sooner but at least I now know that you liked your present. It's the only piece that I'm making like that so you have a one of a kind So Yi Jeong ceramic dish in your budding collection. Of course, I intend to enlarge said collection over the next three years so either get a display cabinet or another table.

By the way, your transparent attempt to needle me about my (perfectly normal) digestive system will not work. But since you obviously want me to take you out, I'll oblige. So, that makes it two dates so far—one to my studio and another to this restaurant (I think we can safely say that we're past the 'outing' phase and as you pointed out, I'm not very good at pretending either).

I'm not sure if this is a coincidence, but I happen to like R.B's poetry. He'll forgive me for mangling his stanzas but when I read these lines, I think of us.

…Where does the fault lie? What the core

O' the wound, since wound must be?

…Only I discern—

Infinite passion, and the pain

Of finite hearts that yearn.

Yi Jeong