Chapter 10: Sakura

6 months later.

'It's been a long time.'

Byakuya sat on his knees. Hisana was one of the only women he ever knelt for. His eyes rest in quiet prayer, soothed by his tranquil surroundings. The shadows were swaying on the beige wall to the flicker of the warm candle light. Only the sounds of the burning candle and his shallow breath could be heard.

'I miss you.'

Byakuya felt guilt creep up his throat. How could he say such things after all he had done? His beloved deceased wife hadn't even crossed his mind on all of those nights spent with the Shihouin princess. Why now? Why on this day did he need her – need his wife?

'Please forgive me.'

He awoke from his prayer, rising up solemn. As he withdrew from his sanctuary, he mentally prepared himself. He was reminded before he'd even made it down the hall.

"Captain...my deepest condolences!"

"Captain Byakuya, you remain in my prayers..."

"I am so sorry for you loss, my Captain."

A constant reminder; every corner he turned he was met with the same sorrowful words. He hated being the object of pity. He hated being reminded.

Byakuya made his way to the kitchen where he met Rukia. She was sipping on some Miso soup when they met eyes.

"It seems the whole of the Sereitei has heard of the news," he said, sitting opposite her at the table. A male servant was setting out his food.

"...In my prayers, Captain," the man whispered as he served. He bowed and left the kitchen along with the other maids. Byakuya inwardly sighed.

"Yes – it's stirred quite a commotion. You didn't attend the burial yesterday," Rukia stated.

"It would have been inappropriate. You shouldn't have gone." Rukia almost dropped her soup bowl.

"How could you say that? How do you think she feels? She has no-one...all alone." Rukia glared at Byakuya. "You should go see her," she urged. Byakuya started eating his breakfast. He watched the light snow trickle down onto the garden flora through the window. He hadn't seen snow in this world for hundreds of years. As he drank his tea, he could just about see the dying sunflower in the distance. The sunflower that once stretched tall now hung its head like a lost soldier. Its crippled, wilted leaves fell with the snow one by one, disappearing into the grass.

"I cannot do that-"

"Why? For once in your life drop your damned pride, brother! This isn't about you anymore! This is about being there for someone who genuinely needs you," Rukia stressed. "Look at me, Byakuya!" He slowly made eye contact again. "Who else could be there for her at this time? It's not like Urahara can come – and we all know how he feels now. She needs you..."

"Rukia-"

"Don't lie to me and tell me you don't care about her. It's obvious in the way you look when I say her name. You were there for me when we lost Hisana...and you still are. You know very well you had no obligation to take me in, but you didn't care! You did so from the goodness in your heart, brother. Reach down in that place. Do it again...go see her!"

Byakuya slowly pressed his chopsticks into his rice.

"This is not a walk in the park for me, Rukia."

"I know that. But I honestly think you'll feel a lot better if you went. Wouldn't you feel better knowing she's okay?" Byakuya hated it when his sister lectured him, but she had a damn point. He was almost whole again – this would give him closure. He'd visit her today.

"Very well," he uttered.

It was like he was being sucked into a silent storm in each step forward; closer to the room she was resting in. As he advanced through the grey walls, he told himself he was just glad to be inside again. It had been snowing all day now; no one had seen the sunset that day.

"Captain Kuchiki," the Shihouin servant said, gesturing at the door. Two men outside slid it open for him and Byakuya stepped in. The doors made a sound like running sand on its closing, clapping together.

His heartbeat slowed seeing her so sombre; like it was her own life that had been stolen from her. She was whimpering, curled up under the sheet. The window was open.

Byakuya walked over to close it. He turned to look at her across the room.

"Yoruichi," he softly called. "I've come to personally give you my condolences. I want you to know I am praying for you...for her." Yoruichi remained still, wrapped up. He had heard her cries too many times now. It was painful even for him to see her crushed like this.

"You've come to wallow in my sadness."

"I've come to see how you're doing." Yoruichi tightened the sheets around her.

"How I'm doing? Ha!" Byakuya looked down at her through the cotton. "What do you want to know? The part about my little girl being dead in the ground or the fact that she never had a proud father?" She wept. Byakuya knew this wasn't a good idea – she was rightfully in a state and needed alone time. He tried to divert the topic.

"Have you had something to eat today? How is your health-"

"You know what the worst part is? She was already dead before she was even born." Yoruichi sniffled. She finally peeled away from the sheets, sitting up. Her vacant eyes were puffy and pink; her skin was dry and blanched. Her once soft lips were cracked and raw – probably from biting at it. She looked tormented, at the centre of her own storm. "Do you know what it feels like to go through all of that pain...and have your child snatched from your arms? Have all these people probe and poke her for a sign of life...then to be told there wasn't any in the first place?" Her bronze eyes penetrated his.

"Do you know what it feels like to bury your own child?"

Byakuya took hold of a chair from the corner of a room and placed it by her bed. He sat near her, but not too close.

"I do not know how that feels," he replied. "But I do know what it feels like to lose someone you care about." He had experienced it too many times. Yoruichi finally released him from her stare. She pressed her face into her palms.

"You had no reason to see me, Byakuya. I know you truly must be happy, knowing I got what I deserved-"

"Hush-"

"I brought this upon myself, isn't it? This whole predicament...all of the stress I put on myself...I killed my only child!"

"I said hush, now."

Byakuya rested a hand on the edge of her bed – that's as close as he would allow himself to get.

"Once upon a time, somebody told me a story about the Bird and the Egg," Byakuya looked out to the window. "We cannot always dictate our fate – or the fate of others. I have learnt that lesson."

"But if this is fate...surely even if I deserve this for whatever I have done, did my baby girl deserve it? Did she really deserve to die?" Her plum tresses fell over her face as she buried it into her chest, sobbing.

"Sakura," Byakuya muttered. Yoruichi was puzzled.

"...What?" she questioned.

"...Sakura...is what I would have called her if she was my daughter." Yoruichi wiped her tears.

"That's a beautiful name."

"Sakura was blessed, Yoruichi. She received all she deserved and more because you were her mother. Look – even in how you weep for her; you love her more than anyone."

Byakuya realised he had been wrong about Yoruichi all along. She had been anything but selfish. 'All of this recklessness...it wasn't a game or Yoruichi acting on her own accord. All of this time she was doing what she thought was best for her child – what she thought might have been best for all of us.' In hindsight, Byakuya wished he'd never opened that file. He wished Yoruichi had kept lying to him. Yes, it might not have changed Sakura's fate, but at least they might have had a chance to be together; at least she'd still have Urahara as her friend. Now everything was broken.

Yoruichi startled Byakuya, throwing herself on top of him. She sat on his lap, squeezing him, sobbing. Byakuya had never been good at this, but then Rukia's words flashed in his mind:

Reach down in that place. Do it again...!

Byakuya hugged Yoruichi back, letting her bury her head into his neck – his Haori soaked up her tears. He gently cradled her head, hushing her; their bodies warm against each other.

'Only at times like these...'

Byakuya tightened his grip around her. His face was blank, but a rare tear did escape him. It was okay to cry.

"How do I do it, Byakuya? How do I just go back to normal after all of this?" Byakuya closed his eyes, holding her.

"Just be strong, Yoruichi."