May 1th 1975 – Night
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"Dean and I spent the whole day talking about the future; Dean wanted to open a mechanical shop with his Dad, I said it was an amazing idea, but I was worried about his Dad's heath condition. John refused to be treated on a hospital; all I could do was giving him medication."
"Can you just hospitalize him?" Asked Dean worried
"No, if he refuses treatment I can't do a thing" I replied holding Dean's hand, it was heavier than I remembered, his hand was like a stone and there was some bruises on it and a still closing wound, I took a look on it in silence "Let me do a dressing on your hand…"
Dean smiled while I did a dressing on his hand, I knew it wasn't much; at this stage his wound was almost healed "I wish he was less stubborn"
"Me too" I replied now holding his hand again, Dean smiled and touched my chin lightly, I smiled back to him. The roughness of his fingers was awfully strange to me, not that Dean ever had softy hands, but this time was different. "You father is a grown man, Dean" I continued standing up and picking an anatomy book "I would worry about your mother…"
"I guess you are right" Said Dean running his hands though his short hair, it was like a golden field, even the Vietnam sun couldn't turn it black "How is your sister?"
"Anna?" I asked confused "Or Rachel?"
"Both" Smiled Dean, I guess he forgot I had two sisters
"Rachel is too young to marry, mother keeps teaching her how to be a house wife" I said after resting the book on the table, Dean looked at me with curiosity "Anna is in the army, she is a nurse… I guess she didn't came back yet"
"Do you think she is ok?" Asked Dean worried, I knew he liked her, but now Dean's sexuality was way too confusing to me.
"She is smart and strong" I replied, Dean stood up and held me by my shirt's collar, he looked at my face with a smile, I was kind of scared, and he just stood in silence.
"Cas, I need to confess something" He whispered, I smiled and nodded confused, what was going on?
"I watched some troops killing kids, Cas… Kids" He said with tears on his eyes, I must've made a terrorized expression, because Dean looked at me with shame on his face. "When Anna returns she'll tell you… It was hell, Cas"
"Dean" I replied holding his hands "It's over now"
"What have we done!?" Continued he grabbing tight on my collar
"D-Dean… You are hurting me" I said, Dean let me go scared, then he embraced me tight
"I'm sorry, Cas… I didn't meant to hurt you" He whispered afraid that someone would listen to him or afraid that anything could happen, I knew that something wasn't right with him, I held him for a while in silence
"It's ok, you need to relax, Dean…" I continued sitting him down on the couch, I rested his head on my lap "You just came back yesterday; you need something to keep your head busy… You'll see that everything will work out fine"
"You are right" Said Dean taking a deep breath "Cas, I'm just… A bit disturbed by things I saw at that place"
"I understand" I said running my fingers thought his hair, it was so short and yet so rough, the Vietnam's sun was unforgiving "You just need time, Dean, don't push yourself too much"
"Thank you, Cas…" Continued Dean closing his eyes "Can I sleep with you tonight?"
"Hey!" I said laughing, Dean blushed
"I mean in the same bed, I'm having nightmares… It would help me, Cas"
"Of Course" I smiled and he turned his green eyes to me; those are the eyes I was waiting to see "I told Sammy I would keep an eye on you when you came back"
"I can't believe I'm home, finally" Continued Dean with a smile "You don't know how many times I dreamed of this moment, I was resting my head on your lap and you would play with my hair; Now it's feels like a dream"
"Well…" I said kissing his cheek lightly, Dean opened his eyes and smiled to me "See, not a dream"
"Thank you" He replied closing his eyes again.
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1990 – AA Meeting
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"I heard about it, but I never knew if it was true for sure" Said Gabriel again a little embarrassed, I realized he didn't mean to interrupt me like this
"Neither did I, Dean was scared of falling asleep, he would tell me about his nightmares" I continued smiling "I tried my best to make him feel better"
"I'm sure you did, Castiel" Said Meg with a smile, I didn't know a lot about her, but I knew that she was also fighting her addiction that was enough for me "Please go, on"
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May 2th 1975 – Morning
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"I woke up with Dean holding me, he was watching me sleep; Dean smiled happily when I opened my eyes; I must confess I found it cute, but I was also surprised, Dean always stroke me as a macho men guy"
"Dean? When did you wake up?" I whispered, my voice kept breaking up; I guess I just needed a glass of water
"A while ago, you slept so soundly that I didn't have the heart to wake you up… Cas" He said in such a childish way that I laughed softly automatically, Dean smiled embarrassed
"Thank you" I replied kissing the back of his hand
"For what?" He replied confused
"For protecting me while I slept" I said opening his arms and standing up, I needed to take a shower and go to my office; my office was more than a home for me that my apartment.
"Hun, you are welcome" Replied Dean smiling, he looked beautiful on the bed; but also he looked a little worried. "Are you leaving?"
"Yeah" I replied walking to the bathroom "I need to go to my office"
"Can you just stay here?"
"I can't Dean" I continued turning my shower on, the warm water came down on me "I really need to work; I have too many appointments, and I can't cancel any"
"I understand" Said Dean leaning at the door frame, I knew he was looking at me on the shower, I smiled, and it was awkward… I wasn't used to a men peeking on me like that "You look great"
"Thank you, I guess" I replied smiling and wrapping myself in a towel, Dean came at me in silence with a smile and dried my hair with another towel; I really didn't know the real Dean, all this time he was acting tough, why to impress me?
"I like you, Cas" He whispered smiling, I turned and smiled back "Do we have to keep it as secret?"
"Dean" I said protesting while dressing my suit "You know what the society would say… Or what they would do to us"
"What can they do to us?"
"They can break us, or kill us… Don't you remember what happened to those guys?"
"How can I forget?" Said Dean turning his back on me, it was a brutal execution; they dragged their bodies all over the town. I remember well when Sam, Dean and I saw their bodies completely bloody, ragged clothes and skinless. "It was a cruel execution"
"See, for now it's better to keep it as a secret" I continued embracing Dean by his back, I rested my chin on his arm, Dean smiled and nodded. He already had too much drama to handle more. "Now I'm going to my office, will you be okay by yourself?"
"I'm grown man, Cas" He chucked, I turned my back with another smile and left. I didn't remember longing so much to get home; I kept working until there was nothing left for me to do; then I stopped and watched the streets, it was empty; So many soldiers returning home and so many people died, it felt a little lonely.
I got to my home, it was a mess I immediately shouted Dean's name, but nobody answered me; I ran to the kitchen and Dean surprised me with a gun in hands, it was the first time I saw so much madness in his eyes; I must admit it broke me in pieces, he looked at me confused and scared; I held him in my arms without saying a word.
"Cas… I thought I was back on… Vietnam" He whispered realizing now what he had done "I'm sorry, I made a mess…"
"It's ok, Dean" I whispered back taking his gun away, I wondered how did he find my pistol; but now I was too concerned about him to think about it "We'll clean it up, just sit down with me… let's talk about it" I said sitting on the floor with him, He was confused and scared; I looked right in his eyes "What happened?"
"I thought I saw Vietcong's troops outside" He said embarrassed "But that's not possible right?"
"Dean, I think you need help" I said holding his hand, he smiled "I have a psychiatric friend, Balthazar… He can help us out"
"Cas, I'm afraid I'm going crazy" He said squeezing my hand lightly, I kissed his forehead and helped him stand up
"You won't go crazy, Dean, I'm here with you" I whispered in his ears, Dean calmed down, while he helped me to clean things up, I realized that maybe I wasn't enough to keep Dean from falling apart.
Later that night Dean slept soundly for the first time, I couldn't sleep; I was worried, I kept checking on him, thinking how I could help.
"Cas?" He whispered seeing me awake "Aren't you gonna sleep?"
"I'm just having some problems to fall asleep" I replied, too many things kept racing on my mind, Dean smiled and held me like a child; he putted his mouth near my ears and whispered "It's ok, Cas… I'll get better" I smiled with some hope in my heart, hearing Dean's voice was so comforting, he kissed my forehead and rested his nose on my neck; I could feel a chill like I used to feel when he kissed me. "Just don't give up on me"
"I would never, Dean" I replied finally falling asleep
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