May 5th 1975 – Morning
.
I woke up alone, I admit that I freaked out a bit; but Dean showed up almost 2 minutes later; I felt like a fool, but he didn't notice that.
"Morning, Cas" He said opening the curtains, the morning light was dim that day; I guess my sunny days were almost over
"Morning, Dean" I replied throwing my blanket aside, Dean came to me and sat by my side; I smiled when he embraced me and whispered in my ears that he wanted to keep that moment in his memories.
"Say cheese" He said taking a picture, I didn't realize after he took it "Oh, it looks real nice"
"Dean!" I said embarrassed, he knew I hated have my pictures taken "You would've told me"
"But you looked so cute, how can I resist?" I made an angry face and Dean kissed me, he knew how to calm me down.
"Come on, I cooked breakfast" He said dragging me to the kitchen, I remember it was bacon and eggs; my memory is kind fuzzy when it comes down to our talk that day. But I'm pretty sure it was about him joining an activist group on San Francisco.
"Dean, no!" I said worried "Those people attract too much attention"
"That is what we need, there's this guy Milk that some guys used to talk about on the day back…"
"No way, Dean" I said again upset "Can you see that this is bound to and will end badly?"
"How can you be sure?"
"Dean, I know you… What is on your mind, are you leaving?"
"No" He replied embarrassed "But just listen to me, Cas" Dean continued standing up "If we can get our rights we can get married and not hide it anymore, Cas, can't you see how great it is?"
"Get married?" I asked suspicious, Dean smiled
"Well, I know it's too soon… But we will eventually get married right?"
"Dean" I said and laughed, how did things become that serious already? "Not even you dad know about us, and if my brother finds out he will kill you"
"Wow, I didn't know Michael was that violent guy"
"No, he is just overprotective"
"Well, but eventually I'll tell him…"
"You know that your dad's heath is really unstable right now" I continued while Dean stood behind me and his arms were wrapped on my chest "Dean, you need to talk him into hospitalization soon"
"I'll try, Cas… But he is stubborn; I wish Sammy was here… He would've convince him"
"Maybe, but Sam is abroad… So you need to make do"
That day was a good day, I went to my office and Dean tried to convince John to be hospitalized; when I came back home Dean was sitting on the floor with a lot of pamphlets.
"What is that?"
"Oh, Cas" He said surprised and hid one "Just things I needed to clarify"
"Things?" I asked suspicious hanging my coat "Dean?"
"Ok, it's the Castro's street pamphlets… I was just curious" I sat on the floor facing him; I took one pamphlets and read it, it didn't appealed to me that much. I didn't intend to marry or even come out, but I knew Dean wouldn't agree with my option.
"Well" I said trying to find words "Dean, I'm worried, if they find out about us?"
"We are careful" He whispered, I felt like I was part of a cult where only Dean, Balthazar and I were in the know of things. "Besides we can take care of ourselves"
"Can we?" I whispered back "I'm a doctor; if this thing becomes public knowledge I'll get fired and won't be able to find a job… Dean I love you, you know it; I'm not willing to lose it all because of a dream"
"Cas, this is not right…" He said in normal voice "We should be able to be who we are, it's not just a fancy dream, it is something that needs to become reality for all of us"
"Dean, please, think about it and take one step at time"
"I will, Cas… I just want to you know that I want us to be happy, to be together like everybody else"
"I know, Dean…" I said hugging him, Dean rested his head on my chest and I felt like I was holding a crying child "I'll make things work out fine, Dean"
.
May 6th 1975 – Night
.
The day passed fast and Dean was happy, his dad agreed to be treated at least. I was happy to spend more time with John, he used to tell me his old war stories; I laughed so much when he used to talk about Sam peculiarities; like how he didn't like folk music and how Dean used to play some to annoy him. John loved country, I never understood why.
"How is my dad going?"
"It's too soon to tell, Dean" I said laying by his side on the bed "He just agreed to be treated today"
"But I won't lose him, right?"
"I don't think so" I said, but I was just too unsure to say something different "John is strong"
"Do you think you can treat my mother too?"
"I'm afraid I can't, Dean… I'm not a psychiatric"
"I never understood why she lost herself like this"
"Neither do I, she looked really sane to me when Sam was little"
"Yeah, most of time she was alright… But she used to see demons everywhere, ghosts and creatures"
"Do you think there was something real in her hallucinations?"
"Maybe, but who would believe her even if it was true?"
"You got a point" I said closing my eyes, I could feel Dean's hand on my chest running up and down "What are you doing?"
"I like this line on your chest" He said in a boyish manner
"I bet it's not only that you like" I teased Dean that laughed
"You got me!" He said playfully, I laughed this time "Do you want to…. Hun?"
"Sex?" I asked and I could feel Dean getting embarrassed
"Yes…"
"I'm too tired, Dean" I said yawning, Dean rested his head on my chest and laughed softly
"Me too" I laughed
"Why did you ask then?"
"I just wanted to know… Well, since we never done that"
"It's ok, Dean, sex is not that important in my list right now"
"What is important in your list now, Cas?"
"You"
.
May 9th 1975 – Afternoon
.
The last two days were all about John's treatment and the mechanical shop. I barely saw Dean only at night when we slept; don't get me wrong, I loved that Dean was working in something so big and helping his dad too. All in all he forgot that activist thing in San Francisco, I was glad that all of these things were happening, but time flew, only by afternoon Dean came home earlier like me and we sat on the floor to talk again.
"How are things with the mechanical shop?"
"Good, today we set up a nice place on the back garden to paint cars" Replied Dean excited, it was good to see that face again, that was happiness right there. "I'm thinking about customizing cars, what do you think?"
"It seems like a great idea" I replied smiling, Dean went on and on about mechanical things; I nodded pretending to understand, but I was just looking at his eyes, actually gazing… Dean's eyes were like a child.
"And you Cas? Anything exciting on your office?" Mocked Dean and I laughed
"No, well there's you" I said smiling, Dean laughed and rested his head on my lap
"You lucky cute guy!"
"Yeah, you know cute people have all the luck" I replied while Dean closed his eyes, I caressed his hair "How do you think things will be when we grow old?"
"Better" replied Dean holding my hand "We will have a nice house, no dogs or cats please, I'll have my dad's impala and Sam will be here married with his girlfriend"
"And me?"
"Well, maybe I'll trade you for a hot chick" Laughed Dean, I slapped him lightly on the arm "ouch, I'm kidding… Of course you'll be here with me, always"
"What makes you sure I won't trade you for a hot chick?"
"That's easy, you love me"
"You cocky handsome man"
"So am I handsome?"
"And cocky" We both laughed, it was good to spend some time with Dean;
.
1990 – AA Meeting
.
"I guess that is it for today" I said, it was getting late and I was talking nonstop like an old man., which I actually was.
"But what about the history?" Asked Meg curious, I laughed softly and Gabriel smiled
"Tomorrow he'll tell us more" Replied Gabriel; we said goodbye and I drove to my home, this house by the sea with white picket fence. Dean would love to live here with me; I still kept the photos he took of us. I just wish he was here with me, I ran my hand over his leather jacket hanged on the chair; it stood there like it was yesterday he left there; the telephone rang and I picked up after a while; who would call me this time?
"Cas…" I heard a hoarse voice "It's Sam"
"Sam" I replied a little surprised "How are you?"
"I'm good, married life do wonders for a lonely guy, how are things?"
"Just the same old, you know…" I replied trying to keep my tears from falling "Sorry"
"It's ok, Cas… I just needed to check up on you"
"Why?" I asked, I was glad he called; but talking to Sam just reminded me of Dean.
"Because it wasn't your fault, Cas… Not matter what my father told you"
"I understand… I was a doctor I was supposed to help him"
"Cas… You know that he was in pain, he would blame anyone to get some relieve"
"I know, but… why does still hurt?"
"I guess it will never stop hurting, Cas… How are you holding up?"
"It's hard not to drink, but I'm sober"
"I guess that is good, Cas… Call me if you need anything"
"Thank you, Sam"