1990 – AA Meeting

.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but did he die?" Asked Meg trying to show some sympathy, I nodded in silence

"Yes, Dean died… This was the last night we spent together" I continued while everybody was silent, my words echoed through the room; I've never felt so alone in my whole life...

.

May 11th 1975 – Morning

.

I woke up; talked with Dean and went to work. It was just an ordinary day… So I thought, I spent the whole day thinking about what Dean said, about living a lie. I came home tired, Dean wasn't there, I found it strange; I went to John's house and found him unconscious under a car, I swear I tried to wake him up, to do something, but I was too late. Apparently he was fixing a car and it fell on him, it crushed him, John found me a minute later covered in blood. I called an ambulance and explained that I just found him there; John sat on the couch with his hands on his face.

"Why?" He shouted "Why you took away my son?" He shouted again crying and looking up to the ceiling, I embraced him and let him cry; I was in pain too; but I was too shocked to feel a thing.

"John, do you want me to handle this?" I whispered, John just nodded; grabbed a bottle of whiskey and lock himself in his room. I stood there, waiting and holding Dean's hand; He looked peaceful, the ambulance came; I don't recall the details, but I planned the funeral too. John, Mary and her family, even Sam attended.

I was falling apart inside, but I managed to help John go through it all; Mary was more off than the usual, she kept telling Sam that his brother was in heaven that angels were watching over him now. She repeated that Dean was a good boy, that she was proud. They lowered the casket and I felt a shock, a pain took over me, and I cried in silence. I must had looked broken because Mary embraced me and whispered on my ear in a really low tone.

"You loved him, did you?" I nodded, but I was also in panic; she smiled and when all was over Sam and John came to talk to me.

"Castiel, you did this family a service…" Said John resting his hand on my shoulder "Thank you, there's no way I can repay you what you've done for us"

"You don't have to thank me, John; I'm a friend of your family…"

"Yes, I do" Replied John hugging me "You are like a son to me, thank you"

"Cas, anything you need… Just call us" Said Sam smiling, I smiled too; but I was hurting too much.

"I will" I replied meekly, John said goodbye and I stood there looking at the place where Dean was buried, Sam stood by my side; we spent one hour without saying a thing, we were alone.

"Cas" Said Sam resting his hand on my shoulder "I know that is not the time, but… Dean told me you guys were together"

"Did he?" I asked surprised, I felt a little embarrassed; it was a wonder how Dean continued to make me blush even beyond the grave.

"Yes, I'm cool with that… I mean, I always knew"

"But how? When?" I asked confused trying to recap a moment where I let it slip or something similar

"Well, you kept sending him letters… And Dean told me he was afraid he was falling for you; at first he wanted to die, why do you think he enlisted in the first place?"

"What about John?"

"No, my dad doesn't know"

"Maybe it's better to keep this secret"

"I think that too" I went home and I found an old bottle of vodka; the second step to my addiction.

.

1990 – AA Meeting

.

"Are you clean now?" Asked Meg curious

"Yes, two weeks and counting…"

"I know how hard it is..." Said Gabriel smiling "It's my second month without any alcohol; it's been a tough test"

"You can say that again" Said Meg laughing "It's just my third day and I feel the need to drink until I pass out"

"It's been good to talk with you guys, to take these things out of my chest…" I said feeling relieved, it was the first time I talked about it with someone, but Sam.

"Yeah, you went through a lot" Said Gabriel, the others talked with each other, Meg and Gabriel were the only constant faces there "Are you still a doctor?"

"Yes, a ghost that I used to be… After drinking for years and trying to quit it, I'm just a heck of I was"

"Hang on, Castiel…" Said Gabriel smiling "There's always time to start again"

We talked a little bit more, Meg told us about her daddy issues and how it made her hate herself; Gabriel told us that his brothers were control freaks and he was just being rebellions when he got addicted. I listened to their stories, finding the same difficulties while trying to quit was a relief, it meant I was normal.

I went back to my home and sat on my couch again, I closed my eyes and Dean's smile was there to haunt me; this time I smiled too, because I knew Dean would want me to be happy.

"Cas…" I heard a voice and opened my eyes quickly, Gabriel was there standing in my living room

"Gabriel?!" I said standing up "How did you get in here?"

"I'm an angel, Cas" He said in a calm manner and laughed

"What?"

"You know, fluffy wings and halos..." He said pulling a chair and sitting down "That sort of thing"

"You must be kidding me..."

"What if I tell you I can send you back into the past?"

"I would say you should be on Narcotics anonymous..." Gabriel laughed, he stood up and a lighting struck the room, his dark wings marked the walls behind him for a second; I panicked, I checked my breath for alcohol, but I was sober.

"You are an angel?!"

"Then what would you do?"

"Save Dean" I replied in a heartbeat

"What about we play a game?"

"A game?"

"Yes, I need you to save Dean and I need an artifact hidden in a box in John's house"

"You want me to steal something?"

"Consider that a fair trade, you save Dean and I get this artifact" Said Gabriel smiling, I nodded, it was a chance to save Dean; I was suspicious of him, but I couldn't bear this pain any longer.

"Close your eyes" Said him

I obey and black out.