January – 2 - 1990 – Night

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After a talk I was astonished, didn't know what to believe. I knew only that Dean was there, after so many years trying to deny the fact that he died, I didn't need him now, it felt somehow wrong to have him here. Wrong that Dean was here and not a single minute old, and I was this old man, not the Cas he knew and loved, just an old and battered doctor.

"So, you live by the sea at a home with a white picket fence?" Said Dean laughing, I had forgotten how it sounded like, now I felt like I was at home "How cliché is that?"

"Not cliché enough for an old doctor" I said after a smile, Dean sat on my couch like a boy in a school excursion

"So this is who you became if I die?" He asked touching my face lightly; was it so obvious that I was unhappy? "I'm sorry, Cas"

"That's not your fault Dean… This is on me" I said sitting away from him "I didn't take care of my life; I'm the only one to blame for my mistakes… So…"

"Your eyes still kind…" Said Dean with a smile, he kissed my cheek and hugged me, how can he love me now? I'm no longer beautiful, no longer the Cas he once remembered, I'm the worse version of me.

"Dean… What do we do now?"

"I don't know…" He said resting his head on my chest "I just know I still love you… Cas"

"Even.."

"Yes…" He replied closing his eyes "I know you must think that there's another Cas out there, or another Dean for that matter, but I know that there's just one of us… No matter what the angels says"

"Even so, you can't stay here… In the future for too long" I said closing my eyes; I knew that he wasn't supposed to be here "What if that's just a trap or something?"

"I don't know… Cas, can we just be here…? Like this for a while" Dean sighed heavily while I smiled

"Dean…"

"Cas, please…" He said resting his chin on my shoulder "I'm home"

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May 16th 1975 – Night

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"We need to think… "Said John pacing "Gabriel is smart, he didn't kill Dean that's for sure"

"He told we would give him back, only I need to give him the box"

"Which we won't do" John stopped and sat on a chair close to the window in the angel proof room. "There must be someone to help us out"

"Who would help us?"

"I know a man" Said John with a serious expression "Crowley"

"Crowley?" I asked curious "Who is he?"

"A demon"

"A Demon?!"

"Yes, a cross roads demon"

"John, how can a demon help us?"

"I'll make a deal with him, selling my soul gets me a wish" Said John with a dark expression on his face, I was scared, and I never knew this side of John.

"No" I heard myself saying "I should be the one to make the deal, it's my fault Dean… isn't here"

"Cas…" Said John with a smile, he hugged me "My boy…" He whispered and I felt his grip tighter on my neck "Thank you, Cas… But I'll have to do it" And all become silent and black.

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January – 3 - 1990 – Morning

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I woke up and ran my hand over the nightstand looking for my glasses; I didn't found them; while walking to the bathroom I found it hanging on my old coat.

"Cas…" I heard Dean shouting "what is this white box with numbers on it?"

"You mean the microwave?"

"What does it do?"

"Heat up food, boil and fry too" I said standing beside him on the kitchen, after showing him how to heat up some food, which Dean observed interested, I sat with him on the kitchen table.

"Whoah! That's amazing!"

"Yeah, technology…" I chucked while Dean ate his hot potatoes "So how can I be in the past if
am I in the future right here and now?"

"Maybe this is an alternative future… I don't know"

"So there's 3 alternatives futures, one you live, one you die, one you are sent to the future?"

"I guess" Said Dean eating a mouthful of potatoes, I chucked again, I had no doubt that was Dean, but what was I supposed to do now?

"Ok, but if I was sent to the past and you were sent to the future, how can I be here?"

"Gabriel sent me here before sending you to the past… I suppose" Said Dean confused, I frowned my forehead muscles and became silent, my head was hurting a little… I needed a drink badly now.

"So…" Said Dean curious "How long are you sober?"

"Two weeks…" I said wondering why that matter now, I might as well be drunk right now and it wouldn't make things easier "Why?"

"Nothing…" Continued Dean finishing his meal "I think I never saw you drinking… It's just wrong to think that you could become an alcoholic."

"Yeah, I guess I changed a lot.." I said looking at my wristwatch, I was supposed to meet with an costumer in an hour at downtown.

"Do you need to be somewhere?" Asked Dean worried, he must've notice me looking at my watch

"Yes, I need to meet a costumer…" I said picking my bag off the floor and taking it to my bedroom

"Where are you going?" He asked me curious while pretending doing the dishes

"Business" I shouted getting dressed with my tie and suit

"Are you still a doctor?" I head Dean shouting from the kitchen, I guess he was messing with the microwave now

"No, I'm freelancing..."

"Freelancing?"

"Yeah… I have a degree on chemistry…" I heard a beep and a 'wooah' from the kitchen; I finished dressing and got in there in time to watch Dean making coffee.

"That thing is amazing!" He said like a child with a new toy "I really need one of that on the past…"

"Dean…" I said putting my backpack on "Go watch some cable tv and behave ok?"

"Yes, dad" He replied mocking me, I shook my head and left. How would I explain my work to Dean? Deep inside I didn't want to… Maybe I just keep that as a secret"

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May 17th 1975 – Morning

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I woke up with my head hurting; I was on the couch "John?" I shouted hoarsely, my lips where dry; how long was I out?

I walked drunkenly to the door and opened it; John was sitting on the sofa with a bottle of whiskey

"Oh, Cas… You are awake" He smiled like nothing happened yesterday, I sat on a chair facing him

"John.. What did you do?"

"Nothing..." He said drinking long right from the bottle "I'm a lost cause, son…"

"John..."

"I couldn't bring myself to do it, if heavens are against us who can help us?"

"God?" I said naively, John smiled and laughed

"How are we supposed to get to God?"

"Hey, you are the man of letters here, not me..." I said little angry, but not at John, but at myself… For letting this thing happen, for telling Dean everything, for letting Gabriel live.

"I suppose we could try to summon Joshua…"

"Joshua?"

"Yes, they said he is the angel that hears God's voice…" Said John running his fingers over the bookshelf, he stopped and picked a book with a drawing on it "See this is his Enochian sigil…"

"So, with that we can invite him?"

"Technically? Yes…"

"Are you sure this thing will work, John?"

"No" He said with a smile "But we can't give up now… I've came too far to give in to the angels now.."

"Ok, let's do it them…"

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January – 4 - 1990 – Night

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"How much for this job?" I asked the man in a white suit, his partner in a black suit handed me a paper with the number and I nodded. That fine restaurant was my usual place for meeting the clients "That will be enough"

Both nodded, gave me a paper package and left without saying a word.

"In four days then…" I whispered looking at the paper, another job, another sum of cash… I was a doctor, before… What I have become? The things I've done… Keeping secrets from everybody and lying to live. Why did I have to feel these feelings? Somehow it was Dean's fault, how dare him! Coming back from the dead, for what? Hunt me?

I was having mixed feelings again, I drunk a pill and washed it down with water before leaving some bucks at the table and leaving the restaurant. "Purgatory" That was the name of this place, but somehow I wasn't feeling any cleaner by leaving it.

Walking thought the streets with an empty feeling on my stomach, no people, no cops, only the cold flog of the night. A dark night with no moon or stars; my footsteps echoing through the dark alleys make me smile; When did I become a night creature? What have I become?

"Cas!" Said Dean cheerfully like a happy dog, I smiled again, but this time was different, I knew it was a warm smile. "What the hell did it take you so long to come back home?"

"Sorry Dean" I smiled again hanging my black raincoat "Traffic" I tell a while lie coldly, in the past I would feel guilty for a little white lie, but today I don't feel a thing. The very realization of if scared me a little; did I become a wild beast after Dean's death? Some things can't be undone, now I know that.

"Come on, I made dinner" He said running to the kitchen, I smiled, beef and potatoes. I was amazed how Dean managed to cook in that kitchen. I didn't buy too much utensils and my food supply was almost vegetables, I was trying to live heath.

While eating, Dean made me a lot of questions, about his family since he couldn't risk to be seen by them. I answered some questions, but the truth was I drifted away from his family after his death.

"What about Sam?"

"He is ok, he was a daughter… And he is a lawyer."

"I'm glad Sam is all right…"

"So, what will you do to come back to your time again?"

"I think I'll have to ask my mother…"

"What?" I said remembering the last time his mother spoke to me; she was so off her mind I was stunned by how she said everything was just a bad dream "Why your mother, why not your father?"

"Because my father could make things worse…" Said Dean cutting the beef in pieces with his knife "My mother was right all along… About angels and demons, we should've listened to her..."

"Yeah, that's true… I remember she saying angels where watching over us… It's was eerie" I remembered her talking about creatures like Wendigo and werewolves. "So all the creatures she told us about, are they real?"

"Maybe…" Said Dean chewing the meat "Do you know where she is?"

"Yes… In a hospice"

"What?!"

"It was your family decision; she became even more obsessed with the paranormal… Dean"

"But that doesn't justify, Sam agreed to that?"

"Yes" I said regretting telling him "She killed a little boy, Dean…"

"No!"

"Yes, she did… By accident, she burned the house down with some homeless kid inside it"

"My God!" Said Dean stunned, I rested my hand on his shoulder

"I can take you there, but your mother isn't the one you remember anymore…"

"Yes…" Said Dean breathing in deeply "I need to see her…Take me to her, Cas"

I nodded and Dean looked at me, I knew it wouldn't be a pleasing experience for neither of us.