.

May 17th 1975 – Night

.

We gathered the ingredients that was supposed to help us to summon the angel, I nodded and John began his ritual. I had the most familiar feeling like it was done to me before, or that I did it once or twice, the words where so familiar. That strange language, it was like I could instinctively understand them.

"You called?" Said the man standing before John, I froze and John smiled

"Joshua?"

"Yes…" He smiled and extended his hand to John that shook it, this angel was different, he smiled again "How can I help you all?"

"Do you know who am I?"

"Yes, John… I know every creature's name and face…"

"So you know why I summoned you, right?"

"Yes, you want a way to get your son back…" Said the angel smiling gently again, I was shocked, how would he knew?

"Castiel, God told me…" He replied to my thought and I smiled nervously

"Will you help us?"

"Yes..." He said friendly "You know John all of this wasn't supposed to be, can you just do what is right?"

"No! I'm not playing your apocalypse games…"

"I'm sorry?" I said confused, what was all that about? I figured John didn't tell me the whole story.

"You didn't tell him, did you?" Said Joshua surprised

"No, I didn't… Castiel wouldn't like it neither" Said John looking away from me

"John I would like to know"

"No you wouldn't…" Replied Him meekly

"This parallel universe only exists because John refused to let the apocalypse happen…" Said Joshua "He killed God"

"What? How is that possible?"

"I'll explain another time, Cas"

"So, will you stop to be stubborn and surrender yourself to the heavens?"

"No, You know what I want Joshua…"

"Freewill…" He repeated sadly "I'm afraid if I give you that… You won't like it"

"Try me"

"Ok, John…"

"Hey, what is going on here?" I shouted "Can somebody explain to me?"

"Not now, Cas" Said John facing Joshua, I placed myself between them

"John, I want to know everything… What is really going on? Where is Dean? How did you kill God?"

"I bound the angel of Death…" Said John looking down ashamed "I figured out that in the future the apocalypse would start with my sons… so I decided to kill God, hoping it would change our fates… And it did"

"When you killed God, the angels took over, the time and space itself collapsed… That's why we are in a parallel world, thanks to you and your pity ambitions to go against God's plan we are here..." Said Joshua furious "And God left, God was reborn… And you shattered the whole existence, now we need to mend it"

"But if you mend it, what will happen?" I said afraid to hear the answer

"I die, Dean dies… And you'll die too Castiel… Not once, but a lot of times, and every time you are brought back will be even more painful." Said John in a death cold tone "Give us the choice to escape the plan Joshua, we know you know a way"

"Even if I do…" Said Joshua turning his back on John and looking at me "There's only one angel able to flip the tables here"

"I'm no angel…" I said feeling strange

"In this reality you aren't… Have you even wondered why Dean and you are always close to each other?"

"I… Don't know what you are implying…" I said embarrassed

"No need to pretend, Cas, I know you two are together…" Said John sighting "I've always knew… I really don't care…"

"Oh" I said embarrassed

"You two are the key, if you became what you are… The whole universe's destiny will be at your hands only…"

"That's why you all wanted his grace…" Said John with a smile "You all wanted to have his powers so you all could shape our world back the way it was…"

"Yes, but isn't that so wrong?" Asked Joshua "We are tired John, we've been fighting this war since the dawn of times, let us rest"

"No, if I do, you'll take away my family and all I have in this life!" Shouted John pointing the colt at Joshua

"This isn't your choice, John, its Castiel's choice…" Said Joshua smiling to me "Open the box and get Dean back, but there will be consequences for your actions Castiel…"

"Cas, don't listen to him" Said John worried "Doesn't matter what you do, if you get your grace back they'll win"

"It's not about winning John, it's about an ending… Even God can't stand that much fighting anymore, the time has come John, let the kid decide… Let him have his choice, you made yours… Let him make his."

"Cas…" Said John putting away the gun, Joshua disappeared and I sat on the chair shocked "I'm sorry I lied to you"

"John…" I said in a serious tone "I need to save Dean"

"I know…" He said smoking a cigarette "But if you choose getting your grace back, you may change… I know you love him, but… For how long can you love him?"

I smiled and padded John shoulder "Until the end, John"

"You know you'll die if you choose him over this reality, right?"

"I can't let Dean die on me again… If I die a thousand times to keep him safe, then I will" I said looking at the stone box, was really my grace inside it? I closed my eyes and lifted the box's cover.

.

January – 5 - 1990 – Morning

.

I had completely another idea of a hospice; I thought it was dark and scary. Maybe that was my childhood memories speaking again or my imagination.

Dean and I walked through the hallways with the old doctor dressed in white, I could hear my footsteps echoing through the rooms filled with insane people, and I felt cold.

"Here, Miss Winchester is in this room, she is sedated…" He continued opening the door "She had a crisis a few hours ago…"

"I understand doctor…" I said placing my hand on Dean's shoulder while we walked in, Mary was sitting in a chair looking to the white wall, her eyes lost and her expression empty "You can leave now, we'll beep you if we need anything else" I said to the doctor, he nodded and left the room without saying a word, my credentials still were worthy something in this town.

"Mother…?" Asked Dean kneeling by her feet and holding Mary's cold hands, for a second she didn't recognize him, then she smiled weakly like a dying bird.

"D-Dean?" She said meekly, and Dean smiled wide with a spark of hope in his eyes, maybe she wasn't crazy at all, maybe she was pretending to protect her sons; that was what Dean wanted to believe… So did I "You lost your angel friend right?"

"Angel friend?"

"Castiel… Where is your angel? Dean?" She said looking around, passing her eyes through me like I was invisible.

"Cas is right here, mother" He said pulling me closer by my hand, she smiled to me.

"He isn't an angel anymore, right?" She padded my arm in sympathy "How can you protect him without wings?"

"I'll manage, Mary" I said smiling, I was somehow moved by her. It was so many years that I haven't seen her face; it brought me back memories, beautiful, but now painful memories.

"Mother, I need your help…" Whispered Dean in a sweet way, she smiled to him and held his face between her palms.

"You are such a grown man, my boy…" She continued ignoring my presence now, or maybe she just couldn't tell the difference between reality and imagination anymore. "You don't need your mother's help"

"I do, mother" Said Dean trying to wipe a tear on him cheek, but another took its place "I need to come back to my time, to try and fix everything"

"Dean…?" She smiled sweetly like she used to do when we gave her a gift "It's not broken..."

I felt a feeling coming over me, rage and sadness, why this moment is making me feel that way? Where did all this pain come from?

"But how can I come back?"

"Remember when you granddad used to clean the attic?" She continued after kissing his forehead "He never let us touch his old books, those heavy leather books… They smelled like a warm homecoming… A soldier's homecoming, sweet…"

"Mother, I don't understand…" Whispered Dean trying to get to her in vain, she was looking at me again, as if Dean wasn't there

"Castiel isn't it?" She asked and I nodded "Oh, you are Dean's friend… You are such a cute little boy" She continued smiling "Want to know a secret?" I nodded trying to hold back my tears; I couldn't believe Mary was so out of touch with reality. "Dean loves pie… So if you want to make friends with him you just give him a slice of pie" She giggled like a little girl and turned to Dean again "Oh, Dear… I'm so glad you made a new friend, Dean… Castiel is such a good boy"

"I'm glad too, mom" Said Dean kissing her hands "I'm going to play outside with him, is that ok mum?" He continued and Mary nodded happily, while turning her eyes to the wall. Dean stood up and rested his hand on my shoulder

"How long have she been like this?" He whispered to me

"Since you died" I replied, Dean held me and I could feel his tears on my neck. I knew he didn't want to make any sound; I just held him and whispered "Let's leave… We'll find a way to make things all right again"

Dean nodded; we turned our backs without saying a word.

"Harry would know what to do, your grandfather…" Said Mary turning to us in a moment of sanity

Dean looked at her and smiled, but she was gone again sitting on the floor and looking at the white wall.

"Thank you, mother"