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January – 5 - 1990 – Afternoon's end

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"Who are you?"

"Castiel"

"I figured that much… I mean what are you?"

I pull the trigger and it's done, silence, I feel the smell of cigarettes.

What have I become? The things I've done…

No use in thinking about it, I swallow another pill dry. The cops will be here soon, I need to drop the body into the ocean.

I open the trunk, pack the body, load it and drive. It's been years like this, I feel no remorse at all, and then I realize that are days like these that makes me feel something.

My cellphone rings, it's Dean, I let it ring before answering…I don't really want to answer it.

"Hello"

"Cas…?"

"Yes, Dean…"

"Are you busy?"

"Kind of…"

"Work?"

"Yes, need to make a delivery… At the west coast" I say watching the police cars pass through me and I smile.

"…"

"Dean, are you there?"

"Yes, I'm- just… I'm fine"

"No, you aren't" I could say the same thing about myself "Talk to me, Dean"

"I feel… Bad, Cas... I feel that somehow this is my fault"

"Dean…" I pause and smile "That's not true. How can it be?"

"I don't know, Cas" He said after a long pause "I wish I was there for you… For my mother and for you all… I wish..."

"Dean… You don't have to take care of me… I'm not your responsibility" I say parking the car close to the ocean, watching the sunset.

"I know… But I care about you, Damn Cas! I love you… Dammit!" He said and we stood in silence "When you come back home?"

"Soon Dean" I said after a laugh

"What was that?"

"Sorry, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, but…" I laughed again "It's was really sweet of you for asking…"

"I know, I'm getting old and soft…" He replied after a chuckle "See you at dinner table?"

"Yes, Dean see you" I said and hanged up; I opened my truck and wondered if I should bury it instead.

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January – 5 - 1990 – Night

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"Hey, Cas…" Said Dean greeting me at the garage "I didn't know you had a car"

"Oh, it's just an ordinary car…" I said taking off my black gloves and putting on my pocket "So dinners ready?"

"Oh, yeah…" Said Dean with his eyes fixed on the car

"Dean?" I said smiling "Want to drive?"

"Seriously?"

"Yes, by morning ok?" I said padding his shoulder and turning the alarm on "I need to clean him up first" Dean smiled and we are there at the dinner table.

"Were you at the beach?" Asked Dean with a fork buried on his pasta

"Yes…" That question made me suspicious "Why?"

"There's sand on your boots" He said pointing with his fork to my feet

"I went for a walk on the beach" I breathed out relieved for a second I thought he knew what I was doing "It helps me to cope…"

"Helps you stay sober, right?" Asked Dean tilting his head confused, I smiled and nodded, staying sober was the last of my problems

"So how was your deliver?"

"As usual, the same old questions and statements…"

"What did you deliver anyway?" Asked Dean looking at my eyes clueless

"Some perfume formulas… Chemistry stuff…"

"Oh…" He said and continued chewing, I laughed, Dean was so simple… I enjoyed that "So, any business tomorrow?"

"No, it's my day off" That was partially true, if my phone rang it wouldn't be a day off "Why?"

"My mother told me to look for my granddad Harry…"

"Dean you know he is missing since you were a kid" I said finishing up my plate

"And if we find him?"

"…" I just smiled and stood in silence, too many things to say and none that would help

"Cas? I don't like when you do this…"

"Dean"

"Don't 'Dean' me" I shook my head "Maybe it's time to call up my dad"

"Are you sure Dean?" I said standing up "He thinks you are dead"

"I know, that's why you gonna talk to him…" Dean smiled

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May 17th 1975 – Night

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It's felt just about right, I was peaceful… Like a calm ocean, I was just peaceful, no pain, no nothing… Was this way like an angel feels? I was just me, nothing else, and nothing more.

"Castiel?" Asked John with a fearful expression, I smiled and touched his shoulder

"I am"

"Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine…" I smiled again, but somehow it just made John feel uneasy

"You are talking differently" He continued closing the empty stone box "Are you an angel?"

"Yes…" I said again, there was a strange feeling over me, like I had a connection with God. "I feel so at easy…"

"Maybe that was the way you were supposed to feel… Castiel"

"Yes, that's feels right…"

"Now that you are an angel…" Continued John padding me on my shoulder "Can you track Dean down?"

"Yes, that is possible I said" I gathered the ingredients for a tracking spell and came back at John's place "I think I got it all here"

"Whoa!" Shouted John "Don't disappear and appear like this without warning"

"I'm sorry" I said, it was so natural to me to move around like that, yes it felt just too right

"So how that's spell works?"

"It's simple" I said craving the wood table and reciting it, after the smoke cleared from the bowl I knew where Dean was…

"So?" Asked John curious "Where is he?"

"Not where, but when…"

"You mean…?"

"Yes, Dean is in the future."

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January – 6 - 1990 – Afternoon

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"Castiel?" John opened his eyes and a smile rose in his face, I embraced him feeling how old and skinny he became, partially his disease was to blame. The years and two wars took his heath away, not to mention losing Dean, the hardest blow he ever sustained. "What are you doing here?"

"I was passing by…" I said sitting by his side in that big garden, that Old people's house was nice, the elders there were always happy, no wonder John choose to be there. Sam insisted that his father could be at his house, but he didn't want to. John as a free spirited man, he would never want to be a burden on his son. "I felt nostalgic… I guess"

"Oh" Said John laughing "You were always a strange boy… Remember that time when you and Dean got lost on the mirror house at the amusement park?"

"Like yesterday John…" I laughed, Dean and I broke all the mirror in there so we could left, it was a craft and dumb solution. "I need to ask you something…"

"Shoot it" Said John resting his back on the bench

"What happened with Harry?"

"My father?"

"Yes, Dean told me something about him disappearing…"

"Yes, my father left when Dean was little."

"Did he say to where?"

"No, all he left was that stupid Journal of his"

"Do you still have it?"

"Yes…" Said John suspicious "Why?"

"I need you to trust me on that one John…" I said smiling hoping to convince him to give me the journal "I need that journal"

"Ok, ok…" He said scratching his head "It's yours, I have it with me. I don't know what that will help you with"

I smiled, why Dean would want that Journal?

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