After some time guests left and they were finally alone again… Santana went to their room and Britt stayed to clear up the room and put the dishes in the washer. When she got to the bedroom, she found Santana sitting in the window. Britt got behind her and took her in her arms. Santana loved to be cradled by her wife. She needed love and support today. Kurt and Rachel really got on her last nerve.

''Hey, love…. What is on your mind?''

''That time in LA…''

''Do you want to tell me about it?''

Santana took a deep breath and started her story…..

It's was his fault… Puck and his crazy ideas. He wanted to get Santana out of that bad mood, so he suggested she takes few days off and comes to visit him. She loved NY but she needed a short break from Rachel and Kurt. They watched too many musicals and sung too many show tunes for her taste. She needed some different distraction….

''Lopez, pack your bag and get that sexy back here. We can drink and get some from the ladies… Come on! We never got to pick up ladies together….''

''Puck, I have no intention doing anything like that… No picking up ladies with you or for you… That is cheap…''

''You need distraction. Britt has really done a number on you. You need some hot rebound… And since you gave up on men, I can't offer my services…''

''Don't even go there Puck…''

''Fine, no sex with me, but please….get laid for the sake of all of us…''

''Fine, I'll be there… And I hate your dead squirrel ass…''

''Love you too Lopez…''

She got on the plane and hours later, she was at the subway station waiting for Puck to pick her up. He was late because he was flirting with some girl. She didn't want to interrupt because she didn't see him getting very far with that girl. When it became hopeless, she came to him and interrupted.

''Moron, I've been waiting for almost thirty minutes for you…''

Girl left them and she gave him her bag….

''What do you have in here? It's heavy…''

''I have some nice things girl needs if she wants to have some…fun…''

''Toys? Awesome!''

''No, clothes…''

''That's not fun Lopez…''

''I know… But, someone else might have fun with all the lace there is in that bag…''

''I always loved how your bras and panties were matched…''

''I know… I was the only girl whose panties you tried to steal…''

''Yeah… That was fun… We had fun having sex…''

''Not so much…''

''Oh, come on! We had good times…''

''When I thought about being with…''

''Oh… Sorry… No talking about it…''

Puck and Santana walked in silence for some time. She needed these few days to be good and make her forget about Britt just for some time. She needed to get rid of the pain she felt even breathing. She needed Britt in her life and she felt like addict on a very sever detox. She had to get her out of the system. Puck showed her where his dorm was and she spent few minutes looking around. On one of the shelves was their Glee picture and beside that picture was a picture of Puck leaning on the wall with a very smug facial expression and in the back you could see her and Britt's in a kiss.

''What it this?''

''Finn took it on the senior ditch day…''

''You have me and Britt kissing on your shelf?''

''Yes, so I could say I slept with both of you before you turned…''

She hit his hand. She knew he was just teasing her, but at that moment she was grateful for at least one tiny reason to smile.

''You are idiot...''

''And I enjoyed every single time we did it… It was hot to be with two of you. Too bad it usually ended with you crying and apologizing to her when you thought I was asleep.''

''I loved her and I made her do all these things just because I was scared of telling everyone I was gay and facing who I really was.''

''I know. I get it now and I think you are smart and strong woman Santana. I believe you will be happy with someone and I want you to find the way to be happy. I don't care who that is as long as I get to see you happy and smiling. Maybe it's Britt; maybe it's someone else who is more awesome than you ever dreamed of… Who knows?! Hey, maybe it's even me…''

That made her smile at him…

''Not a chance you fool…''

''A boy can hope…''

''Yes, he can…''

''What I'm saying is you shouldn't close your heart…Let yourself enjoy being young and reckless…''

She hugged him and kissed his cheek…

''You are something Noah…''

''I know… Santana…''

He smiled at her and hugged her…

''Let's have some food….''

He took her to a small diner with amazing food. She ate like she hasn't seen food in years. Puck's phone rung and it was Finn. He wanted to meet for lunch. Puck told him to join them and three of them had fun lunch. As it usually happens, Puck got some girl's attention and that left Santana and Finn alone at the table.

''Want to go for a walk? It will take a long time and I bet he will take her to bed soon…''

''I agree… I know those moves… let's go…''

They walked around for hours. At the beginning they talked about some not important things but as the time was passing, it somehow moved to talk about Brittany and Rachel.

''I can't do this sober…''

''let's go to that party Puck talked about….''

''Yes, let's do it…''

Party was as it was expected; full of drunken people with loose morals and it was heaven for Puck. Santana and Finn had a few drinks and tried to have fun. She danced with some girls but it made her miss Britt even more. It was fun to dance with them with her eyes closed. But when she opened them, she would usually see tall, blond girl with blue eyes…who is not Britt. She saw Finn dancing with some girls with no enthusiasm. She could relate to that. On the other hand, Puck had fun. He left with two girls, what meant she can't sleep in his dorm. She got outside and found Finn sitting on the stairs.

''I just saw Puck…''

''Lucky bastard…''

''Yeh… I remember him always ending the night in that manner…''

''I know… I used to be one of the girls…''

Finn smiled at her…

''Do you miss it?''

''Sex with Puck? Hell, no…''

''Ending the night with someone…''

''That, I do…''

''What about those girls… They were hot and interested…''

''I couldn't… They looked like her…''

''I know… I noticed… One of them was really like her twin. I knew it was not B because that one had bigger boobs…''

''Yes… If I was drunk I think I would have slept with her…''

''But you would know she is not B…''

''I would… I always knew when she was or was not the one I'm waking up with or having sex with.''

''I can understand it… We just want to be loved, not get laid…''

''Something like that…. I'm tired of being someone's meaningless sex…''

''I'm sorry for what I said beck then…''

''It's fine…''

''So, where are you crashing tonight?''

''Apparently with you…''

''Sure…''

They walked to his room and he was talking about how much he misses being loved and how lonely he feels. She could relate to that.

''Santana…''

''Yes?''

''Do you think there is still some hope for two of you?''

She knew what he was asking. She took a deep breath and tried to search her answer somewhere deep within…

''I don't know… I'm not sure..''

''I am… You will end up together and I want to dance at that wedding….''

''What makes you so sure that we will get back together?''

''The way she still looks at you…''

''What?''

''She has a hidden picture of you she looks at it when she thinks no one can see her.''

''She is with Sam. She loves him… She told me that before I left…''

''She loves you and she did it all just so you wouldn't be stuck in that place you hate just because of her. She wants you to see the world…''

''But she is my world and even she doesn't want me. The only person I believed would never leave me did it… I'm so bad that even she doesn't want me…''

''You are amazing person and never doubt that Santana…''

She got up and kissed him. She kissed his cheek very gently and he smiled.

''You are a nice guy Hudson…''

''You are a decent person too Lopez…''

She smiled at him.

''Fin…''

''Yes…?''

''Could you just hold me?''

''It will be my honor…''

She spent most of that night held by him. There was no attraction between them, but there was need for closeness and need not to be lonely. In the morning she went to wake up Puck . He had some classes, so he asked her to make sure he is not late. She said good bye to Finn so in rush she forgot her scarf. When she came back to Puck's dorm, girls were gone and he was already up.

''Hey Lopez, how was your night?''

''It was…weird… I spent it with Finn…''

''I hope you didn't have sex with him. If you did, I would be deeply hurt….''

''No, I didn't have sex with him… You are still the last guy I slept with….''

He fistpumped and Santana shook her head…

''You are moron Puckerman…''

''But you love me…''

''Sometimes… Go to class and call me after…''

''See you Lopez…''

She went to take a shower and take some time to think about what happened with her and Britt. She thought about what Finn said of them. Were they really meant to be? An hour later Puck called her to meet him at the grill and they went shopping. He wanted to make big party at his room. He wanted her to find someone, at least a hook up… Santana was secretly glad he wanted to do that. She knew he cares a lot about her. She was putting the beer in the cart when Puck's phone rung. She noticed that his face changed. He was pain after he hung up.

''What is going on?''

''Finn…''

''What about him?''

''He is dead…''

''What?!''

''He was hit by the car an hour ago… He just died…''

Puck went to the hospital and she went back to his dorm. In typical Santana manner she did the only thing she knew how, she run….She packed her bag and left the dorm when Puck left to the hospital. She couldn't be there. It was too painful for her. She was the last person to be with him and maybe see him alive… When she got back to New York, the news was already out. Kurt was packing for LA to meet with their parents and Rachel was getting ready for Lima.

''We tried to reach you but we had no idea where you were… Finn…He is dead…''

Santana felt sorry for the girl. She knew she would have died if something like that happened to Britt.

''I'm sorry Rachel…''

''I know…''

Santana went to Lima, but she kept to herself…Not even Britt could get close to her. She kept her distance even from her. Night before the funeral, Kurt came to her door. Her parents were out on some hospital thing and she was home alone.

''Hey, what are you doing here?''

''I came to give you this…''

He offered her a small bag and she opened it. It was her scarf…

''Where did you…?''

''In his bed… Who would have thought… Santana Lopez in Finn Hudson's bed…''

''It's not like that…''

''I hope Rachel sees it that way.. .''

''No! She can't know… She has no reason to know. She is already too broken. Don't break her more…''

''One day you will have to tell her…''

''It's too soon…''

''She will never get over it…''

''That is why I will keep it to myself.''

''Santana… Secrets have their own way of getting out…''

''They will not…''

''I hope you realize how much she would be hurt by what you did…''

''Not helping Kurt. I know I should tell her I was there…But I can't. How can I tell her that he spent his last night alive with me?''

She was sobbing and Kurt felt bad about it…

''I'm sorry… I didn't want to…''

''Please, leave me alone…''

The funeral was very sad and full of people who knew and loved him. Santana kept on the sides and close to Puck. Sam kept an eye on Britt, not letting her get to close to Santana. He knew that seeing Santana hurt would make Britt change her mind. Quinn kept her company and she felt good having her close. Since that night at the wedding, they didn't talk about what happened, but this funeral lead to some more hook ups between the girls. It ended when Quinn started dating that stuck up boy she came back to Lima with. It felt good to sleep with her. It felt familiar and like she was almost close to Britt. Quinn knew she was some twisted substitute for their friend, put up with that for some time. When she left Santana, she told her she should be with Britt because she loves her. Santana wanted to talk to Britt and get her back, but at that time there was the news of the B's wedding and she gave up… And then came Dannie… She healed her and gave her hope. She remembered Puck and talk about someone new and awesome. And it was like that for some time, but it was never as good as it was with B. When she saw Britt and they kissed in the classroom, she realized she owed it to herself and Finn to at least try and be happy. She got back to Britt after she remembered that he told her they are going to be back on and that B loves her. She was with B because he believed in them and he helped her not to lose her faith in love they feel for each other...

Britt held sobbing Santana and she felt so bad for her. She was hurt to know Santana was with Quinn more than once, but she knew it was not place and time for that talk.

''Shah… Baby, don't cry…''

''I'm so sorry…''

''What for Santana?''

''Finn, Quinn… For believing you don't love me anymore… for giving up on us… our past… and everything…''

Santana sheared her memories of that day with Britt. She listened patiently smiling, whipping her tears and holding Santana's hand. She had no idea how deep impact it all had on her. She was looking at something new in Santana and she loved it.

''I love you Santana Paloma Lopez- Pierce… I have always loved you and as far as it comes to me… I have nothing to forgive. I have only to love you more and more every day. You are the love of my life and I'm sticking to it… I know that others will not understand it, and I don't care. I know that you didn't do anything to hurt any of us… ''

Santana interrupted her with a heated kiss that turned into something much more. Britt made love to her to show her how loved she is and to heal all the wounds that stayed from the pain she inflicted on herself. She knew that Santana tried to punish herself by convincing herself she is not worth of love, that she is bad and all the things she used to say to herself when they were younger and she struggled with her sexuality. She was happy and safe in her wife's arms. She smiled at sleeping Britt and whispered...

''I love you too…''