I desperately need to tell him the truth that I am dying but that would destroy him instead I am going to leave and never come back make him hate me for all of that it is worth I do not want the love of my life see me grow weaker before his eyes. No I need to do this for us and for us alone if I survive my treatment then I will come back and explain why I had to do what I did but if I don't make it then he will go on to life a happy life, one without me and he will love again without feeling the guilt of me dead as he will not know.
I start to pack my bags quickly before Taylor comes home with Christian I know today is a bad day to just leave because Christian is going through a bad business deal right now but at least if I leave it can only get better from here on out, I am going in to a private treatment centre to deal with cancer patient. I have already paid ahead for everything I need in cash and have taken out $5000 out so I cannot be found by using my card.
I head for the door but before I do I leave my wedding ring, divorce papers signed, my blackberry, laptop and car keys on his desk along with a note what says Christian my love I am sorry for doing this to you but I can't be with you know more I have drifted away to far I feel like I am way out of my depth like I am in the middle of the ocean without a boat and I am sinking. I need to be able to swim, live again just find myself but I need to find myself away from you and away from the media what surrounds our world. You will not be able to find me until I want to be found I am truly sorry for doing this to you but please move on.
Yours for ever,
Ana
This is the last time I will be here for ages if not one last look around the apartment I make my way down to the lift and away from my perfect life and away from the most perfect man I have met. I just felt low spirited after walking away and that is not the way I need to be to face my treatment just remember Ana you stupid girl you need to get well soon and make love to him again and again until he asks you to stop. Just thinking about him makes me sad I need to only think about him to make myself strong I can't be weak missing him; I have to fight and then be weak after all the fighting is done and I have won then is when I can be weak and feel sorry for myself.
As I walk into the treatment centre I mentally prepare myself for the road ahead and smile at the receptionist everyone already knows me here as I have been here many times for appointments and to get everything sorted for me to arrive I needed everything to go to plan is made sure I had a room facing the sea so I can wake up to the sun glistening on the sea.