Hopes and Dreams

by: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmaters

Ch. 2: Dashed

Catherine woke two days later feeling jittery. Having set her alarm half an hour earlier than usual, she had allowed herself enough time to do the test. Rolling onto her side, she kissed Sara deeply. "Good morning," she grinned.

Sara smiled. "Good morning."

"I'm going to go and..."

Sara sat up, hugging her tightly. "I love you and I'll be here no matter what."

"I love you too," Catherine smiled, disappearing to the bathroom. Once the test was done, she paced waiting for the results.

Sara waited outside. "I'm here."

"Just another minute..." Catherine called, turning the test over.

Sara sighed softly.

Catherine threw the test into the trash then pulled the door open, moving past her wife. "I need to wake Lindsay."

"Uh...ok. Go for it," Sara said.

Catherine gave a smile, trying to hide her disappointment as she pulled on her dressing gown, going to Lindsay's room.

Sara, suspecting the reason for her wife's dampened demeanor, went into the bathroom and pulled the test from the trash. Negative. She sighed. "Oh no."

Catherine was quiet over breakfast and the couple were rarely alone again until they arrived at work. "I'll see you later," the redhead offered.

Sara nodded, kissing her cheek. "You know where I am if you get bored. I love you," she said, deciding not to push the issue. She knew how sensitive Catherine was about this. She would talk when she was ready.

Catherine nodded, entering her office before locking the door, taking a deep breath.

It was early afternoon before Catherine went to look for Sara. Approaching her from behind, Catherine wrapped her arms around her wife's waist, burying her face into Sara's hair.

Sara stopped what she was doing, turning around and hugging her tightly. "Sshhh. I'm here."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, finally allowing herself to cry.

Sara sat in her chair, Catherine in her lap, holding her close. "It's ok to cry."

"I was so sure..."

"Many people are sure and then it doesn't happen, but we can try again..." Sara said.

"What if I don't want to try again?"

Sara sighed. "Well, you don't have to, but it won't change how much I love any of you."

"I know. I do, it's just... This was my last chance at having another child when everything in my life finally felt right," the redhead sighed.

"I know, but, you know, those tests can be wrong..."

"I took three more at work to be sure. They're all negative."

Sara rubbed her back. "Sweetie, should we take the afternoon off and cuddle on the couch?"

"What difference is it going to make?" Catherine managed before sighing with a nod.

"We can just focus on each other..."

"Yeah, ok," Catherine replied, wiping her eyes, "I'll grab my coat."

Sara pulled her jacket on, following her.

When they made it out to the car, Catherine slipped the keys into Sara's hand. "Maybe you should drive..."

"Ok," Sara said, getting into the driver's seat.

Catherine slowly got into the car and buckled up. She closed her eyes, resting back against the headrest with a sigh.

Sara rested a hand on her leg as they drove home.

When they arrived home, Catherine sat on the couch with Sara. Looking over at her wife, she frowned. "Why, Sara? I did everything I was supposed to. I took it easy at work, no alcohol, took all the recommended vitamins..."

Sara wrapped her arm around her. "I wish I knew... I really do. I wish I could say it was only a dream we'll wake up from, but I can't..."

Catherine sighed, holding Sara tightly. "I'm sorry..." she whispered.

Sara nodded, holding her close. "It's not your fault," she whispered. "I love you."

"I love you too. That's why I really wanted to do this for us. I just feel like I failed."

The brunette shook her head. "Cath, sometimes these things aren't meant to happen when we want them to. And we still have two amazing daughters. You're no failure, not to us. We need you."

Catherine nodded. "I need you guys too. Always will."

Sara kissed her softly. "I'm still not believing it though. I don't know why."

"We can't cling onto false hope when there isn't any, Sara. Like you said, it just wasn't meant to be. We need to focus on the kids we have, and I need to put the idea of carrying another behind me."

"I know, but, at least, can you still not drink? The kids don't need to see that. That's all I ask."

"Ok," Catherine replied with a nod before snuggling into Sara's side. "You think we could stay like this a while until we have to get the kids?"

Sara smiled. "Anything for you. I love you."

"I love you too," Catherine whispered.

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