Author´s Notes: Hello again. The first part of this chapter was inspired on Christina Perri´s song - Human. If you haven´t heard yet, you should, it´s a beautiful song. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I have enjoyed writing it!
I don´t own any of the avengers or marvel characters.
CHAPTER 3
It is late night at the Avengers Tower when Natasha wakes up abruptly. She is sweating and breathing heavily. She realizes that her face is wet with tears. She angrily wipes them away from her face and gets up from her bed. She has had this same nightmare too often. She looks at the clock, 3:43 a.m. She won´t be able to sleep again, so she goes to the mini bar of her suite and grabs the bottle of vodka that Tony Stark had shown her before. She pours a shot in a short glass and drinks it all at once; thinking that maybe the burning sensation on her throat will make her forget what is haunting her. She takes another shot, and another…but the images of her dream are still coming to her mind. She hates felling like that, like she is still a cold heart monster that she once was so she just throws the glass against the opposite wall in an act of rage, shattering it. She starts to feel her eyes burning from the tears she is trying to hold back. She collapses on the couch behind her and stares blankly at the wall.
A few minutes later she hears a knock on her door: "Natasha, is everything okay? I heard glass breaking. Jarvis told me you are awake, let me in please!"
Natasha recognizes Steve´s voice and thinks "Damn his super hearing abilities. I can´t have him seeing me like this, I´m a mess". She replies with a trembling voice: "I´m fine Steve! Go back to bed." She curses herself with the way her voice sounds.
Steve senses that she is shaken so he tries again: "Natasha, please open the door, let me see you."
Natasha knows that if she let him in, he will try to comfort her and hold her, and with the way she has being feeling about him lately, is only going to make things worse, because she knows she won´t be able to keep her walls up for him for too long. He is affecting her in a way she thought she would never be affected. At first she felt attraction towards him, but after what happened on D.C., they got closer. He saved her life, said that he trusted her with his and it became more than that. It is like she is falling in love with him and that can´t be, the Black Widow doesn´t have emotions, she only uses them as weapons. She has red on her ledger, she is tainted, and now she is broken. Steve on the other hand is the image of righteousness, he is too good for her, he deserves better.
Steve interrupts her thoughts: "Natasha, come on, if you don´t let me in I´ll just have to break down your door!" He knocks harder, the door shakes a little.
Natasha realizes that she has no way out of this because when Steve Rogers puts his mind to do something he doesn´t stop until is done. She looks at her trembling hands, takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, trying to recover herself from the panic she is feeling. She stands up and replies, this time her voice is steady: "Okay, just give me a sec!"
She goes to the closet and puts on a gray silk robe over her black tank top and panties, washes up her face on the bathroom sink and takes another deep breath to pull herself together. She goes to the door, opening it.
Steve is standing there, he is wearing a forest green army t-shirt and a black short. His body is tense, his hands curled up in fists and his blue eyes full of worry. She tries her best not to get lost in them and puts a fake smile on her face saying: "Hey Steve, I´m sorry for waking you up."
But without knowing she fails on her attempt to convince him that she is fine. Steve sees right past her mask because he notices that her eyes are red from crying, her face is pale and she smells like vodka. He hates seeing her like that; she seems lost just like she was when they took shelter on Sam Wilson´s house. He wants to help her, but she´ll have to put her defenses down so he raises one of his hands and rests it on the side of her face looking straight into her green eyes: "Don´t play games with me Natasha, tell me what is wrong?"
Natasha is a little surprised by his move and wonders if she has failed that miserably not to show her moment of weakness. His touch sends electricity through her body; she fights the urge to lean into his hand and backs away from it, stepping aside to let him pass.
Steve walks in her room, he sees the opened bottle of vodka on the bar and the broken glass on the other side spread on the floor.
Natasha follows his gaze and adds: "I didn´t think that a breaking glass would be so noisy." She closes the door.
Steve turns around to face her and says: "I´m a light sleeper." He extends his hand to her: "Come on, sit down with me." Steve notices that she hesitates to take his hand for a moment and when she does, he feels that her hand is shaking, so he tightens his grip on it.
And that was all it took for Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, to break down, Steve Roger´s tight grip on her hand. Her whole body starts to shake and she can´t control it, her walls crumble and it is like they were never there. She looks down as tears start to fall from her eyes and she feels her knees go weak, she is falling…
Steve moves quickly and puts his arms around her back, holding her from falling down, supporting all her weight on his body.
Natasha presses her head against his left shoulder and grabs the fabric of his t-shirt with her hands on his chest: "I saw her again" her voice is low and shaken.
Steve places a hand on her head caressing it, his fingers going through her red hair, and whispers: "Who did you see, Tasha?"
Natasha squeezes her eyes shut: "My mother, I remembered her, I see her in my dreams all the time. They ordered me to do it and…I…I…I killed her." She says the last words so low that Steve almost missed it. She starts to sob uncontrollably.
Steve´s heart breaks as he wonders: "Did she really do it or was it just a nightmare? What could have happened with her to remember that now? And who the hell would make someone kill their own mother?" Only one thought comes to his mind, KGB. "Her encounter with them must have triggered some of her old memories."
Natasha is leaning heavily against him now so he picks her up and carries her to the couch, sitting down with the sobbing spy on his lap, her arms now around his neck. He wishes he could take her pain away, but he doesn´t know how, so he just holds her tight and wait for her to calm down.
Natasha stops sobbing as soon as she feels that Steve tightens his hold on her. She opens her eyes, staring at his strong arm in front of her, and manages to say with a husky voice: "I´m sorry. I never lost control like this, I...I don´t know what is wrong with me…"
Steve removes his right arm from around her and takes her chin making her look up at him. He says softly: "There is nothing wrong with you Natasha. You are only human." He slides his hand from her chin to her cheek and then tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear. He admires her face, he sees how fragile she looks right now, but still beautiful.
Natasha tries to blink her tears away as she meets his honest eyes. He is right, she is human and she is not a killing machine, not anymore. She is amazed at how Steve always knows what to say, he always makes her feel better. She never had that with anyone, he understands her so well.
Steve stares intensely into her green eyes, he looks down at her lips and starts to lower his head but stops half-way. He wants to kiss her badly, but he doesn´t want to take advantage of her moment of weakness.
Natasha eyes are locked on his gaze, she feels the heat rising on her body and starts closing the rest of the space between them.
And right before their lips touch, the alarm goes off and they hear Jarvis: "Avengers assemble!"
They both back away, startle by the beeping sound and the command given by Jarvis. The A.I. continues: "Clint Barton is on video call."
And that was all it took to take Natasha out of Steve's arms. She stands up and asks with a mix of surprise and excitement in her voice: "Clint is calling?"
Steve rests his arms on his legs and looks at his feet. He feels jealous again because he doesn´t know exactly if Natasha and Barton are just close friends, or something more.
Jarvis answers: "Yes Miss Romanoff, he is requesting you to gather at the conference room immediately."
Natasha looks back at Steve. He feels that she is staring at him so he meets her eyes, he wants to ask her what is the deal with Barton, but duty calls, so he simply says: "Let´s go." He stands up and quickly walks out.
Natasha notices the hurt expression on his face, but Steve leaves before she can ask about it. So she just tries to clean her wet face with her hands, and follows him in silence.
Conference Room
Tony is the last one to come in, as usual, the rest of the Avengers are all sitting at a big gray hexagonal table, in their sleeping clothes, looking tired.
Tony breaks the silence as he enters the room: "Hey everyone. There is nothing like a quick nap to get me going." Tony rubs his eyes and continues: "Turn the video on Jarvis" then he sits down next to Bruce, who is looking blankly at the screen in front of them.
"Yes sir." Jarvis responds.
Clint Barton´s face appear in the screen, he smiles a little and says: "Hello Avengers! How did you sleep tonight?"
Thor yawns loudly and then apologizes for it.
Tony answers a little annoyed: "Not very long, thanks to you Legolas! But it is good to see you."
"Good to see all of you too. I´m sorry about that Stark, I´m in a different time zone, it is 4:41 in the afternoon for me." Clint says looking at his watch.
Natasha is sitting in the farthest end of the table, she avoids eye contact with the others so they don´t notice that she was crying, so she looks straight ahead at the screen and asks, her voice back to normal: "Where are you exactly, Clint?"
"Hey Nat, I heard you were back at the tower." Clint smiles at her and she smiles back. He then continues: "I´m in Singapore right now, but I´ll meet you in a small island on Indonesia. I´m sending the coordinates, I need you guys to suit up and come right away. I´ll let you know on the details when you get here."
Steve stands up looking at the screen: "Okay Barton. We´ll be there as fast as we can." He looks at the others sitting around: "Everybody, gather your things and be ready in 10. Stark, call the pilot of the quinjet, tell him we´ll be waiting at the rooftop."
"Sure thing, Cap." Tony stands up and takes his phone out of his pocket walking out of the room as he makes the call, with his friends following right behind him.