Chapter 3

"Why didn't you want to be friends with me?" a soft voice broke the silence between them. "Did I do something wrong?" Naruto was fiddling with his fingers, not daring to look at Sasuke.

The question took Sasuke by surprise. He didn't have any idea where that came from. It had been many years ago, Naruto used to follow him everywhere and tried to engage him in conversations all the time. He had been a little guilty about it, but he had to be harsh for Naruto to understand that he should stay away.

"You didn't do anything. I just can't have friends"

"Why? Everyone wants friends" Sasuke groaned. Where they really going to have this conversation right now?

"It's not good to have any kind of bonds in this business" Naruto tilted his head to the side

"Why?"

"Look, it's late, I'm tired so let's continue another time" Sasuke rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"No. Tell me. Let's finish this right now." Naruto said stubbornly.

"I have just seen how those things can screw up a mission and endanger everyone's life, alright. So let's just give it a rest" Sasuke massaged his temple. Why couldn't he just let it go? He didn't like to talk about the past. He turned around, ready to leave when the next sentence made him stop.

"I really envied you, you know" Naruto chuckled, but it sounded too sad in Sasuke's ears

"At first I wanted to be together with you. To be your friend. But then I realised, you had everything I wanted. So I envied you instead. In a way that was easier. Instead of feeling sorry for myself because I was rejected once again, I could now focus on becoming better than you." Sasuke turned slightly towards him. The voice sounded so frail. It was hard to listen to it. He was usually such a bright and energetic person. This voice didn't suit him. Sometimes he felt a little envious too. He had locked up his feelings so tight, that for the most part he just felt hollow. Naruto was always filled to the brim with feelings. Even though he knew it was bad to feel anything, he still sometimes wished he could be a little more like Naruto. He had caught himself observing him sometimes. His eyes would follow him or he would listen with half a ear to him talk. He was a bit fascinated by how expressive his face was. How clearly it was to see what he was feeling. Quickly changing from one thing to the next. Happy, angry, sad.. Sasuke couldn't deny that he was somewhat fascinated by it.

"I still want that…" Naruto's soft voice broke him out of his thoughts. "I still want to be your friend" Sasuke felt his stomach drop and closed his eyes.

"We can't. I already told you I won't repeat history"

"Why, please. You can't just reject me again, without giving me a reason. And drop the I just can't bullshit. Give me a real reason" Naruto quickly went from sad to angry. He hated how Sasuke always had to be the mysterious one. Couldn't he just give him a real reason? Something that could make the pain a little less.

"When I was very young my parents died in an accident. My brother was the one that took care of me for several years after that" Sasuke started. "He was also one of Tsunade's best bodyguards. One day he had a very important mission. I was sick at home and was complaining about how bad I felt. I wanted him to stay home, so I exaggerated how unwell I really was. He was really worried about me, but had to go" Naruto slowly reached out and tucked at Sasuke's shirt to get him closer.

"He died that day. His team members all told us that he had seem distant, and were unfocused. That was because of me" Sasuke tried to swallow the lump in his throat. This was coming a little to close for comfort. Naruto wrapped his arms around Sasuke's waist and rubbed his head against his stomach to try and comfort him. "That's one of the reasons I guess. But also… we're on the same team. We have to protect the subject no matter what. If we have any kind of bonds our missions can be jeopardized" Sasuke didn't know why he let him do this. But instead of pushing him away, he slowly put a hand on top of Naruto's head and petted him.

"So can I go to bed now?" Sasuke said softly. Naruto just tightened his hold on him.

"So we can never be friends?"

"It would be illogical" Sasuke slowly pulled Naruto's arms away from him.

"You should sleep too"

"I don't think I can… not after this"

Sasuke went to bed. He was still a bit weirded out by what had happened. Why had he told him all that? What good would it do? Now he would just have a hard time falling asleep. Stupid Naruto, making him think about these things. And why did he let him touch him like that? He had decided not to get involved, so why did all that just happen? Naruto really did have a habit of making him act against his will. He just was so different from himself.

Sometimes Sasuke hated that and other times it was exciting to be around him because of it. Naruto was like a whirlpool, a natural force people couldn't control. That usually pissed Sasuke off. He was the leader, so he should be able to have control, but Naruto was usually to impatient to listen to things like plans or making a surprise attack. He just rushed in, almost every time. Sasuke sighed. Naruto was seriously too stupid. He would definitely be the death of them sometime. If he could just listen to Sasuke and do as he told. Both with the mission but also with this. He had decided he wouldn't have any kind of relationship and Naruto should respect that.

Sasuke glanced in Naruto's direction. That weird sinking feeling was back in his stomach. Naruto was still staring out the window with a sad face. Sasuke closed his eyes tightly trying to block the image. He shouldn't feel anything. He turned his back to Naruto and tried hard to fall asleep.

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