To whom it may concern:
The Enterprise has detected a link between recent unexplained phenomena and this particular website. It is unknown at this time how far reaching the effects may become; thus, it is prudent to attempt communication, as my captain has already done. Among these unexplained phenomena are many occurrences, some of which my captain has already expounded upon and some of which will follow in communiques from various crew members. As of yet, two-way communication is impossible; however, it is in the process of being developed.
Lieutenant Commander S'chn T'gai Spock
Dear fanfiction writers,
I told the hobgoblin all that gobbledygook wasn't helpful, so instead of letting me edit his work he told me to write my own letter. So, here. The gist of it is that whatever you all post on here, it ends up affecting our lives. We're trying to figure out how and why, but so far we've got nothing. Until then, I've just got a few general requests for the meantime:
- Jim's already a hormonal bastard without having to deal with PMS.
- What's with all the random people popping up in our universe? Especially because most of then are useless twenty-first century teenage girls who think they can go on every away mission to Planet X and diplomatic parlay with the Klingons. It's getting annoying.
- Jim gets in enough trouble without you guys giving him more ideas. The next time he pulls a prank, I'm blaming you all.
- For God's sake, leave torture out of it! I've had to fix up Jim more times than I can count, and lately Chekov's gotten just as much of the blow. Seriously.
Leonard McCoy
Dear fanfiction writers,
If you don't know Klingon, don't use it. We end up in too many firefights as it is.
Thanks,
Nyota Uhura
Dear fanfiction writers,
If you don't know what it's called, please don't make up something! I can't understand half of what the captain or Mr. Spock are saying half the time anyway.
M. Scott
P.S. And keep Keenser outta the machinery! He's gonna fall into the warp core or something one of these days.