Dear fanfiction writers

by Dewy eyes

This has been done before, many times, many ways, many fandoms. However, the Enterprise crew still needs to get their two cents in somewhere. This is from a strict canon interpretation. Don't like, don't read. Rating for language.

3. In which Chekov rants and Keenser doesnt

Dear fanfiction writers,

I'm not dating Pavel. That would be weird. And it's even weirder to randomly have some metaphysical impulse to kiss him. Seriously, stop it. It's beginning to freak me out.

Lt. Hikaru Sulu

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Dear fanfiction writers,

I am very tired of being made fun of by random people on the ship, suddenly finding out I have a dark past, being tortured, being approached by strange teenage girls who expect me to immediately make out with them, having such a strong accent that I cannot understand myself, being abducted by terrorists, being cute, Sulu and/or the captain being uncharacteristically overprotective, being a maladjusted genius, and being a little innocent kid.

I am seventeen, not four. If I made it through Starfleet Academy, the attack on Vulcan, and the incident with Khan, I would think I can take care of myself for the most part.

Thank you for your consideration,

Pavel Chekov

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Not stupid. Just quiet.

Keenser

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Dear fanfiction writers,

I suppose I ought to consider myself lucky that I have been left alone for the most part. However, it is rather annoying to occasionally disappear entirely from the memories and perceptions of my crewmates. If this could be remedied, please?

— Carol Marcus