Dear fanfiction writers

by Dewy eyes

This has been done before, many times, many ways, many fandoms. However, the Enterprise crew still needs to get their two cents in somewhere. This is from a strict canon interpretation. Don't like, don't read. Rating for language.

4. In which redshirts are actually hardcore

Dear fanfiction writers,

I'm an Orion, not a whore. There's a difference.

~ Gaila

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Fanfiction writers:

Last I checked I was dead.

Pike

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I am not your sex toy. Nor will I make you an Augment. Nor will I make Kirk or Dr. Marcus or any other members of Starfleet an Augment. It is much more likely I will be inclined to crush your irritating skull.

Khan

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Dear fanfiction writers,

I would appreciate it if my security teams would return once in a while. They have extensive training. I know the captain is a scrappy fighter, but it's not very likely for him to be the only one coming back from an away team every time without some outside influence.

Giotto "Cupcake" Hendroff

P.S. Thanks for the name.

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Dear fanfiction writers,

There are very few reasons why James Kirk or my counterpart would contact me, and even fewer reasons I would spend time on board. Needless to say, finding myself aboard as often as I have lately is disturbing to say the least. While tribulation could be a natural outcome of the situation, I have deemed it much more likely this site is part of the reason. As such, I would like to 'request a fic' as you say: a story about the crew of the Enterprise spending much of their time in rest and relaxation. Perhaps this will counterbalance some of the more drastic effects of the situation.

Regards,

Spock Prime