Chapter Thirty-Five – His Unforgiving Heart

A slim hand was elegantly lifted into the air, causing all eyes to turn to her. Her gaze lazily stared down at the crowd. The ceremony hall fell silent, making the moment grand.

"The Hime…" her voice echoed. She paused, allowing the intense silence to thicken, "shall be announced."

Inukimi scanned through the crowd in search of blue eyes. And there, surrounded by the rank leaders, the miko stood out from the others. Capturing her attention, she spoke, "Every 10th century, a Hime is chosen for her beauty and wisdom amongst the ranks. During this year's Hime Tradition…there was one who outshined all."

Steadying her gaze, Inukimi silently indicated who she was talking about. The miko instantly held a hand over her mouth in utter shock. Witnessing this, Inukimi felt her smile widened and continued, "Her beauty within radiates to affect those around her. Her wisdom is deep, yet is only given to aide others. She has truly proven herself worthy that it has been the first for all the rank leaders to agree upon one Hime."

Surprised gasps swept through the crowd. Kagome's stance grew more rigid as she became aware of the crowd moving away from her.

"Come," Inukimi said gently, while her hand extended towards the chosen Hime.

'No way,' Kagome thought in disbelief. She felt a hand on her shoulder and quickly turned her head to see Chika smiling at her. Her eyes flew towards the 'Mu' Elder and saw him nodding his head with a smile. Both the 'Gon' and 'Shin' leader faced her with acceptance.

"Outrageous! This is unacceptable!" a furious voice boomed. The Southern Lord pushed through the crowd and neared Kagome. His face flushed red in rage. Pointing at her he yelled, "You dare insult the future Lady of the Southern Lands by choosing a miko!? Are you suggesting that my daughter is inferior in beauty and intelligence compared to this human girl?"

Inukimi spotted her son take a step forward, but motioned him to stop.

"Silence."

Her narrowed gaze bore at the foolish Lord. Inukimi took her time before snapping, "I doubt you wish to make a bad impression upon the new Hime this way, Southern Lord."

Immediately, the Southern Lord bit his lips and shrank back. Kagome watched with curiosity as the Southern Lord nervously avoided her stare.

How powerful was the Hime?

Inari burst past the crowd and began to drag her Father away. But, Kagome noticed how red Inari's eyes had become. Red from all the tears shed.

Blue eyes steeled with determination. Kagome reached out to grasp Inukimi's hand. She would become Hime. She would find a way to help Inuyasha and Inari.

A pink haori was slowly draped over her shoulder. Soft designs of lilies etched along the silk material. She ran her hand down the beautiful haori.

"Our new Hime," Inukimi announced.

One by one, heads were lowered towards their new Hime. An air of respect filled the ceremony hall, stunning Kagome.

"You hold a unique power and title now, Miko," Inukimi whispered.

"What do you mean?" Kagome asked.

"You can control the ranks. How do you think I was able to stop a war against the West after my mate had an affair with a human?"

How did the Hime have the power to stop a war? Each member is loyal to different Lords. But if the Hime has control over them, wouldn't their loyalty to their Lord suffer consequences?

"During a war, upon the Hime's order, an entire rank can be asked to remain neutral," Inukimi informed the confused miko.

Kagome felt her eyes widen. She had found a way; a way to help her friends.

"Mother, do not mention unnecessary things," Kagome heard his voice sound behind her. Her brows furrowed in frustration. How could this information be unnecessary? It was the key to help Inuyasha! Clenching her hands, she turned to face him and asked sternly, "What do you mean by that?"

"You will not need to use your title as Hime."

"And why not? What if I wish to stop a war?" Narrowing her eyes, she slipped out, "perhaps I wish to stop a threat of a certain war?"

Sesshomaru paused. She couldn't possibly know, he thought. Concealing the rush of panic in him, he said stoically, "I do not know what you mean, Kagome."

He didn't know what she meant!?

Anger boiled beneath her skin.

"Using your position to stop a war can cause many to form grudges against you. A demon's grudge lasts for centuries. Even mother can testify to that."

Kagome glanced at his mother to see her look away with a sad smile. But it was already too late to listen to his excuses. He was merely dodging her question to avoid exposing the issue.

Did he not trust her?

Did he think her weak?

Blue eyes began to unravel the sorrow and anger deep within her. She just couldn't understand what he was thinking.

"I know about it, Sesshomaru," she blurted out. Her eyes told him that she knew everything about Inuyasha; about the war; about his decision to hide it from her.

He froze as his face turned blank. Several thoughts raced past his eyes.

She knew.

Her eyes slowly unveiled the pain and whispered, "Why did you tell m-"

His clawed hand motioned for her to stop.

She bit her lips from speaking any further. Her gaze pleaded, asking for him to tell her why; to explain his reason for leaving her ignorant of all this.

His face paled. His gaze stared into the abyss in paralyzed shock. The hand raised slightly trembled.

'She knew.'

Her lip widened to say something, but was cut off.

"Later. Let us discuss this later," his voice came out rasp. He then turned to walk away from her.

Her gaze lowered as her chest tightened. From his devastated face, she realized he meant to keep her ignorant about Inuyasha and Inari's issue to the end. He had not even thought about telling her anything. She wasn't supposed to know about anything.

'Why, Sesshomaru?'

It hurt.

-After the Ceremony-

Pink silk fluttered past her feet. The thin layer stretched out across the floor she walked on. A beam of light was all that was needed to bring out the haori's glow. And so each time she walked past a window, she appeared unearthly. No one would have thought her to be human in that moment.

The hallways gradually decreased the number of windows. Thus, once she stood in from of the study room, dimmed lighting enclosed her figure.

She stared at the door that blocked her path. Leaning against the heavy door, a creaking sound of its ancient use resounded. Slowly entering the study, her eyes landed on his tall build. She observed the way his gaze was directed towards the window.

Distant.

His shoulders slumped, his chin lifted lower than usual. He appeared less confident.

Sesshomaru had kept such an important decision from her. But after thinking past the chaos, she wondered if this was all caused by his guilt. Something was off about him since the beginning.

Being unable to save her and executing Kura…were these the reasons?

"You will hate him more someday if you do not already and definitely come to fear him like the rest of the demon society,"

She recalled Ryou's warning.

Perhaps…Sesshomaru was afraid she would come to fear him. This is why he chose to hide the threat against Inuyasha's mating.

A pang of pain stabbed her chest.

'Liar,' her heart cried. He lied when he said he understood her. He didn't understand anything at all. If he did, he would know she would never hate him.

"Sesshomaru," she hushed his name tenderly.

Noting her voice quiver vulnerably, Sesshomaru forced himself to look at her. But, he flinched at the sight of her clear blue eyes. He could immediately tell the emotions that swirled within her. He could always tell.

The hurt. And yet, slowly, he saw them soften.

There really wasn't any reason for him to feel guilty, she thought. She knew that it was impossible for Sesshomaru to save her all the time. She also understood that Kura's execution was done for her sake. But, she figured she needed to say the words he wished to hear most. Perhaps…then…everything will return to normal.

"I forgive you, Sesshomaru," her sincere words were said with affection.

His eyes widened, his controlled expression contorted.

She would forgive him after everything he did and failed to do?

Why?

She would forgive him for being the cause of her tears?

No.

Then, she would probably forgive the cruel Lord he chose to be.

Don't.

She would even forgive his selfishness to drag her into his world.

You can't.

Clenching his eyes shut, he concealed his face with a hand.

When he thought she wold never forgive him, who had he been trying to fool? He almost felt like laughing at himself.

She would forgive him. It was her nature to.

Yet, he continued to convince himself that she wouldn't do so.

Why?

Countless times, he dreamed to hear those words yet feared them.

Because…he knew…he couldn't forgive himself.

"Sesshomaru?" He heard concern in her voice. Sensing her near him, he turned away.

Selfishness and greed to tie her to hide fled as realization hit him.

"….Leave," the words burned his lips.

"Sesshomaru! What I say is true! I don't blame you for anything!" she cried desperately, hoping her voice would reach him.

He was right to fear this moment. The moment she forgave him was the moment he had to let her go. If she hadn't forgiven him, at least then, he told himself that he was allowed to drag her into his world. He scoffed at his own foolish thoughts.

Any light within him crushed before his eyes. Not knowing the expression he wore or the tone of his voice, everything seemed broken.

"Kagome…leave the Western Lands."

Whether she said something or not, he could hear nothing.

Click.

The doors closed, leaving him in the darkness he endured before meeting her.

So, this is what losing someone felt like.

Suffering lay coated in the depths of his blank eyes.

A loss so great, he did not know what to do with the pain.

He did the only thing he had trained all his life to do.

He tried to supress it. He would put up a stoic façade.

But his lifetime worth of training could not aide him.

Everything fell apart.

Crumble-

Her back pressed against the closed doors. Her heart held in a sob. She didn't understand. Why did he order her to leave?

"As Lady of the Western Lands…you will never be happy by his side…"

Ryou's words penetrated her thoughts. Her thoughts paused, allowing her emotions to settle. Taking a deep breath, she let out a relieved sigh. She felt like she understood him a bit. And in a flicker, determination once again glimmered in her eyes.

Suddenly, the door flung wide open as footsteps entered. Dimmed gold weakly looked up.

The sun set's glow shinned through the window. His breath stilled as light reflected her figure.

Her blue eyes slowly fluttered open.

Lowering herself to the floor, the lilies on her haori made her appear like a wilting flower.

Her palm rested on the ground, her head bowed before him.

Silence befell upon the room. His eyes fixed towards the only creature that could still his breath.

"Lord Sesshomaru," her voice chanted softly, yet with confidence.

He let go of his calculations, knowing that he would never be able to interpret her thoughts nor actions. Instead, out of habit his eyes steeled and his face expressionless. He responded to her as his given title of Lord of the Western Lands, "Speak."

Her head remained lowered, her eyes shut. Only her voice spoke, "I was born in the future era where peace and human rights are deeply embedded. That is why when I see pain, I may respond with tears. But I have lingered in this era long enough to know that in order to protect what is precious, the pain of others is necessary."

She wasn't given the chance to explain because of reasons she did not know. But, she would not leave until he understood her. That she would accept his duty as a Lord. That she would love him no matter what. And if he told her to leave after that…she would do so.

"I was warned about the world a Lord's mate may step into."

His stare wavered in silent surprise.

"Pure intentions are rare. A compassionate heart would only get stepped on. Happiness would be hard to obtain in the corrupted world. And nothing would look beautiful anymore," she repeated Ryou's words.

His facade as a Lord almost crumbled in response. She always found beauty in the darkest places. Yet, there was a limit to finding beauty. If she were to be by his side, he would only see her give up. He could not bear to witness that.

"I know all this, Lord Sesshomaru," she said. Slowly, she raised her head to meet his eyes. And there, he saw her blue eyes swirling with yearning.

"And still, knowing all this," her voice shook, "I still wish to be by your side."

Her heart ached at the sight of torment crushing his stoic mask.

'Ah,' her heart sounded in understanding. The pain of dragging a loved one into a world you know that might crush their light. He suffered from making this decision.

Rising from the ground, Kagome ignored her trembling legs and desperately reached out for him.

He shook at the touch of her warm hand against his cheek.

"I will stay by your side."

He dared to look into her eyes that seemed to pool with warmth.

"I will carry your burdens with you."

His throat tightened.

"I will understand your decisions."

He grasped onto her hand; tenderly.

"And that…will be my light."

Clenching his eyes shut, he shifted her hand to place a soft kiss. Affected by the taste of her, he hungered for more. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. Gently lifting her chin, he pressed his lips against hers. Heat shared between them as her body molded against his. Her lips innocently parted, allowing him to deepen the kiss. His hand moved from under her chin to tenderly cup her cheek as his thumb brushed along her soft skin. Drowning in her scent, the emptiness he felt when he almost lost her gradually filled.

Her legs gave out as his arm steadied her from falling. She felt him reluctantly pull away, giving her time to catch her breath. But his gaze remained glued to her swelling lips, thirsting for more. Although her eyes were slightly dazed by the overwhelming heat, she noticed his expression grow dark.

'I'm sorry.' Golden eyes softened sorrowfully. Apology after apology, they were made silently.

Leaning her head against his chest, her eyes fluttered shut. She guessed it wouldn't be easy for him to forgive himself. But, one day…she would show him that there was nothing to forgive.

"I love you."

Author's Note: To be continued! The story is not yet finished! Please feel free to check out my Christmas One-shot, "Christmas Magic"!

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