Broken Chapter 7: VI But I'm Holding You Closer than Most, a glee fanfic

Broken
Chapter 6- But I'm Holding You Closer than Most
A/N: OMG! Thanks so much to all the reviews! Especially to the anonymous ones I can't reply to! :) I hope everyone understood Puck's past, no one asked questions so, and I'll take that as a good thing! Here we go...next chapter! Oh yeah, I still own nothing! :)

Okay one thing before you read! Please DO NOT take these Puckleberry moments as they are like romantically in love. You'll know when that happens…but first we need to get through a lot of shit! Okay, r&r! 3

Rachel snuggled back into the warmth of someone's chest, she even smiled when she felt the arm around her waist tighten. Pixie jumped off the bed and started scratching at the door, wanting to be let out. At Pixie's scratching, Rachel woke up and looked over and saw Puck sleeping next to her. She smiled slightly leaning into his embrace. Pixie grew anxious, whining a little at being ignored. Puck groaned, "Shh, Pixie, go back to sleep." As soon as Puck pulled Rachel a little closer, his eyes flew open, his body growing tense. He was unsure of whether to let Rachel go and move or to continue to hold Rachel like it was an everyday thing. "Uh, morning Rachel." Puck cleared his throat still unsure of how to handle this situation. He did know that if Finn walked in while they were in this position, he was screwed.

"Morning Noah." Rachel avoided eye contact, she didn't know how to handle what was going on. Part of her wanted to stay wrapped up in Puck's arms, but a major part of her brain was screaming run! Rachel started to think about that night's events, she knew it was late when Puck brought her to her room, and that his compromise was to stay until she fell asleep. Rachel couldn't help but to question his presence in her room. Did he fall asleep on accident? Did he not even notice the cuddling? Was he awake the whole time, just laying next to her, watching her sleep? As Rachel's thoughts went a mile per minute, one stood out. She even said it out loud. "I didn't have any nightmares." Rachel was astounded by that one thought.

"What?" Puck was confused, he knew she had a nightmare on that first day she stayed here. But he didn't understand what she meant. Did she not have nightmares while he held her? Did she find comfort in his arms?

"I did not have one nightmare..." Rachel trailed off. What did this mean? She couldn't get close to him, there was no way she could. The last time...Rachel shook her head, trying to rid the thoughts of that last time. Rachel can feel the tears the coming to her eyes, she can't let those thoughts consume her.

Flashback Begins

Rachel laid in her bed cuddled with her long time boyfriend. She loved the way they could curl into one another, and be totally silent. Rachel smiled as he placed open mouthed kisses along her neck. She even giggled when he pulled her so close she could feel him against her lower back. "Come on baby," he whispered into her ear, nibbling gently.

"You know I'm not ready." Rachel said, scooting to put some space between the two of them.

"Come on Rach," He pulled her back to him roughly, his grip bruising.

"No, I'm not ready!" Rachel tried to push herself away from him but he kept his hold.

"I'm sorry baby," He kept up the kisses across her neck. She was tense against him but he refused to loosen the tight grip.

Flashback Ends

Rachel felt the tears escaping as she thought of that night. She was hoping Puck wouldn't notice but he still held her close. "Rachel? Are you okay?" Puck's voice broke Rachel out of her thoughts but she couldn't find it in her to lie to him. She silently shook her head. "What's wrong baby?" Puck let the endearment slip and when Rachel flinched, he winced. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean...I mean...uh, wh-what's wrong R-rachel?" Puck shook his head, he couldn't remember the last time he stuttered. Rachel just shook her head. She couldn't think what she would tell him, all she knew was she had to stop these absurd thoughts.

Rachel knew Puck wasn't him, she knew deep down that Puck would never hurt her. Rachel felt safe with Puck, for the first time in two years she honestly felt safe with a man. Rachel turned suddenly, crying into his chest.

Puck hesitantly wrapped his arms around her, trying to offer whatever comfort he could. He was lost on what to do or say. He wasn't even sure of why she was so upset. But Puck did what is natural to him, he rubbed her back and started to quietly sing to her.

Trouble is her only friend and he's back again.
Makes her body older than it really is.
She says it's high time she went away,
No one's got much to say in this town.
Trouble is the only way is down.

Rachel could hear Puck singing to her, taking a few deep breaths to get her sobs under control, she really wanted to hear what he was saying. She continued to sniffle, but his voice soothed her, almost as much as him rubbing her back. She tried so hard to forget the last time someone sang to her.

Down, down.
As strong as you were, tender you go.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.
I'll carry you home.

Puck could feel her sobs coming under control, he smirked to himself, pride swelling in his chest. Once again he was able to help her, get her past whatever was bothering her. Puck continued rubbing her back and singing.

If she had wings she would fly away,
And another day God will give her some.
Trouble is the only way is down.
Down, down.
As strong as you were, tender you go.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.
I'll carry you home.

Rachel closed her eyes, letting Puck's voice fill her eyes. His voice was quiet, but it held such a smoothness to it, with years of perfection ringing through. Rachel snuggled a little closer, letting for once, her mind come to a stop, not thinking once about anything.

And they were all born pretty in New York City tonight,
And someone's little girl was taken from the world tonight,
Under the Stars and Stripes.
As strong as you were, tender you go.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.
I'll carry you home.

Puck knew this song would hit a little too close to home, but Rachel sob's had stopped. He sung the last note out, letting it fade into the quietness of the room. Not even Pixie made a noise, she just laid in front of the door. Puck let the silence continue, not wanting to really break it, it was almost peaceful.

"Where did you learn to sing like that?" Rachel's voice was rough from emotion and muffled due to her face still buried in his chest.

Puck shrugged, "Believe it or not, my ma had started me in guitar lessons with this old guy, Mr. Rossi, and soon after he suggested piano. I guess he saw talent." Puck chuckled. "And with that, I started singing. It was for fun at first, but it became serious when I started high school. That's what I chose to major in college." Puck shrugged again, not really sure what else to say. It had really had started with him wanting to learn guitar and just grew from there.

"You have an amazing voice." Rachel's voice had grown to whisper, like she was afraid to admit it. If there had been any background noise, Puck wouldn't have heard her.

"Thanks." Puck stopped rubbing her back, "I think we..."

He was cut off by Rachel, "Sing to me again."

Puck was taken back, he quickly searched his mind for another song to sing to her. "Uh, sure." He held her a little closer as he started to sing.

A drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most,
Cause you are my heaven.

Rachel let his voice once again soothe her. His voice seemed to hold so much unsaid emotion, but Rachel found it easy to listen to him, almost too easy.

I don't wanna waste the weekend
If you don't love me, pretend a few more hours, then
it's time to go
and As my train rolls down the east coast, I wonder how
you keep warm
It's too late to cry
To broken to move on
And still I can't let you be
Most nights I hardly sleep
Don't seek what you don't need from me

It's just a drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most,
Cause you are my heaven.

Puck tried to hold back the emotion in his voice. He didn't honestly know why he chose this song, but he did.

Misplaced trust and old friends
Never counting regrets
by the grace of god I do not rest at all
In new England as the leaves change
The last excuse that I'll claim, I was a boy who loved
a woman like a little girl
And still I can't let you be
Most nights I hardly sleep
Don't seek what you don't need from me

Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore no no
Heaven doesn't seem far away
Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore no no
Heaven doesn't seem far away Ahow, Ahow,

You are my heaven.

Puck once again held the last note out, waiting for a reaction from Rachel. She lifted her head off his chest and looked into his hazel eyes. She saw the emotion that swirled in them, and the unshed tears. "That was beautiful Noah, thank you."

Puck rubbed her back a few more times. "You're welcome Rachel." Puck let his eyes drift closed again. Holding Rachel to him.

…***...***

Standing outside Rachel's door, listening to Puck singing was Quinn. When she heard the muffled thank you from Rachel, she decided to head back to the kitchen where Finn was making some coffee. "He's falling for her, you know that, right?"

Finn's head snapped up from the paper he was reading, meeting the eyes of his girlfriend. "Who are talking about?" Finn looked at Quinn, puzzled.

Quinn laughed quietly as she placed a mug of coffee in front of Finn. "Puck, he's falling for Rachel. Pretty hard too." Quinn shook her head, pouring her creamer in the coffee.

Finn dropped the paper, looking more confused. "What makes you say that?" He reached for the sugar dish in the center of the table.

Quinn glanced at Finn, "He sang to her Finn. When was the last time Puck sang to someone? I don't think I ever remember him singing. He even sang after she requested it. So, I'll repeat myself; he's falling for her."

"He sing's all the time... Well, when he has something due for a class but he's a music major." Finn tried to defend Puck, and then it clicked. "Wait, what's he doing in her room? What was he singing to her?" Finn kicked into big brother mode, Puck was only supposed to sit with her, not follow her into her room.

Quinn laughed at her distressed boyfriend. "I honestly don't know what he's doing in her room but he did sing A Drop In the Ocean. And Rachel had said again, so he must have sung her something else too." Quinn smiled at how romantic it was to hear Puck sing to Rachel.

"What? Isn't that like...?" Finn trailed off. His best friend was singing to his baby sister, "Why?"

Quinn looked up, "Why what?"

"Why would Puck sing to her?"

"I don't know. Maybe Rachel finds comfort in his voice. Finn, it's been two years, if she falls for him... Well Puck can be nice and you know he'll treat her right."

Finn tapped his foot, a scowl on his face. "Damn right he will or I'll kick his ass."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Calm down, Rachel's not going to let herself fall so easily. She's going to be guarded. But we'll see within the week how Puck is really feeling, I mean, you know, see how one night stands he has." Quinn shuddered, she knew he was always bringing someone new back the apartment or staying out all night.

Finn stopped and looked at Quinn. "He threw Santana out last night. He turned her down." Finn's eyes widened, just realizing how serious this was. At the same time Quinn's eyes widened.

"He did what?" A disbelieving tone took over her voice.

Finn groaned, Puck was falling for his sister. "Last night, when Santana came and talked shit to Rach, he yelled at Santana. Then after Rach left, he threw her out, told her he was done. He really is..." Finn trailed off.

"Come again. Will you please explain?" Finn jumped into the story of Puck throwing Santana out and how Puck opened up to him about his little sister and cousin. "I never would have pegged Puck to be so…sensitive. I guess he might be good for Rachel..."

Finn closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I know but... The last time Rachel fell in love..."

Quinn cut Finn off. "Don't talk like that! Do you really think Puck would do that to Rachel?" Finn shook his head, he couldn't imagine Puck hurting somebody like the other one did. "He'll be good for her. But let her do this on her own."

Finn grumbled, "Fine, but he better not screw up."

…***…***

For the second time that day, Rachel woke up, still encased in Puck's arms. She had no clue what the time actually was, but her door was cracked up and Pixie was gone. Rachel was successful at twisting out of Puck's arms, leaving him still sleeping. When Rachel reached the living room, Quinn and Finn were curled up on the couch, talking quietly.

Quinn was the first to notice her, "Morning Rachel!" Quinn stood up and moved towards the kitchen. "Come on Rachel, you must be hungry. It's past one." Rachel just walked off towards the kitchen, not even acknowledging Finn. "So, after our busy night, how'd you sleep? I'm guessing quite well since it's almost two in the afternoon." Quinn pulled the ingredients for a sandwich out from the fridge.

Rachel sat in a chair at the table. "I'm sorry about that. I freaked." Rachel pursed her lips, keeping her head down.

"Don't be sorry, I understand. What I don't understand is your situation with Puck? What's going on?" Quinn placed a turkey sandwich in front of Rachel, a bottle of water and a bag of chips before sitting across from her.

Rachel looked at the lay out, when she looked at Quinn, she sighed. "I don't know. He's really nice though, and… I don't know Quinn, I feel safe with him." Rachel stuffed the sandwich in her mouth, trying not to answer any more questions.

Quinn arched and eyebrow at her. "You…feel safe…with him? Huh." Quinn watched as Rachel ate her sandwich, she still looked the girl from two years ago, broken but maybe things could get better.

Rachel sighed, "Quinn?"

"Yeah?" Quinn watched a tear slide silently down Rachel's face. "What's wrong?"

"I'm scared." Rachel's bottom lip quivered, she buried her face in her hands, trying to hide herself.

Quinn sighed, moving to kneel beside Rachel, "Of what Rachel?" Quinn smoothed Rachel's hair, she knew what Rachel was scared of but she wanted to hear it from Rachel.

Rachel didn't say anything, she couldn't admit that she was afraid of being hurt again. She's been there, done that, and she wishes not to do it again. Yet every time Puck makes the move to comfort her, she wants to love, to be whole again, but she doesn't know how. She had the melt down this morning, yet Puck held her, sang to her, made her feel safe; Rachel really didn't know how to go about it, the only one that ever loved her, broke her.

"You know I'm sorry, right." Rachel looked down to Quinn, tears streaking down her face.

Rachel looked away, "I never blamed you Quinn, it wasn't…"

"Yes! Rachel if I had just come, you wouldn't be in this situation, you wouldn't be afraid. I'm so, so, sorry Rachel."

Rachel let that night come back to her thoughts…

Flashback begins

"Rachel, come on, stop, I told you I had practice tonight. Then after I was having dinner with Finn and my parents. I'm sorry Rachel, I just can't pick you up tonight." Quinn sighed into the phone.

Rachel was near tears, "I know, I was trying one last time."

"Where are your father's?"

"Business trip, remember?" Rachel locked the door and began her 45 minute walk to the dance studio, still on her cell with Quinn.

"Right, and your boy toy?"

Rachel laughed, "We had another fight last night, so I'm not really talking to him. Kurt would bring me home but he has a hot date with that guy he met last weekend." Rachel crossed the street. "It's okay Quinn, it'll only be 6:30 when I get out, and so I should be okay. I mean its Lima, what's the worst that can happen?"

"Ha! I know right? Well, Rachel darling, I have to go, before I end up doing laps or something. Promise to call me when you make it through the door tonight. I know Finn will worry too."

"Promise." Rachel said her goodbye's with Quinn and hung up. She sent her brother a quick text to let him know she was on her way to the dance studio and she'll see him later.

Flashback Ends.

Quinn gathered Rachel into her arms, she knew Rachel was lost in her thoughts about the past. Quinn tried to never bring it up, but sometimes she slipped. Quinn looked up to see Finn standing in the doorway, sadness etched into his face, Quinn shrugged before going back to comfort Rachel.

…***…***

Finn watched Quinn comfort Rachel, sighing he went to wait for his friend to wake up. He knew Rachel moving in with him was going to be difficult, she was adjusting okay, better than he thought she would.

And this whole Puck situation, that was driving Finn crazy. He still didn't understand what was happening. What Quinn said earlier still rang through his ears. He told Puck he needed to stay away from his sister, Finn understood the comforting here and there, and he also understood that Rachel obviously saw something in him to allow him to provide it. He knew Rachel needed a rock in her life, someone to help her but Finn really didn't think Puck could provide that. It's not that he didn't trust Puck but Rachel really couldn't handle anymore heartbreak in her life. He winced when a loud sob from the kitchen rang through the apartment, Quinn was still with her, trying her best to calm her down.

Puck walked into the living room, wincing as the bright light from the picture window hit his eyes. "Morning," he grumbled as he plopped on the couch. "Is Rachel crying?" Puck sat up a little straighter, his body turning towards the kitchen.

Finn tried holding his tongue, but his anger got the best of him. "What the hell man? I told you to stay away from my little sister! She doesn't need to be strung along; she wouldn't be able to handle anymore heartbreak!" Finn raised his voice ever so slightly.

Puck whipped back around to face Finn, confusion evident, "What are you talking about? So Rachel and I are becoming friends? Is there a problem with that? She hasn't pushed me away!" Puck's voice also rose. Neither of them realized Rachel's sobs became worse as she listened to her brother and his best friend argue. "Finn, I fucking understand you care and you worry, but honestly? Do you think I would fucking do something to your sister? I wouldn't fucking hurt her man! I don't know what happened back in your shitty ass town, and frankly I don't give a flying fuck, but she's here now and she's finally showing some progress, I'm not going to fucking leave her just because you say she's fragile! She might need that push in the right direction! If I can help her, than I will!" Puck found himself standing in front of Finn, seething. Both fist clenched at his side.

Finn shook his head, scowling up at Puck. "You are fucking falling in love with my sister!" Finn threw the accusation out there.

Puck's eyebrows shot up, his jaw hitting the floor. "What? I never said anything about love! I said I would be her friend…" Puck scoffed. "Dude, I'm sorry that she's finding it easier for me to help her and not you. I know that shit must hurt."

"Whatever Puck. I swear to god the first time you screw up, I will beat your ass." Finn stood, staring Puck down. "You say you're her friend now, but what happens six months down the road when you realize she isn't making progress? It's been two years Puck!"

"Maybe she needed someone new! A new environment! Somebody who wouldn't judge her and treat her like a fucking porcelain doll or put a time to how long she's been hurting. Maybe that hurts her more. Every time she cries, its," Puck glanced at the kitchen, "'It's been two year's Puck, don't waste your time, she's not changing.'" Puck mocked Finn.

"Fuck off! You have no idea what happened…"

"That's because no one will tell me!"

Puck followed Rachel's figure as she ran to her room, slamming her door shut, much like a few nights ago. "Way to go Puck, if you would just leave her alone!"

"Me? If you didn't fucking attack me…"

Quinn cut their argument off, "Enough!" She yelled. "Finn, face it, Puck's right. She needs something new to help her. I just realized that. I brought up the past, and she started crying. We judge her on how she hasn't changed, but… Puck doesn't, he's there to comfort her, not caring about what happened. We need to concentrate on helping her." A tear slid down Quinn's cheek, she walked off to Finn's bedroom, leaving the two guys to think.

"She's right," Finn grumbled.

Puck patted Finn's shoulder before stepping away and into the kitchen. He sighed when he saw the rest of a sandwich and chips and half a bottle of water; at least he knew she ate something before shutting herself in her room. He cleaned up that mess, and then warmed up some of last night's dinner. Puck tried not to re-live that conversation with Finn, he couldn't believe Finn would accuse him of trying to hurt Rachel. Puck groaned, taking out the hot plate and digging in. He didn't have a chance to really eat last night, so he was starving.

Puck started to clean his own dishes when Pixie trotted in, she sat patiently at Puck's feet, whining every few minutes. Finally Puck gave in and looked down at the small dog. "Hey Pixie, what can I do for you?" Pixie barked, running over to her empty food and water dishes. "Hungry girl?" Pixie growled softly before barking again. "Okay, okay. Let me get you your food." Puck went to the cupboard, pulling out some dry dog food then getting the can of wet she also ate. Puck sighed, mixing the food for the dog then putting it down; he rubbed the dogs head. "Here you go girl, food and water." Puck obviously didn't move fast enough, Pixie let out a low growl; Puck stood up, putting his hands in the air to surrender. "Fucking grr to you too. I'll leave you and your food alone." Puck grabbed a bottle of water before going back to his room. He still had homework to finish before his class tomorrow.

After an hour, Pixie came walking into his room, sitting at his bedside, she whined for his attention. "What Pixie?" Pixie walked towards his door, looking over at him every few steps. Pixie whined, hoping to keep his attention on her. Puck finally looked up, "What?" Pixie wagged her tail and went across the hall to Rachel's door, whining again. "Oh, gotcha." Puck removed his books off his lap, going to let Pixie in Rachel's room. Puck knocked softly, "Hey, Rachel?" No answer. "Rachel, Pixie wants to come in." Still no answer, Puck shifted on his feet, growing nervous. "Rachel, I'm going to let Pixie in." When she still didn't answer him, he tried the door. Only to find it locked. Pixie whined and scratched at the door. "Rachel?" Puck called again. He would go as far as to breaking the damn door down to make sure she was alright.

Finally, the door clicked unlock, the door opened only enough to let Pixie in and then slammed shut again, in Puck's face. "What the hell?" He grumbled softly. He knew he shouldn't, but his stomach twisted with guilt and hurt. He was guilty because he argued with Finn and made her upset. He was hurt because she shut him out, not letting him help. He let his head fall against her door with a loud bang. Sighing deeply, he squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to move from his spot. Little did he know Rachel was on the other side, fighting back sobs. If she let them take over, she knew Puck would find away in. Pixie curled up next to her, the comfort her little dog provided before couldn't compare to the comfort she found when Puck held her. She fought the thoughts that tried to consume her.

After what seemed to be a long time, Rachel finally herd Puck sigh and storm back to his own room, slamming his own door. It was then, and only then that Rachel let the sob's rake through her body, bringing her into a restless sleep.

A/N: So, I don't own Carry You Home by James Blunt or A drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope. OMG! This chapter is long! So, you can thank the snow that snowed me in yesterday. I wasn't going to post this until this weekend, but I had a lot of extra time on my hands yesterday.

This story took a couple different, unexpected turns. Tell me how you like it. Please?

I have a shout out this chapter to Dreamer1483. She really helped through this; I got stuck so many times! And she was right there to help me, thanks! Lol

Okay, so, I can't give you a schedule when I'll update, but the plot's going to start getting thick. It'll take a little longer to get them out! But continue to review, because that helps A LOT! Give me all your ideas! I will seriously take them into consideration or work them in! Okay I'm done! 'Till next time! Xoxoxo