Broken
Chapter 11- Wash Away the Pain She's Felt
A/N: Well I'm still alive. That's a very good thing. I believe there was only the threat of flaming dog poo onto my porch. Haha!
So, here's a couple things, I want to thank Kkaty, she inspired part of this chapter without even knowing it. Honestly, if you ever want a really good recap of the chapter or a different perspective, take a look at her reviews. And yes, Kkaty, I jacked a line of yours! I don't own it, she does!
Another thanks to Dreamer1483, she's always on my case about writing more-and when I mean case, I mean I don't get to go to bed until two a.m! Well it was my choice but still…I'll blame her! Haha! And she's been editing anything extra for me! :)
I don't own any of this...unfortunately.
Walking back to the house with Rachel, Puck was thinking about what she said to him. I hate you. That had to hurt worse than any injury he'd gotten in his entire life. Broken bones he can deal with. A crying girl hating him...not so much. Once they got back to the house, Rachel opened the door and ran up the stairs into Puck's room, slamming the door shut, crying.
Finn didn't look at Puck, he didn't really care what the fuck happened at that point in time. All he cared about was the fact that his baby sister was crying again and he could have prevented it, again. He ran up the stairs and into Puck's room. He carefully sat next to Rachel and rubbed her back. "Rach? What's wrong, what happened?" He asked cautiously.
"I. HATE. HIM!" Rachel yelled, sobbing. "I hate him, he's an asshole. I can't believe I ever trusted him Finn..." Rachel sniffled and moved closer to Finn. "Why do I always get hurt? What's wrong with me?" By the end of her mini rant, Rachel was cried out and whispering more than yelling.
"Nothing's wrong with you Rachel." Finn rubbed her back and rocked her back and forth, knowing he wouldn't get an answer out of her tonight. As he was getting up to leave and punch Puck in the face, Rachel tugged on his arm.
"Please, don't leave yet. Can you sing to me?" Rachel looked up at him with tears in her eyes.
"Yeah, Rach. Of course." He sat back down and started singing Holy Water by Big & Rich.
Somewhere there's a stolen halo
I use to watch her wear it well
Everything would shine wherever she would go
But looking at her now you'd never tell
Rachel sniffled a little bit and held onto her brother tighter, knowing he would protect her this time.
Someone ran away with her innocence
A memory she can't get out of her head
I can only imagine what she's feeling
When she's praying
Kneeling at the edge of her bed
And she says take me away
then take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water
She wants someone to call her angel
Someone to put the light back in her eyes
She's looking through the faces
And unfamiliar places
She needs someone to hear her when she cries
The only thing she could do was to think about Puck. He really did care about her, but all she could think of was the way he hurt her. How he acted like every other guy out there when he was supposed to be different.
And she says take me away
then take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water
She just needs a little help
To wash away the pain she's felt
She wants to feel the healing hands
Of someone who understands
And she says take me away
then take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me
And she says take me away
then take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water
Finn held her until he knew she was asleep, kissing her forehead gently he pulled the covers over her and shut the door gently.
…***...***
"What the fuck did you do?" Finn yelled, barging into the guest bedroom, right across the hall from Puck's actual room. "You were fine when we left you at that damn party, and now she's curled up on your bed, crying."
Puck sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, "Dude, I..." Puck shook his head; he was still trying to wrap his mind around Rachel's earlier words. I hate you. "Damn it! Why do I always screw things up?" Puck jumped to his feet, pacing the room. "Can you just hit me and get it over with so I can clean up and try not to think about what happened tonight."
Finn watched as Puck stood in front of him, completely relaxed waiting for a punch. "Nah man, just tell me what happened, I'm confused."
Puck scoffed, "When aren't you confused?" Puck mumbled under his breath but with a sigh, he plopped down on the bed, returning his face to his hands. "I...broke my promise."
Finn sat next to his friend, "What?"
"I told her I wouldn't drink and I did just that...I drank then scared her and now...she hates me." Puck croaked out.
"Scared her...what do you mean you scared her?" Finn asked, trying to keep his anger in check.
"I...I might have kissed her a little too roughly and I crossed that line. I mean, I didn't know what I was doing, or what she was saying but...it's not an excuse and I feel like such an asshole!" Puck looked away from Finn, he was still waiting for Finn to punch him.
"You crossed that line?" Finn asked, his fists clenching and unclenching, "What fucking line did you cross? What did you do to my sister?"Finn asked, angry but also on the verge of tears.
"You know, being a little handsy I guess. She tried to push me away, but...I kept kissing her. She finally got me to let go. I went after her...I swear. I tried to apologize. God, I'm such an asshole." Puck looked up at Finn, tears burning his eyes, "When she said she hated me... God, I still can't get that out of my head. She hates me." Puck eyed Finn, watching his fist. "Can you just punch, I know I deserve it. Just hit me." Puck waited for the punch to come, clenching his eyes closed, he welcomed the pain.
Finn clenched his fist, he was being given a free shot, how could he say no? Pulling his arm back, he let it snaps back, punching a suspecting Puck in the jaw. Finn's chest heaved for oxygen, feeling better, less angry after just one punch. What could one more do? Or two? Maybe three?
…***...***
Rachel was startled awake by the sound of stumbling? She couldn't pin point it, but it came from across the hall. Where he's staying. Rachel thought silently to herself. She didn't want to go back there but he had made her so mad. Puck kissing her like that brought back such painful memories of that night. She didn't want to associate Puck with those. She wanted peaceful, happy memories to come after his name. She sighed and stood out of bed when she heard another loud crash.
Quinn came racing in, "What the hell is going on?"
Rachel shook her head, "I...I don't know."
"Sweetie, are you okay?" Quinn moved across the room, ignoring the loud yells from the room next door. "What's wrong?"
"I...just..." Rachel sighed, feeling the tears run down her cheek.
"Let me guess, Puckerman screwed up? And now you're upset?" Rachel nodded solemnly. Quinn took Rachel by the shoulders, "Look, he screws up, okay. He's not that person every day. People make mistakes Rachel, he still cares about you. Maybe you need to think, and that's fine. But at the end of the weekend you need to look at him and forgive him." Quinn patted Rachel's shoulder before turning and heading across the hall. "What the hell are you...?" Rachel followed Quinn closely behind.
Rachel gaped at the scene before her. Puck was on his back, with Finn straddling his chest, taking repeated swings at his face. By this time Puck was barely conscience. "Noah!" Rachel ran to him, trying to avoid more tears falling. "Finn, get off of Noah!"
Seeing Rachel, Puck tried to push Finn off of him, but with no luck. He didn't want Rachel hurt, he'd already done too much damage for one night.
"Finn, get off of him, now! You're gonna kill him." Only thinking about Puck being hurt and not about herself, she grabbed Finn's arm to try and stop him, not forgetting how much stronger he was than her. Finn didn't even notice the hold she had on his arm, and when he pulled his fist back, he elbowed her in the nose.
Rachel stumbled backwards, hearing Quinn screech and call for Puck's parents. She cradled her nose, feeling the warm liquid dripping onto her hand.
"Oh god, Rachel, I'm so sorry." Finn rushed over to Rachel who was trying to get the bleeding under control.
"What is going on in here?" Aaron ran into the room in his pajamas. "Rachel, what happened? Noah? What happened?" Aaron knelt down in front of Rachel, "Let me see Rachel." Rachel carefully moved her hand out of the way, letting Aaron see the damage. "You're lucky, it's not broken. Let's get you to the bed." Rachel just nodded and let Aaron help her up and into the bed, sitting her up.
Hanna ran into the room, ice packs in hand. "I've got the ice packs... Oh god, Noah! What did you do?" Hanna whipped around to face Finn.
"I...uh, I lost it..."
"I can see that! He could have a concussion! Did you ever think of that? Did you know concussion's can kill people? Did you realize he was in the verge of unconsciousness? Did you? Huh?" Aaron grabbed his wife's arm. "Don't stop me now! I'm on a roll!"
Aaron chuckled, "Rachel needs an ice pack."
"Oh, you poor thing!" Hanna ran to Rachel, dropping on the edge of the bed, holding the ice pack gently to the back of her head.
Puck tried to open his eyes. He could hear his mom yelling and something about Rachel... Shit! He opened his eyes, but his dad stopped him from getting up. "Let me up! Where's Rachel? Is she okay?" Puck caught the sight of Finn. "You!" Puck pushed his dad out of the way and with everything he had, pushed himself to his feet. Before he could take a step towards him, the room spun and before he could do anything, he felt himself falling.
As he fell though, a small dog came running into the room, barking and growling out of control. When Puck opened his eyes, he saw Pixie backing Finn into a corner, showing all teeth.
"Pixie? What's wrong with you?" Puck was able to get out. Once Pixie was able to hear Puck's voice, it broke her from her trance, running over to him and licking his face. "Oh god, Pixie stop. You know how I feel about you licking my face," Puck watched Finn and Quinn back out of the room. "Ma?" Puck's dad was by his side, helping him stand.
"How's your head feel?" Aaron slipped into his doctor mode, but still fatherly.
"Pounding..."
Hanna held out the other ice pack. "Why'd you let him hit you like that Noah?"
"I deserved it..." Puck avoided looking at Rachel, but still sat cautiously at the end of the bed.
"Noah, how could you have deserved that?" Hanna sat next to him, holding the ice pack, Pixie on the other side, head in his lap.
Aaron had seen the tension between Puck and Rachel so before Hanna could speak, he interrupted. "Come on Han; let's go get some aspirin for Noah and Rachel. They'll both need it." Hanna eyed her husband tentatively before agreeing and following him out of the room.
Puck didn't want her to leave, but he knew it was coming. "Look Rachel, I know it won't mean anything but I am truly sorry for what happened tonight. Really, I don't know what came over me, but I slipped up, I allowed myself to take that one fucking shot and then it was game over then. I wanted more. I'm sorry, I never meant to push you like that, once I realized what I did, I swear I went after you. I can't promise you I won't screw up again, I just...can't. I don't want to break anymore promises." Puck shook his head, "If you can ever forgive me, I'll make it up to you. I'll make sure never to get you mixed up in that crowd again." Puck waited for her to say something, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't want him, maybe she meant what she said, maybe she really did hate him. "Rachel?"
"I didn't mean it." She mumbled quietly. "Well I did. But...I hate the Puck side of you. The one that gets drunk, it's not you. I don't like it...it makes me feel like what I had with him. It makes me remember that night..." Rachel trailed off, knowing he would get the point.
Puck could hear the tell tale sign in her voice that tears were coming, so he did what he knew best; he moved to crawl up the bed to where she was. Pixie moved too, not wanting to be too far from either. "God baby, I'm so, so sorry. C'mere." Puck scooted so he was close to her, slowly wrapping his arms around her.
As soon as his arms where secured around her waist, she melted into his chest, tears flowing freely. "Oh god, I didn't mean it! I swear I didn't mean it!" She clutched at his shirt, glancing up at his swollen face, more tears flowed. "Oh, your face, it's so swollen. Noah, why didn't you fight back?"
Puck shrugged, "It doesn't matter babe. Just know I'm so, so sorry. I can't apologize enough."
"I forgive you, just...just don't do it again. You really scared me, and...I don't think I could handle that again."
"I won't, I swear to you. I'll do everything in my power to stop." Puck ran his fingers threw her hair. So much had happened in such a short amount of time, he could possibly think of what could be worse.
"Hold me tonight?" Rachel mumbled sleepily against his chest and if his face wasn't so swollen, he would have the biggest smile stretched across it.
"I'll never let you go." Puck kissed the top of her head, letting her drift into sleep, following shortly after. Pixie was nestled somewhere between them, sleeping soundly.
When Hanna and Aaron returned an hour later, they found the two closely intertwined, and the little dog sleeping right on top of the two. "Young love, it's so sweet." Hanna sighed, leaning against her husband.
"Do you think this is it for him? Like you were for me?" Aaron smiled down at Hanna, kissing the top of her head.
"It best be, I love Rachel. She's so sweet, and yes, I do think this is it for him." Hanna pulled away from him, looking up to meet his eyes. "Have you ever seen him like this? Not even with that Santana girl..." Hanna shuddered at the thought of the Latina.
Aaron chuckled, "I know. No, I think he's in love this time. Come on, let's leave them be. They need sleep," Aaron went to turn off the light.
"Wait," Hanna rushed in, pulling the blanket over the trio, of course this disturbed Pixie, who had to move to the top of the covers. Hanna leaned over and kissed the top of Rachel's head then Puck's before joining her husband. "He is so in love."
…***...***
Rachel watched as the snow fell in thick blankets, she couldn't help but think back to the last time she was here. One month ago, she had her first fight with Puck, but they made up within the night. They had returned to New York and fell back into their little routine of dates and late nights of him holding her. She smiled thinking of her sweet nights with Puck, he has held up on his end, he hadn't taken a sip of alcohol since they returned.
"Watcha thinking about babe?" Puck whispered as he wrapped his arms around Rachel's waist, kissing her temple.
"Everything," Rachel said quietly, smiling when Puck kissed her temple, "How far we've come and how far we still have left to go."
Puck nodded his head slightly, looking at Rachel, "Do you mind if we go visit my grandmother tonight? I haven't seen her since I was home over the summer." He said, looking down. What he mumbled next had Rachel laughing, "I am such a bad Jew."
"Noah, you don't have to ask. If you want to visit her, you can. It's perfectly fine." She kissed his cheek and stood up. "Let me get changed, okay?"
"What you're wearing is fine." Puck sighed, but knew he wasn't going to win.
"Noah," Rachel said patronizingly, "I'm in sweatpants and your sweatshirt."
"Yes and your point is..."
"It's not appropriate for meeting your grandmother." She pushed him out of the room, settling the argument and changed into a pair of jeans and winter boots, leaving his sweatshirt on so he wouldn't complain.
Puck saw Rachel walk down the stairs and he smiled, trying to mask how nervous he was about her meeting Nana Puckerman. The only other one to meet her was Santana, and well, Nana didn't like her at all. "Ready to go babe?" Puck asked, shutting down the insane game his head was playing.
Rachel nodded and took his hand, holding it tightly. "More than ready. So, what's your grandmother's name?"
"Miriam." Puck said, trying not to act nervous. He loved his grandmother possibly more than he loved his mother. His grandmother loved him unconditionally, no matter what he did, how bad he screwed up, she would always love him. She never judged him, just listened to his reasoning. Rachel rubbed his back as he led her to his car, helping her into it.
The drive to his grandmothers was quiet. Puck had one hand on the steering wheel, the other holding Rachel's hand. Rachel was rubbing his hand soothingly, smiling at how cute her boyfriend was. "Noah, it will be fine, don't worry."
Puck nodded his head as he pulled into his grandmother's driveway. Her house was huge. He had never let on to Rachel just how much money his family had, but if she couldn't figure out by now then she had mental issues. In a town that the houses were just summer houses, his grandmother's house had heat, making it the perfect place to stay year round.
Rachel was nervous about meeting this woman who was obviously so close to Noah's heart. Walking up the over grown path, Puck took a second to take in the side yard. "I used to play here all the time." Puck shook his head and knocked on the door. When there was no answer, Puck opened the door slowly. "Nana?"
Rachel was led into the strange yet comfortable home. A large fireplace, with furniture surrounded it, many bedrooms lined the wall and even a large kitchen and dining room was in the room. "I'm upstairs Noah." Rachel heard the slight gurgle in the older woman's voice. Rachel knew that it wasn't a good sign. Puck led her into a hall that had a back door and a piano; the stair case was tall, and led to another open area. Another kitchen and bedroom, when Puck brought her to the right, she was greeted with a gorgeous view of the ocean. A woman sat in front of it, rocking in an old chair. "You finally came?" The gurgle was present, even thicker; Rachel gripped Puck's hand and briefly wondered if he knew. "It's about time. You can such a bad Jewish grandson."
"Ouch Nana, I'm sorry. I didn't come back in October and I was busy in November." Puck pulled Rachel into his side. "Nana, I'd like to introduce you to my girlfriend Rachel. Rachel this is Nana Puckerman."
Rachel reached her hand out, but the older woman hesitated. "Are you Jewish?"
Rachel smiled, "Yes ma'am." The older woman grabbed Rachel's hand and gave it a firm squeeze.
"Call me Nana," Miriam smiled slightly and Rachel tried to return it but she could see in Miriam's eyes she was holding out for her grandson to get here. "You're beautiful. Noah try to keep a hold on this one, she seems to have done something right. You finally visited me." She laughed quietly, "And you'll have such cute Jewish babies..." She sighed, and pulled her blanket closer.
Noah and Miriam caught up, sharing little stories here and there. Noah told her about their first date and Miriam approved enthusiastically. Miriam told Rachel stories of Noah's childhood and embarrassing stories from the beach and how she taught him how to cook.
"Oh and Nana, do you remember when you finally taught me how to pipe frosting onto cake. You were so happy." Puck laughed at the memory, the mess the kitchen was-it took hours to clean.
"I remember Noah." Miriam laughed before taking her grandson's hand. "I had to make some decisions, and believe me, it scared me. But Noah, when I pass..."
"Nana, don't talk like that." Puck shook his head, but when he felt Rachel's hand on his back, he looked down at her; he could see the sorrow, his brow knitted together.
"Noah, honey, I have to. In my will..."
"Nana, please, no, stop." Puck could feel the tears welling in his eyes. He didn't want to think of his Nana passing away...not yet.
"Noah, you listen to me. When I do pass, in my will, I've left you this house. I want you to take care of it. Raise a family here, I prefer it be with Rachel, even if this is only your summer home. Take care of it for me..." Miriam struggled to take a breath. "...My oxygen is in my room. Please get it for me?" Rachel took the cue and went to get it for her. When she returned, Miriam looked even weaker. "Thank you dear. Noah, I love you, you were always my little angel. Rachel, dear, take care of him for me. He'll need someone to put him in line." She laughed a little but slipped into a light sleep. Rachel nodded as she try to hold in the sob.
Puck looked up to Rachel, both with tears in their eyes. "What do I do?" Puck asked desperatly.
"Accept it Noah, it's her time. She lived a long life." Rachel kissed the top of his head, not knowing what else to do.
"No." He shook his head. "I should have visited more...I...I can't lose her, not yet." He watched as Miriam struggled for breaths. "I love you Nana," He whispered softly. He didn't see her breath, panic setting in, "Nana?" Puck felt Rachel wrap her arms around his neck, holding him tightly. For the first time in years, Puck felt tears run down his cheeks.
A/N: Awe! So sad. If no one put it together, the gurgling is caused by congestive heart failure.
The song used, that Finn sings, is called Holy Water by Big and Rich, it's not about rape but it fits and needed to be used! It's not mine…but I wish!
Thanks again to Kkaty and Dreamer1483, love them both! :))
So, thoughts? Questions? Maybe something you'd like to see next chapter? I'm opened for any ideas!
Till next time…