Bleh, warning massive pile of shit 2 lines below.
It had just gone 1pm by the time Shizuo arrived home, and to say he was hungry would be that of an understatement, the entire journey home he had tried to stay focused on the matter; i.e. Izaya, but all he could think about was filing his empty stomach…
And fill it he did, he usually hated ramen, but it was that or nothing, and before the man knew it he was three pots less and surprisingly content with his meal, anything is good when you're starving…tossing the bowl in the sink he began clicking his tongue, a common thing for him when he was alone…
Looking around his apartment living area he frowned, now what? He was a bit tired, but he knew if he went to bed now he would be up till 3am...and he didn't fancy going out again…
Shaking his head he decided to sit down and watch TV, there was rarely anything on that interested him, but it was TV or call Tom and offer to work on his day off, which was so not going to happen anytime soon.
Settling down on his heavily abused sofa he began flicking through the channels, which considering he only had 15 didn't take long…and in the end none of them interested him, but Ninja Warrior usually proved amusing, he often imagined how well Izaya would do on there…well okay he usually imagined him when the person fell or hurt their selves, but it was the same thing right?
Craning his head back he began lightly tapping it on his sofa, he was so bored and it wasn't even 2pm yet, this was going to be one painful day…
Beep, beep, beep, beep
Frowning at the familiar sound and feeling, Shizuo reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, eyeing the small vibrating device with curiosity he flipped it open and held it to his ear; "Hello?"
"Shizuo what the hell did you do!"
Pulling the phone from his ear Shizuo growled his grip tightening as he did so.
"What the fuck are you talking about Shinra?"
The tone in his voice was that of sheer rage and annoyance, and if the doctor knew better he wouldn't have pushed it, but unknown to the blonde, the bespectacled man was just as angry as he was at the time.
"Don't give me that Shizuo! Izaya, what did you say to him?"
Eyes widening in remembrance of their "chat" Shizuo swore quietly under his breath…he should have known his words would have an effect on the brunet…
"I…I just asked him a few…questions…is he okay?"
God did it pain him to swallow his pride and ask that…did he really care if the flea was okay? Eyes cast downwards he found himself fighting with his minds answer, and his hearts inner feelings…
"Shizuo…he asked me to kill him." "What!" "He said he'd rather die than live with the memories of those people…apparently whatever you said brought to the surface how severely they hurt him. You really need to learn to think before you speak, Izaya isn't like you Shizuo!"
"What you're saying is he's not a monster!" "That's not what I mean and you know it Shizuo! For Christ's sake, you're still as emotionally naïve as you where in high school!"
Grinding his teeth Shizuo's grip on his phone increased once more causing small cracks to emit from it, it was going to break if he didn't hang up soon…
"Alright then I'll come back!"
"Don't you think you've done enou-" Shizuo didn't even let the doctor finish speaking as he pressed the end call button; he wasn't in the mood to hear his lectures, growling some obscurities he thrust the device back into his pocket and stormed out the door.
Izaya POV
What's with them all…why is it so hard for them to understand the simple fact that I'm tired of living… ever since I woke up last night, images of them have been haunting me…wrapping invisible wires around me and dragging me into their dark abyss where the actions replay, over and over and over each time as real as the first…then there's the pain…oh god it's unbearable…I told Shizuo nothing hurt…but that was mostly to get off the subject, really, was it too much to ask for just a nice conversation that didn't relate to what had happened?
Obviously it was…
Turning my head ever so slightly I frowned, Celty hadn't moved from my side since I asked Shinra to kill me…which of course he blatantly refused. He wouldn't kill me…not after the hours he spent keeping me alive, I wanted to tell him to leave me back at Shizu-chans place…but I couldn't get any words out, freaking typical…I usually use words to save my life, now I needed them to end it and they failed me…
Was this karma finally getting back at me for all the shit I've done to people?
Moving my hand towards my phone I inwardly scoffed, though she tried to hide it, I saw Celty's "gaze" turn towards my arm…what did she think I was going to do? I couldn't raise my arm higher than my head and I was lying down!
Picking up the small device I placed it on my stomach, using my other arm to hold it up as I typed a message, finishing I sighed and showed it to the headless woman.
[Why won't he just let me die?]
The air in the room went tense at this as Celty's smoke flow changed, she didn't even bother taking out her PDA just simply took my phone and wiped the message before placing it on the table beside my bed leaving me guessing she wasn't in the mood to talk about such matters…well to bad for her, I wasn't going to give up…
"Celty…please…you…you don't, understand…everything hurts…"
At this she pulled out her PDA and began typing…
[Seriously Izaya, if you're being this stubborn about dying whilst so badly hurt, I know you're not ready to die.]
It was simple, it was blunt…it was the truth…a part of him wanted to live, wanted to move on…but then there was a large part of him looming like a shadow telling him death was the only cure…and for some reason he believed it…
"Shizuo please, this really isn't the right way to go about this!"
Shizuo…? That was all the warning I got before the door burst open and the blonde brute stormed in, his near feral eyes landing on me instantly he frowned; Shinra was right behind him of course, apparently trying to change his protozoan mind on whatever the hell he wanted to do…
Breaking eye contact I sighed and slowly turned onto my side, hissing as a sharp pain shot down both of my legs, I didn't know how much more of this I could stand…and unbeknownst to me, it was about to get a lot worse…
It happened so fast, I felt a slight tug on my shoulder then before I knew it my face was mere inches away from Shizuo's…nice to see him in such a happy mood…
"Alright flea…you and I are going to have a little heart to heart, and I'm not leaving this room till your fucked up little mind has gone far away from the thought of suicide, got it?"
All I could do was nod, his grip was sending extreme pain to almost all of my nerves and it was beginning to make me feel sick…
"Good" With that he let me go causing a groan to leave my lips as my injuries rattled…
"How….how did you find….that out…?"
NORMAL POV
Finally gaining some confidence Shinra pushed himself in-between the two men a frown on his face as he turned towards Izaya;
"I told you not to talk. You're going to do permanent damage if you're not careful." He then looked at Shizuo "Will you please keep in mind he is badly hurt, I don't mind you talking to him, but keep your temper in check, don't hit him, push him, pull him, say anything stupid and above all else don't let him speak."
"Can…you give me my-"
"IZAYA what part of no speaking don't you get!"
"Phone…
Rubbing the bridge of nose with his thumb and forefinger Shinra sighed as he took the phone of the side and handed it to the brunet before walking out of the room with Celty in tow.
[How did you know about the suicidal thoughts?]
Izaya wasted no time in cutting to the chase, and for some reason that made Shizuo smile, even when beaten half to death Izaya was still well…Izaya.
"Shinra phoned me and told me what you said" Shaking his head in a sigh the blonde flopped onto the chair Celty had previously acquired "Izaya, I really fucking hate you, but for now, I'm going to play the friend role, so talk…uh type to me…just explain how you feel and I'll help you get through this…"
They sat there for what felt hours, Izaya made no move to type and Shizuo was slowly losing his patience…
"I'm going for a smoke"
Standing Shizuo went to walk out, only to have Izaya reach out and grab the back of his shirt, turning with a grimace, Shizuo practically growled out a what, at first Izaya looked away a blush on unusually pale skin, but after a bit of pondering he began typing;
[Shizu-chan, to be honest with you, you could give me all the paper in the world and I still wouldn't be able to fully explain to you how I feel right now.]
"Well…start by listing how you feel, then we'll go down the list and find out why then fix it…if that makes sense"
Putting on a grim smile Izaya began typing once more; [You make it sound so easy…]
Smiling Shizuo brought up a hand and placed it on Izaya's head, much like he used to do with his brother…
"If you don't try, how will you know?"
Sighing Izaya nodded in agreement; [I feel…dirty, used, hated, forgotten, pathetic, stupid, ugly, scared, but most of all I feel like the world's biggest disgrace to mankind.]
Eyes widening Shizuo's grip on his trousers tightened; god he needed a smoke so badly…he wasn't sure he'd keep his cool during this discussion without one…but could he really walk out on the man now?
No…
"Okay, dirty, well Shinra didn't tell me everything they did to you, but I can assure you Izaya, if you come out with injuries like these, you didn't want it, so you're not dirty and I don't want you thinking you are."
[That's easy for you to say Shizuo…you weren't there, you don't know what happened…]
"Then tell me."
At this Izaya's eyes widened and he had to break eye contact before he showed Shizuo just how weak he felt at the moment…
[Leave me alone...]
With that he turned onto his side once more, he was being childish and he knew it, but…he didn't want to talk about this, not yet…not when it still hurt so much.
"Izaya please…don't turn away from me, how can I help you if you won't let me try?"
Shaking his head Shizuo sighed before standing, he wasn't going to waste time with the flea, however before he could make it to the door soft whimpers caught his ear, turning he almost choked on the saliva in his mouth; Izaya was crying…not just small streams either, this was full blown tears and Shizuo guessed if his throat was intact he'd be sobbing uncontrollably…
"Izaya…what the hell did they do to you?"
Walking back to the bed, Shizuo knelt down and began wiping the tears from Izaya's face; "Do you want a hug?" the question was awkward, but he was glad he was able to ask it…but when Izaya nodded he felt himself pale, now what?
Sitting on the edge of the bed he gently placed his hands under the man's arm he pulled him forward, then turning slightly he placed the man on his chest and wrapped his arms gently around him.
"Thanks…Shizu…chan."
"Hey, Shinra said no talking Flea." Chuckling, Izaya placed his head under Shizuo's chin, a small sigh escaping his lips as he relaxed into the warm chest; this was the best he had felt in the last 2 days…he didn't want it to end, but deep down he knew…once this was over, it would be like it never happened…
Well that was the biggest load of shit I have ever written =D
I had a whole other file, but thanks to my net book being a twat, it deleted all my word doc files, I looked everywhere and they're gone -3- so this will have to do.