Chapter 6: Remus
She was the one that got away, the one that wrecked my heart, I should have never let her go I should have begged her to stay...she was the one that got away -Jake Owen "The One That Got Away"
I opened my eyes. I was in Marlene 's and my room, on one of the beds. The sunlight from the un-paned window was filtering in, a square on the stone-and-dirt floor. What day was this?
Memories came flooding back to me-
"James!" I called out. James-he had been attacked! Remus-Remus was a werewolf-Remus attacked James!
"James!" I shot out of bed, landing hard on my right leg, sending a dull throb into the sole of my foot. But the pain was barely there-it must have been magically healed, as well as my head. As I dashed out the door I put a hand to the back of my head where I hit it on a rock at the bottom of the sea-nothing. It must have been Marlene's mum-she was a healer, and quite a good one, too.
"J-" I stopped myself after coming to the sitting area. I was wearing different clothes than I had been-I think it was one of Marlene's night dresses. The house was empty, as far as I could-
"Finally!" Marlene rushed up to me, throwing her arms around me. "You're completely healed now, or almost, aren't you? They said that's when you would wake! Why did you try and follow the boys when they took off on the boat?"
"James!" I continued wildly. "James, was he attacked?"
"No," Marlene shook her head slowly. "You might have been hallucinating. You hit your head really hard...James is fine."
"I just-wait, what? You know what happened?" I looked at her suspiciously. Had she found out about Remus's...condition?
She looked at me oddly.
"Of course I do-they got bored at the party and went down to the sea, and duplicated a boat. And you snuck on somehow-and when they got to some island the charm on the boat wore off, and no one had their wands, of course, smooth move, by the way-" she continued to talk, but I blocked her out, trying to sort out the facts in my head. My hand crept to my pocket, where I felt the familiar bulge of my wand. A memory flew through my head-just before I had gone unconscious, Mr. Potter had found my wand. And-someone must have told Marlene a cover up story. She didn't know Remus was a werewolf-but it seemed James's parents did.
"-and that's how you got so beat up," she finished, looking at me for confirmation.
"Oh-yes, exactly," I nodded my head fervently. "That's it. So-it's the next day, isn't it?"
She shook her head. "They brought you back two days ago-you slept all through yesterday," she told me.
"Wow," I breathed. "I'm glad I still have my foot."
"What do you mean, still have your foot?" Marlene crinkled her nose.
"Well see, in the muggle world, if you hurt one of your limbs and it gets too badly infected, you cut it off."
"Why ever would they want to do that?" Marlene gasped in horror.
"Beats me," I laughed. "Where is everyone else?"
"Eating at the neighbors', I suppose-it's lunchtime," she informed me, grabbing my hand. "You well enough to eat?"
"Yes! I need to eat now please," I pleaded. Ever since I had woken up, the pangs of hunger had begun to set in-slowly at first, but now they were ravaging my stomach, and it was growling like an angry bear.
"Alright, let's go," she laughed at the absurd noises my stomach was making.
We left the house, beginning to walk down the road, and I was reminded horribly of that night when I so foolishly followed the Marauders. I shuddered involuntarily before my eyes followed to where Marlene was pointing-
"That's where they're all eating. Remember that girl the boys were making eyes at when we first came? That's her house," she rolled her eyes at me knowingly. "James really likes her, if you catch my drift." I was caught off-guard.
"I thought he was madly in love with me!" I said, almost a bit petulantly.
"He's pretty angry with you for following them, he was going on about you not trusting him, all that bull," she rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, okay," I said faintly, following her in as she pushed open the door.
"Lily!" There was a swarm of chairs scraping and voices exclaiming.
"Oh, thank Merlin you're alright!" Mrs. Potter wrapped me in a hug, pulling aside my dark red hair to check the base of my scalp.
"How does it look, Mrs. Potter?" I asked, a bit hesitant to hear the verdict.
"Oh, please, call me Daisy, everyone does. And it looks fine, and so does your foot, I presume." I realized with a start all the remaining pain from my foot has completely vanished. I nodded, smiling at her gratefully.
"You gave us quite a scare," Natalie, Marlene's mum came up to me, hugging me as well. "And this is Antiope and Giorgis, Agatha's parents-you'll meet her later, she's about your age-she's with James and Sirius."
I didn't see Sirius, James, or the girl we had seen on our first day, but Remus was sitting with the two dads, and what must have been the girl's parents, ashen-faced.
"Lily!" he jumped up nervously. "Can I talk to you?" He was twisting his hands together nervously, looking guiltier than I'd seen anyone. He wouldn't meet my eyes.
Daisy Potter looked at him sympathetically, whispering quietly- "It's not your fault, dear." he nodded curtly, following me out.
"Remus what-" I began as we crossed the road.
"Lily, I am so sorry," he started, eyes full of anguish.
"Remus, what are you sorry for?" I cried.
That seemed to catch him off guard, but not for long. "Everything! I could have-I could have killed you, or made you like...like me, had James's parents not interfered, " he continued quietly.
"It was my fault, Remus, and I know that," I put my hands on his broad shoulders, looking up at him under the shade of a palm tree across the road on a mule path. "And no one else's. I shouldn't have followed you, and shouldn't have-I just-it wasn't you, okay, Remus? It was all me!" I struggled to assure him-I couldn't seem to find the right words. "Why are you so convinced it's your fault? I know you didn't ask to be bitten..." I tried to catch his eyes, but he wouldn't meet them.
"We're friends, Remus, aren't we?" I asked him softly. "And I'm no worse for any of it-why do you feel so retched?" He finally caught my eyes, his being deeper brown on the inside, lightening into a warmer brown around the edges. He had a small scar at the inside of his right eyebrow-and several more small ones across his face.
"Yes, we're friends, Lily," he assured me. "But-" he stopped himself.
"But...what?" I prodded.
"I know-that it can't ever...be anything," he said haltingly, like every word was causing him pain. "But, Lily, I want you to know-"
Before I could react he stepped forward and kissed me softly, taking my face into his hands, just for a second, then pulling away. I stared at him, shocked, hands shaking slightly and heart pounding furiously. It was long enough to know that - to realize that his kiss felt different than Marcus's almost kiss. Did I like Remus? In that way? He searched my eyes. I felt warmth rush from my head all the way to my toes.
"W-W-Why couldn't it be anything?" I stammered at him, surprised.
"Because-I am what I am," his voice broke. "And I'm not the right one for you, you'll see that some day, Lily, you will," he wavered. "James. I will not compete for you, Lily," he took a step back. "I'm sorry." He started to turn away, but I called after him.
"Wait! Remus! Stop!" I felt like my heart was breaking-
"Remus, no one should ever have to go through what you go through, just because of one bite," I stood close to him, looking up at his anguished eyes. "And more importantly, no one should have to lose what you have to lose, just because of that bite. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"I shouldn't have told you even now," he said quietly. "It can't amount to anything, anyway, and will only cause more pain for both of us," his voice was almost inaudible. I stretched up and kissed him again, longer this time. He responded, lips warm, and I put my hands behind his neck, and he put his on my waist, as light as possible like he was afraid I would break. But still, he pulled away.
"Why do you keep doing that?" I asked him, hurt evident in my eyes.
"Think about it, Lily," Remus looked broken. "You're kissing me out of pity-not because you feel something for me."
I was stunned. "Remus, how could you-how can you think that?"
"Lily, can you honestly look at me? Look at me and tell me that you care about me?"
I opened my mouth, and was furious at myself that I couldn't find the words. He couldn't be right! Couldn't be!
"I-Remus, I-I just don't know," my insides twisted painfully.
"I know, Lily," he smiled bitterly, nodding as if he had already accepted his fate. "I'm not the right one for you, Lily, I'm not the right one for anyone."
"That's not true!" I cried. My eyes were wet-ashamed, I brush the tears away.
"Oh, Lily," he strode forward, cupping my cheek in his hand gently.
I sobbed, putting my face in my hands. Remus pulled me in, wrapping his arms around me and resting his chin on my head.
"We should get back in," Remus prodded gently once my sobs stopped. I didn't move, keeping my head buried against his chest.
"No. I don't think we should," my voice was muffled. Maybe if I wrapped my arms tighter around him, he would want to stay. I was afraid that if I let go once, he'll be gone forever.
"Lily," he took my arms away, but holding both my hands in both of his, holding them between us. "It's best this way."
I lowered my head
"And I will always be your friend, your brother," he promised. I nodded but didn't speak, afraid that if I did the tears would start again. I ran forward once more, pulling him into a quick, tight hug.
When we pulled away for the last time from our final embrace, walking in with our arms linked, neither of us saw James's tortured expression as he looks away from across the road, turning back to Agatha and Sirius.
"That was, without a question, the best meal I've ever had," Marlene sighed with contentment, leaning back in her hard wooden chair. I managed to keep my mouth shut all through lunch, save for the questions directed my way. I didn't look at Remus.
"You're kissing me out of pity-not because you feel something for me." Remus's voice floated through my head for the umpteenth time in the last twenty minutes. Remus had feelings for me. But I refused to think about that. Either way, we couldn't win.
If I told myself I did too and didn't tell him, a part of me, maybe the dominant part, would always be restless and never be content, wondering what could have happened. And of course, I couldn't tell him-not because he was a werewolf, not for any other reason except that he honestly would not be with me. But instead of feeling stubborn, I just felt-defeated. Was what he said true? Was I kissing him out of pity? Had I ever registered any feeling towards him before, besides sisterly love?
He would always be, without a doubt, my biggest what-if.
"Me, too. Antiope, truly delightful. Marlene, Lily, and Remus-why don't you both go off with Agatha and the boys while we adults talk?" Marlene's mum suggested.
It took us a while to locate them-we were still looking, and had been for almost five minutes when-
"Agatha is kind of a brat," Marlene whispered in my ear. "Just thought I'd let you know, she's used to getting what she wants."
"Ah," something in my heart lurched. "And...James likes her?"
"Yeah," she gave me a funny look.
"I think they're down there, by the water," Remus pointed down, talking over the conversations of those on the streets. As he passed, a mule brayed in his face-he jumped back in surprise, and the owner rapidly apologized in Greek, smiling.
"I'll see you both down there." Without looking back at us he jogged down, running along the longest dock and cannon-balling off the end, a high pitched scream sounding at the splash, deeper laughs following.
"What's up with him?" Marlene wondered, looking after him.
"What do you mean?" I didn't return her gaze.
"He seems...he seems a bit off."
"I don't know, don't look at me. I'm his friend, not his girlfriend," I told her a little bit too bitterly.
"What's this talk about a girlfriend?" Sirius shouted. He ducked under the water again, swimming closer to where we walked along the dock.
"James-stop! No splashing!" A girl, who I assumed was Agatha, squealed at James.
"Is that her?" I asked no one in particular.
"That's Aggie," Sirius winked at me. "Lovely lady."
"Yeah, well," Marlene muttered darkly. "Want to swim?" She turned to me. "Or maybe later..." she eyed Agatha darkly again.
"Mar-lene! Lily! Hello!" Someone shouted from the across the waters. We turned to see Katarine-from several nights ago, at the gathering before I followed Remus-waving from a small boat with nets over the side. Several older men pulled them up, and they were wriggling with masses of fat, silver fish.
"Hey, Kate!" Marlene shouted back, and I waved merrily.
"Agatha!" Marlene now addressed the girl who James is chasing in the water. "A-ga-tha!" she yelled slower this time, dragging her name out.
"What?" She stopped in the water, squinting her eyes and tilting her head. "You call me?"
"Don't you love her English?" James shouted merrily, and I rolled my eyes in annoyance.
"Come say hello to my friend, please," Marlene spoke slowly and clearly, but I had the feeling that Agatha could understand her perfectly fine.
"Hello to my friend, please," Agatha swam over, mocking Marlene's tone of voice as way of introduction.
"I'm Lily-"
"Oh!" She exclaimed, pulling herself onto the dock, water dripping off her tanned body."May I touch it?" She asked eagerly, looking at my hair.
"Excuse me?" I bristle, looking down at the shorter girl.
"Your hair! It's red!" She said in perfect English.
"It's just like yours, only a different color," I said a bit snappily to her.
"Oi, Lily!" James ducked under the water, reappearing again in front of us. "Why did you follow us two nights ago?" He demanded angrily.
"Really, James? Right now?" I asked him angrily, pulling my hair out of Agatha's slender, olive-toned fingers.
"Later works as well," he shrugged.
"See, Mum makes us do lots and lots of chores as well, because she thinks we'll get spoilt if we don't," Marlene explained later in the evening as we scrub the rocky floor, knees raw and red. All of us teens were down on our knees, scrubbing as if our life depended on it. Marlene's mum could be pretty intimidating when she wanted to be.
"Missed a spot, Lily," James commented, pointing to an area I was sure I scrubbed. That was the first time he'd talked to me since the swimming incident earlier that day.
"So now you're talking to me?" I asked quietly, hoping no one would hear but him.
"I talk to you, Lily," James reassured me, looking up with his glasses almost falling off the end of his nose. I laughed a bit to myself, pushing them back up. He looked at me in surprise, and I blushed, returning to my scrubbing, letting my hair cover my face.
"James?" I said quietly. He hadn't stopped looking at me oddly. "I never got the chance to say-thank you. For that night, I don't know what I would have done without you," I murmured. I didn't have to guard my words because Marlene, Sirius, and Remus were on the opposite end of the kitchen. "And I am sorry for following you. I didn't know..." I trailed off.
"Yeah," he looked down again, messy hair falling over his eyes. "You had me really worried."
"I was hallucinating toward the end, and right before I-blacked out, or whatever, I thought I saw Remus attack you," I confessed.
"Ah, that makes sense," understanding dawned in his eyes.
"What does?"
"When you were asleep the next day, you kept screaming," he grinned devilishly.
"Potter, why are you smiling like that?" I accused, eyes narrowed. "What was I screaming about?"
"Potter?" he cried "What happened to calling me James?"
"I save that for life-threatening situations only, sorry," I rolled my eyes, teasing. He lifted an eyebrow at me, creating such a funny expression that I had to laugh. "Fine," I caved, flicking soap suds at him. "I will call you James...sometimes," I laughed, dangling the sentence over his head like an apple and flicking a a piece of clump of bubbles at him. It stuck on the end of his nose, looking ridiculous. He shook it off, eyes wide, but a bit of it still remained.
"Lily," he said quietly.
"What?" I whispered, smiling.
"I'm going to have to get you for that!" he roared, standing up and filling his hands full of sudsy bubbles.
"Ahhh!" I screamed, darting up the staircase, through my room, and out to the tiny balcony outside.
"James Potter, you wouldn't!" I mock gasped as he came into view, laughing maniacally.
"'Fraid I would, love," for once, I grinned at the ridiculous nickname, and he took my hesitation as an advantage toward him. He flicks bubbles at my own nose and I laughed hysterically, dodging for his hands to try and steal his ammunition.
"Hey!" I shouted indignantly, straightening up as I receive the rest of the bubbles on my head as James easily evades my attack.
"Got you!" He laughed playfully, grabbing my waist and spinning, my hair flying out behind me as I laughed. We stopped spinning, both of us still grinning at each other like fools.
"You know, Lily," he said, a bit sadly now. "I saw you and Remus earlier."
"What?" I gasped. I was ashamed to admit it, but ever since James had spoken to me, telling me I'd missed a spot when scrubbing...Remus hadn't crossed my mind once.
"It was an accident! I swear!" He put his hands up. "Lily, I would never, ever try to see something like that on purpose," he said, his eyes wide. But they had hurt in them, too.
"What did you see?" I put my eyes down, looking out our feet, toes close together. He kept his hands on my waist.
"I saw you kiss Remus," he confessed. "Do you love him?" Something in his tone forced me to look up in his eyes.
"I love him as a brother, as a friend," I answered truthfully. "But not...not like that," I finished. And I realized-I really didn't love him. "I promise," I added softly. "Do you believe me?"
He nodded vigorously, glasses beginning to slip down his nose, but just a tiny bit.
"You know, Lily, I really am changing," he began hesitantly, waiting for my reaction.
I nodded slowly, and that seemed to be all he needed to go on.
"Just wait, Lily!" He practically jumped into the air, doing a tiny bit of a jig. "I'll be the non-arrogant, non toe-ragish bloke that you're happy to be friends with," he promised happily.
"James," I paused teasingly. "I think you're already that guy."
"Really?" He looked at me, hazel eyes wide, the sparse light from inside the house bringing out the golden flecks.
"Yes, really," I laughed.
"Only took you six and a half years," he rolled his eyes. "And now, Miss Evans, will you join me in the happy jig?"
"What's the happy jig? You're scaring me, James," I arched an eyebrow at him.
"I have been saving this for the day you admitted you didn't hate me!" He announced proudly.
"I didn't hate you!" I protested. "Although there were many times I would have happily turned you into a slug," I pointed out thoughtfully.
"All fond memories aside, it's time to do the jig," he told me solemnly.
"Alright," I grinned.
"And, a one, a two, a one two three go!" He took both of my hands, stepping back and pulling me back in, making up a nonsense-dance as we went along, both of us laughing hysterically at all of our fumbles and mis-steps.
Little did I know, that in less than a week, all of the happiness that I felt tonight and any other night would not make its reappearance for a long, long time.
Six Days Later
"I think that one looks like a blob of pudding, actually," I corrected Marlene. Both of us were lying on the sizzling rooftop of the house, staring up at the fluffy white clouds, trying to discover what they were.
"Every single one of them looks like a blob of pudding! Have some imagination!" She cried with indignation.
"Fine, fine. So it's a dragon breathing spoons instead of fire," I giggled, naming the first random phrase that comes to mind.
"That one kind of looks like Dumbeldore's beard, actually," she remarked thoughtfully.
"Every one of them looks like Dumbledore's beard, have some imagination, Marlene!" I mimicked in a high, nasally voice, sending us both into fits of laughter. Over the last almost-week, I didn't think a single day could have been spent a more pleasant way. The topic of Remus still hurt a bit when provoked, but we were back to normal-erm, almost. And the newfound friendship between James and I was actually withstanding the test of time-and pranks. Which I found as more of a source of amusement now than a constant plot to endlessly irritate me.
"Marlene? Lily? Are you girls out here?" Mr. Potter called from somewhere around the house.
"Up here! On the roof!" Marlene responded, sitting up. We crawled to the edge, scampering down the ladder and jumping to the ground.
"Erm-Lily, why don't you come inside?" He looked at me oddly, motioning for me to follow him.
"Lily, what have you done to make Dumbledore call?" Sirius asked from the kitchen table.
"It must have been something really horrible," James added with his mouth full of sandwich. I pushed his head down as I passed, following Marlene and Mr. Potter into the kitchen.
"Dumbledore didn't call, did he?" I asked, looking at him skeptically.
"Actually, he did," Mr. Potter looked completely baffled. "He said it's very urgent, and needs to see you at Hogwarts in his office immediately."
"Oh-erm-how will I get there?" I almost forgot to respond, I was too busy deciding which facial features James had inherited from his father.
"Floo, he said. "Usually it doesn't work inside the castle, but he's opened up a window for you-so we need to go quickly," he ushered me into the sitting room.
"Alright," I said, crinkling my nose. "See you all later!" I called, taking a handful of the powder James's dad handed me. Good-byes and mock threats of "come back alive"'s sounded, and with a last look around, taking in my friends and the house, I said as clearly as I could, stooping in the low fireplace-
"Professor Dumbledore's office, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."
With a jolt and a bang I tumbled onto the floor of Hogwarts across the country, loosing my footing and tripping to the floor, noticing the drop in temperature immediately, and wished I had worn something other than shorts and a t-shirt.
"Professor Dumbledore!" I stood up, brushing the soot of my legs. "How are you doing?"
"I am quite well, Lily, despite the sinister things that seem to be brewing outside the walls of Hogwarts," he answered both sadly and mysteriously, stepping toward me. He was dressed as always-tall, pointed wizard hat covering his graying auburn hair, midnight-blue robes and spectacles covering his searching blue eyes.
"I suppose by now you are wondering why I called you here. Lemon drop?" He offered, switching topics as easily as shoes. "They are a muggle candy of which I am quite fond-you have heard of lemon drops, my dear, being muggle-born, presumably," he nodded to himself, looking pleased, as if being muggle-born was one of the highest regards in which one could be honored in.
"Yes, sir. And yes, I'll take one. And yes a third time, I am wondering why you called me here," I laughed a bit at the repetitiveness of my answer. He smiled at me sadly, like he knew something about me that I didn't.
"Keep your laugh, Lily, and hold on to beautiful happiness. One never knows how much one has until it is ripped most brutally away from them. That is why we must treasure every moment," he looked at me over his half-moon glasses.
"Sir, what's happening?" I asked. Surely nothing too serious. But then again, how many times could Dumbledore have possibly needed to see a student, personally, during the summer?
"I regret to be the one to do this, Lily, I really do," his eyes seemed to mourn for me. "But I must ask you a question. Would you, if given the option, give your life for thousands of others?"
"Yes," I said immediately, without hesitation.
"As I suspected. Very Gryffindor of you, Miss Evans."
"Thank you, sir," I was thoroughly confused.
"What if it was not your life you were being asked to give-but merely, a few years?"
"I'm afraid I don't understand the question, Professor."
"Oh, dear. I must stop with this...beating around the bush, they say," he pursed his lips grimly. "I must just get on with this painful subject," Dumbledore was looking years older, the lines on his face looking more shadowed in the lighting of his office. He looked at me across his desk, sitting forward in his chair.
"If I may have your absolute attention, Lily, what I am about to tell you is of the utmost importance."
"You have my attention, sir."
"Miss Evans, several weeks ago I was walking the streets of Diagon Alley, out on a personal errand. I was approached by a genuine seer. The name of this particular seer is Trelawney. This woman is thought by many to be a fraud...but let me assure you, if this seer were to predict that I would turn promptly into a yellow elephant and begin to tap dance, I would purchase a pair of tap shoes. Needless to say, this seer issued a prophecy. And the prophecy, Miss Evans, concerned you."
"M-me?" Something in the tone of his voice was more serious than I had ever heard it. Be brave, be brave... I thought to myself, bouncing my leg up and down, taking comfort in the familiar motion.
"Yes," he answered gravely. "Would you like to read it?"
"Yes, sir, please," I responded eagerly, sitting forward in my chair. Dumbledore nodded, slowly opening a drawer to the right of him. He removed a folded piece of parchment, the soft corners signalling that it had been opened, smoothed, and re-creased, many times, repeatedly. He handed it over the table and I took it with steady hands, bringing it to my side of the desk. I looked down at the folded parchment, wanting to tear it open in that very second, but also, at the same time, wanting to give it back to Dumbledore and say that there must be some mistake. Then I could go back to warm, sunny Greece, living happily and simply in my vacation with my friends. But that wasn't going to happen, I somehow knew.
I slowly opened the first fold. And another, and another, and another-and soon the parchment was laid bare, all of Dumbledore's swirly script open and visible for me to see.
Beware the rising Dark Lord
His plans to attack Hogwarts can only be thwarted by one
He will destroy Hogwarts, school of Witchcraft and Wizardry
And everything that surrounds it
Lives will be torn apart, thousands killed
Destruction, flames...but for one witch, who
Has the power to prevent it
But her sacrifice to save will not be her life
Lily Evans
I re-folded it with shaking hands.
"I don't know what to make of this," I told him quietly.
"That is why I asked to see you, my dear Lily," he told me sadly. "Let's break this down together, shall we?"
I nodded numbly.
"The rising dark lord...can you hazard a guess to whom that may refer to?"
"Voldemort," I answered immediately. "Lord Voldemort."
"Correct. The next few lines are quite plain-he will destroy Hogwarts and much surrounding it-a mass murder, as you can see, as it speaks of in later lines by stating- "destruction...flames...thousands of lives lost..." he looked up at me and I met his eyes, digging my fingernails into the palms of my hand.
"And you, dear Lily, you, although we do not know why, are the only one who is able to prevent it." I half wanted to ask him if there was, perhaps, another Lily Evans.
"So-so I-how? When? Right now?" I stumble over my words.
"That is what I have been debating," he said in a low voice. "The prophecy speaks of sacrifice-to save thousands, Lily, there must be a sacrifice. Though it will not be your life, it will be great indeed. You may have heard prophecies are only as true as they are acted upon. However; this particular situation is double-layered. Voldemort will, no matter what, make the plan to kill. Wether you stop him or not-that's what's up to you."
"What must I do?" I steeled myself. This was really happening. I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans. My heart was beating hard, and I could hear blood pounding, rushing in my ears. "I-I can't beat Voldemort."
"As the muggles say-if you can't beat them, go undercover to foil their plan from the inside."
I didn't bother to correct his expression.
"Lily Evans is going to disappear," he continued cryptically. "And another will take her place. Susanna Lazaraith. A distant cousin of Voldemort himself, on his mother's side. Indirect descendant of Salazar Slytherin." I shuddered at his words. Was he speaking of myself taking on another woman's identity?
"I still-how will this ever work?"
"As Voldemort despises anyone of less than pureblood heritage, you are impersonating a woman of pure blood. Age, twenty-five. With a few tweaks here and there, no one will question it, let me assure you."
"And-what about-me?" I asked in a strained voice.
"This is the sacrificial part, Miss Evans. We are going to stage your disappearance."
"Tonight?" I choked on the words. He shook his head, and I feel like a crushing weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
"Tomorrow."
And now I was bearing the weight of the sky again, and it was threatening to crush me.
"You will simply disappear, to the eyes of everyone else. Come to me-I will be waiting for you outside the McKinnon family's summer home, and we shall side-along apparate to Hogwarts at precisely one seventeen in the morning. There, we will alter your physical appearance to that of Susanna Lazaraith. Who is, coincidentally, not real. We are making a completely false identity for you. Lily, I almost cannot bear to ask this of you-but you must join the ranks of the Death Eaters."
"Death Eaters?" I repeated, eyes wide.
"You will not really be helping Voldemort, remember. You will grow close to him, and with the utmost precaution, you must do everything in your power to absolutely make certain that you are in his good graces, and he does not suspect you even a tiny bit. My powers, I assure you, will help you. They will guide you, and be with you at all times should you need them. Should anyone attempt Legimens, your story will be confirmed. When your story is questioned again and again, and you must speak for yourself, the answers will come. This is what I leave with you. I will not be leaving you completely, Miss Evans. Nothing will. Lily Evans will still exist-but like a blooming flower, will not open again until the time is right."
"I will have to become a Death Eater," I whispered, shocked. "A Death Eater," I repeated again. "Tomorrow. What will happen to me once I have completed the objective? How long will it take?" I stifled down hopes and wishes, steeling myself for the worst possible answer.
"A year or two, somewhere in that measure. And you will not die. Return to me when you are finished, yes? Return to me, and together, we will bring back Lily Evans."
I nodded slowly. "My parents-Marlene's parents, my friends-what will everyone think?"
"I cannot say, Lily," Dumbledore answered. "But if they were to know what sacrifices I am asking you to make, what you are so willing to give up for others-they would hold you in the highest regard, as I do." My eyes were completely dry, although they shouldn't have been. His weren't. Maybe I was numb to the shock. That must have been it-because otherwise, it would have been impossible to sit here, willingly discussing the destruction of my life. I would have to camouflage myself and pretend to be a Death Eater for years, perhaps, just to get onto Voldemort's good side. Then, destroy his plan, saving thousands of lives, if I succeeded.
"I have searched for any possible option, any minuscule possibility that I make take your place-but alas, Voldemore is prepared for me, and will recognize my power. He will not be expecting a disguised student," Dumbledore said in a regretful tone.
"Thousands of people," I reminded myself aloud, awed.
"When in despair, Miss Evans," Dumbledore locked eyes with me. "When in your darkest hour," he continued. "You must only remember those thousands. Let them light your way, and guard your soul. These years with the Death Eaters will not be the ruin of you, but merely a test of your strength. Remember happiness, and joy, and love, and light-and they will remember you. It may seem that they had fled, leaving you forever-but they are never gone, Lily. Never will they leave," he promised. I believed him. But that didn't make me dread my upcoming task any less.
"Until tomorrow, Lily," I stepped into the fireplace. "Until tomorrow, treasure every moment."
A\N-Remus WAS actually fond of Lily-canon. ALSO, DON'T FLAME YET! I'M NOT GOING TO DESTROY THE WONDERFUL SERIES WE ALL CALL HARRY POTTER! TRUST ME, IT WILL ALL WORK OUT AND NOT END UP COMPLETELY AU.
-C