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Chapter 12: It Ends Tonight
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller...what doesn't kill you makes a fighter, footsteps even lighter. -Kelly Clarkson, Stronger
Over the next few days, I was extremely possessive of my room, and jumpy whenever anyone passed, terrified that one glance would immediately reveal my spell's hiding place. I had been practicing the spell (again on rats) and so far, it wasn't going so well. But I still had another day.
"A capite ad calcem constrixi jute!" I hissed at the book. "Come on...come on, touch the book, Benji!" I felt ridiculous, talking to rats. In all fairness, the rat had a right to be wary. I had done a lot of "Fake-Death" practicing on him, and now this spell as well, even though so far, it had been unsuccessful. "Come on...that's it..." he edged forward, finally nosing the book reluctantly. I held my breath, waiting for something to happen, anything-and nothing did. I sighed, shoulders slumping, dejected.
"I need to get this," I mumbled. "Soon."
I wondered offhand how Randy was coming along with the Portkeys.
Later that day, the werewolves began to arrive. I had shredded and burnt the paper with the spell a long time ago after memorizing it, but still I felt incredibly like I could be discovered, like my secret was tattooed on my forehead.
"We leave tonight," Voldemort said before retiring to his room. I left soon after that under the pretense of going to my own, while everyone else was repairing, screaming and correcting each other over the plan. I was going to Randy's.
I quickly thumbed through the seventh year charms book, looking for the one that I knew I had glimpsed at some time or another-ah. Extension Charm.
I preformed it quickly, hoping it would be enough to hold all fifty of the Portkeys, and dissaparated straight into Randy's shop.
"Randy?" I called up. "Are you here?" A flicker of panic pulled at my heart when there was no reply. I scampered upstairs, already envisioning the worst-
"Ra-oh," I chuckled softly. He had fallen asleep on his work table, wand in one hand.
"Susanna!" He woke with a start, jumping down from the table, his cheek red with the imprint from the wood. "Must've dosed off!" he muttered. "They're done...all of them. When touched, it will bring the Death Eaters into an abandoned house in South America. This particular house has apparation shields as well."
"I'm sure I couldn't have found better Portkeys anywhere," I beamed as he dumped them in the bag, both of us careful not to touch them. "And that's bloody brilliant! How ever did you manage that? The house in South America, I mean?"
"It helps to know people who owe you favors, as you are realizing," he smiled, nodding at me. "I suppose you can't stay, can you?" He asked, sounding a bit disappointed.
"No, I've got to go place these before anyone gets suspicious," he nodded, accepting. "Miss Susanna, why do I get the feeling this is the last time I'll be seeing you?" He thought aloud, and not for the first time, I wondered if his wisdom went beyond wisdom, and into...something else. Was he a seer?
"I don't think so, Randy," I sighed. "But I won't forget you."
"It's impossible to forgot those who's lives we have saved," he smiled, and the crow's-feet on the corners of his eyes crinkled. "Bye, now. And good luck!" he called.
"Good-bye, Randy," I smiled, dissaparating with a pop.
Hogwarts. I shivered unconsciously as I got as close as I could that the apparation boundaries would allow me. I was here alone, and I had to place the items as quickly as I could.
And I couldn't cross any further.
I was so close, but...
Some invisible barrier was preventing me from entering, some unseen force-
"Professor Dumbledore, help me!" I called out in a sudden moment of inspiration. The air rippled in front of me, and I almost heard Dumbledore's voice through the air...
"At Hogwarts, help will always be given to those who ask for it..." and then the voice faded. I shivered again, not ever tearing my eyes away from Hogwarts. Well, at least the tiny blob of a castle that was visible from here. Where I would have been, living a completely normal life, if it had not been for one prophecy. But, I realized with a start-if I was there, I would be dead within the day, and so would all of my friends.
I went to work, thankful for the first time at the care with which Voldemort made us memorize the places we would be standing. Far enough away from each other that we would not be within shouting distance-that was the only flaw in the plan. But we had to surround it completely, was his theory.
And my own plan? Well, there was never a more if-riddled strategy. If they saw the Portkey. If curiosity won out and they picked it up, or even tried to touch it. If the rope binding spell was not too out of my league of magical ability.
I took a deep breath. I would have to preform the spell fifty times. I looked down at the gloves I had worn-Randy had assured me they would be sufficient protection against activating the portkeys myself. That would be just my luck...I hoped Dumbledore was right in believing in me, and right in thinking that this would be their only attempt at attacking Hogwarts if they were defeated once.
I stood on the brink of the field of on one side of Hogwarts, the wind pulling at my hair, yanking playfully on my robes. As if it was anticipating what was to come.
"A capite ad calcem constrixi jute," I whispered, and for the first time, violet sparks burst forth from my wand, and a trail of pure energy of the same color enveloped the Portkey.
I smiled, walking to the next location and repeating the progress. And the next, and the next, and the next.
When I was finally done, my heart was pounding in fear that I was too late-I ran out of the boundaries of apparation, and disappeared back into my room.
"Susanna!" A voice roared, and I opened my eyes to the pounding door. "Open your door!" The voice of Macnair demanded.
"Oh-sorry!" I squeaked, jumping up and pulling open the door, trying not to stammer or blush at my close call, or jump into the air at my good luck. "I didn't hear you knock."
"You must be deaf, then. I've been pounding for a good minute. Should have blasted it open..." he muttered to himself. "Come on, everyone is waiting for you!" He growled, obviously extremely displeased to have been the one to fetch me.
We put on our masks. I held in my excitement-if everything worked, this would be the last time I had to pull on the silver mask. Everything was a blur-Voldemort shouting instructions and torturing one poor soul who had misplaced their mask, the evil laughing, the air tainted with the wet-fur smell of werewolves and stale blood...
Finally, it was time to dissaparate.
"As we get in toward the castle, wait on my command! We must first allow those who wish to fight with us to evacuate the castle," Voldemort called before vanishing.
I apparated, holding my breath and willing myself not to blink. I couldn't miss a second of this. My palms were drenched with sweat, and my heart was in my throat. I couldn't swallow: every nerve in my body tingled with adrenaline and pure terror.
I stood on the brink of the very field I had just left, and the wind had picked up, violently whipping my robes.
I looked to the right and left of me, ripping the mask from my face and letting a small scream fall from my lips as my stomach plummeted with a swoop of excitement. I looked down to where I had placed my own portkey in case there was any confusion and I was not the only one in my designated area-careful not to touch it, I began to run the circumference of the castle, checking for Death Eaters.
I ran until I had a stabbing stitch in my side and my heart was pounding furiously. The muscles in my legs trembled and shook, and I was close to falling down. I must have run at least two miles-and there was not a soul in sight. I dropped to my knees, frantically looking for any portkey- if they hadn't taken them, and advanced without me, then I would be discovered as a traitor-they would have already broken through Dumbledore's protection by now, and stormed through to the castle-
"Susanna Guant," a slow, careful voice enunciated every syllable, and in that terrifying moment, my life flashed before my eyes. Already on my hands and knees, the sand flying in the wind making my eyes burn, I turned around, limbs shaking not only from exhaustion but now sheer, complete terror. "You traitor," he laughed calmly. "Crucio!" He suddenly screamed, but I was ready.
It took all of my energy to roll out of the way.
Alright, Dumbledore, I thought through my haze, a crazed light gleaming in Voldemort's red eyes. A little help now would be nice!
Nothing came. "Expelliarmus!" I yelled, but he deflected it with a simple swipe of his wand.
"Susanna, Susanna," he clucked his tongue. "I want the last few minutes of your life to be spent grovelling to me...bowing at my feet, and pleading for mercy..."
"Never, you evil bastard!" He laughed, his head thrown back. I stood to meet him, wand out and looking him in the eye.
"Going to go out fighting, yes?" Voldemort sneered. "You wouldn't deprive me of the groveling for mercy, would you? Bow to me, Susanna. Yes, bow!" He snarled.
"Never," I gritted my teeth. But through some unseen force, he lifted his wand, and my back was pushed down, some invisible hand pressing down on me, making me bend until I could no longer hold my own against it. I shot back up as soon as the pressure was relieved, stumbling as I tried to regain my balance.
"I want you to realize...you trusted me...I got in past you, into your inner circle...I tricked you...I outsmarted you!" I shouted. Voldemort's face contorted with fury.
"Crucio!" He screamed, and I had no time to block with my wand-I dropped to the ground, nose an inch from the dirt, chest hurting from the sudden drop. Adrenaline was coursing through my veins, and all traces of exhaustion and pain disappeared from my body. There was nothing but Voldemort and me now.
"Very good," he chuckled. "And my followers, where are they?"
"They're gone," I hissed through gritted teeth, relishing in my victory. "And you'll never know how I did it."
"I appreciate the cleverness, even if it was done against me," he nodded, sneering. "It was those objects lying in the grass from our house, was it not? But unfortunately, I, sensing a trap, came straight to you. To kill you. Yes, Susanna. You outsmarted me in the beginning. But now, in the end, when it counts the most...I will outsmart you. And you will die. Crucio!" He screamed again, and this time it caught me with full force, sending me down onto my knees, vision tunneling and back arching.
"It won't matter than, will it?" I cried, looking up at him with loathing clear in my eyes the minute the pain lets up. "Because you've failed! You've failed! I've saved all of them, and you lost!" I snarled, rising to my feet. He gave a nasty grin.
"Good-bye, Susanna. Dolor bardacessum maxima!" He roared, fury contorting his face. I recognized a bit of latin in that-something about slow, painful death. And the maxima was obvious. I ducked out of the way, just in time.
"Protegostupefy!" I roared the two spells, blending together and coming out through my wand immediately.
"Pathetic," he whispered, blocking my spell with ease. "You do not have the courage to kill me. But why? I have seen you kill."
"I never killed a soul," I hissed through gritted teeth, face dirty with sweat and dirt.
"Lies," Voldemort spat. "Now face me properly. Crucio!" He screamed the torture curse and I ducked under it, flying at him. He wasn't expecting the physical attack, and it looked like his wand fell out of his hand as he opened his mouth in shock. I put my knee on his chest, wand tip to his throat. "You deserve to die," I snarled. "But I don't think I'm the one who gets to have that honor," I basked in the terror in his eyes. Terror, and something...else.
"No," he smiled suddenly. "But, dear Susanna, I get the honor of killing you."
He flew up, pushing me off of him and I crumpled onto the ground-he had his wand, he had never dropped it-my own wand flew out of my hand-I lunged to grab it, but his foot came down on my hand, hard-he twisted, and I cried out in pain-
"Dolor bardacessum maxima!" He screamed, his wand an inch from my face.
He stood up, but I only saw him through a dull, red haze.
"What-Ahhhhhh!" I screamed a long, drawn out shriek. Something in my heart-it was being torn apart. My insides were burning-consciousness was fading. I would die alone out here, losing to Voldemort. But saving thousands of lives.
That thought would comfort me, I thought dreamily. It would be my last thought. A pleasant one.
"You see, Susanna," he said softly. "I won in the end," and then he was gone.
I didn't know how long I laid there-but I knew I wouldn't die laying down. I sat up, and it took all my energy-I screamed in pain, my chest heaving of its own accord-something was changing in me-I looked at my hands. They were becoming smaller, less bony-I looked down to my legs-they were transforming, filling out to become-
Mine.
I was becoming Lily again. I was Lily again. I almost wept with joy when I saw my hair-red. All traces of blonde were disappearing, and I knew if I had a mirror my eyes would be green, and I would have freckles. Even if it was only for the last few minutes of my life.
The transformation sent shudders of pain through my, and tears squeezed through my eyes.
I just wanted this all to end.
"Lily?!" A voice roared. I continued to search for my wand-I was hallucinating, I knew that. Otherwise, how could I be hearing the voice of-
"Hagrid?" My voice cracked as he came into view. I was clutching my stomach, running my fingers along the ground feebly in an attempt to find my wand.
"Lily Evans? Where have yeh-what are yeh-what's happened?" He lumbered forward, the ground trembling slightly. I sank again to the ground-I no longer had any energy left. Night was falling quickly. It would be my last. I drew in a shuddering breath.
"Hagrid-Voldemort-he-he," I spluttered. "Take me-castle," I panted heavily, pain gripping at my insides, wringing out my lungs.
Without a word, Hagrid scooped me up, crying loudly.
"Lily...what's happened to yeh? Jus' wait-hang on-DUMBLEDORE!" He bellowed with all his might. I started to cry harder as the pain increased, and Hagrid looked down at me with a terrified expression. "What's he done to yeh-haven' seen this before-jus' wait-"
"Hagrid, what-" Dumbledore's face came into view. I don't know how he got there. Every other thing was secondary to the pain. I couldn't concentrate. I think I blinked, but it must have been much longer-the next time I opened my eyes I was in Dumbledore's office.
"Pomfrey?" I croaked. The pain was increasing even more, and that was all I could get out. I hoped he would understand.
"She cannot stop death," he said grimly, and I lost my grip on reality once more as he continued doing whatever he was doing. I realized I was lying on his desk, and I heard a great sobbing sound in the few hazy moments when I came to. Hagrid was in the corner.
"Lily, keep your eyes on me. I need you to concentrate. I know it's hard, Lily. Look here. Look in my eyes," Dumbledore coaxed me softly. I focused and unfocused my eyes-it was like trying to get a grip on water. I glimpsed his fuzzy outline through a haze of tears and pain.
"Good, Fawkes," he murmured to a fiery, Phoenix-looking bird beside him. The bird looked like it was-crying.
Dumbledore slipped some of the tear into my mouth, and I swallowed in a choking, hacking sort of way.
The atmosphere around me started to clear up-the stabbing, burning pain subsided into a dull ache. My limbs still felt incredibly heavy, like lead.
"Just as I thought," he said grimly. "Phoenix tears can only...go so far," he said. "Miss Evans, you are able to concentrate now, correct?"
"Yes," I mumbled, barely audible. He nodded.
"Yes. There is a way I can save you...yes, but you will have to be put to sleep."
"To sleep?" I murmured, and Hagrid let out a great, heaving sob. For the first time, I noticed that McGonagall and Slughorn were in the room, and they both looked miserable.
"How did they get here?" With great effort, I pointed a shaking finger at the two professors.
"Walked, I believe," Dumbledore smiled, but it did not reach his eyes. He was extremely worried. I was, too. I was going to die. "Lily, the healing process will take a very, very long time. Your internal organs have begun to liquify. Not enough to kill you, not yet. But healing will take...quite some time."
"But you can save me?" I asked eagerly. "I won't die?"
"No," Dumbledore shook his head. "But-it will take ten years. And in this, you will be living a half-life. Very little to no physical activity for the first few years...you cannot be excited, meaning your cannot be around more than a few people at once..."
"That's not a life," a whimpered, eyes tearing up again.
"I quite agree. However, there is another way...two years. Two years will be the price...but in order for your body to heal with such rapidity, you must be put into a deep sleep. You will remain here, aging normally, but otherwise you will be unable to be wakened. Do you agree? You must decide now, Miss Evans-the spell continues to deteriorate your organs, even with Fawkes's temporary help," he said sternly, as if pushing me to answer a question faster.
"Would-would any one else know I was here?" I asked.
"No. That would remain between the professors of Hogwarts, rest assured."
"A-alright," I took a heaving, shaky breath. "Two years. I'll be twenty," I didn't think I had said the last bit aloud, but Dumbledore nodded.
"There is no time to waste. Congratulations and celebration will very much be in order when you awake, Miss Evans. You have been very missed," he told me. "But you could not have done a more spectacular job, Lily. I could not be more proud." This time, his smile reached his eyes. "Sweet dreams, Lily. Dreams...they are entirely private, entirely our own. Free to be explored as long as we stay asleep...I wish you the best, Lily," he gripped my hand. "Until then."
McGonagall and Slughorn moved forward, and together, the three of them began to murmur incantations, moving their wands in synchronization. Hagrid sobbed loudly, and I offered him a last smile. No, not a last smile, I corrected myself as my eyelids began to grow heavy. Not even a goodbye smile, I realized. Just...until...next time...
Then everything around me faded, and I slipped away, the faces of the thousands saved swimming before my eyes...
A\N Not very long for the long wait, I apologize…but now Lily's back! I'm sorry if I didn't reply to all of the reviews, the last few weeks have been VERY hectic. Reviews are always appreciated!
-C